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how to obtain co guardianship of boyfriend's son in nys?
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how to obtain co guardianship of boyfriend's son in nys?

My boyfriend has sole custody of his @ year old son. I have been raising his son with him for over a year. his biological mother is not interested in caring for him and is mostly out of the picture. his son calls me mom. we would like for me to have co-guardianship (sharing it with him, of course) of his son, an adoption is unlikely at this point because of the biological mother, however we have read that only a sole custodian's permission is needed to grant it. how would we go about this process in nys? or how could we grant joint custody between the two of us? and when we have children together, will that change anything? thanks :) (we are in upstate nys)
Additional Details
also, is there any way for me to adopt him without the biological mother's consent? again, she has no custody and no set visitation, although we do allow her to visit. even after adoption, we would still allow her visitation, however we want me to be his official mother, because that's what role i am playing in his life, as well as for legal purposes. i already have consent to treat him medically and have replaced her at the hospital, etc.. as an emergency contact.


    




2010-11-11 22:17:49 +0000
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You aren't married to the baby daddy, and the baby momma is still in the picture.

You can't adopt him.

The mother is really important to her son. As much as you love and care for the child, she's still his mother and always will be. And when he gets to be a teen, he'll need to connect more with her, though he needs her in his life now, he'll need her ever more, the older he gets.

So keep on being the best step-girlfriend of his dad as you have been.


2010-11-11 21:45:32 +0000
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Your trying to remove the idea of her, taking custody of her son. You can never fight that, unless she is proven dangerous. the child is going to grow up wanting to know his original mother no matter what.


2010-11-11 23:36:15 +0000
You will need a lawyer because most judges will not grant co-guardianship between an unmarried couple unless both are kin to the child (for instance, the father and his sister, the child's aunt). If you are not committed enough to get married, why would the judge extend any legal attachment to the child?

The only way you could adopt without the biological mother's consent is if you can prove to the judge that she is an unfit parent. Since she sees the child occasionally, you couldn't claim abandonment.





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