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my boyfriend doesn't want to get married but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me?
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my boyfriend doesn't want to get married but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me?

i want to marry my boyfriend but he says marriage don't change anything its just a piece of paper he has been married once before so maybe he is scared but i still want to marry him he is a soldier and he told me they only way he would marry me is if they move him somewhere else. i just don't understand why he wont marry me


    




2009-04-02 20:59:58 +0000
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Honestly in a relationship, there is no bigger way of expressing a desire to be with someone for the rest of your life than marrying them, and committing to the relationship. So, if your bf refuses to marry you, than maybe he wants to keep his options open. Even if you're together for 15 years, without a marriage, he's free to leave whenever he feels like it. Are you sure that you want to be committed to someone who won't commit to you?


2009-04-02 20:51:44 +0000
His ex wife must have hurt him for him to feel that way about marriage. He might change in time, but don't count on it. If you have been together a long time, and he still won't make a commitment you might want to leave and be with someone that does want marriage.


2009-04-02 20:49:46 +0000
Because he's just not that into you.


2009-04-02 21:06:43 +0000
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yeah Marriage is such a great institution for men..a woman cheats on her husband with another man and decides to keep the baby, the HUSBAND gets to pay for it. A woman cheats on her husband and then files for divorce, HE loses half of everything..A woman divorces a husband and ALWAYS gets custody of the kids and the man gets to pay child support till the kids are 18 and in some cases 21..if he doesn't pay they chase him down by enforcing the DEADBEAT DAD law. If a woman defaults on child support (98% of women do) it's no big deal.

Yeah, gays can marry, in California a people have married their pets, and so on and so on..yeah marriage is such a sacred institution. You all are right about it being more than just a legal way for women to steal from men. The person saying you can't visit someone in the hospital because you're "not married" has NEVER happened in the 8 years I've worked in a hospital..but don't let facts get in the way of an opinion


2009-04-02 21:47:31 +0000
The chances are its not the wedding piece of paper that he worries about, its the divorce one he is most worried about.


2009-04-02 20:49:32 +0000
go to the tyra banks show. haha.


2009-04-02 21:31:45 +0000
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He told you why, he doesn't want to.
I'm sorry if you are looking for something deeper that will resonate with your belief patterns about marriage, but what he told you is probably it. He did it once and has no interest in repeating it.
You need to decide if you want to live with that, because just like you shouldn't force him to marry, he shouldn't force you to live without marriage if you really want it.
You may not be right for each other if something that big is not in agreeance. It isn't fair to either of you for one to try and persuade the other either.


2009-04-02 20:51:34 +0000
If he feels it is just a piece of paper than why did he feel it was needed with the first women who he did marry. hhhhmmm ask yourself that.


2009-04-02 20:58:15 +0000
Because guys like your boyfriend who dont want to get married are just waiting for someone better to come along.


2009-04-02 21:06:59 +0000
There are many people who feel the way your boyfriend does about marriage. You shouldn't pressure him to get married though. You can either stay with him knowing you two may never get married or move on and find someone else you will marry you.


2009-04-02 20:53:27 +0000
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He does sound scared. Or he just doesn't want the commitment. Only he knows. Does he understand that you will NOT get any of his benefits? Educational and medical? And if he does get moved, which is highly possible, is he just going to rush to marry you? Find out whats really going on with him.


2009-04-02 20:52:11 +0000
It's NOT just a piece of paper, it's financial protection, insurability, and the ability to visit him if he was in a serious accident.


2009-04-02 21:08:56 +0000
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Relationships are a two-way street - and they only work if both parties adhere to that. If you are able to live with him forever without getting married, that is a question only you can answer.

My husband felt similarly before we got married. He said, "If I love someone enough to be with them for the rest of my life, what difference does a piece of paper make?" Well, that 'piece of paper' make it so I can be in the hospital with him if something happens. It means that I can give him survivor benefits if something happens to me. It means that it's easier for us to buy a house together, get benefit coverage, tax benefits and more. If that 'piece of paper' was so unimportant, why are people still fighting for the legal right to marriage? For me, that 'piece of paper' was non-negotiable. I agreed to live with him before we got engaged, but not for an indefinite period - no saying 'Maybe we'll get married someday'. 14 months after we moved in together, we got engaged and 2 months after that we got married.

For couples who don't believe in legal marriage - that is fine. I support their right to choose that life for themselves. I have friends who've been a couple for 14 years without every getting married. BOTH people need to feel that way or it's not going to work.


2009-04-02 20:57:56 +0000
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He's already made one mistake maybe he's scared to death to make another. I know he might tell you he doesn't think he is because he wants to stay with you, but there is a good chance that is second guessing his choices in life. He probably didn't think he was making a mistake the last time either. There's not much you can do really other than just give him time.

There is more to being married than just that piece of paper. It's kinship and legal rights (financially and medically). Without being married you have no rights to anything that might belong to him in your hands, including his health care (should he get real sick), you would have no say in that either.

Just leave him alone for now, he may come around. Maybe there is one or two things that make him weary....you should ask him if there is anything holding him back, making him think twice about it.


2009-04-02 21:48:39 +0000
If he wants to spend the rest of his life with you then he needs to marry you. If he refuses then you need to move on.


2009-04-02 20:55:22 +0000
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i was married before i lived with him for three yrs and then married him for three yrs and left him after the three years of marriage i found things change a lot after we got married in my head i felt trapped and you start taking each other for granted
now im with a man that i will spend the rest of my life with we have 3 kids and i will never marry him no way i dont like being married so i understand what your man is saying unless he gets posted somewhere else there is no point
but i understand your point every girl wants marriage and the big white dress and a princess for the day
its your life if your happy let it be
if your unhappy then its time to move on its your life


2009-04-02 20:53:39 +0000
probably because marriage is a woman thing, and since he's already been down that road once, he wants to make sure he doesn't make the same mistake again... maybe he got out of the other one without her cleaning him out, and he's fearing you might do exactly what he avoided before you... although his ex-wife may still get a piece of his retirement if he is a lifer...
Relax, why do you have to do the marriage thing right away?
I make my living off of weddings, but it's a girl thing, the guy proposes 95% of the time because he's pressured into it.
No guy wants that, at least early on... give it time...


2009-04-02 20:56:03 +0000
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Tell him the cow has stopped producing milk and if he wants it, he must marry you legally.If he leaves, he was never serious except for wanting to get his rocks off...


2009-04-02 20:53:06 +0000
Marriage is a big step. Maybe he has some underlining committment issues


But I agree with Beyonce....If he likes it, put a ring on it =)


2009-04-02 20:51:03 +0000
I always assume that people who say what your boyfriend said just want to keep their exit doors wide open.


2009-04-02 21:49:30 +0000
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Why but the cow when the milk is free.


2009-04-02 20:53:39 +0000
Tell him if he wants to stay with you, to put a ring on it.


2009-04-02 21:51:18 +0000
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I thought that been marry didn't meant nothing but i was wrong it means a lot, i get way more respect from his family and everyone else. but maybe there is something behind the reason why he don't want to get marry.





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