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my wife cheated on me should i forgive her? or just walk away/.?
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my wife cheated on me should i forgive her? or just walk away/.?

i have been married for about 18 years i have never cheated or even got close to other woman, but my wife cheated on me with someone that i know, should i leave her or forgive her and stay with her and is there something wrong with ? could i have caused this in anyway. help.


    




keral
give warning her


Jessie
I would at least talk to her and find out why before you decide if you want to leave. Some people have been able to forgive and move on. You don't have to but if it were me I would at least want to understnad it before I decided. To be honest though I would probably leave anyway.

I have no idea if you could have had any part in this. I do think people cheat because some need of theirs isn't being met but still she should've talked to you not cheated. sorry that you're having to go through this


Jack
hey brother, thats a tough call. i couldnt forget it and i wouldnt, couldnt allow myself to trust her again, so for me, yes it would be over. you are part to blame but how much you only know. lack of comminication, and falling distant because of that, is a relationships worse enemy. its not your fault, unles you flat out refused to hear her or stopped caring. i wish you the best, and im sorry that this happened to you. take care.


Jon H
Rating
don't walk-run


quen
I dont stop breathin every time the phone rings..... Ive almost given up thinkin youre ever gonna call...... I dont believe in majic anymore...... I almost given up askin God for his help ......its gettin better all the time ... a I think Im gonna make it cause God won't make a mountain I cant climb..... God I hope your happy & ... wish you well I might get over you ...u cant ever tell...... I always thought is do somethin crazy if I ever saw u with someone eles..... and when I saw you last night I stood there in the dark couldn't say a thing . the whole time.... all I did was keep it locked inside ......its gettin better all the time ...its gettin better all the time


abkasy n
Rating
just walk away away away


canalopes
wow 18 yrs is a long time. Why your wife decided to cheat is my question. My fiance cheated on me quite a few times and I even caught him naked with the female in the bed in my apartment. Granted I did break up with him but eventually I got back together with him and we're going on 7 yrs now. I think ya'll should sit down and have a heart to heart talk about this situation. Lay everything on the table. Both of you take turns talking and not interrupting at all. Plus you may consider some marriage counseling too before thinking about leaving her. I know they say once a cheater always a cheater but I believe in God and he never walked away from anyone. Look how he was treated. He may not been cheated on but the point is he was treated unfairly and he forgave. Same for you! This situation is so unfair for you and hurtful but I believe you should forgive her. Thats if you decided to stay or not. Is she sorry for letting this happen? Is she remorsing from it? Has she even apologized? Some women and men just want there cake and eat it too!! No matter what we tell you sweetie the decision is yours. Is it worth letting go 18 yrs of marriage with her b/c of her infidelities? Granted it won't be easy but things can work out and will get better. The trust factor is out the window for a long time. Its like rebuliding from the ground up. Its gonna take a long time but it is possible. So I wish you luck baby and I hope things go well for you. God Bless You!!


mamabear
Rating
Don't forgive her. You didn't deserve to be cheated on. Find someone that is faithful.Good luck.


carblue ♥
Rating
I can't answer your question, but I can tell you that the old phrase " once a cheat always a cheat " is not always true. I cheated on my spouse once - and it has been 10 years since and I have never and will never do it again. He gave me the chance to earn his trust again....and I will always thank him for that.


cinnamon@ndspice
you should forgive,18 years is a long time!maby she needed to feel wanted again,maby something was missing in her life,and instead of telling you she whent to go find it.ask her why she did it!and give her what she went else were for most of the time it is not the other spouses falt . its whatever problem the other person has .so talk,. resolve the problem .and live another 18 yrs with your wife.it takes a real man to forgive.and you didnt spend 18 yrs with your wife for nothing.mistakes happin all the time .people learn from them.so good luck and take care.


мєxι . ♥
Rating
leave she didn't care 2 loose ur trust and went off wit dat other guy. she knew u wood never cheat on her or even think dat u wood be thinkin if she had affairs. leave her lyk da trash she iz. if she loved u she wood have never cheated on u. if u 4give her u don't know if she'll do it again. u lost most of da trust u had and i woodn't be able 2 live wit sum1 lyk dat


maxsgirl003
You will be the only one able to answer that the only thing I could tell you is to talk to her, tell her how you feel and try to see why she did it. But I can assure you that if you decide to stay with her it will be a lot of work to get to trust her and also if you do decide to stay you will have to forgive her you can't always bring it up in her face. So now the time to make a choice take you time and think long and hard about it...don't rush into anything emotion sometimes can cloud are judgement


ideally_rational
18 years is too long to just walk away because of this. Now in new young relationships, I do suggest that they walk away, because their relationship isn't on the solid foundation that your marriage is.
People are going to naturally not be close all the time for 18 years, there will be some drier periods than others, you already know this.
You need to talk with her and she needs to tell you why this happened. Was it simply lust? Was it an emotional attachment? Was it a friendship that went too far?
Because it was someone you know, it sounds like a friendship that went too far.
What I think you need to do is try to see if the two of you can agree to become close to eachother again. If she's not willing to do that, then you do leave her, but if she is willing to try to fix the distance that has grown between the two of you, I say give it a good try.
18 years is too long to throw out in the garbage without trying, you've been through too much together.
As far as causing this, well I don't know any of the details of your marriage, but I think I can safely say that the two of you grew distant from eachother over time, and that you both contributed to that probably, although I'm not sure, only you know for sure.
I think you are in for a long learning process about eachother to get to know eachother again. But you will end up closer than you have ever been before if you persevere.


Caesar
Rating
There's a reason why she cheated. You just need to figure out why if you love her. 18 years of marriage is a long time to just throw out the window. As far as the person she cheated with I would kick his a** and send him to the hospital.


♥ Blondie ♥
ooh, don't go blaming ur self.. she is responsible for her actions not u..

its up to u to stay or go....

if she still loves u and u still love her.. stay..

if the two of u have changed thru the years.. maybe now is the time to cut ur losses...


lancej0hns0n
Rating
WALK AWAY - no wait don't walk RUN, RUN FAST, RUN NOW !!!!!!!!!!

and don't look back


onebigfool
Rating
It is not your fault. Your wife has free will and she made the choice to cheat. As to whether you should stay or go? I think you have to weigh all of the pros and cons before you decide. Is she remorseful? Is she willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage healthy again? If so, and you still love her, you owe your 18 year marriage at least one more chance. Marriage counseling should be an unconditional must. Affairs are usually a bi-product of other problems in a relationship. If the two of you don't deal with these issues there will only be more heartache down the road--guaranteed.


Jai
I would never stay with a person who is a cheat.


Eds
Luis,
This is something that you alone can decide. Once you make a decision it will be forever so think about it first. I would make certain that I take her to a Bible Study and begin reading and studying the scriptures with her. BOTH of you should be involved if you are going to make this marriage work. My wife and I have been m,arried for 32 years and I would not trade her for the most beautiful woman in this world. She and I have three wonderful children and a grandson. We do everything together and I have never thought of any other woman. We were high school sweethearts. We both became Christians about twenty years ago and GOD is a big part of our lives together. Have a nice weekend.
Thanks,
Eds


.


cobrasnake
Rating
All is up to You. But there is not a warranty, that she will not do it again. In 99% percent of marriages,who he or she cheated,they will cheat again and again.It will never be your own fault,could be both.All is up to you,think good and well.Good luck.


bendozaa
Rating
That is a big decision to make if i where in your shoes i would have to start some serious counselling. Remember it will never work if you forgive but don't forget that's the hard part.


beanodom
I would walk away. There is nothing worse than a cheater.


cristine d
Rating
Forgive her if you loved her. It is sad for husband being cheated by their spouse? But I understand her needs also maybe you can not give the best she is looking in bed? Try to enroll in a gym and gain more muscles to regain your power in bed, so she doean't need to cheat you again?


sportguy
don't blame her indiscretion on yourself! no, you didn't cause this, she had a choice to be faithful or 2 cheat. and she chose 2 cheat. i would leave. don't let her make a fool of you again!


brwneyedgrl
No one can tell u whether u should stay or go.. only you can decide that, because only you know what u feel in ur heart.. people will be quick to judge and say , Leave her..

My x husband cheated on me.. and he left.. and prior to him cheating i always would say "if my husband cheated id be out the door quick, until it happened and my heart was crushed, i would of taken him back in a heart beat if the chance had arrived, granted i probably wouldnt of been able to get over it and more then likely we would of ended up divorced anyways, but i would of given it one heck of a shot. So only u know what u can put up with, only u know how ur heart feels so only u can make this choice..

Caused is a strong word here, she is an adult, she took a vow to u, and no matter what was going on in ur marriage, she did breach ur vows.. and that should of never of happened, she should of left before actually cheating on u if she felt that strongly u were doing something wrong. Remember this though.. most women who cheat on their spouses, it rarely has anything to do with the phsyical aspect of it.. when women normally cheat its because the other guy filled a emotional void for her in that moment.. maybe u stopped noticing her when she got dressed up, or paying attention to her, or really listening to her.. and this chump just happened to come into the picture during a volunerable time for her, and she was in lust with the fact that he made her feel more like a woman, then a mother or wife.. sometimes men forget to treat their wives as women and they get to comfortable and well lazy and stop trying as hard as they once did, and im sure that probably after 18 years, it got to that point..
Is her cheating ur fault though, NO.. she made that choice.. but she is human, and humans make mistakes, but it all boils down to can u and her get past this.. or not.. and has she learned from her mistakes? 18 years is a long time to give up on.. i wish u the best of luck and wisdom to make the right choices for u and ur family..


theartisttwin
My fiance cheated on me a few months ago. I am still with him but my feelings for him will NEVER be the same. I feel mistrustful and unloved. I go to counseling with him but don't feel he even GETS what he has done to me. It is your choice but you should definitely seek counseling if you want to stay. It will be a rough road. (no you did not cause it.......cheaters can blame anyone they want but they have a CHOICE to leave before they do something so hurtful)


sw
once a cheat always a cheat


kasey...
Rating
First of all how could you possibly caused this? Do you have remote control that controls your wife's behaviors? Did she try to turn the tables of guilt and make it feel like you did something wrong? Don't let this happen SHE IS IN THE WRONG NOT YOU!

I personally wouldn't forgive a girl probably if she cheated on me, I just don't want to be in a relationship where there is no trust. When someone cheats it breaks one of the most important factors of a relationship TRUST. I know people think you can earn it back, but how can you pretend something didn't happen?

Don't let her try to play it off like you made her do this to you. That isn't even possible she did it because she is selfish and didn't consider your feelings.





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