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my husband bought me nothing for x-mas !!!!?
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my husband bought me nothing for x-mas !!!!?

we had our "family" x-mas yesterday because of his custody arrangement with his children. everyone opened all of their gifts (including him of course) and i had NOTHING. i tried at first to pretend to not notice... but today i couldn't help but tell him how hurt i am. he gave a lame excuse "i never went shopping without you." I'M SO UPSET. please tell me how you would respond to this...
Additional Details
i'm raising his children from his first marriage. i'm pregnant with our first child together. i told him EXACTLY what i wanted: 1-lint shaver, 1-wooden back stick, 1- black eye mask... $10 for all three together...


    




Poppet
Rating
Ah, tis the season to be greedy. Tis better to give than to receive.


Crispy_Frog
Christmas is not until Monday. He got the hint. Don't give up hope. Let him know that the holidays are tough for everyone and you know he has been busy. Give him a little list of hints and tell him how delighted you will be with the surprise he selects for you.

You can salvage this Holiday by not being so sensitive and let him have some time alone to do some shopping with your little list.

Good Luck!


Clumsy
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maybe it'll be a surprise ...


Impossible Princess
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What? I'd be mad too! He didn't even get you a card? Let him know there's still two days before Christmas and he should probably learn how to shop without you. I'm guessing he's over 18 so he shouldn't be scared of the big bad shopping mall. Even if he got you something inexpensive and totally wrong, at least he thought about you! That's where the whole "it's the thought that counts" comes from. I swear, I'm mad and it didn't even happen to me! lol


mamabear
It's not Christmas yet, make it clear that you still expect a gift. There's still time. Let him go out with all the chaos in the stores this weekend. He deserves it. Ask for something EXPENSIVE!!!!


*never give up*
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lol well my husband and i had that same convo (argument) yesterday!... some men just dont know what to do. has he at least made up for it? explain to him that that's unaccaptable to you. how long have you been together? ps. he managed to buy himself an ipod docking station, shopped for shoes and a laptop for himself


Liz
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If you've been buying him gifts (Christmas/birthday/anniversary gifts) up till now, stop.


Kat's Lil LAdy
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I would be mad, but do you know his economic status probably you have him in child support and he barely has enough for your children who come before you and ofcourse himself.


nygirl
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Christmas is supposed to be a time of giving. Just because you are married does not always mean that your are supposed to get gifts for everything. Also, children usually are the focus of gift giving during this season. Once you become an adult, we do not have to always put so much emphasis on receiving gifts. You know a gift does not always have to be something store bought. He can do something special and surprise you.


Moon
if he's your husband, that means he loves you...he could have found a way to go shopping. no, its not about gifts in boxes all wrapped up and pretty...but this is one way in which we show love. when the family is gathered around and you're the only one not opening something, that shows his lack of respect for you and your feelings, that he doesn't care that you'd be left out and thus stinking out like a sore thumb. he left you embarrased and that's just plain wrong.

i think you were right to confront him tho. tell him basically what i told you if the subject comes up again. he should know what he did to make you stand out and feel bad. not shopping without you is a very lame excuse...even for a man cuz heaven knows they're full of them.

we all know that men show their feelings differently than women and they don't always see the big picture of a situation, but a man finding time and putting thought into showing his love is the ultimate showing of that love. that he cares enough for you to have something. by now all men should know this but it must be that something's missing in their makeup...oh yeah A BRAIN! hahaha

straight up ask him if he loves you, and make him tell you why...give him time to think on that one tho. he's gonna feel the embarrasment of it when everyone asks him what he got you, and when they ask you and you respond "nothing", i'm sure he'll hear about it.


sks26
Rating
Get him to take you shopping, I know that your feelings are hurt, but if you can tell him this with out getting upset you will save a lot of trouble for you both. Maybe he will do better next time, or maybe you can just plan a shopping trip prior to when you guys open gifts. He may not have meant to hurt you. Some guys are bad at this kind of thing.

I would probably get mad and cry, and say really mean things...

Then I would have to apologize later and would probably ruin Christmas for everyone.

Don't act like me, be reasonable about the situation, Merry Christmas to you.


Msdeb gee
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ONE VALENTINES WHEN WE WERE FIRST MARRIED MY HUSBAND DIDNT BUY ME ANYTHING NOT EVEN A CARD VAL. FAIL ONA SAT AND HE WAS WORRKING BUT THAT WASNT GOOD ENOUGHT HE KNEW WHEN IT WAS AND SHOULD NOT HAVE WAITED TIL THE LAST MINT SO ON MONDDAY I WENT BOUGHT MY SELF THE BIGGEST HANGING BASKET OF IVY I COULD FIND AT THE FLOIRST AND BUT IT ON HIS CARGE ABOUT 10 MINTS BEFOR HE LEFT WK TO COME HOM I CALLED HIM AND TOLD HIM HOW SORRY I WAS FOR GETING UPSET WITH HIM AND THANKED HIM FOR THE BASKET OF IVY HANGING ON MY PORCH WHEN I GOT HOME FROM BUYING GROCS HE SAID IT WASN'T FROM HIM SO I SAID IT MUST B IIT HAD A CARD THAT SAID FROM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER MY FRIEND ACROSS THE ROAD MADE IT A LIL JUICER WHEN HE GOT HOME HE ASKED HER IF SHE SEEN IT GET DELVERED SHE SAID YES AND MADE UP A STORY THAT INVOLED A TALL GOOD LOOKING MAN IN A BLK CAR BY NOW HE IS UPSET ASKING ME COULD IT BE MY FOLKS A FRIEND ECT ECT ABOUT 30 MINTS AFTER HE GOT HOME OUR FRIEND WHO OWNS THE FLORIST KNOCKE ON THE DR WITH A FERN AND 2 DOZ RED ROES MY HUBBY LOOKEAT ME AND SAID I LOVE YOU AND THIS IS FROM ME AND WHEN I FIND OUT WH OTHE HELL THAT OTHER ONES FROM I WILL KICK HIS BUTT MY FRIEND THE FLORIST CAME IN THE KITCHEN AND BEGGED ME TO TELL HIM THE WHOLE STORY SO I PROMISED I WOULD BF WE WENT TO BED
AS WE WERE LAYONG IN BED I TOLD HIM II KNEW WHO SENT THE OTHER ONE BUT BF I WOULD TELL HIM HE HAD TO PROMISE ME HE WOULDNT HURT NOBDY (HE IS USUALLY A SWEETY) HE PROMISED SO I TOLD HIM HE STARTED TO LAUGHT THEN HE SAID HE WAS SORRY FRO MAKING ME FILL UNLOVED OR WANTED THEN RIGHT BF HE WENT TO SLEEP HE SAID HOW DID YOU PAY FOR IT YOU ONLY HAD GROC MONEY ON YOU I SMILED AND SAID WELL YU GOT 30 DAYS TO PAY I PUT IT ON YOUR ACCT THAT WAS THE YR HE LEARNED A 200$ LESSON BUT HE HAS NEVER FORGOT ME SENSES HE FOND OUT TOO THAT I WILL NOT BE OVER LOOKED !


Ruth R
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well if he's done this before then you have to expect not to get anything. it is upsetting though cause i know i would be upset if my husband got me nothing for christmas. give him no nukie for two weeks!


Blue Steel & Lace
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Wait until Christmas. It may be that he has a little surprise just for you.
Some men just are not good at getting gifts. I like the other answer about getting herself a gift and saying "This is from you." As long as this is OK with him, then maybe that would be a good idea.
I love to shop, buy gifts and wrap them, and at first I thought my husband wasn't interested, or that he didn't love me. He told me that I do it so well that he feels intimidated.
So, I make a fuss over whatever he gives me, knowing it is totally from the heart and his best effort.


Oria
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Maybe he's got something big planned for you on Christmas day. Don't give up yet! It may be his way of deceiving you!


S S
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I agree with you that is lame and if that was the case he should have given you some money.


Jim N
Sometimes men are idiots. Cool down a bit, and then explain to him like you would a child. Gently and in simple terms that it really hurt your feelings that he couldn't be bothered to gift you. Explain that it also sends a message to everyone else there including children that this is appropriate behavior. Now, time for you to stop expecting us idiots to be mind readers. From now on and every Christmas, give him a shopping list of possible gifts including sizes and colors. Granted, every gift won't be a surprise, but at least you will get gifts that you like. After a few years he WILL become a better shopper. This will leave him no excuses and if he does this again you will most likely be able beat him into a paste with a rolling pin and no jury in the country will convict you. Good Luck.


David C
you already have responded to it my expressing the hurt he caused you. hopefully you got through and he will be more diligent next time or better yet he will try yo make it up to you by buying something really special . it hurt because he sent a message by his actions. it is most likely that he did not intend to hurt you but he hurt you just the same.

we are traveling to my in-laws for Christmas and my wife is already there but i don't fly out until tomorrow morning and when i called her to make sure that she didn't open the parcel i sent with her present in it she exclaimed that she didn't know i was getting her anything and that she had gotten nothing for me! now this is a woman(women are much more likely than men to be sensitive to these things) that i have been married to for 28 years and except for one year that we were in the middle of a financial crunch where we agreed to only buy for the kids i we have always exchanged gifts with her but if she can get caught up in the stress and busyness and forget to get her husband some thing then I'm not at all surprised that it could happen to your husband.

cut your husband some slack that was what i did for my wife


beamer
Are you serious? it's Christmas not X-mas. That is a cute name to shorten the word if you like the abbreviation (no thanks). Christmas is about giving not receiving. If you expected something in return for buying him something then you are wrong. Doesn't that sound greedy? When you gave him your gift did you give it happily? When you didn't receive a gift back you got pist. Can I make a suggestion? Go down to skid row and humble yourself as there are people who ask nothing but they continue to give of themselves (people who help other people). Get over it (Christmas is for the children if you want to be so materialistic) your so deprived is that what you want to teach your children?. Society has made Christmas such a joke including you. Go on being pist and you may as well hold that grudge forever. Merry Christmas and I really do wish you the best!


jessicadavid p
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put him in the dog house !! i got one if you need it or i would find a man that cares about me


daljack -a girl
I would let him know that I was upset about not getting a gift from him.

Then I would talk to him about the two of you doing something special after the holidays.

If he cares for you he will never make this mistake again...don't ruin a marriage over this.


lemcguigan
he'll probably give you one on Christmas


SunValleyLife
Mine never does either. I take money and buy it myself and say this is from you.

Mine got me a 16.00 stocking cap last year and he was so thrilled and i about died.

its this way for my bday too, NOTHING.

I hate it but its the way he is. I just buy my own stuff.


Thomas S
Rating
Tell him it's not so much the gift as what the gift means and he should consider how much meaning he wants to put into the marriage.

In my marriage I find that giving my wife anything comes back to me in spades in the form of contentness and security.


Bastet's kitten
I would be hopping mad. I would cry, I would yell at him, and I would tell him, in no uncertain terms, exactly how I felt. Then, I would tell him that next year, he can go to his family Christmas by himself because you'll be out with the girls.





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