im 14 and im having a baby.. should i give him up for adoption?

For whatever reason you chose to bring a child into this world. Yes you are quite young, but that will pass. Being an abandoner is for life, and your child might hate you for it.

dan

Next time use a condom,

Have a nice day.

Falcon 2000 Pilot

All that is out the window, life is going to change.

mahal

NO, TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR OWN CHILD.IT IS A BLESSING FROM GOD TO HAVE YOUR OWN CHILD.

Abby :D

People on Yahoo answers cannot help you with this decision.
This is YOUR baby and it's going to affect YOUR life.
Don't let anyone talk you into something you're not comfortable with doing.
Adoption is the greatest love any mother could give to her baby.

:)â˜®â™¥

I REALLY hope your joking.

Cathy

I agree with alex p. you should sit down with your parents and determine what you are going to do based on what they tell you and how much support there willing you give you once the baby is born. There is no way you would be able to do it on your own your to young to even get a decent job.

i think adoption is a good thing by the way, you would be doing something really nice for your child it would be hard for you but you will know its for our child's own good :)
there is a such thing as an open adoption you can consider that :)

KInq is FIs

do you want the baby?

7rin

Keep child! If you abandon your child, then that child is likely to grow up wondering why it was such a horrible person that not even its own mother could love it. I know you're young now, but you're not gonna be young forever.

t.icheerleader

I think you should totally keep your baby! if you have good support from friends and family that's great! as long as you have money to support him that's even better. and if you want to still go to school and stuff you could have him stay at day care while your still at school, trust me it would help and yes a lot of people do say adoption is the best answer but if you really want him you should keep him! plus just think of it, having a baby is hard work but its totally worth it, getting to see him smile and laugh and hold him, hearing his first words, his first step, and plus he'd be so cute! haha anyways, you should keep him as long as you have support,money and love for him thats all he'll need :)

Diya

What goes around comes around.

Wellspring

I wish you a life untouched by the world of adoption. A life where you and your child will never have to deal with the all the issues adoption creates. A life where you can hold your child instead of holding a framed picture of your child. A life where you and your child will never, ever have to think about adoption.

greeneyedmom

Giselle -

Either decision you make will be very difficult, but I think the best way for you to make this decision is to really focus on what you think will be best for the baby. Try to think about how his life will be if you keep him, and try to picture his life with adopted parents. There will be pros and cons for each of course.

Caring for a newborn is incredibly difficult, but the rewards are so great. And you need to think long-term as well...it is true you will be raising a baby throughout high school, but remember than you will have a preschooler when you graduate and enter college, and preschoolers need a lot of love and attention as well. As do young children, tweens, teens, and young adults. But if you really have a lot of support from your family, it may be the best option for you to parent him yourself. Also, placing the baby for adoption doesn't automatically guarantee him the perfect life, as many on this forum would agree.

Some of my best friends are adoptive parents of 3, and they love their adopted children more than life itself, and I believe they are great parents. I think there are many wonderful adoptive families out there. If you can find a family that you trust, it may be the right decision to place the baby with a more mature and stable family. It is a very hard decision.

Best of luck to you and to your baby.

subterranean_homesick_tiff

If you have the support of your family and friends, you have some benefits lots of young mothers do not have. Keeping a child as a way of punishing yourself for something you did when you were 14 is first of all unnecessary, second, stupid, and third, a terrible reason to become a mother. Wouldn't you feel awful if you learned your mother kept you around as a method to punish herself? You can graduate from highschool and keep your child, but you can no longer be a child. You have to grow up really fast and learn to take care of someone else, even though you're still so young, you need your parents to look after and care for you. In my opinion, this is an unfair expectation to put on yourself. Dont worry about having to drop out of school to afford food or diapers or medicine for your baby, the government will pay for all of that. My concerns are, you'll be missing out basically on your childhood in order to raise your child. There is so much you wont be able to experience, and mothers are meant to sacrifice, but motherhood is for adults, and you're at least 10 years away from being ready to care for a child. If you're willing to push yourself and give up everything, including being a teenager, I think you should keep your baby. If you aren't, no one would think poorly of you. A 14 year old should never, ever have to make this choice.

ERICA

First off, it's great that you have support but the reality is friends fade away, especially if they don't have kids they'll be free to do stuff you can't and family gets tired especially if they have families of their own. Unfortunately babies fathers don't always stick around like they promise. In the end it you and your baby no one else and you have to do whats right for your future and you child's. If you think your up for the financial, emotional and physical demands of a child than more power to you. If not than adoption is a good idea, it's not just your life to think about it's your child.

Which ever you decide good luck and I commend either decision.

hollymaniac12

No one knows the answer except for you. If you think you can handle it, go for it. But you have to know the consequences of taking care of a kid. There will be times where people wont be there to help you, and you will almost certainly have to skip school some days. You can't expect people to always support you, and though some people might say they're okay with it, they might be unsure. You have to do what's right for your child, whether it be keeping him, or giving him up. If you think you can give him as good a life as any, ask yourself if you have enough energy and time to do it. If it was me, I would give him up. But only because I would want him to have a good life, and I wouldn't be able to provide that. Think about what you're doing to yourself and him.

Good luck, and I hope you find your answer soon.

kristin

If you want to keep it then keep it. Dont let anyone tell you anything else. I would want you to keep it. I would keep it if you were me. But your not me. You have support from your family so I really dont see why you have to let your child go. Just know that if you keep your son that he is your responsibility. and it's ok to ask for help and maybe someone in your family can watch your child while you finish school and get your own place in a few years. Having a baby is a lot of work. You wont get the sleep you need. I'm sure you would be a wonderful mom.

Kenna

I'm adopted, and although I have a much better life with my adopted parents, I still sometimes wish I could live with my biological mother. If your family is willing to help that's great! But the baby would probably have a better life with another couple, I mean you're still a kid yourself! And trust me, don't count on your friends to help. They have their own lives and though they say they'll help now it won't happen. But you could also get your GED or go to online charter school if you want to take care of your baby and graduate. It will be SO HARD though. Really, really hard.

Serenity71

What you're wanting to do (go to school and raise your baby) can be done. Go and see your school counsellor and see if there are programs for young teen mothers. More and more schools are taking education for young mothers more seriously these days. I know you said you don't have much support, then you might have to look outside of family for it. There are clinic nurses, find one that's government funded.

Be prepared for late nights, and tiredness. Things like diapers can be sourced out through "google" cheaper that retail for most things. Ebay for clothes or a second hand charity shop. I hope there's someone in your life who can help you.

Maybe you just have to ask more openly for the help you need to raise a child.

And start reading books on caring for babies, you can find them at second hand book stores. Be prepared, you have 3 months notice still left to do you homework. No excuses for not doing it, or working harder to find what you need.

All the best!

sarah

I got pregnant at 16 and gave my daughter up for adoption. At 23 I now have an 11 mth old daughter of my own. Having been in a similar situation, my best advise for you, is don't listen to ANY advice. This is a decision that only you can make. If you let someone else make it for you you'll regret it, no matter what the decision. And since either option is going to be hard, you'll blame that person for making the wrong decision, and blame yourself for letting them convince you of it.

If you want to keep your son, you CAN do it, no matter what anyone tells you. It'll be a lot of work, and it will change your entire life, but you can do it. Its great that you have help and support, but its still going to change your entire life. You'll be able to finish school, but you wont have much of a life outside of school and your son. And you wont get much sleep, and you'll be scared and frustrated all the time. Youll feel inadequate and lonely, like you missed your entire youth. And your son may suffer too. He wont have an adult parent, probably only have one parent. You wont have as much time for him as an doptive family might, or money, or experience. BUT you'll have your baby. A little person of imeasurable possibility who you will love more than any of the things that you'll give up. And hell have his mother, someone he'll love in spite of all of those things. The love for and the love of a child is indescrible, unconditional, and the most wonderful experience.
If you give him up, he'll have a stable home. Be fine financially, have parents who are old enough, mature enough, to provide for him, mentally and physically. He'll have a lot of opportunities that he would'nt have with you. BUT you'll lose your baby. And, trust me, there is nothing worse than that. If it doesnt kill you, it will come as close as you can imagine. Its like losing a piece of yourself. And he won't have his mother, the one person that he knows the second he's born.
I made my decision at 16, not much older than you are now. I don't regret it. My daughter is six years old, happy, healthy, well adjusted, so smart. A family member adopted her, so I get to see her all the time, get to tell her that I love her, hug her. I dont know what Id do if I couldn't. But, even though I don't regret it, it was the hardest decision Ive ever made.
Good luck to you, as you have a hard road ahead no matter what you do. And if you have any questions, or just need someone to talk to feel free to email me.

luver

you should keep him and you chosse to get pregnant so face the concequence and keep him cause how would you feel if u were in an orphanege or have adoption parents

dontknow86

If your parents are going to help you then keep your baby!

lonely

plz keep him ask ur parent to help u , if u lose him u'll regret the rest of ur life

â™¥Amiâ™¥

Its not impossible to keep ur son AND finish school AND finish college AND get a good job.

Its hard,yes,but not impossible.

U need to keep the baby(cuz a child is most loved by his/her mother only),finish school,graduate from college and get a job,it may take u 15 years instead of 9 years,but u need to do it.You accept u made a mistake,now u need to fix it.

Alex P

I had a cousin, that got his girlfriend pregnant at 14, they both decided to get married and keep the baby.

It's easier when there are two people involved. I'm not going to lecture you on responsibility or being mature, I'm not going to be rude to you, like some people, because you obviously know you have made a mistake.

But there are a few questions you need to ask yourself. Can you finish school with a baby? How much support will you be getting from family? How do you parents feel about this? I know you want to provide what's best for you and your child and no one can decide that but you, talk to your parents and see how exactly they feel about it and exactly what they want you to do. Think about it, and make you decision.

God Bless you. I commend you either way.

Bookwarm

You don't have to make a choice now. Why not wait until he is born, see how things work out, recover from birth, and then make a choice. Another option to look into is guardianship, somebody else cares for the child temporally, but you retain parental rights

cailin

sgt shamy

my advice would be to discuss this in depth with your parents and come to a decision together as this baby is going to have as much of an impact on them as it does on you.

sgt shamy obviously did not read the question. you are much too far along for an abortion and from what you said you decided not to have one at the start.

you are very young. you can't do this by yourself. if your parents are willing and able to give you and your child all the help you will need then that is the way i would go. at least your child would be with his own family. adoption can be a good thing but i think it should be a last resort.

LaraSue

If you want to jeep your baby and will have lots of help and support from your family, then keep him. there are lots of resources out there for young,single mothers.
Please don't place him for adoption if you really don't want to. You will never get over it.

Damitra

I know you are young but, you are a mother to be, regardless what people tell you. The decision you make has to be your decision no matter what. You will have trouble now and down the road of life if you are coerced in any way.

Do some research on the effects of adoption for you and your child.

snowwillow20

I gave up my daughter is 1972, this decision has cost me years of pain. You are very young but you need a life plan, if your parents are willing to help you finish school, then you might want to consider parenting.

Divine Oubliette

I would suggest Food Stamps, WIC and Medicaid - see if you qualify. Medicaid covers midwives in some states, so be sure to check out all your options.

Get, beg, buy, steal or borrow one of these books. Even if you choose a hospital birth these books are still great reads. It shows birth as a positive, beautiful and empowering.
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth: Discover the Proven Wisdom That Has Guided Thousands of Women Through Childbirth With More Confidence, Less Pain, and Little or No Medical Intervention by Ina May Gaskin.
Spiritual Midwifery, 4th Edition: The classic book on home birth! The first section details the experiences of parents and midwives during the birth experience. The second section is a technical manual for midwives, nurses, and doctors. Includes information on prenatal care and nutrition, labor, delivery-techniques, care of the new baby, and breast-feeding. Very informative stuff.
http://www.inamay.com/books.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ina_May_Gaskin
http://www.ourbodiesourblog.org/blog/2009/04/taking-back-birth-ina-may-gaskin

Consider giving birth upright so that gravity helps instead of having to push a baby up hill out of you (such as giving birth laying flat on your back) Even if you are in a hospital request a squat bar, squatting also allows your pelvic outlet to increase that crucial 1/2 - 1 inch. http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.birthdiaries.com/diary/birth061/birth061.21.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.birthdiaries.com/diary/birth061/&usg=__FjFAA9LxTJZzjljpAMCohkNA1Wo=&h=240&w=320&sz=19&hl=en&start=3&tbnid=pGQ7e9fyVyMezM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3D%2522squat%2Bbar%2522%2Bbirth%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff

The Portable Pediatrician is another useful book to have around, it covers everything from birth to age 5. http://www.amazon.com/Portable-Pediatrician-Parents-Month-Month/dp/0062731769

Please breastfeed! I am not a militant pro-teat crazy but it has great immunological benefits, it also helps you loose the weight faster and it's a great bonding mechanism. http://kellymom.com/ Is a great site and so is http://llli.org/ Le Leache Int'l Conversely is you choose not to or cannot breast feed, formula feed and don't feel guilty or look back. WalMart brand is some of the cheapest formula around. Try to stay on a schedule for the first couple months this will make having a schedule later easier on the both of you. For the first couple of month the baby needs to eat every 3 hours barring them sleeping through the night whenever they get to that. Investing in a co-sleeper is a great idea, so you don't have to wander far to get the baby in the middle of the night. Sleep every free moment you have! http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=10898576

Take you multi-vits and take your iron pills with a glass of orange juice - better absorption. You can over-indulge on healthy stuff all day long but keep your sweet tooth in check - also munchy foods, not too much. This will also help you from gaining too much weight.

Also bundle your baby when they should sleep, this will get hir programmed that when they are bundled they should sleep. I still bundle my 9 month old and she never gives me trouble going to nap or bed.

That's all the advice I can think of, I hope it helped.

Also think long and hard whether or not his name will be on the birth certificate. You do not have to put anything down and I wouldn't until he has proved his will be a responsible father. If you to separate and you decide you want child support that is then a reason to put his name down. If you do not want him to have the ability to demand visitations ect then do not put him down. Then in the eyes of the court he will have the burden of proof as in prove he is the father. Most men will not go to this length. This is all dependent on how much you trust him to do right by you and your pregnancy/baby. Just know that while filing out the birth certificate you can choose or not to put him down as the father. Know that their are consequences of each and decide what you and, the baby and he can live with.

~Divine

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