why would some people in their right minds actually say adoption is wrong?

Enlightenment

I say why adopt if you can make your own. Though if you can't it is reasonable to adopt one.

Terry F

well i think it is pepoles relogen so ya it is very weird i get what u r saying it is very unfear to hear that i cant belve it cant u dobel wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowoowowowowâ€¦

Leigh

because it's easier for them to justify murder by abortion than life through adoption

Morgan

Just one of the many problems with religion.

There is nothing wrong with it. It gives the option for a child to live a healthy and normal life that they was otherwise unavailable.

grace

PEOPLE ARE IGNORANT,
end of story. why do people say its wrong:
to be gay, to be a different religion, race, views ?
people should just worry about themselves, not others.

oh and SJM, i was adopted, and i think its the best thing that could have ever happened to me. obviously you are not adopted because i know my REAL family are the people who love and support me no matter what. blood realitivity means nothing, i hope your ignorance keeps you right where you are in life, nowhere.

WhAteVeR

NURSE AUTUMN

When the child grows, he is surrounded by people who all too often do not look like him, sound like him, have the same interest, ect. He can not possible have a good sense of identity, no matter how functional the adoptive family is.

You have no right to say this.... i was adopted, it certainly does not reflect my life...that is your situation? its your opinion! dont generalise its what everyone goes through.

My Evil Twin

They're talking from their emotions, not the facts. The fact is that most adopted children live happy, normal lives. Children who should have been adopted but were instead kept by parents who were not mature enough to be parents tend to live very rough, unstructured lives.

Mrsâ™¥xoC

There is NOTHING wrong with giving your child up for adoption. If a person truly understands and believes their child would be better off with someone else, yes. Odds are they will be. There is plenty of people out there (including myself) who are unable to have children! I would love the opportunity. My husband was in foster care his entire childhood. He never got adopted. He doesn't blame his mom. He actually has a good relationship with her. He knows the choices she made. He had a VERY hard childhood. Horrifying.

Again - As a child and even as an adult, he wakes up each day BLESSED to have his life. Although many aspects of it is grim -- he at least can say those hard times made him into the man he is today. Strong, Carefree, Loving & Honest! -- He, himself, doesn't believe he would have had a better life any other way.

AdoreHim

unfortunately a lot of people on this site, either had a terrible experience, or do not truly understand adoption at all. For those who truly did not have a good adoption experience, I am very sorry. But truly anyone who said that an adopted child will live a horrible life, does not know me. My mother and I (my dad died over 20 years ago), like biological parents and children do not always see eye to eye, but it has nothing to do with adoption. I loved adoption so much that my husband and I decided to adopt 2 children. I know some people that think adoption is 2nd choice, to even abortion (YES, I have heard this, because I counseled women for over 10 years). I am sorry for those children who did not have a good experience, but I can tell you it is wonderful from personal experience.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

** I have NEVER met anyone on this site that is against adoption from foster care. (we would prefer Permanent Legal Gaurdianship) Children should NEVER have to live with abuse or neglect! **

I hate adoption. I realize that at times it may be necessarry, like with foster children, but I still hate it for the kids.

Adoption comes from loss. No baby wants to be ripped from his mother, his mother is his entire world, he grew inside of her and knows NOTHING other than her. When the child grows, he is surrounded by people who all too often do not look like him, sound like him, have the same interest, ect. He can not possible have a good sense of identity, no matter how functional the adoptive family is.

Adopted children (especially those who are adopted as infants, and international adoptee's) are expected to give up their family so they can have material things, then are expected to be grateful!

I hate international adoption. I hate it because the largest reason they are relinquished (there are also kidnappings and rape to help fill the demand) is because they are too poor. They are basically forced into relinquishing one to feed the others. This could be fixed if, instead of adopting these children, you send the money that you would spend to raise them to the natural parents. However AP's would not get anything from this so I don't see that happening anytime soon. AP's like the idea that its better to have them shipped over here, stripped of their family, culture, identity, and the very core of who they are all because they can't have kids. I mean it is all about them right?

I have no problem with people who adopt from foster care, I understand that there are sick people out there who abuse and neglect their children. These kids deserve love like anyone else. However, these kids still feel a loss of there natural family.

I hate the adoption industry, they make money from selling children like livestock. They tell pregnant women that they are not worthy enough to be parents because they are too young, poor, single, uneducated, you name it. They have clients to serve (PAP's) and they need her baby!

I hate how people glorify adoption as "wonderful" when it is most cetainly NOT!

Bookwarm

Adoption itself is not inherently bad, I value it as a choice for women who can't or won't parent. What that problem is in order to be adopted a child must first lose the person it cares for most. For the past nine months they have grown attached to there mother. They know her heartbeat, her smell, the yearn for her milk. In order for a child to be adopted they must first lose what biology intended them to have. Another problem that first mothers are often given no support if they wish to parent and made to believe a richer married couple are more deserving then her of her child, that is coercive. Aside from that there is the problem that not all adoptive parents are all they are cracked up to be, there are great ones, passing ones, and downright abusive ones. Women should be able to choose adoption, but with finacal support for parenting and without coricion.

kateiskate is getting married

Adoption is not always the right solution to a temporary problem. There are too many people on here daily asking if they should give their child up due to financial problems, being a single parent, et.c Adoption is a very flawed system that puts control in the hands of those who have money. Adoption should be rare, and a last resort. There should be more education and resources available to women who want to keep their babies and parent them but need the help. A greater focus should be on keeping families together rather than splitting them apart.

Also, a child separated from its mother IS detrimental to the child no matter what age the child was when he or she was given up for adoption. Studies prove that, and anyone who believes otherwise should do a little more research. Separating an infant from its mother leads to attachment disorders, emotional disorders, and depression later in life among other things.

Laurel J

Because they have done more research on the actual, contemporary institution of adoption than you have.

I don't believe adoption is always wrong, just in desperate need of reform.

Anha S

Youve been provided some terrific links. Do some reading. I don't know what you've been spoon fed on, but babies aren't blank slates, adoption loss affects those who were relinquished at birth or shortly thereafter too.

You know, I wouldn't be so adverse to the adoption machine if children were allowed to keep their identities. If they had full access to their medical histories, and any information they want or need about their first families. If the government eliminated the fraud perpetrated on our birth documents. If adoption stopped being a huge money making machine. If people stop adopting from countries where child trafficking, raping of women, kidnapping are so prevalent to feed the demand of foreign PAPs. If open adoption actually became enforceable and not some carrot to dangle before a scared woman to get ahold of her baby. If coercive forms of adoption like pre birth matching are abolished and made illegal. If adoption becomes what is best for the child, and finding a suitable home for that child, rather than filling the needs of adults.

I am for adoptions that are actually necessary. Badgering a young woman out of her baby because she is scared at the thought of parenting is anything but necessary. Showing her the alternatives and possibilities and her still deciding she can't or won't parent, THAT is necessary. A child who's parents rights have been terminated. That adoption is completely necessary. Attempting to preserve a family isn't a bad thing (if there hasn't been abuse of any kind or anything that would make the parents unfit)

Independ"ant"

Take the cotton out of your ears and get some new specs.

SJM

If you've never been adopted, what would you know about it? Do you have any idea what it's like to grow up in a world where you've never met a single blood relative? Do you know what it's like not to even know your own name?

Religious fanatics, huh? No the religious fanatics think adoption is picture perfect. Adoption, however, may cause one to lose all faith in God and mankind both.

ETA: "a child separated from their mother is not detrimental if the child is giving up for adoption at birth. what research have you done? i cant believe some people are really this ignorant."

What?? What research have you done? Ditto.

peace&love, spell check is your friend when accusing another of ignorance. "relativity"

tish_part deux

you are not good at debate are you?

it appears to me that you are not interested in considering that adoption *might* have some undercurrent of corruption and coercion. that's fine. you are "free" to have your perspective. yet, many of us (especially those who've experience the non-so-wonderful side of adoption) have a converse perspective; and chose to view it more nuanced.

on several answers, you've mentioned this "research' that proves babies don't have separation issues if adopted at birth, yet you fail to provide it.

also, name calling is really not the best way to argue your case.

ps..there's other words in the dictionary besides, "idiot", BTW.

LinnyG

I do not see where anyone said the "baby would live a horrible life". Most adoptees do not even have "better lives" because we were relinquished.

Adoption is not ALWAYS better. It is only better if there is extreme neglect or abuse, and then, it is best if a family member can become the child's legal guardian.

Do you have children? There is NO stronger bond than that of a mother and her baby. That baby has known that mother for 9 months. It is primal. The baby knows it's mother's voice, natural movements, breathing patterns, heartbeat, reactions to outside stimuli, and her scent. It is scientific fact.

When a baby is taken from its natural mother, never to be returned, the child suffers from what is known as the primal wound.

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

Adoption can be a good thing, IF it is done correctly. The adoptees on this site whom you think say "adoption is wrong" are not completely anti-adoption. We are anti- UNETHICAL adoption. Meaning, there is a MAJOR problem with the system.

Adoption is a BILLION dollar industry, worldwide. There are serious problems with International Adoption, because corrupt government have no strict policies as to how children are "made available" for adoption, and it is legal human trafficking.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12185524

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/outlook/2009-01-11/adoption/

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=4508&page=0

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie

The problem is for most, adoption is NOT about finding homes for children, it is about finding a fresh new baby for the barren adoptive parent. There are those amazing adoptive parents who do it right, and go through Foster Care, but many do not. They want a new baby, with no baggage....or so they think...They all but ignore the fact their children had another family first, and never allow the child to grieve the loss of their first mother. In doing so, it sets the child up for a lifetime of confusion.

The other a p's, the ones who stand by their words and do the right thing for their child, are the ones who abide by their original Open Adoption contract. This ensures that the child will not be stripped of his or her heritage, and know who they came from, whom they look like, etc. It's a win win situation for everyone.

These are basic things. There will always be a "need for adoption", but there is NEVER a need for bad adoptions. Until our society STOPS buying babies from overseas back alley baby mills, this will not happen.

Our society needs to help keep families together, instead of tearing them apart.

I am adopted. I had great parents. But I, like most adoptees did not have the so called "better life". Different, but NOT better. I am lucky that I am in reunion, and know and love BOTH of my families. There's enough love to share, and that's what it's supposed to be all about, isn't it?

If you want to know more about how adoption can affect adoptees and their families, check out some of these links, too. Just like your "name", Roe v Wade, it's not always a solid "yes or "no" answer.

Peace out.

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
http://www.amfor.net/killers/

Andraya - Snark's Sister

Hey fifi? Look up the stats on first moms, not very many murderers on the lists! They tend to be the go to college, get a degree and benefit society types actually!

To answer the question there are many ways to provide loving homes to children that don't include stripping the child of it's heritage and identity. There are also many ways to support family unity and assist women in parenting their children. Adoption is a traumatic event for a baby and most women who consider adoption could be amazing parents if they had a bit of support. Adoption isn't always wrong but it sure isn't always right either.

And most women who relinquish a child for adoption aren't crack users or child molesters either. They are normal people like you an I who found themselves in a scary situation.

Persnickety Snack

What's with the "you people" thing tonight? Try reading before opening your mouth. Here's a little tip: all the old questuions and answers are stored up in this nifty little thing. Click on "adoption", then on "discover". You can scroll through YEARS of questions and answers. You might just learn something. Adoption ain't all roses, honey. Welcome to the adoption section. Where people speak the truth.

myst1998

You are obviously just not well researched into the complexities of adoption and all the damage it causes and has caused for decades.

There is a reason why people are against adoption ... and I would ask why in their right mind people would think adoption is right when it has been proven by tonnes of research that separation of a child from their mother is so detrimental.

Just because a pregnancy is unplanned doesn't mean a couple cannot somehow work their lives out to do the best for the baby. Yes there are situations where sadly a child needs to be cared for by those not related to them but adoption is too freely encouraged these days when we should be encouraging parents to raise their own children.

I think you have much research to do into adoption.

ETA: Yes I agree with Kazi... its more to do with is it necessary and in many, many cases it is not... and then in some cases it has been necessary.

ETA2: Obviously I have done more research than you have... this is evident by the sheer stupidity of this question. If you are shocked by people not wishing pain and suffering on others then you are the one who is weird. Good luck in your life.

ETA3: Takes one to know one sweetie-pie :) Call me what you like, it doesn't change how ignorant and uneducated you are. Cheers! Oh and thanks for the hate mail... shows how mature about this you really are.

Kazi

Why would someone in their right mind craft a question like this? Clearly you are looking for a cyber brawl rather than serious answers, otherwise you would have simply asked: "Why do you think adoption is wrong?"

But... my kids and hubby are asleep and there is absolutely nothing good on TV, so here goes:

As an adoptive mother twice over, obviously I do not think it is wrong. But I'm not so sure it is about right or wrong, but rather necessary (in some cases).

Our first daughter was living in an orphanage in China and no one in her home country was willing or able to adopt her. She needed and deserved a family, so IMO, her adoption was necessary.

My son was removed from his natural mother due to abuse and placed in foster care. Her rights were terminated and no one in his natural family were willing or able to adopt him. He needed and deserved a family, so IMO, his adoption was necessary.

But this does not negate the pain over losing their connection to their natural families and my daughter losing her culture, language and heritage. And both of my children's sense of abandonment.

In the face of such losses (despite the obvious gains), I am not sure I would necessarily define adoption as "right" or "wrong". But in my children's cases, I 100% believe they were necessary.

cococremejuju

figuring out what happened to the infant: read the bottom one first, then the top, this is why adoption, in most cases is better than the mother doing this to her own child: http://www.witn.com/home/headlines/82361...
http://www.amw.com/missing_children/brie...

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