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Anyone know why my husband won't take up for me when his kids are bashing me?
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Anyone know why my husband won't take up for me when his kids are bashing me?

even in front of his ex wife. He never does. He just lets them. I try to correct them but it does no good because there is no reinforcement from a parent. This sounds like I am wimpy, I am not...I am careful not to upset the balance of things and have a hostile environment in my home. What would make a husband not demand respect for the woman he loves???? I really don't get it and feel like idiot for being in this position. I am getting ready to walk....however all options haven't been exhausted.....


    




2007-10-14 00:37:11 +0000
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I would talk to him about what is happening and let him know that it is for their safety and well being that they see you as an adult and treat you accordingly. I don't recommend him telling kids like her because I said so but telling them that first we respect our elders, next that they are missing out on the love of 3 parents instead of just two, and finally that disrespect will not be tolerated to each other or anyone in the household. If he brushes you off (it seems you are like me and try to avoid confrontation) when they came to visit I would be gone. i would go for a weekend out or out with friends something that made him be the caregiver while they were there. For a little while I would distance myself from it, if they seek you out to be nasty to you, i hate to say it but it could be the work of the mother!! Sad but true. I had that happen to me. My ex's stepson would answer non of my questions. He was 6, I would talk to him and he would just look at me. he would fight my son it was awful. he never remembered my name and I had been married to his father 3 years and by the way friends call me Tee (how hard is that)? Be true to you. If your husband loves you, he will stand behind you on anything that isn't bad for his children.


2007-10-13 23:45:27 +0000
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Well he is not much of man is he. If he can't step up and take your side, or demand his children treat you with respect then I'd be ready to consider leaving as well. His behaviour is disgraceful and obviously he has no idea of what a husband should be.


2007-10-13 23:39:44 +0000
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Different people respond differently to situations. Do you have a sense of what he is thinking? If he knows his children are just venting because they are unhappy with life, then maybe he just lets them talk because he knows what they say is irrelevant and his love for you is so solid that whatever people say doesn't matter. That is one possibility. It just depends on his particular personality. So try to understand why he is silent, and if it looks like he doesn't respect you, then perhaps you should walk, but if it looks like he's simply resigned to the fact that he can't change people then maybe you should reconsider.


2007-10-13 23:37:32 +0000
I think you may have been told this before, The Man does not respect or "love" you.

Secondly people ONLY do what you allow them to do...You have not put your foot down firmly enough for your husband to hear you and know that you are serious and mean what you mean.


2007-10-13 23:39:50 +0000
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He doesn't want to make the kids feel (and ex-wife) that by siding with you on issues "against" them,means you don't love them as much as you.
Just to be blunt, they are his children forever. You(just like the children's mother) can become an "ex" and out of his life.

Tell him that, at the very least, he should take your opinions and advice into consideration when in regards to the kids.
You still are a very important part of his life and should be respected by family members.


2007-10-13 23:38:42 +0000
discipline them...


2007-10-14 03:40:16 +0000
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He doesn't defend you because he doesn't respect you. How do you expect his children to respect you when he doesn't? If it were me he wouldn't be my husband.


2007-10-13 23:41:56 +0000
Frankly I don't understand it myself but I was once married to a man like that---for 29 years...he never once spoke up for me ..It made me think he was just a coward. If he loves you, he would and I know now, mine X never loved me...He should set the record straight once and for all. YOU have to demand he do it or say to hell with them all. They are all disrespecting you and by him not standing up for you---it appears he is doing the same thing..When you say in your letter that you are getting ready to walk but all of your options have not been exhausted..What do you mean? How much long are you going to let them do that to you...The psychologist will tell you that sometimes to get respect, you have to demand it and anything else would not be tolerated..You deserve better than that. YOU are alot kinder than I am. I would have already told them all where to go and he could go with them. I learned from my mistakes by tolerating my X to do it to me...Please don't let them do this to you.. YOU deserve good things in your life..Good luck to ya and let us know how you are doing...


2007-10-13 23:37:13 +0000
A step parent is a hard job. To enforce the law without any parental weapons. When you chose this role, you know that is a no win situation. Therefore no right to complain when the inevitable happens. No one can come between a parent and their child. EVER.


2007-10-13 23:38:27 +0000
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Ok, first things first. You need to go up to your husband, and ask hime if he Loves you. Very first thing. Next, you have to ask, no, demand that he tell you WHY he doesnt stand up for you. I dont care if all answers have'nt been exausted, there is no excuse why you should have to put up with people bashing you, IN FRONT OF HIM NO LESS, married or otherwise. If he does'nt give you the answer your looking for, then leave his %$$, cause he will NEVER respect you. Just my opinion. I have been through it.


2007-10-13 23:36:30 +0000
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that is strange he doesnt sound like he really cares ....but thats hard to say just leave a marriage that's a hard question and a hard choice i understand you want respect and wanna be happy you dont wanna leave but then again you dont wanna be treated badly and not cared about either..........go with what you think is right though and dont think you have to stay if he doesnt care dont waste your time...b/c theirs someone who will.........that or put your foot down tell em like it is.........


2007-10-13 23:44:04 +0000
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maybe he is waiting for you to take controle tell the kids how it is going to be and let them no you r in controle and you r the adult not them and if he gets mad leave his ***


2007-10-14 00:27:29 +0000
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have you talked to him about it? he's disrespecting you when he lets others disrespect you... thats not right.


2007-10-14 04:06:51 +0000
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I read (and responded) to your question from a few days ago detailing the issue that occurred.

So, was I right? The kids were upset (in part at least) because you were imposing/interjecting yourself into a conversation with hubby and his ex? IF so, then you need to *step back* and let hubby deal with the ex without you being involved. I suspect you’re reluctant to do that because you’re so afraid that “they’re trying to break you up” so you want to be present. IF so, you need to learn to trust your hubby. Again, the entire situation could have been easily avoided.…by YOU.

In the midst of all this, I feel sorry for hubby, because now he’s got to deal with trying to maintain a relationship with his children, while the ex is apparently seeking legal action against you, which could make it damned hard for him to remain involved in their lives. Do you care about that? Because you should.


2007-10-13 23:38:08 +0000
thats not cool...tell him you need help..


2007-10-14 00:04:54 +0000
he cares more about the relationship with his kids than the relationship he has with u. he doesn't value his marriage, or have any respect for u if he won't correct his children. u may have to give him an ultimatum, and it may not go the way u want it to, because children are often much more important than second wives. it does cause alot of resentment and pain, and theres not much u can do, if he will not tell his kids right from wrong and continues to allow them to disrespect u.


2007-10-14 00:21:17 +0000
My soon to be ex also has turned the other way when our OWN CHILDREN disrespect me.
just another reason for me to put an end to this marriage.

Good luck,hon. There is no reason in the world to tolerate such treatment.





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