how do i tell my family i am putting my kds up for adoption?

Cass eroleâ™¥

I give you credit for knowing what's best for your children. And I, becoming a mother of twins at 16 and going to to have more at 18, know what you're feeling. However, I kept all my kids because I wasn't strong enough to give them up. What I would do is look through all the families available, and choose them yourself, and not drop them off at CPS or anything, because they'll put them in foster homes which is NOT a good idea. They'll be like bouncy balls unil someone is brave enough to adopt them. Also, an open adoption would be a good idea if you want to still see them grow. You can have weekly visits, monthly, yearly, or just get pictures though e-mail, mail, etc. BUT, you need to make sure that this is FOR SURE your decision, because once it's done, it's done and it's very expensive to get them back. Think to 10 years from now, will you have more kids? Will you regret your decision? Know that when they're gone for good and it finally hits you, that you will regret it at first. However, if you're the one that gets to hand them over, and you see the look on the faces of the new parents, you'll know it's the right thing.

To tell your family, I would sit them down and explain everything. Make sure you already have the families narrowed down, and if you're doing the open adoption, explain that too. Tell them that you love your babies more than they can understand, which is why you're giving them up. They need to know that you have no other way to turn, and that you only want your babies to live the best lives they possibly can. Go on to say that you have a few trusted families picked out, and show them the picures/files of them. Tell them they can be trusted with the babies and that you know it's the right thing to do. Also, make it clear that it is YOUR decision, and although they may not agree with you, in the end they are your kids, and you need to do what you think is best.

Good luck sweetheart, and god bless you and your children. I know you'll do the right thing. Give them a hug for me. You're not alone, I do not know you personally, but I know many people who have gone through this. If you ever need to talk....

xxx

Yvonne

If this is your final decision then you need 2 just simply tell them, no one here can tell you how to break it to them because we don't know your parents or what kind of relationship you have with them. Just be honest, straight forward & explain you are doing this because you feel it will ensure your children a better life. Do you have a job? Or have you taken your ex for child support? You said you're already on food stamps so if you get a job then between that income, child support, welfare(stamps,cash assistance,HUD & other programs) & help from family I'm sure if you could make ends meet if you really wanted to but it doesn't sound like you want the responsibility of having 2 children at a young age. I'm 22 and have 2 children(5 & 3) & men my bf of 7 years just broke up & Im doing it all on my own and although it's a struggle I do everything I can since I couldn't live without my babies in my life, they are just 2 amazing n I love them 2 much so I really can't relate to the way you feel at all, sorry. Good luck though & I hope your babies find the love & happiness they deserve. :(

Red Sox Fan 4 Life

Don't do that...then your kids will grow up with out knowing their real birth mother ...it's bad enough they dnt have a father...I thinks it's a very sad thing when parents do that...get a job...get 2 jobs if u need too just to keep em...tell ur parents to come over and babysit them...please dnt!!!!

sonya

You do what you have to do to take care of your kids......your lucky people like you have kids and people like me cant its not fair i have tried and tried and still nothing i would love to be in your shoes you can only do so much but putting your blessings up for adoption is not right you was women enough to spread your legs then your woman enough to take care of them.....if you do not want them send them to me i will raise them i love kids kids are our future and they are a blessing from up above.my email is babby_bubbles27@yahoo.com you can contact me there.

Skye Sheppard

It's terrible that you have to be faced with this descision. And very unfortunate. Sounds like you love your babies beyond measure, and are such a brave girl for facing this choice.

I had kids when I was young too, and I've been struggling ever since. They're dad was and is terrible and is still in the picture, I'm married to their step dad whose great, and have had more then my share of lucky breaks.

But life isn't like that for everyone. And I remember the frustrations I felt, standing in line at the food bank, struggling to keep those kids clothed, till they were in school and I could afford to work again.

I remember resenting my parents for not helping more, but I guess I made my choices. It's so hard.

I can also say, I was adopted, and lived a good childhood, never went without and was loved so much. So adoption can be a great thing for some kids.

Sometimes, as parents, it's the hardest descisions to make, that are the most necessary.

All I can tell you is whatever you choose, everything will be alright. If your family can't help support these children, or are unwilling, the choice falls solely on you. But you have to tell them where your at. It's only fair.

Good luck honey.

Amanda b

I AM A MOTHER OF THREE OLDER KIDS AND I WOULD LOVE TO ADOPT YOUR KIDS THEY WOULD HAVE OLDER BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND BE LOVE AND TAKING VERY GOOD CARE OF I THINK ITS GREAT THAT YOU WOULD THINK OF YOUR KIDS FIRST YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON FOR PUTTING YOUR KIDS FIRST

Shelley J

Katie,
I have no idea how it would feel to be in your shoes at 20. If you want to talk you can e-mail me.

caprice9999ny

I have never been in your position but I am feeling for you. I cant imagine how helpless you must feel right now. Your parents are right, these are the choices you have made and now you are making probably the biggest decision of your life. You just need to let them know that you are giving not only your children a better life but also yourself. They should be proud that you recognize that you cannot provide the the life that they deserve. I think you are being selfless and not selfish in my opionion. Yes maybe you should have placed them for adoption at birth but it is too late. If your parents love you they will understand. You need to put your children first (which it sounds like you have in making this decision) and then take care of yourself. Get your life back on track....hopefully you will never go back to that boyfriend. Take Care and Good Luck!

Lady Rowan

So you have to go to second hand stores and food stamps? so does half the country! That's no reason to give away your children. Trust me, you and your kids will suffer more if you give them away. They'll hurt for years thinking "mommy didn't love me enough to keep me.'

My advice to you would be to get the father to court for child support. they're his kids too, and he needs to man up and support them.

You sound like you are very overwhelmed, and believe me, ive known many women who felt they were at the end of their rope. But they idnt give away their kids.

7rin

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILDREN!

http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/recommended+reading,supporting+the+birth+bond

mom2boyz

You need to call an attorney and have them file for your kids father to pay child support. Then the lawyer can make him pay for the attorney too! Yes , you can do that. There is nothing wrong with food stamps, salvation army or any other assistance. You can do college online! You can study at home while you are not working or whatever. Eventually things will change. You have to work at this. Nothing is going to fall into your lap. You can go to libraries or the unemployment office to find work and use the internet for things. Give it a shot, don't give up on your kids just like their father did.
good luck and God bless

Ashley S

Im in excalty your shoes! ive found out im Prego today and im too am only twenty. so im debating this issue my self. But heres my advice to you...

These are your babies and the choice is yours. I mean if you feel the best thing for them is to go to a new home.. U have to be the bigger one and deside. Its gonna be so hard, i know. but u gotta think of the long run. & u can look at it like this... Ur strugling now. give things time to look up. go to school, get trained in a better job skill. U got 2 kids-- FASFA wil pay for that like no other. and try to make ends met.

but in the end... its all you girl. Imma pray for you and whatever choice you make... its the right one :)

dontknow86

Don't you get child support? If not, there the problem. This will get better but once you sign they are gone. But if your mind is made up. Just tell your family, It your choice and this is the choice your making. If they want to raise them them sign them over to them.

Stop the Hate Love instead

There is no easy way to tell your family just tells them you are having a hard time being a parent and you are seriously consider placing the children for adoption together. In the end the only one who will have a say in if they are placed for adoption is whoever the father(s) to your kids is.

Where is the father or fathers in this? You can not put them up for adoption with out the consent of the biological father(s). I also think you should get some serious unbiased counseling before making a decision. Times are hard I understand but it may not be like that in a year or two. Adoption is meant to be a permanent so say in two or three years things are going better and you regret placing your son and daughter nothing you can do to ever get them back. Would it be possible for you and the children to move in with your family until you on your feet more? Another thing you could consider is temporary guardianship until you get on your feet. Even having someone in your family adopt the children.

There is no shame in using aid if you truly need it. For those who like to live off the system they are the ones that should feel some shame but if they did they wouldnâ€™t be doing what they are doing would they?

care-ree =)

Although it may look hard now, it will eventually get easier. I suggest you really think about this thoroughly. Think about what you would do if the children are really away from you. Will you be able to function better? Will life actually improve? Would there be serious regrets; for you can't get them back once they leave you. If you really can't make ends meet and the father or your parents can't help you out and this is the best choice, then I suggest you tell your parents about your decision and let the father know. Make sure that they understand that you are trying to do what's best not only for the babies but yourself. Even if they don't agree with your decision, in the end you need to do what's right for yourself and the kids. There is no easy way to tell them about your decision so just sit them down and let them know and see if anyone is willing to help you get by.

mcgparfait56

I would talk to our family about it before making that decision. Someone in your family may want to take them until you can feel better about your life & are able to provide.

They may not be as against it or for it as you may think.
Sometimes family can surprise you.

iamme1029

i am adopted and WOW every day it hurts i know i all ways wonder what was she like was she meen or nice? i never knew dont do that to your kids please take it from me it HURTS more than you think!

but my mom and dad are GREAT i would not do anything to change them!

janna w

Speak to a conciliar for support. Make sure if you want to give your kids up for adoption you are 100% because once you give up your rights you will never get them back. Also speak to your doctor, have your hormones checked you may have severe post pardum depression and not even realize it. It is more common for young women with 2 or more young children and it is hard to detect. If you speak to your conciliar and doctor and still decide to go through the adoption process your conciliar can help guide you in a meeting with your parents.

mapleleaf2

"I love both of my kids and would never do anything to harm them"

I don't know where you've been hiding all your life, but adoption does not guarantee a child a better home. What it does guarantee is that the child stands a good chance of growing up feeling rejected and unwanted. There are lots of adoptee blogs around where adoptees, adopted into great families and good homes, tell what their experiences are like, and many of them feel that adoption itself HURTS. Read the link below "Why would anybody who was raised in a loving home be unhappy about being adopted?". Ask adoptees here (http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum) what they think of being adopted. Many adoptees will tell you that they feel they were abandoned.

"... but I cant handle being a parent. I can barely make ends met, I have to use food stamps, salvation army's and Second hand stores for everything."

It sounds like lack of resources is forcing you to consider surrendering your babies. This is called coercion, financial coercion, and NO mother should be forced to surrender her babies due to poverty. In fact, it violates your human rights for governments to treat you this way.

Please look into family preservation programs that will enable you to find the resources you need so you don't have to struggle. You also have the right to child support -- see a lawyer and ensure that your babies' father(s) are paying child support. There are programs to help you, because every child has the right to be with his or her natural family, and the resources that family requires.

Your parents are acting very cold-hearted and cruel. Half of all children born are unplanned. Half of all women under the age of 50 have had an unplanned pregnancy. Families need support and your family should be supporting you.

You should also know that open adoption is not legally enforceable. It is a lure to convince mothers to surrender their babies. In no state will you have a legal right to see your child again or ever find out any information about them if the adoptive parents decide to end all contact.

Peanut

you just have to be honest with them and tell them what you are considering and why. You have to remember that your family cares about those kids and what happens to them too. They may surprise you and offer the help you need. I have even had a family member take in one of my cousins kids just to keep the baby in the family. When my cousin was in a better place she went back with her mom. Whatever you decide to do, it is a permanent decision. You need to ask yourself if you would really be okay knowing someone else was raising your kids. They were calling someone else mommy. I know things are tough now, but if you really try for it...things can get better. I don't have any kids myself, but my sister is a single mother of three and her ex husband doesn't give her the help she needs, so we all pitch in. My mom, dad, and me make sure that the kids are taken care of. You should check to see if they have any programs for single parents or low income families in your area. There are often support systems out there that people just don't know about. Something as simple as free daycare a few nights a week for a couple of hours can help out wonders. Giving you some extra time to pick up an extra part time job to help pay the bills. Don't give up, and good luck in whatever you decide to do. I hope it works out for you.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

"I'm at heartless person who raised my children to the point that they are undeniably attached to me. However; I am a selfish human being who wishes to ditch my kids with total strangers. I know you love _____ and _______ but to me, they're like cats, I don't wanna do this so I'm gonna give them away"

Yeah. That oughtta help. I'm not usually so harsh but I have a 16 month old who I won't even leave with a babysitter because I know he'll cry until I come home, yet; here you are ready to give away your babies to complete strangers. Ugh! Get an education, career, child support and ask to move in with your parents.

It's cruel to give away your children, they will cry until their throats are sore and beg for you to come back to them, if you love them, do everything in your might to keep them. It WILL kill you if you give them up.
Imagine this: you come home to an empty, quiet house with no children in sight. The next morning you wake up thinking you need to change your kid's diapers but they aren't there and you remember what you've done. You imagine them crying their hearts out as you sit eating your breakfast by yourself in silence. Eventually you can't breath, you know it's your fault but there's nothng you can do but cry. It will eat away at you until you snap.

Pytro

I would actually tell you to keep the kids as it may look bad now, but it will get better. I know because my dad was in your situation. He usually didn't eat and just spent money to feed me. Eventually, it got better and we were able to get more money. I suggest asking for help in this time from a friend or family member. You could even ask to move back in with your parents, if you want to keep your children. Then you can move back out when you have a better income.

If you still wish to put them up for adoption, I suggest going to your parents' house and sitting down on your couch. You can tell them that you have something to tell them. Maybe tell them that you would like to fully finish what you would like to see without any interruptions. Then once you are done, let them speak. It probably won't be easy for them as they have probably grown close to your children, but do your best to explain your reasons and that you have thought about it a lot.

Mommy to be May.15.2011

i don't want to Criticize your decision but you have already bonded with these children your 18 month old probably calls you mommy and your the only mom he know and with this for your children and being with them everyday you are prepared to never see them again and there is no easy way to tell a family member that you just have to do it But please think about the children...Being a parent is hard but that smile on there faces is worth it and also my mom didn't have very much money we had food stamps second hand clothes but i am very proud of my mother because she was willing to do anything for me and my brother and i am not ashamed... Do whats best for the children not whats best for you!

stretch

I was adopted by rich people, and believe me sweetie, material things don't mean sh*it!!

go on, boo me :)

cricketlady

Don't be concerned about what to tell your parents ---They don't sound like they are too concerned anyhow. Be sure the kids are placed together in one family.If I were in your shoes I probably would too.

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