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Why do so many "men" think a divorce means it's okay to abandon their children?
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Why do so many "men" think a divorce means it's okay to abandon their children?

Many "men" think that when they get divorced, (and loose custody), they should stop being parents as well. (I'm saying men, because it's rarely the women that loose the kids after a divorce, but I know that this applies to women too.)

Why is it socially acceptable for a man complain about the small percentage of his money he has to put toward his children--usually 20% in the usa-? (I say small because, although women put more of their money towards the kids in marriage (statistically) than men do, Men (statistically) put even less into their children after divorce. They are also less likely to spend time engaged in parental responsibilities -like parent teacher days at school or take your kid to work day or helping with homework (even when they have shared custody.)

It's not like, during the marriage, he was not expected to put money into his kids, why should a separation from their mother mean that he should pay less? Why shouldn't he be required to pay 50% of his children's expenses? Why on earth doesn't he do this willingly?

A man should WANT to take care of his kids. I personally consider a "man" who let's his anger toward his ex over-ride his desire to care for his offspring a failure as a person, and as a "man". ( I put "man" in quotations because I don't really consider him a Man at all.)

I make one exeption: If the man is truly unable to provide for his family, and the mother IS able to cover their child's expences, I would understand the man's upset regarding child support.

Please leave out the part about visitation rights, when discussing child support. It's a compleatly seperate issue. It is a valled argument for the lack of "phisically present" parental responcibilities, though.
(sorry for the spelling, I think the drink just hit me.)
Additional Details
Opetke: You're right, men don't get a lot of sypathy in divorce.
--But are you saying that we should punnish our children for that?

By the way we've got the same right to divorce that women have. If you want to stay married you have to come to a civil agreement with your wife, and then follow through on that agreement. Other wise you are just treating her like your pet "I bought you, so you stay!"


    




δι vιs pacεм, para bεℓℓuм
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Ego.


Andy
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tis is what they think "you dare divorce me? then you can take care of the kids yourself!"


Smile
I have that question in mind too and it made me feel disgusting ...


Cracker Jack
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Because they just don't care.


Mr. Greedy III
Seeing a child every other weekend is being a parent?

Most divorces are initiated by women. Many men are caught off guard.

Men are forced to accept a divorce, watch their children taken away, and many times the mother shacks up with a new man. Women do everything in their power to turn children against their fathers and his family. How else can they get the children to accept their new men?

Many men react with violence and end up in jail. This is what most women want.

I for one decided to just do what the law says. I walked away. I send my check every month to support the mother and her new boyfriends and I washed my hands. I have 35 months to go and then I will become a father again.

If my child ever wants a dime....they will have to actually pick up a phone or come see me. Suddenly...you will not be entitled to jack ****....

When those kids turn 18......men relearn what independence day means. Men only want to be treated equally under the law. Until the laws change, a young man is a fool to marry a woman in the United States or have children.

Just my 2 cents.....and I will leave my child $1.00 as an inheritance and not feel one bit of guilt.


Feminists Love Fred Flintstone
Jesus Christ, your pro-feminism really shines brightly in this ... demonize men all you can, Brother!!!!

Of course, women tend not to do a single thing wrong - ever... right?


For the record, I was the SAH parent. It was me looking after 'our' daughter, as well as her kids from a former relationship.

Our current system pushes men away from the children... but expects men to pay for the honour of being pushed away.

Do you know, my ex wife out earns me by a considerable amount. I could only earn about 1/2 what she earned due to her career choices (vs mine - which, unlike feminists, I take full responsibility for my choices). However, she doesn't have custody of her oldest daughter - and pays LESS C$A than I do for our daughter.

So tell me, how does that work? She earns double what I earn - yet pays less? Her ex (the father of the other daughter) is not a rich man, he's not college educate d or such like... he's a low paid labourer.

Did you know, I'm sure you do, that fathers who are 'allowed' full loving relationships with their children are considerably more likely to pay C$A without any problem, while fathers who have their relationship constantly interfered with by the mother are the most likely to have issues paying the C$A?

Now, why aren't you addressing the other side of this same coin - why are mothers allowed to entirely screwup the children's relationship to the daddy? Why is she allowed to use her hatred for the ex as an excuse to deny the child the right to a loving relationship?

Did you also know that when father's have custody, the children tend to have happier relationships with their mothers than when the mother has custody (as they tend to interfere more with the father/child relationship)?

Indeed... but you continue pretending only men do bad....


Emily twists the facts.. she claims 'men are paid to see their kids' - not true. It's acutally the opposite, women are 'paid to keep the kids away from the dad - if you don'tbeleive me, check out the C$A site for yourself'.

If a child stays over at dads (the assumed non residential parent), the amount he *has to* pay is reduced by a percentage. This gives women *yet another* financial reward for doing all in her power to keep the kids from the dad.


Mike
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what about "most" women who try to keep dad away as punishment?

Stop the dad from seeing his kids, move thousands of miles away?


Nice rant, but both genders really need to grow up.


True Brit
Sewrobb is out of date. In the UK both parents automatically get joint custody. Few women get alimony. Men are actually paid to see their children - they get a discount for every night the child sleeps at their house. check the csa website if you don't believe me.


blitzcrackunders
I don't think that visitation rights is a different issue from child support. If he is not able to have the right/privilege/responsibility to participate as a father figure in his children's lives, I don't feel like he should be financially responsibility. I feel his allowed physical interaction with his children should be directly correlated to his financially contribution. (unless of course there is a part in the mother/father or child/father relationship that interferes with this)


☼▬Jessi Ann▬☼
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I don't get it either, my husband had told me if we ever divorced he would give up his parental rights and just let me have the kid, needless to say we had a huge fight because i informed him even if we divorced he would still be a parent and be in his kids life regardless of how we felt about each other, but i think this comes from the fact that my husbands father abandoned him at age 7 when his parents split, he signed over all rights as a dad and hasn't spoken to my husband since he was 7. I think a lot of guys who do this are just repeating what their dads did to them. My husband has been in counseling and has learned that abandoning a child will not fix his issues and he has come around to the idea of sticking by a child even if him and i don't work out. But i was extremely pissed the first time he said that to me.


letterstoheather
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Personally, i don't know what anyone "thinks" unless they tell me.

Divorces are usually bitter, and it happens time after time -- the woman denies the husband visitation, uses the kids as pawns, and is generally bitter (like you said, this can work both ways and either way, it's common).

I think some men are scared 1/2 to death by the woman, and don't want to deal with her bitterness and attitude so they make themselves scarce.

I am a woman, was divorced when our son was 2-1/2. Couldn't stand the sight of my ex, but i was civil because of our son. My ex did all sorts of whacked out things to me -- one time i was trying to zip up our son's coat, and the ex shoved me off the deck? Another time, he shut my arm in the door. Who wants to deal with that crap? (I had physical custody by the way, but he didn't want the divorce - although he sure acted like he couldn't stand me when we were married).

Through it all, i never showed my disgust with the man. When our son was just 15, he decided to go live with his father, which was fine with me. Once our son moved in with his dad, he wasn't allowed to call me or visit for almost a year. I didnt play the game, and our son emailed me and called when he could. I wasn't going to have some hissy fit because my ex is immature and stupid. And i didn't want to cause any more heartache for our son than he already had with his father.

Divorce is a mess... that's for sure.


Mr Warrior
Not all men are like that. Your man is an individual and represents himself. If there are a handful of men like yours and acts as u say they do it still does not mean ALL men do that..
Everyone represents themself not a majority.


sewrobb
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Sorry but you cannot generalise like that in certain cases. More so in the UK because the Courts are weighed heavily in favour for the mother every time. She will get full parental control every time and all the property and possessions.

The father as far as the Courts concerned is just a money making machine and nothing else. In fact he no longer exists and under English law now he has no rights. Especially if they weren't married in the first place which seem to be the norm now.

Access is very restrictive to the fathers, in most cases 1 day a month if he is lucky.

I have been divorced twice and just walked away with what I stood up in after the courts had finished. I lost everything both times. House, car and possessions.

It's not a case of the fathers don't care, they are prevented from doing so by the courts. The court believe the mother every time irrespective of what the father says. Also if she said to the court she did want the father to visit or have anything to do with the kids then the courts will make it so.

So as I said before you generalise, come and get divorced in the UK and you will see why fathers are so pissed off about it.


ieuan's mum
it's not always the mans fault on this subject! from my experience with my hubby who has a son from a previous relationship does not see his child because the ex says so as she was not happy about us getting married so stopped his contact with the child.
she surely gets weekly payments (pays directly to csa) but for my hubby to get his contact resumed it means going to solicitors and courts and we cannot afford this as are struggling ourselves money wise.
i can also see the other side as when my son was 1 year old i left his father but did not stop contact but his father just did not want any contact at all but then again he had a child with another woman before we met and never bothered to see his daughter either


Greg N
The mother, or former wife, may be pushing him away as well. In some cases I believe it may be more complicated than you make it seem, although obviously a child needs two parents whenever and however possible. I'd much rather see a father put in TIME with a child rather than money. Money helps too, and there's a need for it, but time is arguably more important in some cases.


☆Leah☆
I sooo agree with you! my mom and dad are seperated,not devorced,but ever sinse they got seperated he harly speaks to us(less than 3 times a week) and he never buys us anything,it's always my mom,he has control over the money but he fights tooth and nail to give any to her. He NEVER see him hardly ever,we only see him like 4 times a month,IF that. I like and respect u as a person.=]

I need opinions!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090804230425AAD7kVP





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