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Should I go out to lunch with a married man?
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Should I go out to lunch with a married man?

I have recently started a new job and was invited to lunch by a MALE colleague. He is married and so am I.

I know that I would never ever step over the line and wouldn't even indulge in private conversations.

My husband is OK with me going to lunch with him.

Would you go?


Mickayla S
yes only if its okay with your husband but if you barely know the dude dnt do it

Milly Molly Mandy
Sure, why not, He is a colleague and it is platonic. My mother used to always go out with men from work and she was married. Everyone was shocked but she knew they were harmless and nothing to it.My grandmother from one side and my grandfather from the other side ended up sharing a motel room together and one bed. It was platonic too and nobody was even shocked.

If your husband knows and is ok with it there is no problem as long as you don't do anything with the colleague you would be iffy about telling your husband and family

why not its work related and your husband doesnt mind plus it might be a free meal

sure ust dont flirt

Yeah. If it is during the work week it is fine.

nazima m
If it is totally platonic and there is absolutely no mutual feelings you have, then I dont think its a problem. Friends have every right to dine together or in a group, and you shouldnt feel bad because your spouse is totally fine with it.

I think it is nice, just make sure it's only a relationship between co-workers

is it about work???? could just be friendly but if thats the case wouldnt he invite other co-workers

Yes you should go. But if he trys to make it into something more you should tell him that you are both married and thats not okay with you.

ya but makesure you keep it colleage to colleage not girlfriend to boyfriend.

I think it would be alright, as long as you two keep your distance, and like they say, don't flirt, and if he starts to flirt with you, then don't take any chances.

Sandy Ego
If you're not comfortable, don't go. It's as simple as that. It would never occur to me to agonize over a decision of whether to go out to lunch with a co-worker, but perhaps this guy is giving off bad vibes - I don't know. I have lunches with co-workers and clients, male and female, it's never been a problem.

...Your husband evidently trust you...And you trust yourself...So go...BUT...If your lunch buddy steps over the line, be polite (you have to work with him) and tell him that you are devoted to your marriage and no more lunches with him.

Yep. My wife goes out every time. She gets new cell phones and other neat gifts from other co-workers male friends. Makes me feel kind of low, because the other guys are rich and I am not.

I guess it depends. It partly depends on how new your new job is. The good thing is your husband is aware of it and is OK with it. That puts everything on more solid footing.
I'd feel comfortable having lunch with any of my female colleagues (except for the few that I genuinely don't like) and I think they'd feel comfortable with me, but they know me well enough to know that I don't have romantic moves to make on any of them. If I wanted to ask them to lunch, it would be to ask their opinion about a professional or intellectual matter, and they know me well enough to know that.
Your husband knows, feel free to go. But if the guy gives you bad vibes then cut off anything but professional conduct in the future. Not always will guys have bad intentions. Often, but not always.

Why not its just eating , chatting unless you suspend that he have any motives?!

Why not? vIt's just lunch.

Why not? If your husband trusts you and there is no attraction there, then I guess it would be alright. If you do have a crush or are attracted to him though, then I would say don't go. Why open yourself up to temptation?
Any other co-workers going? I would say go as a group if possible.

You shouldn't go unless it is strictly work related or other co-workers are also attending. No sense in putting yourself into a potentially awkward situation.

Emotionally Yours
lets be honest. this is not a yes or no question. you are clearly uncomfortable with this. and deep inside, you are concerned because your husband is ok with this too. you have some gut reactions that are signs of other issues in your relationship. go with your heart. you aren't comfortable with lunch with another married man. that's ok. don't do something because others are ok and fine with it. you aren't. and find out why your husband is ok with it. something is not quite right here. no doubt you will read the 30 or so responses, and avoid this one. but you know there's more to this.

My husband goes to lunch with women he works with at least once a month.
We've been to lunch together and seen a married friend at lunch with another
female colleague. All very platonic and friendly; it can be done.

Try it once, take your phone and ask your husband to give you a call during lunch.
Just in case your lunch partner isn't on the up and up.

If your husband goes too.
NICE try though...

Do you really need to have this answer by strangers? come on now, what is wrong with your husband? Why did this so called colleague invite you to lunch? IF you are working you, and you go with more colleagues than it is a work thing, but alone come on now. You must know what this guy intentions are, and if you go your other colleague will talk, do you want that? If you were his wife will you mind, or will you mind if your hubby will invite some female out for lunch, sh!t i will!!

lisa m
no no no no no no no no

As long as his wife is ok with it as well!

no i would not

Scarlet Cougar
No. I would not go.
I use the Golden Rule to decide what to do in situations like that. I would not want my husband having lunch with another woman, and so I would not engage in that behavior either. But that is just me and my opinion. Although I will say that my husband would say that he was fine with it, too. But even if he told me to go ahead, I would not, out of respect for appearances, if nothing else. I just don't think its a good idea. But you have to do what feels right to you.

Not as one on one - go in a group of three or four. Actions speak louder then words and if you have lunch in private, it can lead to other things. And office gossip is the worse - even if its all "innocent" as you say - the actions will speak a lot louder.

You are doing the most stupidest thing in the world my friend. Never mix business with pleasure. Gossip mongers will have a field day with you at work. I can't believe your husband doesn't mind either. Don't go there. Not smart.

It's like being on a very strict diet and visiting a Krispy Kreme just to look at donuts......

It sounds okay...but there are a lot of guidelines involved.
1.) No flirting
2.)inappropriateiate conversations
3.) Stay focused on work, not personal info. (can lead to something)
4.) Lunch only @ work
5.) No telephone # exchange
6.) Guard your heart & thoughts
7.) Enjoy!

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