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My husband and I are separated....How do I win him back?
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My husband and I are separated....How do I win him back?

My husband I separated two months ago. He is still living in my house but says he is moving out. He is dating my "former" best friend and says they are going to move in with one another. I really want to win him back. I think he is confused about what he wants. He says that I made him unhappy for a while, but he never shared that with me as far as he was so unhappy he wanted a divorce. All I want to do is get him back ...how do I do it.


    




Ash
Think back of when you guys first got together what was it about you that drew him to you? Bring out those characteristics. Secondly think of something the two of you did together that was special and re create it. Show him the side of you he feel in love with. Or you could pretend like you dont give a crap what hes doing and just pretend like nothings wrong go out meet new people have a good time and that may also make him want you bc once he sees you out having fun and with someone else he may then realize what he had


greenwich
I hope this helps!


Winning Your Husband Back Before It's Too Late
http://www.amazon.com/Winning-Your-Husband-Back-Before/dp/B000F6Z9N2/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1201191026&sr=8-1


Winning Your Husband Back
12/19/02

Your marriage may be beginning to crumble. Or it may already be in shambles. Its present condition does not determine its future, though. You do!

Imagine building a home on a foundation of sand or mud. Renovating or redecorating your home would be senseless because at any moment the whole house could collapse due to a faulty foundation. Before changing flooring, wall colors, window treatments, and furniture, you'd need to seek out an architect to first firm up the foundation.

Likewise, winning your husband back necessitates more than simply rearranging the old stuff in your relationship. You may decide to fight differently than you did in the past, but if the old unresolved anger is allowed to remain, then nothing will genuinely change in your marriage. Winning Back Your Husband Before It's Too Late targets the foundational weaknesses in your marriage. By developing an overall plan to win back your husband, you will learn how to discover what causes distance in marriage, understand the man you married, become whole again, examine personality differences, build commitment, and communicate more successfully.

Winning Your Husband Back can help you rebuild a strong marriage in which you are your husband see each other through Christ's eyes and become one in Him.


shan
Rating
You deserve better. He's with your former best friend, you don't need that trouble. Find a man who respects you and will treat you right.


emma
Rating
you must tell your husband all that you have in your heart (i am not asking you to make him remember all the thing that was not good between you both ) but i am asking you to tell him what you feel for him and that you really want him back to try a new start .if he is dating your former best friend its because that this lady knew what he wanted at this moment .its not impossible for you to get back your husband ,if you know you have a stuborn attitude please change it and try to express yourselves both when you don't like things or when you quarrel ;talk about what disturbed you both without screaming and blaming each other .and finally try some physical change ( like change the colour of your hair ,try some beauty stuff when you go out and make some shopping for some new dress .if you fight with husband because he hurt you .everytime ask for forgiveness even though you know you're right.and when you're both calm down then you can explain the thing you don't like him to do and its the same for him ..good luck....


lindysflygirl4ever
Rating
I am someone going through a similiar situation. My husband and I are separated, there has been some talk of divorce, but we have decided just to give it 6 months and see where things lead. I think he is very on the fence, doesn't know what he wants. In the last couple weeks, things have slowly gotten on the right track with us, but it is very slow and you can't push or you will just push him away.

First of all, you need to get him out of that house! Especially if he is dating your best friend! Let him go off and see what it's like to be on his own. Do NOT let him use you.
Second of all, you have to show him that you are a strong person and you don't "need" him. Go out and make some new friends, go out and have fun.
It is hard to let go, because you love him. But if you say he's not sure, he is probably having some doubts, probably testing you a little bit.
This is what happened with me: I spent a month crying my eyes out and begging him to come home and to "work on it". That was my biggest mistake.
After that, I said screw it. I have been going out and having fun, trying new things, making new friends, and basically saying "I don't NEED you to be happy", and you know what? All of a sudden, here he comes all the time wanting to know where I'm going and who I'm with, SPYING on me!
Most of all, you have to do what's best for yourself, and what is going to make you happy.
Most people say that when it is over, you will know. You will have that "AHA" moment, and it will be hard, but you WILL know. If that happens, you have to accept that it is really over, and only then is it time to get that divorce and move on with your life. You don't want to have any doubts or regrets.


Toxic Buddah
Rating
Grow a spine. How do you have your husband dating your so called best friend while still living in 'your' house. Go file the papers and give him a week to move into her place or an apartment. The only one confused here is YOU.


friendsseason9
that reminds of of old saying...
if you fail once ...try again

and in today's world,

if you fail once ...try again then quit. .....no use being a damn fool about it.!


sharp p
Rating
OMG!!!! Why on earth would you let this man still live in your house knowing he moving in with your ex BF>?????? Girl PLEASE let him go!!!! he is not worth it!!!!! Why would you want someone so hurtful and selfish back in your life?


?
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Let him go live with her. Then you can start over. He's not for you anyways


sizzy1969
Rating
make him relise what hes missin if he goes
walk round the house in a liitle skirt and a tight top with no bra but make sure you act all casual an all
tell him your gonna look for a career after hes gone its the start for the new year your looking for and it will give you more confidence. and its probably for the best.
mention youve seen some guy you both know today and he mentioned how good you looked
let him think your over him already and he will soon come sniffing back


Pink 23
Rating
Sweetie, why do you want him back? He is a man w/no morals -especially since he's dating your former BF.

Don't sell yourself short. Find someone who will treasure you for YOU! You have to believe you deserve better. Trust me, there are more fish in the sea....Good Luck


frenchie™
by not doing what you did before! Try talking to him about the marriage and what you guys should so differently if you want it to work. Marriage involves a lot of work. I've never been married...but quite wise. Okay. So clearly you guys have a communication problem. There should never be any wondering about what your spouse is feeling. He is supposed to be your bestfriend and you should be able to share things together. He may didnt want to say anything because he was scared of hurting you....but you must tell him that you need and want to know what he feels...especially when he is unhappy. Marriage is about give and take. Giving is the hardest but i'm sure you guys will find a way.
But you must remember that he is a grown man and him moving in with his gf is a decision that he has made...regardless if you think he's confused or not. Just simply sit down one day and have a conversation with him...but no arguing. Complete respect for each other and see where it takes you.

I dont know if you want to get it back because he IS with your bestfriend!! What does that tell you about him?

Best of luck. x


Ann
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If my husband dated my best friend, still lived at the house and told me about it - blamed me for making him unhappy for awhile I would have his things outside for him when he got home.
That is mean on his part. He should have told you, talked to you and worked on being married. Just because he is confused does not mean he has to run to the arms of another woman. He is being cruel to you dating her and still living with you. He is playing mind games with you!
You are worth more than this and chasing him to win him back is a bad idea. He is playing you.
Get out of the house, go out, have some fun and see if he wants YOU back. Get a makeover, look good, dress up and make him wonder a little bit. Don't act desperate and talk to him, start a conversation every day but don't let him keep playing you.


KJ
he never shared the fact that he wasn't happy with you? so in other words, you two can't communicate an iota.

you'd communicate better with the little green men from mars.

you really want to stay married to a little green man from mars?


867-5309 "Jenny"
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Why would you want him after he's been sleeping with her? The hurt you feel is rejection you know she's a s**t and sleeps with anything that moves.. No just sit back and wait and see she will hurt him and he will come crawling back and THEN you can give him a taste of rejection and he will be like putty in your hands, if you still want him back then..


meridith c
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Tiffany, he's MOVED on. He is with someone else now. Are you willing to be "THAT WOMAN"? Sink to the level of your former best friend? How great would it be to show your former best friend that a "REAL WOMAN" doesn't poach men in relationships. She can get her very own single man all by herself. LOL

Further- You sound terribly codependent to allow this situation to continue under your nose and yet STILL WANT HIM BACK? My advice is to work on your own self esteem, get into individual therapy, learn to set higher standards for yourself, and eventually- when you are no longer tending towards codependency, move on to a healthy relationship with a real man, and find a real best friend who would never consider betraying you like this. I feel so sorry for you.
What choices have lead you to have a cheating husband who treats you with such callous regard, a best friend who would betray you with him, and have you wanting more? Obviously you've been through a lot before these two disgusting quasi-humans entered the picture. PLEASE, seek therapy and work on your self esteem. You deserve better than those two. They really only deserve each other. He'll cheat on her, next. Wait and see... (but if you have any self respect at all, don't let it be with you.)


Marina
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Why on earth would you want that scumbag in your life? Let him be your "best friend's" problem! Good riddance!


punchy333
I don't really think what you're craving is him. I think what you really want is everything to be "back to normal" and safe. Right now, you're way outside your comfort zone. You have to accept that, and deal with it. Looking in from the outside, if he is already dating someone (your former BF, wtf???) after 2 months of separation, then you need to let him go. Take the first step in faith. As long as you trust yourself, the rest of the staircase will be there, I promise. :)


Survivor
If you really want to "win" him back, don't let him control your life, feelings and emotions. Be happy, take care of yourself and enjoy life. Let him see that you can be fun and happy without him, and then he will know what he gave up.

To be honest, at this time, there is no way to "win" him back if his heart is with someone else and thinks that person will give him the happiness that you didn’t. Regardless whether he shared his feeling with you or if he is confused, if he was honest when he said that you made him unhappy for awhile, then there isn't much you can do. Unless you want to "win" him back so bad that you will do anything to make him happy (Do you know what will make him happy and will it make you happy?!). I doubt he would know how to appreciate the things you do for him. With time, maybe he will realize that the “former” best friend couldn’t give him happiness either, and he may want to come back to you.

If you don't want a divorce then let the separation stand and let him move out. Let him have the time that he needs to sort out his feelings/needs. In the meantime when he is not there, you will be able to think clearer and know what you need and want. Once you have time to think, then you will know what to do. If you can be happy without him, then you definitely don't need him.


Islander
Rating
Give it up and move on with your life.


John
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Let him go, it's time for a new chapter in your life.......


♥Gotta Luv Pure Evil ♥
Rating
Give up and move on.

He doesn't want u, he has someone new. Why do u want to win someone back that clearly did not choose u? I would want that person to want me not be forced to want me.

I know how u feel, to lose the one u love, but we can't make them stay w/ us. No matter what we do it is a decision they must make. If he truly loves u he will open his eyes and see just that. No need for u to wait but if it's meant to be it will be.


frustrated
Rating
Do you really want him back? He's with your former best friend ! Honestly he wasn't happy with you because of the relationship with your friend as most men, he is just thinking with the wrong head right now.


Aiden
You let him go. I can promise you that New Woman will make him unhappy soon enough. It sounds like he's a fault finder and never believes anything is his fault. Just let him go quietly and peacefully. He will remember you when he and New Woman have their first big ugly blow up in their new home together. He'll remember how kind and sweet you were and throw her out and long for you back...and I pray that by that time, you've found someone who treats you with the respect you deserve and tell this loser he had his chance and it's curtains for him.


gingygirl
Rating
Why do you want him back? What are the real reasons for that?
Seems he is fairly certain in his plan, but just seems to not want to move out.
Suggest: pack up his crap and tell him to have it gone by a certain day and time, if not it is going out on the curb, and in the mean time call a lawyer and get started on your divorce...perhaps if you give him what he wants you both can be happy.


~NIKKI~
Rating
ewww you don't

he sounds like a loser, leave him and your "best friend" to live there miserable lives together

move on and show them both how much better you can do without either of them in your life


seashell
Rating
Girl do yourself a favor and let him go. You deserve someone who will love only you and treat you like a queen. Don't go chasing after him....I promise you he's not worth it.


Tara
Go about your life - and be happy .. or let it show that you are happy.

Truth is - you can't make him do anything. He has "free-will" and will do what he choses.

So .. just be sweet .. don't ask him back .. don't pressure him .. just let him "Go" - and see if he comes back willingly.
He will go anyway, if he wants to go .. whether you want him to go, or not. So .. just back-off from everything & anything .... and let him do his thing. Wonder WHY he hasn't left already?

Rignt now, you are allowing a lot to go on with you .. he is running all over you by (1) still living in your house (2) dating your best friend (3) telling you that he is going to move in with her. If you are putting up with all of these things - then he knows that he can do anything he wants to you - and - he knows that you will be right there taking whatever he wants to do to you ... and that you will take him back at any time. He thinks you are so in love with him that you will always be there for him. He is doing all of these things to you because he can. He will not respect you - for taking all of these things off of him.

Believe it, or not ... but when husbands do things like he is doing to you .. they are kinda like our kids when they do something wrong .. it they are not corrected & stopped - they will continue to do all the bad things - and the things may continue to grow with more things. It could just get worse. You HAVE to learn to "hold-your-own" ,,, meaning - you just DON"T put up with his stuff.

Your hubbie needs a big surprise. Wonder how he would take it, if one day he came home to find all of his things packed, in the yard, with his new woman's address written on the suite cases ... and .. you would not ever talk to him .. nor have anything to do with him, or her, again ?? .. and he got divorce papers served on him? ... I have to wonder if his thought process would change then .... he MIGHT even look at his lover with different eyes. He sounds like the type who might even blame her ... don't know that .. but he sounds the type.

I know your heart is breaking ... but it sounds like he has no mercy for you ... no caring .. no kind heart.





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