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How can I fix a relationship that has lost trust and respect? I love him enough to do what ever it takes.?
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How can I fix a relationship that has lost trust and respect? I love him enough to do what ever it takes.?

I am oviously the only one that is going to try to fix it. I know he loves me he just is not very good at showing the people he loves the most how much he loves and cares for them. It always ends up we are the ones he hurts the most. With lies and scandals. I am lost and dont know what to do.


    




2008-03-20 19:08:22 +0000
I know its tough. You need to talk to him,if you havent already. Have family and people that love him talk to him too. If he continues...hun, there's nothing you can do. Cant force someone to change. Maybe he needs space away from everyone that loves him to realize he needs to stop.


2008-03-21 15:47:37 +0000
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FIRST OF ALL YOU HAVE TO TRUST AND RESPECT YOUR SELF BEFORE YOU CAN TRUST ANYBODY>>>BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO WORK>>CAUSE if you really do than start by learning to love your self AND that will fix what ever is broken.. ALWAYS BE TRUE TOO YOURSELF and than you be able to trust respect and be trusted and respected ..


2008-03-20 19:14:48 +0000
I think you must know that the time to sever ties is now. Do not play the age old game of trying to fix or change somebody. Find somebody else.


2008-03-20 19:14:32 +0000
Honey, he doesn't love you. Moreover, you don't love him.

You love your dignity. And you committed to this relationship so you have a hard time admitting it wasn't a good choice for you after all. It's hard to admit this kind of serious mistake and feel dignified about it. That's why you're the one who is bending over backwards to "fix" what isn't broken - because it never existed in the first place.

The only way you can get your dignity back is by facing the reality of the situation and acting on it.

He doesn't show you that he loves you. He is accustomed to hurting people who love him. He lies. There have been scandals. You feel worthless and not care about.

Reality: This isn't worth saving. Lord I hope you two don't have children together.


2008-03-20 19:14:21 +0000
Men often do not respond to words but to actions. If you want him to work on the relationship, then you need to do something to show him that you are serious. Try going away for a long weekend, or maybe moving to a separate bedroom. If he is not willing to try, you will simply exhaust yourself, and become angry and resentful, and you health will suffer. It is hard for a man to take words seriously when the status quo remains the same.


2008-03-20 19:14:06 +0000
One person changing CAN make a big difference in the relationship.

You didn't mention who'd lost trust and respect. If he's lost trust and respect for you, then all you can do is NOT TALK ABOUT IT but just change your actions.
Really, don't tell him all the time how you're changing or how much you've changed. Just change and let him see it. And realize that it will be a long, slow road.

If you've lost trust and respect for him, you'd better find it again fast if you want the relationship to work. Respect is more vital to men than love. And, if you act like you trust and respect him, the feelings will follow.

Without more info, there's really not much else I can say.

Best wishes to you. :-)


2008-03-20 19:16:10 +0000
you answered your question already. do whatever it takes. start by going to counseling together.


2008-03-20 19:11:42 +0000
Why fix something that is obviously not worth having? This guy seems like the worst possible kind of person and has no business being in a relationship with someone who cares about him. Trust and respect are the only things that matter in a relationship, without those, there is no love. "He's not good at showing the people..." is just an excuse because you're too scared to leave him. JUST LEAVE HIM, IT WILL BE BETTER.


2008-03-20 19:09:10 +0000
Open a line of communication and find counselor for the two of you just remember trust and respect is not going to be easy to get back it will take a lot of work on both sides I hope this helps you and good luck


2008-03-20 19:07:04 +0000
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If only one person works at it then it is doomed to fail. A relationship is made up of 2 people.


2008-03-20 19:13:25 +0000
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R-E-S-P-E-C-T Y-O-U-R-S-E-L-F Aretha Franklin! Pfft. to his not having skills at showing his concern, interest, love, etc. Anyone can and WILL do anything they want to fix something IF THEY WANT!!! He's not that into you---respect yourself!


2008-03-20 19:07:43 +0000
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If you are the only one who is going to try to fix this, you are in trouble before you start. If he is behaving badly towards you and others, this is not going to get better without some effort on his part too.

Remember, you can't change another person, you can only change yourself. If he is not willing or able to change, there is nothing you can do to make this happen.


2008-03-20 19:11:42 +0000
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obviously this is a one sided relationship...therefore it'll never work. You deserve better. Time to move on...find someone that returns your love...and actually shows it.


2008-03-20 19:07:37 +0000
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It depends on what the lies and scandals consist of dear.


2008-03-20 19:07:54 +0000
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just do something that shows him respect and for trust tell him a secret that you have never told anyone and if he ask you for you to try it but don't tr it if it is drugs


2008-03-20 19:11:09 +0000
Well lane I think that you need to find out how best he shows his emotions and start there.Try to bring them out slowly and work from there.Good luck I hope this helps.


2008-03-20 19:53:27 +0000
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WOW!


2008-03-20 19:13:17 +0000
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How can you fix it? Why would you want to? Why would you allow yourself to be involved with someone who responds to you with nothing but lies and scandals?

Also, here's a tip for you: if you love someone, you do not hurt them.


2008-03-20 19:09:08 +0000
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I know what I am about to say may not be comforting, but the truth is that you cannot fix this on your own. If a relationship has lost love and respect, both people need to want to fix it. It has to be a team effort.

The question truly is although you love him, do you want to continue on like this in your life? Do you want more lies and scandals? If you are okay with these things happening, then you need to examine your self image. You should not accept these things again in your life - what you accept into your life, you attract more of.

You need to separate yourself. Force yourself to say goodbye, at least temporarily. Tell him that you will not put up with these things. You cannot soften on this, otherwise you will end up in the same situation over and over again.

You need to out yourself first.


2008-03-20 19:19:10 +0000
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IMO, I think you have some questions to really sit down and ask yourself. First being, do you love him enough to do whatever it takes, or are you afraid of the change that will happen if you leave. Fact is, most human beings will think that they can tolerate and fix anything because they fear the change more than anything. Truth is, if you have lost your trust in him AND your respect for him... what is left to love about him. Trust can be fixed and earned back. Respect... I think not.
Get on with your life and save your love for someone who will return it back to you the way every person deserves to have it.
Good luck to you!





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