if i gave my baby up for adoption...?

Sandy K

You sound like you have your head on straight and you are doing what is right for the baby. I think the adoptive parents would allow you see see the baby, make that a stipulation. Good Luck

honkytonk_coyote

yes it is possible. it's called an open adoption. you have to pick out the parents and make sure they are okay with it. if you want to be in it's life as "mom" though, it's not fair to give it up. the child will only be confused. it's okay to be a close family friend and still see it a lot.

NICI PATRICIDE is rude. you are not a pig. if i could thank my real mother every day i would. it takes a lot of guts to give a child up for adoption. if you pick out the parents that just means you really do love them. i was in a private adoption and i'm happy exactly the way i am.

Lisa C

I just finished adopting my son - whom I've had since he was 3 months old and is now 5.... long time because of his birth father. Between us and our son's birth parents - to whom I am EVER so grateful for and owe everything to - we have come up with a great arrangement. They do not live chose but we developed such a strong bond that we talk all the time and my son has a close bond with them as well. He now knows who they are and I never wanted to ever lie to him so he is so very understanding of it all. Right from the get go, he knew who his birth mother was and why I had him. He actually sent her a card this past Mother's Day and added in there a special note that read "Thank you for sending me to my Mom. I love you both".

The adoption lawyer can draw up papers so that you and the adoptive parents can come to an agreement you are both comfortable with. I don't know all the loop holes but like you said, and you said it best.... you want your child to have the best life possible and honey, you being only 17, that sounds very grown up and mature. God Bless you. I wish I was able to give you personal information to be able to talk. I wish you all the best.

Melissa G

Yes. You can choose every aspect of adoption.

Get this book for ALL of your rights:www.FreeAdoptionBook.com

Good luck, hun

Proud AP!

Just to state in some state the stipulations of a legal open adoption are enforced.

It sounds like you have gotten some good advice and yes open adoption is what you are wanting. You are not seeking a family that is wanting a closed adoption so don't worry about that. I know plenty of families that have a great relationship with their child's mom/and family before AND after the birth. My best friend and his partner adopted last year and they have a stipulation in their open adoption that they will pay for their child's 'birth mom and dad to come and see him twice a year (they live in different states so this is the most feasable.) They also send letters and pictures and are friends one Facebook and MySpace.

Alot of adoptive parents go off of the cue of the bm. Seriously if you are seeking that contact with your child then more often than not they will want that too. We all understand that the more the child knows and understands of their situation of why their bm placed them for adoption is for the child's best interest. My son's bm wanted a semi-open adoption and she has had contact with use a few times since he was born but she has not requested to see him. If she had (or will) we will do it. We understand and want what's best for our child now and in the long run.

You are going to be able to choose everything for child. What type of family, how many kids, where they live...religion...anything that you are think would make a great family for your child that's what you can stipulate.

If you want to consider adoption call some adoption agencies and talk to them. You aren't signing anything you are just exploring some avenues. That's all.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Calmia22

I know this isnt typical for all adoptions, but 1 girl I went to high school with got pregnant at the age of 17, and decided to give her baby up for adoption. She chose an open adoption like what you want, interviewed different families, and she was able to find a family who agreed to have an open adoption with her. Her son is now 2 years old, and is so completely happy! She has been over to see him on Spring Break, a few times over the summer, and they even make a special time to spend Christmas together. She also gets to come over for his birthdays. She is in college now, living in Texas, and she doesnt see him as much since she is in school, but that was her choice to do, not the adoptive parents.

My best advice would be to go talk to a adoption agency, and tell them you are considering adoption. Tell them you really want to make sure whom ever the adoptive parents are must have an open adoption with you. Adoptive parents have to go though something called a home study, where they come in and check out the home the child will be in, and really get to know the couple, who they are, how they grew up, and what they want. Thats your best chance of finding a couple who will want to do what you want to do. I know with my husband and I, we are looking to adopt in the next couple of years, and the idea of an open adoption is a great idea! We would prefer that a child knows where they come from, and who made it possible for them to live on this earth. I think open adoption is actually a better idea then a closed one for the simple fact that theres much less of a chance that a child will grow up hating themselves and wondering why there biological parents gave them up.

Brandon

You can have an open adoption if you choose to. I was adopted and my husband and I have 3 children (biologically ours), but that is what we want. I wasn't given a real open adoption and wish I had. In an open adoption you do sign your rights away to the child, but if the family you choose or the one that is chosen for your child is open then you can write letters, get pictures, and etc. It depends on the family, so if you want to be in his life then doing a kinship adoption could be best for you. Kinship doesn't mean you have to be related. You name the person you want to adopt your child. You can meet with a lot of people or just know someone that wants to adopt and go from there. I think that is the best way to go about it if you want specific things out of the adoption.

luvolot1@sbcglobal.net

I am looking to adopt a baby and I am willing to let the mother be apart of the babies life although I would like the baby know her as aunt or sister until the child is old enough to understand than I would talk to the child about being adopted and let he or she know about there mother unless the birth mother did not want me to. We are a foster home and love children, we have a big house and bio kids of our own. 4 to be exact and would love to add a baby in the family. We love the lord and would give the child a wonderful home.

willow

it very much depends on where you live and the law etc. Are you sure you want to give up the baby for adoption what about fostering? Get some counselling sweetheart-there are many people who can and will help you. good for you that the father is out of the picture-look after yourself. You are a very brave and special girl and your baby will be ok. I am adopted and thanks to my birthmother's selflessness and my wonderful parents I have a great life and thank my lucky stars the way my life has turned out. I imagine it must be heartwrenching for any mother in this position. I think about my birthmother a lot and am trying to trace her especially as I have just had my own baby girl. Take care all the very best and please get help

SillyGirl

Wouldn't it be possible to make that kind of an agreement with the adoptive family? I think I would go over this kind of this with the adoptive parents. Let them know you would really like to be involved in an active way.

lauren<33

you can have a closed adoption or an open adoption. if you're able to find potential parents that want an open adoption, then you will be able to be a part of the kids life. you won't necessarily be able to see the kid as much as you want and when you want. it just depends on the adoptive parents.

dncn_chrsty

My husband is an attorney in Oklahoma and through his experience he suggests that you participate in a private adoption. A private adoption is not through an agency so it costs less and allows you to choose the family you feel comfortable with. The adoptive family is responsible for the adoption fees and court fees as well as any filing fees.

There is something you must know though. You are not "giving your child up" for adoption. You are making an unselfish decision to choose a life you feel your child deserves. It is the most courageous and wonderful decision anyone can make.

My husband and I have been married over four years and have a beautiful two and a half year old princess. We have been trying for a little over two years to conceive and have had three miscarriages and were recently told that I have no more eggs, therefore we could not have anymore children. We have a beautiful home with a huge kids wing and playroom, a large backyard with a jungle gym and playhouse. We have a great family support structure and are all very close. We have been trying to find someone to choose our family as the perfect fit for their child and it is difficult. Agencies screen people so much they take the bonding out where the adopting family can get to know the mother so that each person can see if they are comfortable with each other.

I pray that everything goes well for you. We are still searching for a baby to add to our family. If you ever need to talk call me. 918-360-2355

Christy

Danielle Day

I am pretty sure that if you have a family member that would adopt your baby then it would be alright the only thing is thou you will have to sign all legal rights to your baby to the adpoting parent/s. You then would be able to apart of the childs life but only if the adopting people say it is ok. But why not give it ago i thought i would not be able to manage a child and excpecally with just myself but you would be surppised on how much your family will come toghther and support you and if not there are plenty of community places who do parenting courses and all those wonderfull things, just remember that once you sign that paper the baby is no longer your baby and if you didnt agree with the way the child was being treated later down the track ther would be little that you can do. My dear the choice is up to and yes i belve that you can get your family to adpt the baby if thas what you want.
All the best of luck in your decission

crystal_b

An open adoption where you maintain some contact with the child is always an option. You might get letters, photos, updates, and some visits. The "see the child as much as I wanted" part is probably unrealistic, though - even in really pretty open adoptions, the visits aren't that frequent (maybe once or twice a year). Sometimes they'll do things like have a webcam and let you watch that way a little bit, too.

Open adoption is something you work out with the adoptive parents (who YOU will choose through a process). All of you sit down with a mediator and work out the plan that you will follow. However, it sounds a little to me like that might not be what you want. You need to make sure you know what you want and make a decision based on that.

mmmckinn

If you want Texas parents, please feel free to IM. You never can predict how much you want to see the child. Little by little, life goes on, and you may even have more children. You will always think about and love this child though.

Kristin

If you do choose adoption I would want the adoption agreement to be taken to court. That way if the adoptive parents default on it like not giving you updates or visits, then there will be consequences. I have read so many stories of adoptive families that say one thing then as soon as the baby is in their arms, run like hell to never look back. I know that if it were my baby, I would want to at least have an update once a year. How can these families do this to the child or the mother. The birthmother will always be their real mother, nothing can change that. How hard is it to make them a part of your family just as you have done with the child? If you need advise or something, let me know. I am wanting to adopt and have researched adoption to no end. Please just stay clear of agencies. Most, not all, are in it for the $$$ and not you, not your baby. Be weary.

Extraordinarily 2010

it depends on if the family wants a closed or open adoption, if its closed then you give them the baby and never hear from them again. if its open then you may see the baby here and there, call him/her but its when the adopting parents decide. so if you wanna see the child then pick parents who would have a open adoption.

Raven

You could do an open adoption but there is a major flaw with that system. Open adoption is not legally enforceable from your side. If the adoptive parents decide to just stop letting you see your child there is nothing you could do to stop them. In other words, the hole of the 'openness' there rests in the hands of the adoptive family and you have NO say once your rights are terminated. There is no way you could know for a fact that you could see it at all, and I don't think any adoptive family is going to let you see it as often as you want. Holidays, birthdays and on occasion other times maybe but I doubt it would be every other day. Even if they did let you be there as much as you wanted you would have to accept the fact that you would no longer have any rights to make decisions for the child. You would simply be a bystander in its life. If you disagree with their parenting decisions (they wanted to get the baby's ears pierced and you didn't) they would always be legally able to do as they like (ears would be pierced regardless of what you thought). Giving your child up for adoption requires a lot of thought about what you feel is best for the child's, do no take this choice lightly, it will change the lives of many people. Yours, the child's, your family, and the adoptive family to name a few. Be sure this is what you really believe is best for all involved and is truly what you want to do, once your rights are gone you can't go back and change it. Be ready for the life your decision brings good, ok, or bad. You got pregnant and for now you are personally responsible for the baby you created... do what you feel is right and don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't.

Bookwarm

You could chose the family the child goes to, and you can make a verbal or written agreement on further contact. However after an adoption is finalized the adoptive parents have all rights over the child and any agreement is based on all parties efforts to keep the promises made. to follow through on it. If you want to parent your child, there are resources to help you.

aloha.girl59

Open adoptions are not legally enforceable. That means that the adoptive couple can promise you the moon -- visits, letters, pictures, etc. -- and move away and change their phone numbers and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Some couples do keep their adoptions open but there is no way to tell who will and who won't until it's too late.

You sound as if you want to keep your baby. TRY. There is aid out there for people who need it: food stamps, WIC, HUD (for housing)... You CAN keep your baby if you really want to. Trust me, if you do decide to relinquish your baby after you've tried parenting, there will be no shortage of people who want to adopt him/her later. For every surrendered infant in this country there are 30 couples lined up just waiting to adopt!

I'm not telling you what to do. You don't know me and there is no real reason for you to listen to a stranger. But I'm suggesting that you try this: don't make a decision now. Wait until your baby has been born and you've held him/her in your arms and nursed. Take the baby home from the hospital and give parenting your best effort. If you find that after a couple of months you can't do it, you can still consider adoption. Just know that that decision is permanent and your situation (being young, not having a lot of money, etc.) is temporary. Your situation WILL change but if you relinquish your baby, s/he will be gone forever.

Kassy

In my opinion, very few people would want to adopt your baby with the agreement that you could see your baby "as much as you wanted". I tend to think that if they agree to that, they're lying to you and maybe to themselves. It may seem like a fine idea but it's very hard to make it work out. I suffer from in-laws who wanted to see the children "as much as they wanted" and it's really hard for adults with differing schedules and priorities to make something like that work long term without boundaries. Since open adoptions aren't legally enforceable you will be at the mercy of the adoptive parents if you want to see your baby. They would have all the rights.

You didn't ask, but I think you should keep your baby. You don't give any details. Do you have no support at all from your family? There are people on here who can give you links to resources available to help you. You might want to start looking into what your community has to offer to help you keep your baby.

just live your life.

It depends. If you go to an adoption agency you can work out an open adoption.

you will then be able to pick the family that you want to raise the child. you two will have to agree but with most open adoptions the birth mothr/fathr will get to see the child once a year. The adoptive family with send pictures two-four times a year. That can all be customized to you/adoptive family preferences.

I am 17 & have a 22 mo old son. The father has NEVER seen him and says he doesn't wish too. dead-beat-dads are PATHEDIC. You can raise this baby if that is what you want. there are resources out thr such as WIC, day care vouchers so you can finish school, scholorships for college, etc. Adoption is a good option. Make the best choice for you and your baby. GOOD LUCK! Don't let anybody push you into making a choice..you are the mothr and you know best.

Wellspring

"so would i be able to give my baby up to a family and be able to see them as much as i wanted? and still be part of the child's life?"

No. Any promise made to you before you sign the papers are not legally enforceable afterward.
What you wanted won't matter. The adopters can close a so-called open adoption on a whim (most do) and you may never see your baby again.
The only way to be sure your child is safe and happy, and for you to live the rest of your life without regret and wonder, is not to do it.

Private adoptions (attorney's) may be cheaper, faster and easier for adopters, but they offer even less protection for mothers than agencies.

Erin L

Once you no longer have parental rights, the adoptive parents have all control of whether or not you have contact or how much contact you have. Keep in mind that open adoption IS NOT legally enforcable. Some see it as a promise that manipulates young women into giving up their babies - a promise some adoptive parents never intend to keep. Now, I'm an adoptive mother. I would love for my daughter to be able to have an open adoption. And I know many adoptive parents who ARE committed to open adoption. Just know that you have no control over it once the adoption is final. And know that adoption agencies advise adoptive parents that they should say they want an open adoption whether they do or not so that they are more likely to be "chosen" to be parents.

kitta

No, when you surrender your child to adoption you lose all legal rights.Agencies and adoption facilitators will tell you that you can choose the adoptive parents and also choose the level of contact. This is not really true.

the adoptive parents will control what contact you are allowed, and they can cut you off at any time.

snowwillow20

Open adoptions are not legally enforceable. You give up your rights and then you have no say in the childs life.

James Ford

Once you give your child up for adoption, you give up all your parental rights. It would be up to the adopting couple as to whether they would let you come over - but don't be surprised if they say no.

grapesgum

The odds are that you will not find a family that will follow up on an open adoption. They will promise you anything you want, but after they get the baby legally, they will try to get rid of you as soon as they can. This happened to my daughter's best friend. She has not seen nor heard of her son since he was 3 days old when the monsters who promised an open adoption disappeared.

If anyone tells you that open adoptions are legally enforceable, look at the law very, very carefully. If the adoptive parents decide to kick you to the curb you will need to hire a lawyer to go to court. It will cost you thousands. Also, so-called legally enforceable open adoptions often apply to children in the foster system ONLY, not infant adoptions.

Do not choose adoption thinking that you will be able to see your child - it is not likely to happen.

Please read this WEB site that explains open adoption from the eyes of the "birth" family.

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/index.html

ETA - Do NOT go to an adoption agency for information. They are not paid unless they can sell your child to someone. The so-called counselors at agencies will use every dirty trick in the book to get you sign those papers. They tell adoptive parents to lie about wanting an open adoption knowing full well that it can be closed as soon as the ink dries on the relinquishment papers.

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