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Cowboy
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Adoption is a wonderful thing. My son was lucky enough to be adopted by wonderful Foster Parents. My biggest hangup is CPS. I cannot stand those Nazi maggots and they should all be hanged by the neck until dead. I'm glad you had a wonderful adoptive experience and it is
good to hear others on here too. I don't believe you're in denial. Adoption is good, especially as an alternative to abortion. Sometimes
parents may find themselves on hard times like losing a job and when the resources run out, they wind up in a motel with the children. ENTER: CPS. Then they take the children on the grounds of inadequate housing promising this is only temporary until the parents are back on their feet. Meanwhile, the children are missing their parents and often their siblings and the foster parents are becoming attached to this child. Do you think CPS cares? The answer is "NO". When the natural parents do become better, CPS does what they can to adopt the child to the foster parents. CPS workers receive a monetary bonus for this. |
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hpfreak080
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don't feel alone...I've gotten that too from this site...
I'd like to know what gives these people the authority to tell me how I feel about MY adoption..............
what makes these people so much more "enlightened" than I am about my own feelings?
I can't help but wonder if some of these people feel insecure about their experience in comparison to ours and feel like they have to put us down because of it...
Oh well, the reasons don't matter to me...all you and I (and the others on here like us) can do is let our story and voices be heard so people gain more of a balanced opinion from adoptees. |
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LaraSue
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It's their own brand of "kool-aid." As you can see, not all feel the way they do, they are just more vocal about it and pretty much steamroll over any opinion that deviates from that party line. |
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Jennifer L
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Honestly, I think it's because they are so insecure in their own feelings that it is too difficult for them to accept that other people with the same experience (read: being adopted) have an entirely different (positive) perception on it.
If they were *really* about advocating adoptees being able to share and express their feelings openly, then they wouldn't just limit it to people who think along their lines.
And it never fails to get me to "eyeroll" when those same people will complain endlessly about other people speaking for them, yet they have no problem armchair diagnosing you and others who share your perception on the experience of being adopted.
Stick to your guns. You have just as much right to share YOUR truth on this forum as anyone else. |
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BBall_Samurai (Fear the Turtle)
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I don't see how "denial" and a "good adoption experience" are even related! So what if you had a great adoption experience! Count your blessings and praise the Lord! That just shows how the Lord was on your side and worked things out smoothly for you, blessing you with your kid(s).
I was adopted too, so I think it's awesome for you! :D |
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Carnie C
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it's much easier for them to bash us and be intolerant of our viewpoints while they demand that we ACCEPT their viewpoint as the gospel. We can't rain on their pity parade |
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sizesmith
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As an adoptive mom, I was amazed at the people here who think adoption shouldn't happen. It was an awakening for me, and I'm glad I've seen both sides of the adoption picture, because I think it will make me a better adoptive mom, daughter-in-law to a woman who placed a child, and a better sister-in-law to the reunited brother who was placed. There are many sides in every story, and we'd all be better off to listen to the other side.
I'm also glad to read that several here support adoption, even though in a perfect world, it wouldn't be needed. |
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LinnyG
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I dont recall ANYONE telling you that you are in denial. Links please? The people here who post on a regular basis are responsible enough to say that while they hate adoption, they love their ap's. Why do YOU discount that, on a continual basis?
No offense, but an adoptee who is also unfortunate enough to have never experienced giving birth to their own children ARE in the dark, because you have not experienced that primal bond with your genetic relative, other than your first Mother. Many of us do not realize that we even HAD adoption pain, or realize the power of that primal natural bond until we have experienced having our OWN children.
I do not discount the opinions of adoptees who had great experiences. Many of us have. But that doesn't mean we should be silent on the corruption in the adoption industry, or silent on the negative aspects of adoption.
Most of us here say that while yes, we did gain a loving family, whom we love too, it does not magically erase the pain of losing another family.
I think it's great when people speak their truths, but do not discount other's....not to mention the millions of studies that show adoption causes a boatload of psychological issues. If you havent suffered from any negative aspects, great for you. but MOST adoptees have. |
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Project 360*
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It can happen to any adoptee not just to those with a perfect experience. I'm new here so I've never said you were in denial. How can you be if you aren't consciously aware of it. you feelings could change tommorrow or in 20 years time. Dont take it as an attack on you personally. No one wants to see anyone waking up during or after mid-life and reliezing they are missing something. I myself find it upsetting that those few who do not believe in opening records to us think I'm being selfish, ungrateful, a nutcase or just plain evil. I also find it very upsetting when others brush off bad experiences and still believe adoption is good. Being an adoptee I would believe we truly know what it takes to love someone elses child. You may have done something wonderful and I pray to god that you treat your kids the rightway all the time. Having read some moving postings in here it seems to little old me that the negative stories are about the individual feelings and wanting the adoption process to be amended to prevent those problems from ever happening. Not all aparents are good people. |
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Laurel J
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Here's why: Many of us who had a good adoption experience discovered later that we had adoption issues anyway. So yes, I believe good adoption experiences exist. My beliefs about denial in adoption have nothing to do with how loving my parents are or how good my home life was--there was still always something missing.
And the stuff that's missing is very real stuff--my original family, my identity. Yet that stuff has always been given a lot less value by society than my adoptive family, and I was often told (not by my family) my original parents weren't "real" or I was not my a'parents' "real" child. When I was young, an adoptee who searched was considered pathological. Not worrying about "all that adopted stuff," or pretending not to worry about it, got me rewarded by most of the people around me.
I offer no speculation as to your experience, but given my experience, it's easy to believe that people who sweep All This aside may be in denial. When people insist it is a complete coincidence that their stance on a subject agrees entirely with the one society expects them to take, I suspect denial. I don't insist on it. I can't see inside people. But I do suspect. |
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maybe
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Because when most people reach adulthood they are able to reflect on both the good and bad aspects of their childhood. And everyone experiences both good and bad, there really is no such thing as a "perfect" childhood.
And your obsession with your "birth"mother's decision not to abort - it's as if you believe she had the coat hanger ready and was about to do you in at any moment. A bit odd.
Does any of this mean you're in denial? Who knows? |
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AJ_n_Wills_Mommy
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People are stupid, that's why. My parents adopted my brother and I and I can honestly say that I wouldn't have had it any other way. They have loved us just like we came from them biologically and I've never felt any different than anyone else...if anything, more special because I was chosen to be loved by someone great. I do remember in school kids asking me how it felt to be adopted lol. I used to ask them how it felt not to be lol. Who knows what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't adopted me. Maybe I wasn't wanted by my birth parents. But so what, I was wanted so much by someone else that they sacrificed their time and money to get me and then continued to love and nurture me throughout my life. That makes me feel extremely special and lucky. Sometimes I feel like my parents are better parents than other people because they wanted us so bad, they love us more lol. Now that I have my own son, I know how much that love is. And it was great to be able to share my pregnancies with my mom, who was never able to conceive at all. |
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Pre-med?
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Its a stereotype. |
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Kerosene
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People in this section have very strong opinions. Ignore them. I have been called many things for saying that I love my sister (who was adopted) more than anyone else in the world. |
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Sweet&Spicy
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I think adoption can be a good and bad thing. I was never adopted but all I can say is, I would rather like to be adopted by a loving family then live with my real parent who may never wanted me in the first place. So just because you are adopted doesn't mean your living in denial. So people are happy with being adopted love their adopted parents and family. That's just my opinion |
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romeochewy
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I've gotten a lot of flack because I am a birth mother who is completely secure in her positon. (17 years).
and I had a great experience with the adoptive parents--they are wonderful people.
I am not afraid to tell anyone I don't have any regrets, and that i definately made the right choice.
So go ahead and start with the thumbs down--my girl is a healthy happy, well-adjusted teenager. Someone tell me what is wrong with that. |
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CP
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Seriously, these people are complete strangers to you, why would you care what they think?
You've lived a wonderful adoption experience, continue to tell your story, people deserve to have a balanced perspective when reading here. |
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Isabel A
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I don't think you've had a wonderful adoption experience. The fact that you have spent your entire life in mortal fear of being murdered/aborted and raised the children you adopted to feel the same way speaks volumes about the way you really feel. It must be like living a nightmare.
I actually would feel quite sorry for you if you weren't always so self-righteous. |
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Ferbs
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You are not in denial. If you've made a life for yourself that is productive and felt the experience was valuable and right for you...enough to adopt children of your own...then that is YOUR truth.
For some people, for whatever personal reasons that are relevant to them, it's very hard to understand that sometimes, all the right things were done for the right reasons and that the future was indeed brighter for the child.
I think for some it's inconceivable that adoptive parents can love their children as much as biological parents and vice versa, so the adoption process takes the "natural" connection away from the child. So...this must lead to an incomplete or unfulfilled life.
For some...this is true and for some of them, it remains unresolved. For others, like yourself, that's not the case.
Enjoy and revel in the life you have made for yourself. It's wonderful that adoption was a positive part of all that. And don't take the comments too personally. They are honest and real experiences of others...but not yours. Just read and learn how it could be different for others. It will make you appreciate your experience that much more. |
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ashlea
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adoption is different for everyone and some people think that birth mom's didn't want the child and some people think other people shouldn't give there child to another couple to raise.
i think its great that you have adopted two kids
who ever says your in denial i think they just didn't have the experience you did like other people that have adopted yeah they feel joy happiness and lot more but everyone has the different experience
and yours was wonderful and that's great im happy for you |
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Honest & Sober
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IDK.
But these old question may assist in answering your question
I am so confused about adoption "fog". Is it when you start thinking for yourself in relation to adoption?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkObprGWZxMi_hTftfF_brUjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20080406132855AAR0GYZ
When People Have Issues Related to Adoption?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiZb39TiWJKRyiUlBG7cME4jzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20080219091714AAsLV6l
So if an adoptee claims to not have an issue with being adopted, do you automatically believe they're in a fog?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ag23KH6EnjDRDVEhIbH7v7gjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090530131339AAvfKlD
A question for adoptees?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aq7fVv8JxFI5C5Hmo9kUM9IjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090201113654AAQeJYt
Are happy adoptees in denial?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090124105828AAc6rU7
Why are you happy with your adoption? Happy adoptees only please.?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AngNeljxpHCxkELZKyqWqPwjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20081231115517AAxbHUk
What are adoptees trying to achieve here?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlNOXOfJGysavpshyzvIWzQjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090330030448AAd7s1i |
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∂υє мαу 27тн - νвα¢ вαву!
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Welcome to the club. I was adopted, and just because my A-parents aren't horrible to me, I must be a delusional adoptee. |
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Andraya - Snark's Sister
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Meh, be happy, makes no difference to me but don't expect me to be singing and dancing along with you. |
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Pip
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My son had a wonderful adoption experience - he has issues you don't.
I have surrendered and it made my life a living hell - others have surrendered and are quite comfortable with this.
There are adoptive parents who have had problems with the child/children they have adopted - others haven't.
So your point is what?
There are always two sides to each equation. |
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Randy B
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Regardless of the topic, and regardless of the potential views that can be held, you will always find others who hold an opposite viewpoint then you. Personally, I've given up worrying what others think. I've been told I'm in denial too and that I am perpetuating the adoption sickness to my own adopted daughters. That's their opinion and they are welcome to hold it. I on the other hand am welcome to hold my own opinions on the matter based upon my own experiences and my own values. I would never say to ignore the opinions of others here but the simple fact of the matter is that if your opinion is wrong to them, their opinion can be wrong for you. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree and move on. Don't get too choked over it.
ETA: Oh, and to the person who requested links regarding who has told who just who is in denial around here, if you care to email me through my profile we can figure out a way I can forward the emails I have received telling me I was in denial and poisoning my daughters. Having them drink the same kool-aid I drank is I believe one of the catchy phrases tossed my way. I only delete spam so I'm sure I've got the emails here...and from some pretty regular and vocal users of this forum too. |
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Laura C
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I am adopted and I am extremely happy about the relationship I have with my adoptive parents. In fact my twin brother was adopted along with me, and he is also doing very well for himself and is happy in life. It's not to be looked on as if you weren't wanted by your birth parents, it should be looked upon that we were lucky enough to be accepted and loved by another family. The only thing that I wish is that since my mother has never been pregnant my pregnancy is all new to her too! But I'm more then happy to share my experience with her. |
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Jackie B
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Just a guess....
I think (some) people who have been profoundly affected by adoption find it difficult to believe that anyone can come out of adoption unscathed. It's hard to fathom that an event so traumatizing, especially that of a newborn being separated from his/her mother, can leave no scars.
My personal belief is that it's entirely possible to feel the way you do and that works for you and many others and it's not any more right to label you as being in denial as it is to label other adoptees as bitter. |
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drkangel210e
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I didn't have a good experience with it. There was nothing wrong with my a-family. That's just how I experienced it. (Everyone's different.)
Don't let other people make you feel bad if you've had a good experience with it. I think that people just need to understand that adoption doesn't always equal a good experience. As long as people are educated about the possible problems associated with adoption before they adopt, I'm fairly supportive of it. |
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