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Lady Rowan
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no childis every too messed up to adopt. Sure, for an older child, its a bigger adjustment, and there MIGHT be som issues, but come on! thats such a blanket statement. A friend of min was adopted as a teeen, she was fine. |
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monkeykitty83
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I have no doubt you really heard that-- I've heard comments like that too.
But I don't think what the person said is true or accurate. Any child can turn out to have issues, special needs, and problems. No matter how old they were at the time of adoption... or if they were their parents' biological children.
If anything, in my experience children over five who can't be with their biological families benefit MORE from adoption than younger children do. They're the ones that really blossom with consistent attention and stability over a period of time. That doesn't mean it's always easy-- but that's parenting. It's worth the challenge. |
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♥♥Rita♥♥
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Heck no, I don't believe that. Whoever said that needed some education on the fact. Hope you gave it to him/her!!
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Lisa C
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That is so sad. People can be so cold hearted and just plain ignorant |
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Big Daddy R
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I am sad to admit that until recently I used to believe this and to some extent I still do. Children in foster care are there for a reason . Older children in foster care remember the pain, abuse, etc and they internalize it. They need more therapy, time and love and not everyone is equipped to handle them. They act out more than "normal" and are harder to handle. I don't think they should not be adopted but think you need to better equipped than the training they give you as a foster parent.
My wife and i plan on adopting a teen or two but not untill our other chidlren are older. We are afraid of what a teen would do to our home now (not physically but emotially to the family)
I think the statement should be more like It is harder to adopt children over 5 and it takes a special person and some training to do it correctly
I now know that you should adopt older kids but i stil think you should be careful and be able to give te childern your full attention. i think bio children around their age will cause confussion and jealousy. If you don't have any kids i think that older children actually benifit from adoption more because they know what it is like not to have a family |
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Santa's Lil' Helper
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I wonder why more in the mental health field have not done more to address this issue. |
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ronimg
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My brother adoped a boy at age 5, then a year later adopted a girl at age 6. Messed up? of course they were! But no messed up than any other kids out there today. They are both turning 21 in the coming weeks. -- I can't imagine our family without them!! Love em to death!!! |
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MiAmor
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I am 17 and i got adopted at 7. i have alot of problems. i moved into my new family's home with a lot of "baggage". i grew up a very angry child and i still have problems. its easier to get adopted when the child is an infant. if you plan on adopting an older child make sure you are ready for the stress and possible pain. |
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Heather ~ Not a Perfect Mom ~
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Can I believe that someone said this? Unfortunately yes.
And it is this type of mentality that leaves children in the Foster Care System. Someone that believes this, will not want to adopt what they consider to be a less than perfect child. IMO, these people should not adopt any child since there is not guarantee that younger child will be perfect.
Do I believe it is true? Absolutely not.
I had someone tell me something along these lines when we were adopting. DS was 8 and she told me that he is going to be a problem because a child's most formative years are the first 5. While I agree that the first 5 years are very important to a child's development, I do not believe they are a lost cause after that.
My adopted son has not been any harder or easier to raise than my bio kids. My middle son has a learning disability and my oldest has some motor skills that are delayed because he was a preemie so they have all presented their own set of challenges. |
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Skater[S]M[D]
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That's one of the stupidest things i've ever heard. No go for it. I feel that they may be accustomed to a poor home but that would only make them work harder in school, better behaved etc. |
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Nisi
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That is so dumb. I think every child that is being circulated in foster care wants so badly to be a part of a loving home. That is so sad. |
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CherishTheMoment
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That is stupid.
I don't believe they are messed up. Sometimes family situation isn't safe for them to be at home, drugs, etc. That may be the reason they are in Foster Care, to put them in a safer environment than the one they are in. |
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Stop the Hate Love instead
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I do not think that is true at all. It is true the older a child is the more issues they may have. However this is why it is extremely vital imo that we get these kids (who are available for adoption) out of the system and into a loving home as soon as possible. With parents who will love and support them and help them through any issues that they do have. This sort of rubbish spewed makes me more and and more want to adopt from the FCS one day if I am able too. I would willing take a sibling group of 3 or 4 with the oldest being from 6 to 8. Or a child who was between 4 to 8 then after a few years apply to adopt another child from FCS. |
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i <3 Y'ALL!
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i have heard that said before, because they have most likely been in and out of foster homes. though i believe that statement is true in some sense, its very crudely put. i believe that children over the age of 5 or so, who have been in orphanages or foster homes, most likely have psychological damage, like depression, anxiety, seperation anxiety, etc. not all do, but its very common. THOUGH i dont believe that they are "messed up" or that they shouldnt be adopted...every child deserves to be loved, and every child deserves a chance |
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tinkerbe13
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You should have that person look up The Heart Gallery. It was started in New Mexico. Its foster children who want a family.
Hopefully maybe that will change their view. |
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Just a Mom
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That is what people think sometimes. Grrr! Isn't that silly? Of course I don't think it's true. But I think it is true that people believe that. Sad. |
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Randy B
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I've read it on the list here from a few trolls too and thats all I'd chalk it up to. Someone either trying to stir the pot or who is grossly uneducated on the subject. Either way, I don't think anyone is going to change their minds so I would have left it with "I'm sorry you feel that way. It just shows your lack of understanding and knowledge of the subject." |
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angie
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do not believe that at all! Granted some children have been through a tremendous amount of pain and hurt as they get older. Most have lived a life that no one should have to go through. I would love to be able to adopt a child who is older. One that I can show, life isn't as bad as you think it is. I would even go as far to help a child locate its birth parents, so should they choose to. Everyone on this earth wants to be loved and to feel needed. You just have to be willing and patient enough to show this child, hey.. I am not going to walk out on you, that you are worth fighting for to me.. So many, have no idea what that's like. |
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...
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So screwed up. |
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opedial
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Well there are days we sigh and say, well maybe.
We adopted three ages 4,5,6. What I can say is that it takes a specific set of skills to work through any pain and anger these children may have. The acting out can (not always but can) include acting out in ways you may have never dealt with.
I do say it is so worth it, but you have to be realistic in what you can expect and have to allow an older child to have their own feelings about what is happening, and it will not be all sweetness and light.
Our adoption in fact is great, but we do know we have lowered our expectations for our children. Not overall, but their progress is not the same as other children. Their will be hiding under tables, and throughout their life their will be triggers to the violence they suffered.
So all I can say is go in to ANY adoption with all the information you need, and get the skills to deal with the siutations you will encouter. Anyone who says love is enough is silly, because when adopting older children you have to go into it with love, but also with patience, and understanding that sometimes their behvaiours could be so outrageous that you may not be able to deal wtih it if you have not prepared yourself. |
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SW
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No, I don't think it's true. Every child is different, and everyone has gone through some bad things in their life. It doesn't mean they are any less deserving of a stable, loving home.
Atleast they'd already be potty trained, if nothing else. |
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Freckle Face
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NO.
All of my cousins (6) except one was adopted older than five years old. They turned out to be productive members of society and pretty amazing people to boot. |
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Mom to Foster Children
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I am adopting our son in 8 days and he will be 7 in December!
Of course he is "messed up" - he spins around in the living room till he wants to throw up - talks about what would happen if people had wings - and wants to be a firefighter when he grows up!
Ok, so I guess I don't understand what "messed up" is at least in our case? I know that there are children out there that have medical / physiological issues but the medical issues they were born with and the physiological issues were more likely due to the wonders of the foster care system! |
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Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP
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Oh my god! I friggen HATE ignorant people. If you don't know what you are talking about then shut your trap until you do!
No, Loony, I do NOT believe this. WE are the ADULTS, they are the CHILDREN, the VICTIMS!
Sure, they may have some issues, but so the rest of the freaking world. Everyone has their own set of emotional baggage, this is pretty much ineveitable. What they need is some love and a little bit of hope. This doesn't earse their past, but it can give them some hope for the future. The children should not be punished for the sins of their parents
I hope you knocked some sense into them... how did you reply? |
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.:AnnaMarie:.
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No i was in foster care from the time i was 10 months old untill i was 18 and i think the reson for all my inscure problems and trust issues are from not being adopted to a loving family and being thrown around like i was nobodyy.. i think that a child at 5 will still have memories and maybe even nightmares but they are so young they can progress into really good people. they just require more attention |
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tish
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yep... i believe it.
and it totally shoots holes in the "adoption SAVES children" argument. |
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MamaKate is an Aunt!
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I think it is a ridiculous, heartless and ignorant statement. Anyone who would say such a thing has no business anywhere near children until they become educated and learn to open their minds and hearts more than a few millimeters.
It is ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE. |
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jackmatt
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I have heard that before, but I don't believe it is true. Sure, some kids are messed up b/c of the poor homes they came form or were taken from, but many bad behaviors are a cry for love & attention. I do think it takes some special foster or adoptive parents to remain patient with the most extreme cases. No child should have to be without someone who loves them.
RN & mom |
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aloha.girl59
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Yes, I can believe it was said.
No, I can't believe the ignorance with which it was said!
(((Looney Tunes)))
I feel badly for you for having to work with such a moron. |
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