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HELP!!!! Need a good excuse to cancel weekend plans with my b/f....?
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HELP!!!! Need a good excuse to cancel weekend plans with my b/f....?

I am divorced for 14 months now with a 7 year old. I have been seeing a great guy (who lives about an hour and a half away from me) for almost a year, and have been quite happy with the relationship. My ex (child's father) ironically lives next door to me (yeah, a little awkward at times). My boyfriend has started questioning me about my whereabouts over the past few weeks, as there have been times he has not been able to reach me by cell phone. I have not seen him for more than a couple of hours (total added time) over the past 6 weeks, and I miss him terribly.

Here comes the problem. My ex and I have gotten on friendly terms and talk pretty frequently. I unfortunately, had a lapse in sanity, and agreed to go with him to an enormous cook-out tomorrow. I have also told my boyfriend that I was coming down to see him this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I am not a cheater, never have been... NOTHING has happened between my ex and me. I do want to go to the cookout with my ex, and don't want to disappoint my son, as he knows that I agreed to go too.

How in the world do I cancel my weekend plans with my boyfriend without getting him pissed enough that he would want to come up and confront my ex (they have never met, but have exchanged quite a few choice words over the phone) which would be a very volatile situation??? I need fast answers please....
Additional Details
Just to clarify a couple of things... I have not been trying to avoid my boyfriend. In the past 6 weeks, 3 of those weekends my son was with me, and I am not going to shack up with someone for the weekend with my son there. As for the other 3, one, I had pneumonia and strep throat on the first son-free weekend; two, I wrecked my car on the second weekend; and the third, my best friend had hip replacement surgery and I helped her while her husband was at work (I am a nurse)

I do not plan on getting back with my ex - he is an ex for a reason.

The cookout was presented to me about a month ago, and I forgot about it until last night when my son and ex asked me if I was still going.


2010-03-26 18:27:55 +0000
Tell the truth, if you value your relationship, if you give him no reason to worry (you are not getting back with your ex) everything will be fine...If he kicks off...sack him off because if there is no trust in a relationship, there never will be.

good luck
Have a nice meal ;)

2010-03-26 18:23:25 +0000
What you're doing is not as cute as you may think, and YES you have cheated and in fact are making plans to do so this weekend. Sometimes telling you what you'd like to hear is simply not what you need to hear. Either be with your ex or with your boyfriend before you cause someone to get hurt. If you continue with these little games the end result may not be what you think.

2010-03-26 18:29:48 +0000
1. You have the flu
2. You have to work
3. Some plans came up with the family and you feel obligated to go.
4. You had forgotten previous plans with a family member
5. You've got a toothache that just won't let up and can't get into the dentist until next week
6. You think you've got strep throat, don't think he'd like to have it .....smiles...

hee hee and no I have not been in your situation before just was thinking what I'd come up with lol
Hope this helps :-)

2010-03-26 18:23:48 +0000
SHow up at the cookout with the new BF, and two pairs of boxing gloves. Make sure that you also have plenty of jars of their right blood type as well. Next, call ticket master and setup the fight so that you can also get a cut of the closed tv rights.

I mean how could you forget? All you were thinking of was when would you see him next and then you forgot about the cookout deal? Sounds more like you want the new BF kick the ex's backside period.

Isnt that the real story here?

If its isnt,,slim chance......well., you have to tell the BF the truth. Lie like a dog to the ex cause who cares hes you ex. And then do what ever you want to do that is best for you and your child for the future.

2010-03-26 18:23:51 +0000
wow, how about being honest? and they say guys are the only ones who want to have their cake and eat it too.. you can get out of it by saying your kid is sick or something, but if you have already been avoiding him for the last 6 weeks he probably expects you to do that, and will go off no matter what good excuse you have. if you call it a lapse in sanity, you already know you are doing something stupid. take your kid to the cookout if you want but you need to decide which one of these guys you want, or tell them both that you are not going to be tied to either of them.

2010-03-26 18:23:13 +0000
Yhea you sound like a cheater to me.

If what your doing wast WRONG, then you'd have no problem TELLING THE TRUTH.

you lying scum.

2010-03-26 18:39:01 +0000
tell him your going to your parents and if he says he wants to come tell him that they have already booked a table or something

2010-03-26 18:28:37 +0000
Tell him your going for you son, and then stop making plans with your ex. he is your ex for a reason, and if you have moved on then stick with him.

2010-03-26 18:31:54 +0000
I agree with the first answerer, your son comes first, period, no if's, and's or but's about it. But if you are going for your own curiousity or fullfillment for any other reason other then your son, then your ex may have a reason to be angry. Just be honest with yourself, if it's for your son, whcih your son already knows then you need to fulfill that commitment and just be honest with your current Boyfriend. Explain to him that it meant something to your son for you to be there, as there are not many occasions where he gets to see both his parents at the same time, and for the benefit of his well being you need to be there, Can you go see him after the cook out??????

2010-03-26 18:21:25 +0000
Change the plans back to whomever you made plans with first.

2010-03-26 18:21:40 +0000
just tell him you're going with your ex to the cookout because its something for your son to see the 3 together again, thats something that your current b/f has to accept, and that is that you need to stay in friendship closeness with your ex for your son's sake.... he has to understand that you will always have a connection with your ex and ask to make plans on sunday or another day.. dont sound sorry or that will put you in the guilty section!!

2010-03-26 18:24:09 +0000
if your son is expecting you to go then do it. b/f will have to understand your son comes first not the ex

2010-03-26 18:35:10 +0000
You have spun yourself quite a web. I have been in this situation with my ex, I agreed to go out to dinner with him and my daughter. The bad part is that it got my daughters hopes up that we might get back together and that was not our intentions. Your 7 year old may get hurt over this more than anyone else. I think you should talk to your ex and tell him what a bad idea this might be for your son and then go see your boyfriend. If you like this guy don't mess it up over your ex. If you and your ex can get along on a friendly basis that would be great for your son. You may even want to let you son know why you are not going to the cookout. Tell him that you and his dad will be friends but, you don't think you should go places together as a family because it is very awkward. He may understand. However, if you feel like you need to go to the cookout, I guess you could tell him that your going to a friends house for the day? You know someone who is going thru a hard time and needs you right now. Tell him you are taking your son for a special day out. You know what he will believe. Just make up something, Tell him you are sick. If he calls you on your cell phone, you should try to answer and confirm whatever you said you were doing. But, like a I said, don't get your son's hopes up that something is going to come out of this. I can't imagine living next door to my ex!!

2010-03-27 16:20:10 +0000
What is a cook out?????

2010-03-30 17:17:18 +0000
hiya, if you can't tell your bf the truth,and he does not believe you then there is no trust,so there is no chance of a relationship.its best you tell him the truth because it will get out in the end,then it looks like you are hiding a secret,when you are not its all Innocent.so tell your bf the truth,you are doing it for your son.other than that can't your ex take the boy himself?your son will still get to go,and you will not have to lie to your bf,plus you will have fun,your son will have fun with his dad.every one happy and no one lied.xx

2010-03-26 18:20:12 +0000
If you can't tell your bf that your son wants you at the cook-out, and have him deal with it maturely, then you need to reevaluate.

If you see a future with this man, does it include "volatile situations" every time something of this sort comes up?

Just tell the truth, and if he overreacts, say calmly "I won't be forced to choose you over my son."

2010-03-26 18:37:18 +0000
The answer is easy enough!! Tell your b/f that your child wants to go to the cook off but doesn't want to go with just dad. Tell him that at the end of the day your child is the most important thing to you and you will do anything to make your child happy!!
If he can't handle that then he isn't worth it.
Anybody getting inot a relationship where there are children involved needs to realise that the children will always come first no matter what the situation!!
Have a great time, and hope things work out for you one way or another.

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