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I cheated on my husband, do I HAVE to confess?
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I cheated on my husband, do I HAVE to confess?

I am 27, happily married, mom of a 6 year old daughter. Until this weekend I had never (in my life) been with anyone but my husband.

I went to a teaching conference in Tennessee (I'm a teacher) this weekend. RIght before I left my husband and I had a huge fight about money, our first fight in a long time. When I got to the conference I went out one night and drank alot more than I should because I was still upset.....next thing I knew I was having a one night stand with a man I met at the conference.

I am NOT using the fight or the alcohol as an excuse. I'm a big girl and I need to take responsibility for my romp in the sheets.

I am devastated at what I did, can barely stop crying.

My question is this, do I HAVE to tell my husband?

Pros: A) If I were him, I'd want to know. B) I made the mistake, he deserves to have the knowledge rather than me protecting myself. C.) I hate deceit, and not telling is a lie.

Cons: I know my husband well. Im 90% sure he will dump me flat (he has very strong opinions on fidelity). I can't imagine my life without him, and I don't want to break up our family


    




wet pet
My husband feels the same way and I am the only woman he's ever slept with. I had an on-off affair for 3 years and he forgave me. His love for me proved stronger than anything I could throw at him, and each day I strive to be more deserving. If he'd left me, I think I would have felt better because it would have been just. We have 3 children together.

You may be surprised at his actual reaction. I would tell him.


spiceynumber
Rating
Newsflash --- happily married people do not cheat...period.

figure out what the problem is and why you cheated or just stay in denial. Tell him or not -- that won't make a difference to the real reason you cheated --- only causes another problem!


DrPhil
Rating
Okay, so. We've established on thing: You were stupid.

I'm also of the opinion that I may add other, less flattering appelations later, but will keep them to myself.

Although I am glad you've taken responsibility for your actions, and, interestingly, actually spelled out the differences between lies of commission and lies of omission, you have some serious self examination to do.

Infidelity happens for a reason. It doesn't make it any more right or acceptable, but there is ALWAYS a reason. And I hate to tell you this, but having a fight isn't a reason, no matter how piss drunk you may have been.

The big thing you need to realize is that men are NOT women, and your projecting that you'd "want to know" is not necessarily what he wants. No matter how well you think you know him.

So, we're faced with...a lie. How big and how serious remains up to you. You're worried about losing your family. How about his ego? You willing to crush that to salve your conscience? What about your daughter's family? If you're so sure he'd dump you flat, what about her?

My advice? Keep your legs shut at home until you get a clean bill of health, and then keep your mouth shut. This isn't all about you.


Danica
Rating
what you did was very wrong but you seem to know.....
keep this a secret for your family not for yourself.


Stellie.
my mum did sort of the same thing, and is now with that man but if he loves you then he will forgive you aslong as you don't do it again, i'm sure he won't 'dump' you!
can you live with what you did if you don't tell him, is the question?
hope i helped.


ALL SkReWeD UP
To me, it seems as if you are having a hard time dealing with it and will have a much harder time by keeping it a secret! I personally believe that you should let him know. Like you said: he deserves the knowledge of knowing no matter how much it hurts! The truth hurts but it will also set you free.

Put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself whether you'd want to know if your husband had a one night stand and wasn't honest with you? This is simply the nature of the business. Adults face their issues head on for the simple fact that it won't ever go away and will always be in the back of your mind! You have to deal with it now and if him leaving you is the price you have to pay, then sign your name on the dotted line!!!!

All the "no don't tell him" answers are apparently coming from unmarried people! Marriage is about give and take, good and bad! If you have to give up the truth and have your husband take away the benefits of a happy home, then that's what you vowed to do! I advise you to get a professional marriage counselor in this, because if one argument made you open wide, can you imagine what you'd do on the rest of those bad days you'll have with your husband! Especially since you claim that the argument didn't give you an excuse to cheat. Well, what gave you an excuse? What gives you the excuse to keep it away from your husband?


The Mrs.
Rating
If you tell him you will be getting divorced and your daughter will lose her father to a certain point (not seeing him everyday) You will be lonely and devastated.


If you don't tell him you will have the guilt and will probably show signs of it. He may notice this and figure it out anyway. You will not be being fair to your husband. Like you said... you would like to know right. So show him the same respect.


You are in a hard spot. Accidents do happen... but that kind should never happen. For that one night stand you just gave away your marriage and your family for something that doesn't mean nothing to you and for someone you will never see again. I'm sorry I don't care how drunk you get you can NEVER forget you are married....and that you are a wife and a mother.


hepmom #2 in a mood today!!
If you really do love your husband, you will not tell him. Easing you own guilt is selfish when you stop to consider what it will do to him. Then again, I don't believe in being dishonest, but I also don't believe in cheating.

See, this is why I will never allow myself to be in this position.


TYRANT m.i.a.
Rating
Don't tell! you should take that to the grave with you !

Besides ,your husband could be holding back something from you !

But remember,if you can hold back ,so can he ! but just because you come clean ,

that don't mean he will !


FAIRYROSE
Rating
i agree with your first answer.keep it to yourself.it's not worth ruining your marriage.seek some counseling for yourself to get over what you did


MΛℤ∑ↁΛYℤ⋄
Rating
a few questions to ask yourself before jumping to a conclusion:
1. how is your married life treating you?
2. are you missing something in your married life that you traveled and act differently?
3. can you be sure you wont do it again? how sure are you?

sometimes we look for a change and enjoy the moment when we are away without thinking about it and we only realize later that we have done something wrong and then we don't know how to react. it is totally normal to feel they way you are feeling but what to do next is a big Q you have to ask yourself before answering it and moving forward.

if the answer to Q3 above is a sure no, then don't say anything now and carry on with your life and Just swallow the story like you had bitten it when you did it.

move on.
good day & good luck.
live life & learn.
enjoy the moment, explore yourself.


Sami
Rating
It is very difficult situation. Cheating on your husband is NEVER right. However you know him better, and if u think that if u confess to him, he will dump you, then keep your secret and DO NOT DO IT AGAIN.. U have a baby to look after. Best of luck


Boum
Rating
Again ?


Samantha
Rating
This is tough, Um if you're 90 % sure he will break up with you even explaining it exactly how you just did then I'm not really sure what to tell you, it's not like you've done it before like you said so he should kind of understand or try to but I'm sorry I don't know what to say? good luck.


frank c
The sad pat is that the way you feel is going to show him that there is something wrong. He will notice because it is going to continue eating you up inside and if you have been with him that long he will know eventually without you telling him. So you need to ans were to yourself if you are going to let him find out now or later or figure it out on his own. Don't feel bad though I would dump you too.


dwgriffith101
If you are really upset that is enough punishment for you. Don't add on more.


Poppy
You answered your own question under the cons. Still don't be saying you are happily married and one sentence later saying you cheated. Happily married people DON'T cheat.


Jackson
Rating
No, don't tell him - ever ! It's not a lie. It's preservation of lives, yours and his.


lauraM
I'm not saying what you did is right but you need to preserve what you have. If he is going to hit the roof then don't tell me. Your daughter will suffer too if he wants to break up.

You made a mistake but marriage is more important than losing that.

You can email if you wanna vent.

Laura


✿Houston_Girl✿
Rating
No, dont tell him. It meant nothing to you...I know a lot of people are going to tell you to be honest but If you tell him you may lose what you have built. Just put it in the back of your brain..believe me its not worthy...


One cold winter's night.......
Another pro to telling him is that you'll feel better about yourself no matter what the outcome. From any side you see it, it's cheating. But you know this already. My opinion? Tell him and face the concequences.

On a side note, I would also get tested asap for STD's, even if a condom was used, you never know and better to be on the safe side. Especially if you end up being forgiven by your husband and become intimate with him again.


greybeard
Even though I believe in complete honesty in a marriage or in any relationship, sometimes there are things that are better to leave unsaid.

1 John 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
The Holy Bible : King James Version. 1995 (1 Jn 1:8-10).

This of course, is written to Christians and is telling us to confess our sins to Jesus for forgivness. If you are a Christian, you do need to follow The Bible.

You will no doubt go through some very hard times over this no matter how you choose to handle it so it would be wise to seek counseling through your pastor.

I am praying for you.


B B
Rating
if this is the only time you would ever do shuch a thing then i say dont tell him


Daphne
Rating
Troll alert:
Claims to be 27 year old looking for advice on public breastfeeding
27 year old teacher that cheated on her husband
24 year old 7th grade teacher in Mississipi
A sophomore at Tulane being blackmailed over pictures
15 year old looking to forge her mom's signature
check "her" history of questions


Rayzorx2002
Rating
You made a mistake and you have to deal with it yourself or risk it all.
Im not a religious person, but try this.
If you where married in a church then you made a pact with your husband in the eyes of your god.
Then go ask his forgiveness. Go to confession and spill the beans to the priest, reverend, pope...what ever it takes. They will give you solace.

Then love your husband like never before.


May Bee
NO
No, no, no, no, no.

And no.
If you want to keep your marriage, keep your secret. Be the best partner you can imagine for your husband from this point forward and let the guilt be your motivation.
Don't hurt him further by telling him.


KJ III
Rating
I'm going to answer this like 20 other times you've asked this.

You should have thought twice before you spread eagle.

shut your mouth and go on with your life.


Latin G
ok, if you want a divorce .. then tell him : )

But if you love him, keep it to yourself, that's the price you will pay for your mistake. don't go ruing your family because of you being selfish. keep it to yourself, and everything willbe fine.. like the rest of us millions of spouses do.


jenny
Rating
Living a lie is not the answer. I would have more respect for someone that had the guts to confess than someone that decided to hide the truth. Everything comes out in time and nothing is truly a secret unless you are the only one that knows.

Take a deep breath and tell him what happened. What ever you do, do not blame the fight or the alcohol.. as you said your an adult and have to take responsibility.


Standa
If you really love him, you'll tell him. Sooner or later he is surely going to find out. Are you going to stand the heat of him finding out beyond reasonable doubt. If he finds out and you ask for forgiveness, do you think he is going to forgive you when his intimate lover, the one that he trusts with his life has been living a lie with him? Be wise and meet the consequences. Do you have the right to blame him if he leaves you?





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