i want to find my real mom?

just letting it all out

Why would you want to meet her she left you, my dad left me and my mom and i wouldnt want to meet him and if i did id probly crack him.Let me kno wat happens anyway.

me and u have the same birthday by the way month, day, and year :)

deadvirgincorpse

IM GLAD I WAS NOT ADOPTED.

Roderick B

asked your foster parents AGAIN and tell them is there a way they can re-open it,
becuase come on now...it is only right!

but no offense but,
if they sealed the records maybe it was for a reason! maybe meeting your real mom is not a good idea to your adoptive parents!!

S@gi

Get your DNA test
and Ask your Details from your Adopted Partents.

lkjb

steal about $400 from your adoptive parents look through the yellow book and internet for a private investigator and hire him tell him everything you know and he will find them

really hope it works send a message to me if anything happens

p.s. find out how much hes goin to cost first before you buy him!!!!

and how do you knoow the docs dead did the parents that wont let you see the papers tell you that?

LadyCatherine

only a judge can seal an adoption. So unless your parents know one really really well, they might not be telling you the truth..

When you turn 18, you are an adult and aloud to see your adoption records.

tiffers

Just look around your house. Your real mom is there. Shes the one who raised you.
Your biological mother however will be a lot more difficult to find becasue only your parents can get that info for you.

swollenchipmunk

ask your adoptive parents.

bi_lover_14

i hope them really

Stop the Hate Love instead

I would talk to your parents though unfortunately it seems from what you have posted that they had no plans to tell you that you are adopted. Despite that I would still sit down and talk to them and keep at it. No matter what they are your parents they are the ones that have cared and loved you for nearly 16 years. Finding your natural mother is not going to change that they will still be your real parents.

If they are still unhelpfully you might try and see if there is anyway you can get non identifying information. Due to your age you may be limited into what you can get there are some things that you could not legally get or be given until you are 18. Some states an adoptee can not even start a search until they are at least 18 and often that goes the other way of birthparents not being able to search until their birthchild is 18 or older.

If you were a twin I find it odd that your natural mother would have split you up, unless she kept your twin and just could not provide for two babies.

lili

contact with the social services they may help u

AdoreHim

Talk to your parents and see why they had a closed adoption. I am adopted and have 2 adopted children. And I answering this from the side of the adopted child,- we can never forget who are real mom and dad are. The parents that raised me are my parents. However, that does not negate the roll your birth mom can play in your life. Sometimes the birth mom wants to close the records as well. If you really want to search you should start with your adoptive parents, do not leave them out of the loop.

Anne

make it clear to your parents that you are not looking to replace them but your becoming a woman and you feel like you need to understand where you came from. They should understand and do what they can to help you. They should have been expecting this for a while now.

xx_muggles_xx

You can hire a detective if you are serious about finding them they have access to tools the average person doesn't for hunting down people.

liquidcharm

I was adopted so I understand what you are saying about feeling like you're missing a piece of who you are. I am 36 now. When I was 17 and 18 years old I felt the way you do now. After a search for medical information and my birth mother, the agency gave me the medical info but told me my birth mother had no interest in meeting or corresponding with me. The term "real mom" does not refer to a birth mother. Instead it refers to the woman who gave you a home, fed you, cradled, hugged, and kissed you, bathed you, dressed you, took you to school, and shared in your achievements big and small like the 1st time you did a cartwheel. The adoptive mother did not grow you under her heart but in it. That's your real mom. So if you feel the need to find your biological line, protect your heart from hurt feelings if they say no. If they say yes, remember they were never your parents.

Pringle

Because you're turning sixteen soon, I would tell them that since you're more of an adult now you have the right to know her (tell this to your adoptive parents)

Whatever office or agency the doctor worked for, go there and they will have all the records. You have a right to know.

Good luck!

Sob

you could hire a private detective.

mommy2squee

here are the records laws for your state:
http://adoption.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=adoption&cdn=parenting&tm=9&f=10&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//data.opi.state.mt.us/bills/mca_toc/42.htm

Your adoptive parents don't get a say in whether or not you get your records after you turn 18, but you might need a court order to see them.

Good luck.

Ka'ra

Your file has to be somewhere.
Talk to your adoptive parents, and also talk to the doctor's office. See what happened with the files.

chris b

the doctor has to have reccords

if you know where you were born you could ask the hospital for their records on births that day

it may be easier to do all this when you turn 18
but you could try talking to a lawer and see what rights you have

Possum

First - add your details to the registries here
http://www.isrr.net/
http://registry.adoption.com/

Check for information on your state records here -
http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?page_id=39

Check here for search help - and links to search angels -
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

And check here for any support - it's the best online forum for adoptees I've found -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/

Sorry that your adoptive parents won't help you. Sadly too many make it about them - and not about us - the adoptee that had no say in our adoption.

All the very best with your search.

Zuko

Hun, i am SO DISAPPOINTED in a lot of these answers.

Don't get a private investigate. They're a complete and utter WASTE of money. Your parents, in order to be your legal guardians, did have to go through the courts to make you their child. When you turn 18, they can't stop you from getting your information.

But it's not that easy.

What people AREN'T telling you on here is that, depending what state you're in, you will have to pay DEARLY for that information if you go via the state to obtain it. (Here in Wisconsin, it's 300 bucks for non-identifying genetic info. It's an extra 200 or 300 for a name plus the first parents have to agree to allow them to disclose their names and such.)

There ARE ways to get around this... without spending money on a private investigator... who may not even find what you're looking for. Someone else suggested a website. http://www.adultadoptees.com I'm a member of this forum as well and I can tell you, these are some of the most helpful people as far as being an adoptee goes.

In fact, one of the other members helped ME find my first mom. It took her only a few hours to do it too. (Mlassi, I LOVE YOU!) Plus you'll find suggestions, people willing to help, and the best adoptee emotional support on the web. There are even international adoptees there who found their birth families with OUT the help of private investigators and governments.

And yes, your adoptive parents raised you and loved you... but never ever let anyone make you feel guilty about wanting to know. My a-parents were AMAZING and encouraged my search... it doesn't mean you're leaving them for your old family... it just means you want to KNOW what everyone else has been privileged to (and taken for granted) their entire lives. You have a right to know, and a need to know.

I really hope you'll check out the adult adoptee forums. There are private boards that only adoptees can view as well as teen boards that only teen adoptees and the moderators can view. I think that the people there will be far more educated on the whole system as well as far more emotionally supportive than most of the people you'll find on Y!A... simply because it's a situation-specific place.

Good luck, what ever you do. I wish you the best in finding what you're looking for.

jfcruzr

I am in the same situation. I wrote to Sacramento and asked for "non-identifying" information about my birth family. I got no information, but they suggested I take my adoption papers to the "children's home society". They can tell if your adoption was through a legitimate agency. If so, you can hire a private detective to track down any information available. Also, sign up for the adoption registry, on-line. This will allow consenting people to connect. Maybe your birth family is searching for you!

LaurieDB

Although your adoptive parents are not being helpful, it is not they who sealed your records. Records are sealed by state law upon the finalization of an adoption. In 44 states, adopted citizens are not given the same unfettered right to access their own birth records as non-adopted citizens. People given up for adoption, but no adopted, maintain that right. It is the act of an adoption finalizing that carries with it the sealing of the records. Unfortunately, Montana is one of the 44 states that practices such discrimination. Further, your adoption falls into the range of years that requires a court order to obtain your original birth record.

Here are the laws in Montana for information access, and the means by which information may be obtained:

Obtaining Non-Identifying Information: Adopted adults, adoptive parents, natural parents, or extended family members of an adopted adult or natural parents may obtain non-identifying information.

Obtaining Identifying Information: Identifying information is provided through the confidential intermediary system.

Using a Confidential Intermediary: Adopted adults, birth parents, or adoptive parents or an adult extended family member of an adopted adult or natural parents may petition the court for information regarding an adopted adult, natural parent, or extended family member.

Obtaining an Original Birth Certificate: For adoptions that took place on or before July 1, 1967, an adopted adult can receive a copy of the birth certificate by written request. For adoptions that took place between July 1, 1967, and September 30, 1997, an adopted adult can receive a copy of the birth certificate upon a court order. For adoptions that took place on or after October 1, 1997, an adopted adult can receive a copy of the birth certificate unless the natural parents have filed an access veto.

There is a private reunion registry specifically for Montana Adoptions:

Montana Adoption Reunion Registry
4104 Barbara Lane
Missoula, Montana 59803
Phone: 406 251-4158

Please be sure to register with the ISRR - The International Soundex Reunion Registry. It is the largest reunion registry in the world. You can register at http://isrr.net

Freckle Face

Dear Razorblade,

OMG, i cannot believe some of the answers you are getting here.

It is very natural for you to want to find your mother.

For support and to avoid ignorant answers you should try...
http://www.adultadoptees.org/

This website also has a teen section. I wish you the best of luck in your search:)

BOTZ

Hi there,

I am also adopted (I am in my 30s) and I reunited with my natural mother about 4 years ago. We had to find each other over the internet with very little information to go on.

I had a little "non-identifying" information and she had almost nothing...only the memories she had about who my father was, when and where she gave birth to me, that I was a girl, etc.

I posted everything I knew about my birth/adoption on every website I could find and wrote with the same info. to every search and/or reunion organization, group, agency, etc. that I could find. I did NOT spend any money (except what I paid for my internet connection) to find my mother. I would have paid any amount I could afford -- in time -- but at the time I didn't have any extra. I'm telling you that so you know it's POSSIBLE to find someone without spending tons of cash...but it might (probably will) take a lot longer. I was searching for 3+ years on the internet and for 15 years before that!

I also need to clear up one *really common* mistake that another poster made. I don't know where she is located, but you are in the U.S. (born in Montana) and, unfortunately, adopted citizens are NOT given their (original) birth OR their adoptions records when they turn 18 -- or ever! I have never been given mine. My adopted parents, my natural mother, and I have ALL gone to the agency that did my adoption. They are well aware that we are all reunited and they STILL will not give me my original birth certificate or any of the adoption-related documents.

If your parents don't have them or won't give them to you, you'll have to search without much information. But, you can still find her. I did!!!

The feelings of loss, the feeling that you are "missing a piece of who [I] am, like theres a hole inside of me." That is PERFECTLY normal. Don't let anyone tell you it's not okay to feel that way. You are not "ungrateful". You are not "wrong". You are not "broken", "messed up" or anything else. This is the way many adoptees feel. I did too, and lots of people tried to tell me that I was wrong to feel that way.

THEY were wrong!

Do some research on the internet. Put the words "adoption search", "find family", "finding lost relatives", and anything else you can think of into a serach engine (such as Google) and see what comes up. One thing you need to remember is that most search registries, search websites and search organizations (like ISRR -- International Soundex Reunion Registry) will only help you once you have turned 18.

The website my mother and I found each other on was called www.the-seeker.com . You have to be at least 18 to use that one, too. Best of luck to you sweetie! I hope you find *what* you are looking for (answers, completeness, healing, peace) as you find *who* you are looking for.

Take care!

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