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Amanda M
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Wow, that must be a hard situation for you. I can only suggest what my Mom did, which was to realize he had to go. No matter what. Sometimes you get stuck in this cycle of abuse and you feel you love them and can't be without them. (which is all part of the abuse cycle.) But after taking the VERY hard step of leaving him, you will feel much stronger and realize that you were in a terrible position. I know you say you love him, but can it really hurt more to try to live without him, then the pain you probably experience every day being with him? I have a feeling you will find life much better for yourself, after a while. It is always so hard to make that most important step, but in some cases it will save your life. And I do not believe they would take your child away from you as long as you are not hurting him. The police can be very insensitive regarding domestic violence, but I assure you, that you did the most important thing for yourself and your child. it was very good and strong of you to go the police. I really hope everything will work out for you. Try to remember that what feels like love right now, may only be part of the abuse cycle. |
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Mallory W. <33
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dont say the police have made things worse.
they have made it better , and someday you will relize that. |
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quantumrift
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First, if you have been suffering 'domestic violence' at his hands for FIVE years, you are STUPID to 'want him back'.
Are you a DOORMAT? Are you a punching bag?
The police do NOT makes things worse, They are helping you to sort out your LIFE. That means that if he has been ABUSING you, then he needs help. As do you.
You need to contact your local "battered women's shelter" asap for counseling. It is not uncommon for a woman in your situation to 'want him back because you love him' but what happens then? Do you continue to be abused, and debased by his behavior? NO!
It is NOT good for either YOU your child to be a party to violence. IT will SHOW your little BOY as he grows up that it's OK TO ABUSE women. DO you want the cycle to continue? STOP IT NOW! GET HELP. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP ASAP! |
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needlewings
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Trust in them. They have seen plenty of cases, so they know what all can happen. They won't take your little boy unless you have done something wrong yourself, but if you partner has abused you or your child, they are going to protect you especially if you have reported the domestic violence incident. Yes, you may love him, but if there is violence, something must be done. You can't continue to live that way. You are living that way because you think it the norm or things will change. You are just simply use to that way of living. You need to move on. |
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rogerglyn
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You have bravely taken a first step into what appears to be a lonely abyss.
You need to look at your love for this man seriously.
Love is a two way street, love is one of the most wonder-full things in life.
Love is dependence on another too.
Love is not being beaten up, or verbally abused.
Love is not to be taken so lightly by the abuser that violence occurs.
You must step back and allow things to take their course, the Police are involved..leave it so.
Social Services will be concerned more for your Child's welfare if you take this what amounts to a Thug back into your life. They will rightly ask ''Will this domestic abuser move to abuse on the Child?''.
Take plenty of advice first, there are Domestic Violence Groups that are excellent; this will also give you a chance to talk things through with Women who have themselves been abused.
You need time, and let Justice run it's course.
Bless You, and keep safe always. |
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Huera
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If he really loves you, he would NEVER put his hands on you when he's angry.
I know that it's hard to break away from an abusive situation, especially when you feel that you love the person, but answer me this...is love supposed to cause you harm? No, it's not.
Maybe you should think of getting into a counseling program, and having your partner enter an anger management class.
You also say that you have a child....don't let your child see his dad(?) laying his hands on you. And don't let your child see mommy be a victim.
I know that you want what's best for your child, and getting him away from an abusive home is the best thing for him right now. Things may work out for the best in the future, but for now...you need to put yourself and your son out of harms way.
Good luck to you and yours=D |
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Bettee62
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CHANGE YOUR LOCKS.IF YOU TAKE HIM BACK YOU CHILD MAY BE TAKEN. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING BY REPORTING HIM, DO NOT CHICKEN-OUT NOW. GOOD LUCK |
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Lenny
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five years of domestic violence and you want him back?? Don't be ridiculous. I understand that you still love him. I know that love can transcend all rational things BUT wake up. You must not go back to him. What kind of example are you setting for your boy?? He will grow up thinking that it's ok to treat women like that as they still love their partners just the same and will end up with no repect for you or any other women. How would you feel if he started beating up his girlfriends in the future? It is more than likely to happen.
Move away and have no contact with this man. You have to be strong. He is a damaged man and you CANT help him. He needs to help himself. Don't put up with it. If jail is where he belongs then so be it. You did the right thing. There are so many decent men out there. Why not give yourself and your son a chance? |
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xJESSx
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how can you love someone who hurts you ?? its probably best hestays well away you little boy won be happy knowing his mum is abused . he cant love you that much if he is doing this you need to let him goo nobody derserves o put up with that your what will happen too him are you not scared when he's hurting you why should you have o go through this its not right he will get worse hen you will become scared of telling and he will control you you dont wont his help yourself it is a wise thing what you have done and you are brave . good luck dont get down . |
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Andi C
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You are more likely to lose your child if you choose to live with a violent partner, thereby exposing him to significant risk of emotional and psychological harm and the possibility of physical harm.
If you can't be strong for yourself, be strong for your child. |
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Billiam92407
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That is common with Domestic abuse. The abused usually feel guilty and their self worth has been battered to the point that they don't believe they can have a better life without the abuser.
The police deal with this EVERYDAY.
They will refer you to a counselor who can help you. Be strong enough to go.
It isn't your fault your family is being split apart. But you have to be strong enough to fix it.
If you do not provide a safe place for your child (without abuse in the home) it is very possible CPS will remove the child.
One of the reasons it is "Out of your hands" is because most abused people change their mind within a few days... and the abuse cycle continues.
The District Attorney will decide if the case goes forward.
You focus on providing a healthy home for your child. |
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bec
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I'm sorry, that's so sad.
Put yourself and your child first and get out of that relationship. It's so bad for you both - especially your little boy. Do you want him to grow up thinking your partner's behaviour is normal? If you stay with this man, your boy will treat his partners the same way when he's a man. Stop the chain of violence - it will be very hard at first, but worth it. |
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aeriol7
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Probably the best thing that could happen is for you and your partner to voluntarily get family counseling. For better or worse the two of you have brought society into the situation and you requested help. If he and you agreed to counseling before a judge you two could resolve your problems hopefully and get back together, but there is that first for you both, good luck. |
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chuck
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Get rid of him! If you even had to file a report then there is a problem.
Find a new man! |
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kittyfisher
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you want him back after 5 years of dom violence....are you mad. you have made the first hardest move now stick with it. you can do it you dont need him |
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I am SO a gurral
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why would u want a man back who's been beating u? |
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Heisenberg
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They will take your child from you if you dont toughen up and do what needs to be done.
5 years of domestic violence?! And you want this guy back home? You're the parent, you need to keep that monster away from your child. You need to protect both yourself and that kid.
Do the right thing and set the example of strength and righteousness for your child so that the abuse you suffered will not be perpetuated. |
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Mr Sid
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your just feeling scared to be on your own, the police are helping, why do you wont to be with a wife beater, what will your child think? get rid and move on |
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lillian
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How much worse can the police have made it compared to what it was? Do you want the violence to continue?? 5 years is a long time to put up with that - it may be more likely that social services will become more involved in the life of your child if you have your partner back??
I think you need the week away from each other to really sort out your thoughts and think of the consequences of having him back may mean |
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n_maritz
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ok, first of all you need to get your priorities straight.
Do you want to get hit and abused? then go ahead let him back in.....
But if you did want that then why would you waste your time filling out the police report?
My advice is for you to get some help, from family or a counselor and decide what is best for you, not what you "think" you want.
You need to establish your own life without this loser, and the longer you stay in it, the harder it is to get out...
Only you can make the choice to help yourself.....
Good luck. |
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resignedtolife
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You love him why? What is it about him that you love? You obviously have very low self esteem or you wouldn't even be thinking you love him. Look after your little boy. There is no reason why you should lose him if you are a good mum. He is all that matters. If you love your son, do you really want him to see his mother being abused and have a bully for a role model? He will think that that is the way to treat women and grow up to do the same, unless you stay away from his father. |
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lifes2short
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from someone who's come out of a domestic violence, telling the police was the right thing for you to do, no one who 'loves' you should be treating you in that way! they wont take your little boy off they'll just makesure your both safe, no one deserves to put up with that. sorry hun not what you want to hear but believe me i was in your shoes, wanting him back etc but he only went on to abuse me more! enough said! i havent got a broken nose because i walked into a door! |
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Kage
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i'd say once you're in, you're in. 5 years of violence? I don't think i could love someone who wanted to beat the snot out of me! |
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kja63
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The police have not made anything worse. YOU have made it all worse by wanting an abusive man back in your life. You are putting yourself and your child at risk. Shame on you! |
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melyki25
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What the hell are you thinking wanting him back. If he beats you the best thing in the world for you is to get as far away as you can and take your child with you. NEVER NEVER stay with an abuser because no matter what they say, they will never quit. I say this from experience. It took me 2 yrs to get away and it was the best decision I ever made. Do yourself a favor and get a restraining order, DO NOT let him near you because the violence will only get worse now that you reported it. You really don't want that, trust me. Especialy with a child in the home. You say you still love him, but is it out of fear? Or is it because he fathered your child? Either way, once an abuser always an abuser. The police are not messing things up, they are doing what is neccessary to keep you and that child safe. If you let him back into the home they might take your child away. Think of that. Do you want that child to grow up in that type of enviroment? You have alot of things to think about but first and foremost, DO NOT let him come back into that house. |
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Jennifer B
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You did the right thing. Not only for you but for your child! your kid does not need to be raised in the kind of place where violence goes on. Youll get thru this trying time and he might change. you needed to get the authorities involved. i mean you didnt like getting abused did you? |
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Renée
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Domestic violence victims often feel that way about their oppressor. Do yourself a favor and take the advise of the social worker or ask them for a domestic violence group you can call on. Do it for yourself and your child. You don't want him to be that way toward his wife when he grows up, do you?
I am sorry if this is a hard pill to swallow but if you stay away from him later on down the road you will not regret it. I promise you that.
Prayers for you. |
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Joe
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well if you have been abused for the last five years my guess is that you won't lose your kid, but your significant other will end up in jail or on probation.
You are best off moving on and raising your kid right so he/she doesn't abuse those they love.
Abuse isn't love. |
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davidmi711
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Until you are willing to put the welfare of your child above staying with a guy that has beat you for 5 years, they should and will remove your child from your home. Keeping a child in that environment is abusive. |
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Femme Natale
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You should seek a support group. It's normal to be having these feelings of withdrawal even if it generally doesn't make sense to want someone who's abused you for many years.
No one will take your son, a social worker is probably going to come to make sure that your partner didn't also abuse the child.
Even if you eventually decide to get back together with your partner, you should at least take a few months off to repair your self-esteem and figure out if you want your baby to grow up seeing his mother getting beaten up and possibly even beaten to death (because domestic violence always gets worse); and how can you protect yourself and your child if your partner tries to abuse you again.
But taking time off is really just a nice idea to trick your heart and mind into staying away from him long enough to break that addiction.
If you are able to break free and decide to get the law on your side and protect yourself and your baby, ANY court will give full custody to you and *at best* give supervised visitation rights to him.
Leaving this man is the best example you can show your son - not only because how he will potentially treat women, but mainly how he will treat himself. A child will feel much much much more safe and secure and happy with a mother that has enough courage to not put up with abuse. |
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ruby-kaur
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ive been in a voilent relationship for 13 months trust me its not nice i had to get the police on my x to keep him away frokm me and hes on bail and he lives up the road from me i hsd to move he was making my life i living hell he drink 24/7 kick me punch me spit n me , stamp on me slap me for no reason cause he get pleasure out of beating girls im glad i got rid of him but he won't leave me or my family alone hes a psycho whos MENTALLY SICK AND NEEDS HELP AND GET A LIFE |
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