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Why is my husband hanging onto his mistress?
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Why is my husband hanging onto his mistress?

After 3 years of this, he still can't let her go. He keeps begging for me to take him back and he promises that he will change. Recently, he told me that he hasn't seen her in awhile or very much. I found out that she gave him a ride to the airport for a trip. I was so mad that I made an appointment with a lawyer and then we met with a realtor to put our house on the market. He begged me again to reconsider.

I called him today and he said he was out running errands. In his world that's code for he was with her. I don't understand why he says one thing and then he's still with her. He says that he tries to end it, but she makes him feel as though he is her whole world and he's afraid she will hurt herself. We have been separated for over a year and been trying to get a divorce for the same amount of time. Neither one of us can give up because he says he wants to come home and I want him home. I don't know what to do any more.


    




as2633
talk to this girl:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ar6KoR1tDUt_r0zUyLdoS27sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080503221731AAAZn3t&show=7#profile-info-1feAnKa8aa


~Am
Because you are seperated & he must think shes good in bed.


Wish I could be something
Rating
He is still with her because he knows his wife will always be there even if he is cheating....So leave him already or let him keep f#cking this lady....Simple as that


kitkat
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once a cheater always a cheater


iyamacog
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Because obviously he CAN. Why should he give her up? He has his cake and able to eat it too. Perhaps you both need to try and remember your wedding vows........Since it's apparent, they've long been forgotten.


Jess
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You have given him more than enough chances, it's time to break it off for good. You deserve to be with someone who respects you more than he is at the moment.


shelly v
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Like some of the men of this world- who want their cake and eat it too!! stop being the door mat and go on with your life.. and find someone who will appreciate you and not use you...just think..if he can tie you up from getting the divorce then he doesn't have to get rid of anything or divide anything.


dreamer
I am very sorry to hear this, but I think that you should just step outside of the situation for a moment and realize that he doesn't love you as much as he tells you he does.

If he loved you he would not want to hurt you. I think that he cares about this mistress way too much to let her go and that right there would be a reason to leave this relationship.

Why do you keep hurting yourself this way? Let it go for your sake and move on, and let him move on with this other person. It will be hard at first but once you open your eyes you will wonder why you didn't leave him sooner.

He does not respect you and by the sounds of it you don't truely respect yourself. Nobody will ever respect you unless you demand it. So just love yourself and you will find somebody who will love you unconditionally and give you his ALLL.


Kodycat
Rating
Divorce him FOR SURE! It might be hard for you, because he is your husband. But any man that has had a mistress for that long is never gonna leave her. What are you still waiting for? You had a year and no change? Good luck to you. You may love him, but if he is not going to change and respect you, why do that to yourself.


mrclove4
You have to move on! I know it will be hard on you, but it is the right thing for your piece of mind...


chickenlittle25
He's a dog. Dump him.
If he wanted to give her up he would have, no matter what guilt trips she was laying on him.


Becky
Well you are doing it wrong!!!

First of all what the hell is he doing with a mistress, why did all of this start and has anything changed since it did??? Since she is still there and you are still dealing with her presence in your marriage my guess is not a damned thing has changed. What has happened to you in your life that makes you feel so useless in life that you are the second woman in your husbands life? Maybe you need to solve your personal issues, then there will be no need to solve marital problems, either they will solve themselves or there will be no marriage.


dragonfire
that's not the question of the moment
who cares why
the fact is he prefers her over you
and that should let you know where you do ( or in your case do not ) stand
so divorce him
move on
and learn more about self respect

he will say anything to not be on the losing end of a divorce
do you honestly think he will change.. even if he is running errands with her?
he shows his comp tempt for both you and the marriage


Mz_P
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Here's a question: Why are you still hanging on to your husband? Its been 3yrs! if he was serious about letting her go, then he would have the moment you found out! The fact is, you need to divorce him, be strong and dont let him play his silly little mind games with you! I wish you luck....


Alida
It's hard to let go, but you can. He's not showing you any respect and you're not showing yourself any respect by letting him do this to you.


OC
Rating
That "husband" is no good.


Truth Source
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-You either have him or you don't, and based on the current situation:YOU DON'T HAVE HIM !Why do you feel the need to put off the inevitable,he is gone despite his assurances to the contrary;Get your divorce and move on ,time's awasting!!


Radar
Rating
You have been separated for a year (not really) and trying to get a divorce (not really) for the same amount of time. But neither of you can give up....hmmm. I think the wrong question is being asked here. The question is not, why is your husband still hanging on to his mistress? The question is, why is his wife still hanging on to him?
You say you don't know what to do anymore, but I think you have known what to do for the past year.


musicrow21
Move on. Trite, but true...once a cheater always a cheater.


SueS
Rating
Sounds like a great guy. You've given him enough chances. Stop thinking he's going to change when you know he isn't. He a self-centered man who has no respect or real love for you. File for a divorce and when he starts his act, tell him to cry on his mistress's shoulder, not yours.


greatestmomof4
Rating
The question here is WHY ARE YOU HANGING ONTO TO HIM?


1 Hot Momma
Rating
You are a door mat. Why should he give her up when he can have both of you. You made that clear to him when you took him back.


Jenny
Rating
He will continue to hang on to his mistress and make excuses until you stop enabling him to do so.

Sell the house, sign the divorce papers and then see if your relationship has a chance of reigniting, but I doubt it.

At the moment he has a wife and a mistress, for any man the perfect situation, why would he want to end either?

You need to toughen up and take that next step and move on with your life and put an end to the one he is making you live. Sad really.

The old saying, If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours.... well he really hasn't come back to you, has he?


Paul
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He hangs onto her because he can. He is allowed to string you along and keep the mistress and make promises that go nowhere. It's working for him - he gets to keep everything he wants. The moment you become no longer available, consequences will kick in and he'll make more empty promises. He keeps her because he can.


ladylikeRN
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He is doing all of this because you and her let him. Get a divorce, some self-respect, and move on with your life. He does not want you. I can't understand why women stay in these unhealthy situations. Your husband could give you HIV/AIDS or STDs and excuses will still be made. People only treat you the way that you want to be treated. I would not let boyfriend treat me this way, let alone a husband?!


Kit
Rating
Better question is: Why are you still putting up with this looser?
Throw him out and have a blast on your own, live and laugh and stop wasting your time with this idiot.


James Watkin
He won't let her go because he knows you will take him back anyway. So why would he change?

You said it yourself, you want him home. Well, be careful what you wish for, you just may get it. You may spend your life with a man that has no respect for you or your marriage because YOU want it. And you just may miss out on the man God wants you to have.





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