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I want to leave my boyfriend, but there's this PROBLEM?
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I want to leave my boyfriend, but there's this PROBLEM?

His whole family is far too attached to me (To give you an idea: they have framed pictures of me hung on the walls..), and I'm attached too. They feel like family to me!

Yet I can't STAND my boyfriend's overprotective and manipulative nature. I feel so miserable that sometimes it makes me want to cry. I want to leave, but I don't want to hurt him, disappoint his family, and send 4 years straight to the trash.

How can i handle this situation in a healthy way?
Additional Details
He knows I don't love him. I told him. I stayed with him because i was caught up in the cycle of abuse!


    




2008-12-29 06:42:45 +0000
It's wonderful that you have a great relationship with his family. But don't let them be the ones to prevent you from breaking off this relationship. If they truly are great people, they'd understand that you don't share the same feelings for your boyfriend as you did before. This will inevitably cause some tension between you and the family, but if they are as great as you say, things will slowly mend.


2008-12-29 06:42:33 +0000
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Try to change him; tell his family that he is being too overprotective.

He is overprotective probably because he loves u


2008-12-29 06:45:49 +0000
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break it off it isnt worth wasting any more years over.

His family dos sound really sweet though so maybe you should call them and thank them for being kinda a second family to you and that you really appreciate there son but hes way to overprotective and that you don't wanna be suffocated.


2008-12-29 06:41:31 +0000
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Talk to your bf about the way he's making you feel. People can change but they don't usually see any reason too if they don't feel there is a problem.


2008-12-29 06:43:24 +0000
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There is only one way to handle it, break it off. It it's not right, it's not right.


2008-12-29 06:43:07 +0000
well has he been this way the entire 4 years? if so WHY WERE YOU WITH HIM FOR THAT LONG?! if he hasn't been this way maybe you should talk to him and tell him that you don't want to hurt him but you don't understand why he's acting this way and you really don't want to throw away what you have. If he doesn't want to contribute to fixing the relationship, then give him up. You deserve to be happy and although you love his family, they're not your boyfriend. You're breaking up with him not them and eventually they'll get over it!


2008-12-29 06:44:22 +0000
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Wow that's tough! I suppose that you talk to him and tell him that its not working out anymore. Maybe that you don't want to break up with him yet but that your getting sick of it!? I hope I helped. But your in one tough situation!!!


2008-12-29 06:41:20 +0000
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Pray


2008-12-29 06:46:05 +0000
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wow, i was in the same boat, not long ago. I adored his family and his family adored me. and it was 4 years as well, but i've been his best friend for four years and then was his girlfriend and he was overprotective and made me feel like crap about myself.
I didn't want to hurt him either, or his family, but i just had to, it was bad for my own self, i was unhappy a lot and that was not healthy i was not myself. It took courage to just do it. But i did, me and his family are still cool, as for me and him not so much, but that's just because the kind of guy he is, he is the type who wants nothing to do with an ex after a break up. Just sit him down and calmly talk it out. Best way to do it, and don't back out of it, if it's what you really want you have to do it. Relax and let your words flow.


2008-12-29 06:45:55 +0000
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Well, Im no Hitch, but.. I think you should tell your boyfriend that he is being way to overprotective and manipulative. Tell him that if he wants the relationship to be as good as its been for the past few years that you need to work at it. If you love the guy and youre miserable... do everything you can to see it out. If you cant get past that, then its time to let go and try new things. But, this doesnt mean you have to lose contact with him and his family, you know? The people apparently know how good of a person you are.


2008-12-29 06:42:31 +0000
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try to leave on good terms so you can still remain friends with him and his family but you have to get out of the relationship if its not making you happy


2008-12-30 14:52:04 +0000
I think you should do what you think. If I was in your shoes, i would break up with him, but in a very nice way. Like explain why you are leaving him and say you still want to stay very close to him! You can also break up with him like DeAnna Pampas did with Jesse
"I love you, but im not in love with you"
Hope I helped :)


2008-12-29 06:43:51 +0000
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I know how you feel, my boyfriend's family is really attached to me as well.

Is this an issue you think you can resolve? It seems crazy to throw this much away. Talk to your boyfriend and see how it goes.

If its not something that you can resolve, then go ahead and break it off. I know it will be hard, but their family being unhappy with you is not as bad as you being unhappy for the rest of your life.

Don't lie to yourself and stay in a bad relationship if you don't have to.


2008-12-29 06:43:32 +0000
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tell him its over if he doesnt stop being maniputive n controlive i hate guys like that or jsut tell his mom


2008-12-29 06:43:09 +0000
sit down with him...and tell him how you feel.


2008-12-29 06:44:33 +0000
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Listen Lady your not sleeping with billy bobs cousins or uncles or aunts, what I m getting at is He s Manipulative and you are in a relationship with him...that he has good baggage makes no difference.

In a healthy way Lovingly Detach..its nice they love you, its nice your pic is on the Wall..but its a sad state of affair es when you have to resort to wasting Precious life on being with someone so ungenuine..

you ll find the whole package just dont settle.


2008-12-29 06:44:54 +0000
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This is just like my brother and his ex. We all loved her so much and about a year ago they broke up. We still talk to her and we still have pictures up everywhere haha. I know it's kinda weird but shes like family now. I could care less about what my brother said about her still coming around


2008-12-29 06:43:21 +0000
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Whatever you do, you just need to end it.
Can you imagine throwing more years down the shute?
I would suggest telling how you really feel and how you have struggled with this for so long. Do it face to face too, none of that phone call or letter garbage.
As far as the family goes, I think that you need to do what you need to do. If they still want to maintain this relationship that has built, that is great. But it is up to them to accept that you are leaving their son.


2008-12-29 06:41:53 +0000
talk to him about it and tell him how your feeling. but tell him you definately dont want to leave him you are just feeling alittle annoyed with him.good luck!


2008-12-29 06:51:12 +0000
I suggest to talk to one of his family members and see if they are seeing or feeling the way you are. Get an opinion from someone else. Then if they are noticing it to, go to your BF alone and try to figure out what's up. Kinda have a back up. but don't get them involved in your situation when it comes to confronting him. Then he may feel that he is getting bombarded by not only you but HIS family and that could end very badly.

He may be over protective cause he feels that you are pulling away from him.


2008-12-29 06:44:04 +0000
This is just one of the situations where you just have to be honest and straight up with him and just tell him. It's not fair for him, his family, or yourself to continue being dishonest about it all


2008-12-29 06:46:43 +0000
By the looks of this, if you want to break up with your boyfriend you are going to have to break up with his family too.

Now not all breakups have to consist of never seeing each other again.
If you really like his family and you don't want to hurt him then tell him that you love him, and you love being with him (even if this is a lie) and say that you just aren't attracted to him as a lover, but you see him as more of a brother. And that you still want to see him, and his family (:

I hope i have helped.


2008-12-29 07:40:08 +0000
Well...if you've been together 4 yrs, I'm sure the 2 of you have discussed the issues of his manipulative behavior. I would say to try counseling (as common as it sounds, when done wholeheartedly by both parties it can really save a relationship), but it's a lengthy process and since you added that you don't actually love him anymore, that probably isn't what you want. My best advice, since you sound like your mind is made up, is to put your foot down w/him tactfully but as forcefully as he makes it. It may hurt him, of course, but someone who loves you won't want you to stay if you're unhappy-if he doesn't care about that, use it as fuel for your decision. As far as his family, talk to them separately, after dealing w/him. Explain your side of it, and tell them how much you love them. But you can't live hurting everyday just to keep others from hurting. In many situations you can still remain on good, friendly, visiting terms, and they should understand. If you're really close like family, you will stay close, and just avoid the ex. Besides, possessive men like that hang on as long as you keep contact w/them, but will move on to the next one once they get it. You're just a possession.


Gymnast11
I need some advice..I am 15 and i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We spend alot of time together and go alot of different places.. My family loves him, but i dont know his family to well..He is very protective and says he wants to be with me forever. I have broken up with him atleast 5 times and he has never broken up me. Everytime i break up with him, he brings me flowers to school or will follow me around..i just want to be single and not have to deal with this..he is very emotional and crys alot. He bought me a necklace for Christmas and buys me whatever i want! How do i break it to him i dont want to be with him?





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