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What would you do if your spouse had emotional/mental issues?
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What would you do if your spouse had emotional/mental issues?

We just found out that she has some serious issues with depression. She has been going through a lot of stuff the past few months and has been really depressed. I finally got her into counselling and things are very slowly getting better. But she has said some extremely hurtful things over the last several months. I don't know if I can just let all these things slide, particularly the blaming me for the depression. I've been nothing but supportive until now. I'm also worried that we are going to have to deal with her depression for the rest of our lives now and that will be difficult. I know its not her fault, but I don't have anything more to give right now. What would you do?


    




2008-05-23 17:34:16 +0000
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depression is a killer. it seeps into every facet of your being and poisons almost all close relationships. do not avoid it. feel her out (and up once in a while) and see if she will discuss it with you. somethimes if you just ask a little it can help. do not hold grudges or keep chacklists, this can make you angry and bitter. it is very difficult but try to help her thru this. there are pretty good meds out there, but try to get her feeling better and then off the meds as they are a huge libido killer and mood changer also. best of luck and health...


2008-05-23 17:31:40 +0000
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move on with your life, but stay in touch, otherwise you will be depressed


2008-05-23 17:36:54 +0000
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First of all, to hell with the "for better or worse" agreement. Yes, I called it an agreement. And yes, I'm serious. What, just cause she can't accept responsibility for her own issues, and she's blaming you for it, YOU should be the one in an unhappy marriage too?

And whatever. Depression, I've heard, is serious, but isn't there a point when it all begins that you CAN climb out of it, you just choose not to and instead wallow in the pain. Whatever...I'm over this issue. there are far too many people in this world on prozac and it makes me sick. Think of your children. Supposedly, it's genetic.


2008-05-23 17:36:09 +0000
Be there and support my spouse for better or worse in sickness or in health!


2008-05-23 20:02:42 +0000
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Life and marriage both have their share of ups and downs. If you think about spending 60 or more years together w/ another person it is irrational to think that all those years will be happy and effortless. Depression is no different than any other medical condition, like diabetes or cancer. Dig in and be the man and husband she needs. The hurtful words she has said are probably the effects of the depression, and probably typical of someone w/ her problems. Work on educating yourself about it, and maybe even consider counseling for yourself. By the way, I've heard that accupuncture can work for people w/ depression who don't respond to the meds.


2008-05-23 17:57:24 +0000
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It sounds like your falling out of love for her . That's just wrong . I think you better check yourself . What makes you so perfect ? Love her til death .


2008-05-23 17:32:02 +0000
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Same problems here. Wife is a manic depressive. If we didn't have kids I would have left her *** years ago. If you don't have any kids with this lady then I would bail off the ship. It really is not worth the effort at all. Leave while you can, there are so many other people out there that it is not worth living a life with a crazy woman.
LEAVE!!!!!!!!! It will give you more peace of mind.


2008-05-23 17:31:01 +0000
You took her for better or worse, now that you are experiencing the worst, you just hang in there! Get some help for yourself as well, it is difficult going through this stuff!


2008-05-23 17:31:18 +0000
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Stick with it for a year and be a little more selfish so my own needs and happiness aren't completely neglected.

Might go into counseling myself, too, since the relationship too a lot out of me.


2008-05-23 17:35:06 +0000
My vows included the line, "in sickness and in health" so I'd do everything I could to get him help, I'd be supportive, and I'd just deal with it.
People who are struggling with mental or emotional issues sometimes say things they don't mean. I'd make sure I got myself some support/counseling so I could understand how to deal with the problems we were going through.


2008-05-23 17:33:46 +0000
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My husband has been very moody/depressed since I've known him. Within the past year or so he got help and meds and is extremely better. Just get her to counceling and continue to be there for her. It isn't your fault, sometimes the partner just gets the blame because they are there. Things will get better. It just takes time. Trust me.


2008-05-23 17:40:03 +0000
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Hey pal you said it yourself that she had some mental health issues so why are you taking what she said personally? You need to keep being supportive. Btw, there are soooo many medications today that will help her condition. Trust me that everything will be back to normal real soon. Just give it some time for some therapy sessions & for the medication to work. You'll see ... you'll be fine & so will she.


2008-05-23 17:32:32 +0000
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They have stuff out here for depression. Get her in to see a therapist and go from there. Depression can be cured. I honestly think my husband has emotional problems and I've been trying to get him to get counseling but he hasn't. I'm at my wits end. He's going to have to get help soon.


2008-05-23 17:33:14 +0000
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I suppose the real question to ask yourself is whether or not you love her. When you were married, it was until death do you part, for better or for worse. The woman is clearly ill and you are considering leaving her because of things she said when she was not well? I'm hardly a religious man, but when you make a commitment to someone, you should give your damnedest to make it work.

You admit that she is slowly getting better. Would you be able to live with yourself by leaving her and potentially causing a further onset of the depression or worse? Give it time.


2008-05-23 17:50:13 +0000
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After reading some of the comments. I have to agree with the question you have to ask yourself too, Do you love her? If you love this woman, then give it some time. If it's true that you have nothing left to give, I don't believe it, your reaching out right now. Good for you.

What is she depressed over? She may have some underline issue that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Your just the one she lashed out at, which I know isn't fair. But I know she didn't mean it. That's the norm sometimes between husbands and wifes, we tend to blame each other, sometimes in a harsh way. Was she crying when she said this? If so, something else is tearing her apart, and she just needs you to make it better at the moment.

Do you have children? If so, maybe you all need family therapy. But I tell you what, if you want to bail out, then go ahead, don't make it worse than it already is now, later. Just be there for her regardless. I think counseling will bring alot out of her that you made need to know.

God Bless you for even making an attempt, you care, and that's worth something. She should know how you feel regardless.


2008-05-23 17:35:56 +0000
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Continue to be supportive and remember, most likely the outbursts and such are just frustration. My current SO also had clinical depression (until we got her on MonaVie and since then its mostly disappeared-look into it, its not a medicine, just a very antioxidant rich drink, think steroids for your internal systems, including chemical imbalances) and it helped once I realized that the outbursts at me weren't so much her blaming me, but instead her realizing that she could let loose around me and explode a bit and I would still be there for her. Depression can be cured to an extent or at least helped. Keep trying things, medications, all kinds of things and be strict with them. Frequent exercise can help with mood, do small things that are enjoyable (how often do you rent a movie and cuddle with her or take her to dinner) that can make life a bit better, make the house a bit brighter colored, try medications and different treatments and remember: its not over until you give up. You fell in love with her and married her for a reason, she's still there even if its a bit harder. Give it time and most importantly KEEP TRYING TO IMPROVE THINGS

Edit: Another thing, remember, she knows she's depressed. She knows she normally would not think or say such things unless she was sick and is trying to refrain from doing so. She doesn't enjoy blowing up on you, and she most likely feels extremely guilty after doing so. She most likely feels like she's failing you and how do you think that going to a therapist makes her feel? It may be hard on you, but she's got it much worse. She's taking pills and seeing some guy with a PHD just to make an attempt to live a life remotely normal. On top of that, she's not any stupider than she once was. She knows whats going on, and she doesn't want it to happen, but she can't do much of anything about it. You just watch her do stuff she normally wouldn't do, but she also has to watch herself do stuff she normally wouldn't do and really has trouble stopping it.


2008-05-23 17:40:21 +0000
You married her in sickness and in health. Mental illness is a legitimate form of sickness, and the things your wife said came from an ill and distorted point of view. Please try not to hold these things against her. I think that both of you, and your children also, if you have them, should go to family counseling. Mental illness affects the entire family.

You need to work together to start the healing process. You also need to understand that she may be able to get out of the depression, but it's entirely possible she may go into another major depressive episode at any time. You need to make a contract with each other that if either of you feels her slipping (once she's feeling better) that you need to discuss it and whether she's slipping back into depression, and deal with it asap.

Try to remember back to a time when you were in love with her, and remember the things you fell in love with, and try to hold those memories dear until you can see some of those qualities within her peeking back out.

As for how to handle your own emotions right now, if you're not exercising, it's a good and healthy outlet for venting emotional frustration, and does wonders for combatting depression. If you don't believe me... try it and see for yourself.


2008-05-23 17:43:34 +0000
I can tell you from being on the depressed end of the equation, that it is very difficult to watch the ones you love hurt from the painful words or actions that you dole out to them. And yes, I blame myself for hurting them. Depression does not give one an excuse to cut other people up into pieces. I have also been in your shoes, while dealing with hurtful words and actions being thrown at me. You are not a bad person for feeling the way that you do. Depression strains everyone involved. Your emotions will wear thin and you will feel as though you truly cannot give anymore to that person. It's okay. Just be as supportive as possible with her, but on the other hand do not take the hurling insults that she throws your way. Regardless of where this depression stems from, you are still allowed to call her down when she begins to blame you for her feelings. If possible, I would recommend that you too receive some counseling or support on how to get through this time without you having to do something drastic-like leave her. Best of luck to you both. Your feelings count too. :)


musa mohamad
it my wife each time iam unable to see her she become very emosional start saying all kind of things what i can do?





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