why wont people adopt teens..................?{adoption}?

india6996

Its a hard question to answer. I think its because people are scared. They think its easy to start with an infant, there is no baggage to deal with.

My personal opinion is that I would rather do older adoption. I just finalized on my 4 daughters (8,9,12, and 15). I am not going to say its easy, cause its not.

But you do have to separate what is their baggage from their previous life and how much of it is them just being teenagers. My 15 yr old is a tough one. There are times when she is so carefree and enjoys her new life, then ther are other times when I think she is feeling guilty for being adopted.

She has many foster sisters out there that did not get adopted, aged out, or went back to bio parents. She doesn't feel right for what she was given. It also makes it hard when she knows bio mom is just around the corner...

But I think that many people out there who would not adopt a teenager should think about how they were growing up and how they would have felt if their parents gave up on them. The support of a wonderful adult is all anyone asks for..teenagers just don't know how to ask...

Nomad

this is america. where anyone under 18 if an idiot. we are adults. there would be no problems if people 13+ could own houses/rent apartments and have a job. its corrupt. the government gets money off it too.

opedial

This question shoudl be not just asked of potential adoptive parents. Adopting a teen for barren people means grieving the loss of not having children and going through the developmental states. We were approached about teenagers, but said we wanted under 6, any cultural, any disabilities etc. but no, we could not do teenagers.

In fact, those best suited to adopt a teenager may be those who have already had teenagers in their lives. To go from no children to teenager is quite a shock! Having been a foster parent I think we ALL have a responsiblity to the children in care, not just focused on adoptive parents.

By the way, the word "handicap" is actually quite offensive, the correct terminology is "person with a disability".

Shaun. :D

idk but this is sad =(P well atleast you did and best of luck to your friend

Joshua K

they probaly think they are trouble becuase puberty and they havent learned stuff like actual people who were borned to them. and also the parents probaly want to start like a new beggining and teach it from stcratch anc it probaly wont know its adopted so it will be like shes actually part of the famile and teens know whats going on so they will complain and will be depressed

corcoranfaire

Congratulations on your new family! We are doing our foster adopt though an agency that has a teen girls home. I have met some of the girls and would love to take them home with me. However, we won't be adopting a teen at least for a while even though going to do foster adopt. It is not because we have anything against adopting a teen, but because we currently have 11, 14, and 18 year olds living with us and another teen in the mix we don't think would mesh well with our family right now. We are looking at younger than 11 now since we would like to keep whomever we foster or adopt younger than our youngest. However, the older he gets, the more age range that opens up for us. We don't care what hair, eye, or skin color the child has, we are just ready to add to our family. :)

sam22254

Most people want babies because they will be around longer. Teenager's are hard not all of them go through being wild and un rudely. And face it most of these teenagers have been in the system to long and have had to go through alot. What would be nice is for these children to be adopted young so they will have a home of their own by the time they get to be teenagers.

HappyMomAnna

Cassie

There are actually people who do adopt teens but not enough.

The other problem is that sometimes the State will not place a teen with a family unless that family has had a great deal of parenting experience.

So many people who would like to adopt have not had any children... and often times the state is worried these parents just won't be able to deal with it.

Even my husband and I were surprised when we asked to adopt children over the age of 8 and ended up being placed with young siblings under the age of 6

Most teens end up adopted in families where there is the most parents experience.... or with single parents I have noticed...

Congratulations on YOUR Adoption!!!!!!

Stop the Hate Love instead

Well congratulations on your adoption. I do think itâ€™s sad that more teens donâ€™t get adopted. People feel that teens come with more issues which can be the case even more if they have been in the FCS their whole life. I know that not all have major issues but I guess some people arenâ€™t willing to take that chance. They want babies and toddlers, even once a child gets past the age of 4 Â½ or 5 years they are considered old and harder to place. Would I consider adopting a teenager? Yes I would but since Iâ€™ll only be 25 this year. If I did adopt a teen it would be when I was in my mid 40â€™s to early 50â€™s.

monster.in.your.closet

because they think they will just be difficult with the whole, your not my parents thing and plus they want younger kids mostly so they can get the whole expiernce and kids are really adorable when they are younger AND they can raise them the way the want where as a teen already has an attitude the parent cant easily change.

Mama2FourPrincesses

Part of me wants to adopt a teen, but I don't think it would be fair to a teen for me to be their mother...not yet. I haven't parented a teen before, I don't think I could "understand" enough to be an effective mother.
I love teens. Now that I am older. When I was a young mother, I was afraid of them and their insecurities.
http://www.adoptive-parenting.com/older-child-adoption-feeling.html

toeatornottoeat

I am 29 years old. I had my first child at 17 years old. 4 children later my husband and I want and are looking toward to adopting an older kid. babies are wonderful but we want someone to fit in with the age range in our family. Everyone deserves a family

Carol (Yeah I said it!) G.

My Mom has been a foster parent since she was 26; I was her first....now she's 65 and bring babies home from the hospital that are born addicted...she also adopted several of her foster babies.....I would, but I'm disabled and single..so don't think they'd let me.

Freckle Face

Congrats!! My Aunt adopted 6 almost 7 children thru foster care before she died. Four of her children were teenagers. So there are some people out there.

Myself, I have found a 13 yr old girl in foster care that i would love to adopt. Hubby thinks 5 kids are enough! I'm still working on him. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Seriously, I'm so very happy for you and your new family!

HA! HA! HA! hilarious...

because people sterio type teens. They all think teens are stupid,dumb, idiotic. Well, some are, some aren't.

rocker_eski21

I will consider in adopting a teen because they are children who need a family. With all the stereotypes about them they wouldn't consider them. It's the same thing as adopting a baby eventually the baby would grow to be a teenagers. Everyone has been a teenager, so adopting a teen wouldn't be wrong because you are giving them a second chance of what does being in a family feels like instead of having them live in the orphange.

TotalRecipeHound

Stereotypes as well as the hoops some are put through. For instance, my boyfriend adopted his ex-GF's son after he ended up in foster care. It was really hard to do so since he'd been divorced a couple of times, but the kid spent 5 years as part of his family and no way was he going to let him languish there. Ultimately, he had to get a state rep to help him. If it is that hard for someone who was known to the teenager, imagine how hard it is for those who don't know the kid!

Cassie

I think some of the reason is because of the stereotype that teenagers are harder to deal with and they are more set in their ways. I personally would adopt a teenager because they deserve a good home too.

Congratulations!

H******

I wonder the same thing Cassie, my heart breaks for those left behind

Amongst the excuses I've heard adopters use for not adopting the kids who really need homes I've heard them generalize saying they are all 'damaged' in some way and have 'problems' they don't want to deal with. Sad, really sad.

Gaia Raain

We had originally planned to adopt a teenager. When we found out that it would not be possible to adopt the girl we were hoping to adopt, we decided that we didn't want to adopt another teen, because we wanted to avoid our children feeling that they're simply a replacement for what we couldn't have. That's also why we went through the adoption process before finding out whether or not we can have biological children. We WANT to adopt...but because we had our hearts set on one teenage girl, we felt it wouldn't be fair to any other teen to come into our family, because we couldn't be sure of our feelings toward that teen.

Mary G

I don't think it that nobody will adopt teens, I think that majority feel that if they are going to adopt, they want to have more impact and development in an individuals life. Children still are being developed, however many teens are already set in their ways or they are harder to get through to because they have developed themselves. Plus they will only be adopted for a few years until they of age to leave.

My parents past away when I was younger so I was raised by one of my aunts when I was a teen. It was a terrible experience. We didn't get along and she had a hard time talking to me and I the same. I felt like Cinderella......I think she didn't know how to approach me and instead because she had her own kids. I became the step child that did all the work..

jgf5822

i think it's bc people want the option of looking like a "real family", via infant adoption.

it all goes back to the blatent selfishness of baby stealing adopters.

KidNova

im only 15 but ive asked my mom to adopt a brother for me and she sez taking care of another kid is expensive

Carolyn B

I would take in a teen, but not until my children are grown. It isn't out of concern that the adopted child would necessarily be "bad" for my children, so much as wanting to make sure I do a good job of the task at hand before taking on another.

Child of God

Congrats on your new home!!! It is programmed in the minds that they are bad, too old, too close to adulthood can't really raise them, don't want to deal with the teenage problems, talking back, being hard headed, your not my parents, and etc. They prefer a baby so they will get to know them and grow attached to them and so on.

It's A... Jar of Dirt...

It's true-teens are horribly stereotyped as "troublemakers, the ones who are going to mess up a successful home".

In my opinion, that is crap.

Some teens are very good children, just as deserving of a good home as a baby.

Evalee's Mommy

A lot of people dealing with infertility just really want infants...it's not that all teens are "bad", but it is more work to deal with a child who's been in the system for so long a lot of times...not every time, but more often then not. Mostly, I think that's it's just that couples want a baby of their own to raise, the younger the better so they can always feel like that child was their own. Children get put into the system for a reason and a lot of times that reason affects their behavior, making a lot of people be turned away...so sad.

LoveQuestionaire

because of the stereotypes.

rebecca

what happens is that a lot of babies that are up for adoption may have not come from a stable home and children under the age of 4 are more likely to not still have the effects of their past life in later life.

Samone

Simply my opinion.... but here it is...

I think most people don't want teens first because they're missing out on the entire childhood. I'm not saying that these teens are "bad" or don't deserve forever homes, but they are at the end of the childhood cycle, not the beginning.

Also, the teens are rough years. Hormones come into play, and there's just so much more work than say a child at the infant stage.

Teens that have been through multiple homes and been through the whole experience of not being wanted, are going to have some type of emotional scarring.

In no way am I saying that they are undeserving of having a permanent home with permanent parents, but it would take a very exceptional couple to be able to happily adopt teens. And unfortunitly for the teens waiting to be adopted those parents are very few & far between

heidi

My husband and I will be adopting a 15 year old girl in November and we are 25 & 26 years old. I have been mentoring the girl for a while now and we finally decided that we were taking her home with us. Everyone tried to steer us away from the idea which really made me sad. There are very few people adopting teenage children and the few that are get all of these negative remarks about teenagers. I personally believe that it is not fair to judge these kids before giving them a chance. Forget the horror stories and give a child a home. Some of these kids can be troubled, but they can also be the sweatest addition to your family ever. We are doing fine financially, but we are in no way rich and she will be our first child, so they DO NOT only let families with tons of experience and money adopt teenagers. I feel your sadness sweatheart, but do not worry about how others feel about this issue, we can change it one day at a time. My little girl said that she will adopt a teenager or two when she grows up as well and she will teach her children the importance of adopting as well. If you and your friends do the same, imagine how we could change the world. One at a time teenagers will have forever familes just like the babies do.

Irig8or

I have a question back for you.Is it wrong for a young couple such as us Im 29 to adopt a teen wouldnt that make them uncomfortable.We are foster parents and aew going to adopt out of the foster system but we were thinking 10 and younger.Also we have 4 boys of our own and Im afraid I guess a teen could get mad and hurt them because they havent been raised enough to know we would love them no matter what a lot of the children have emotional issues and have to learn how to deal with emotions dont you agree? amanda.Knilcey@sbcglobal.net

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