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my boyfriend keeps talking about his ex wife?
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my boyfriend keeps talking about his ex wife?

my bf is gonna marry me in a month but he keeps talking about his ex wife with whom he was married for 10 years... I understand he has a past with her, but he keeps talking about her and it annoyes me a lot, any advice?


    




retox
Rating
tell him how you feel and ask him to stop talking about her. I would find that actually quite hurtful. It is fine to discuss an ex if it is in context to that particular discussion but anything more is just not on. Christ, it must be like living in her shadow. Just simply say to him next time he talks about her, "can we stop talking so much about X - it actually upsets me" He might not actually realise he is doing it - crazy as that might sound, sometimes, we just get into the habit of talking about the same subject.


angelbabe
Tell him that talking about his ex wife makes you feel unworthy


slmjacs
Rating
If you're getting married soon his previous marriage and marital experience is probably at the forefront of his mind, I doubt its anything to worry about, maybe try to discuss it with him, say to 'what was being married like' etc, communication is the key, don't just leave it cos it'll fester and bug you.


vayuputra
may be not to hurt u so much .so he is telling all about her


Marilyn
Rating
she's still under his skin, he has no business getting married at this time, you deserve his undivided attention and that uncludes memories.


free starr
I noticed you called him you bf why not fiancee you may want to really think before you marry him he may just call her name out in the bedroom one night and if he has been married for 10 years you know that woman will get some of his social security even if she is not married to him and even if you do marry him Have you really let him no how much that bothers you if you have what does he say "MY bad its just that I was with her for so long" You might want to think about this one GF and How did their marriage end Did she leave him if she did he is probably still in love with her because it seems like when a woman leaves a man he can never really fully recover.


Karma
What types of things is he talking about exactly? Have you tried telling him this bothers you? You can't blame him if you let it go on and you are about to marry him so he really isn't the one with the major problem. You need to decide NOW if this is something you can handle.


♥♥JB♥♥
is he saying nice things or bad things about her, if there bad he may still have issues or anger with her that he needs to get off his chest, if its nice things i think you need to sit him down and have a chat with him.
I doubt he still has feelings for her or anything though cause he is talking openly to you so he must feel comfortable (he's not hiding anything), there were together for 10 years so he may think of her as a friend now which is fine but he needs to put you first now and keep her in the past.


celticbuddha
my advice is be prepared to be ex wife number 2. until he completely lets his first wife go, there is nothing that you can say or do that will change anything that is going on now. either send him off to a therapist, hoping for the best, or walk away now.


Phoenix
Rating
You need to sit him down and tell him you have a problem with him talking about his ex. Sometimes people don't realize they are complaining about someone until their friends or love ones mention it to them.

If this doesn't stop him from talking about his ex, you may suggest he needs to seek counseling so he can move on with his life and resolve whatever hangups he may have.


daljack -a girl
Rating
He hasn't gotten over her......don't marry him yet.....he's not ready.


freedom fighter
i'd sit down and have long talk a/b whether or not he's ready to truly move on w/his life and if he's over her or not before he makes a commitment he doesn't want to. don't worry a/b post poning or cancelling you're wedding it's your life and peopel will understand. i would try couples therapy if you haven't already. it may help resolve some issues b4 you say i do.


flavagirl
Well ahve you told him how you feel about him always talking about her.If not do so.But if they have children together you will be hearing about her.But just talk to him and tell him that you don't like it when he brings her up.I think a lot of women would get pissed about their man talking about another woman all the time.


Curious
I would hold the wedding off!!!!!! He is not over her at all!!!!


Lisa W
Rating
Don't marry him. Now he's talking about her but what if he never stops, then what.

He needs counseling and to realize you are not his ex and don't want to her all about her. Either he's ready to move forward with his life or he isn't.


Sell
Rating
I am afraid to say that your bf obviously still cares for her. It would be unhealthy to move on to a new relationship with another woman and keep talking about any previous relationships. I suggest that you mention to him that he should move on and forget about the past to keep a healthy relationship with you. Perhaps it may be wise to get this resolved once and for all before getting married. Trust me, if this bothers you now, it will bother you later on as well. Hope this helps.


smilingeyes_momof3
When he brings it up, tell him you recognize he has a past but your really want to focus on building your future. Tell him it bothers you to think about and discuss her... if he can't respect that - then don't get married yet.


shreya
Rating
Does he remembers the good times with her or how she upset him? If he sounds wistful then it is best for you to leave otherwise both of you should have an open talk about both your feelings and how it is hurting you.


Ed D
If he still talks about his ex, he still thinks about her and might have alot of feelings he ant ready to get rid of. He may not be ready to get married. Dont get hert


thierrysmum
either he is not over her in which case he should not be getting married again or he has been badly hurt and is still licking his wounds either way i would be cautious about marrying him with all this baggage.


Spindrift
Rating
He's not over her yet and is using you as a rebound. You need too postpone this for a while.


Tabitha
I guess he is starting to make comparisons.


JOANNA41
He must still be hung up on her confront him just do it nicely


bubbles
Rating
He probably does not do it intentionally but 10 years is a long time to spend living with someone. He may not even realise that he is doing it sometimes. If he was comparing you to her then that would be completely different. Can i ask why is everyone getting thumbs down for giving their advise?


I SMELL WET DOGS
Rating
sounds like he still wanna be with her.


LAgirl
10 years is a long time to be married. It is normal to bring up his ex-wife from time to time. Your fiance had a life with her.

However, if he talks about her too much, and it annoys you, it could be one of two reasons why. First, you did not tell him how much it annoys you or second, he is not over her yet.

Both reasons are very very important since you are going to marry this guy very soon. If you didn't talk about your feelings enough, that would be poor communication skills on your part. If he is not over her yet, which is worse, he is not ready for marriage. How long has it been since his divorce was final? Should be 1-2 years. Was he single for a while before he met you? Again, should be a year or two.

I had a rebound boyfriend after my divorce, but a rebound marriage? That should not happen!

Now here's the big question: How do you know he is over his ex? When he's happy to build a new life with only you in it.


slayer4good
Well, imagine what it would be like to talk to him but never mention anything that happened to you from the age of 4 to 14 in your past. A lot happens in 10 years, is my point, you can't expect him not to talk about it or the person that was there for most of it. What you can do is tell him it bothers you, be honest with him, and just say you need him to think of how it makes you feel. That should help him cut down on it, but remember you won't ever be able to eliminate her completely. It's the unfortunate baggage that comes from marrying someone that has been through a divorce.


mindmatter
he loves her still


Everybody's Favorite
He's leaning on you for emotional support. But you're his fiance not his therapist. Explain it to him that you understand that he has a past, but could he please refrain from bringing that past in the present.

I was married for 14 years. Now I'm in a new relationship. My bf asked me to not talk about my ex and my ended marriage too often. I was making that mistake too and he politely asked me to stop. He's right - he wants a normal relationship between the two of us, without the shadow on of ex.
After being in a relationship for so long, there is a mental habit of thinking of that person. It's not love. It's just a habit. He helped me to break that habit.
Whenever I really feel I need to talk about by ex cause there are unresolved emotional issues I talk to my girfriends or to a therapist.


IceAngel
Rating
You shouldnt marry him yet until he is over her because by talking about her means he still loves her so you shouldnt marry him sorry he isnt ready


MissE
Don't marry him
Mt SO and I both have an ex They do not get mentioned unless it is to explain something. They are the past Not the future





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