Home     Links     Contact Us     Bookmark  
   Homepage      News      Legal Forum      Dictionary  
Home : Legal Forum : Military

my girlfriend doesn't want me to join the army?
Find answers to your legal question.

my girlfriend doesn't want me to join the army?

me and my long term girlfriend recently had a long talk about me joining the army, I've always wanted to join but she said she doesn't think she could cope with losing me if anything happened (worst case I die in some foreign county probably Afghanistan) so she basically said she would break up with me saving ether of us from a broken heart later on. I said no I'll change what i want to do if it meant staying with her. problem is i don't no if that is the right thing to do.......Please help


dont join

Well, other than the army, I wouldn't agree with your girlfriend, because you don't want to have love dependent on what you do. But, having someone in the Army, myself, and that person heading to Afghanistan in October, I can see your girlfriend's point. Plus, the experience I've seen, is constant crap. I don't know a better word for it, but they are constantly being told one thing, then another thing. Then, one minute you get in trouble for something, the next person doesn't. It's like it's run by bipolar people or something. It would drive me crazy if I had to go through what they are.

Dylan C
think about it do you really like this girl.now do you really want to loose her. how would you do this if she was joining. now do you really want the army

I can see where shes coming from....she obviously loves you and doesnt want to live her life worrying about you and waiting for a call to say you've been hurt. Guess you have to decide whats more importanat to you :o)

If you've always wanted to join up, then I'm guessing she's probably always known about it. Giving you this kind of ultimatum now is totally unreasonable and selfish imo. She's asking you to give up your dream and change your entire life just because she's unwilling or unable to support you..... fine for now, but what happens if you do all the compromising and then you break up anyway a year or two down the line?

You need to choose what's best for you - consider the long term, lifestyle choice and career prospects. If she really loves you she'll find a way to deal with it, if she doesn't then you'll be better off without her anyway - especially if/when you ever serve in a combat situation.

girlfreinds come and go, if you split later then you might regret never joining......

Humans cope with losing loved ones every day, not just in the military. One day she will lose you whether you join the military or not. Her problem is her belief she could not handle it. She could, becasue she'd have to. She is at the mercy of her own thinking, you have to decide if you are going to be also.

of course she's gonna be afraid, that's a very valid worry, but if she's going to break up with you over it, then she doesn't truly love you and if she doesn't truly love you then you should definitely not be with her anyway. so break it off and join the army.

if she really loved you then she would support your dream. don't change what you want to do for her. like i said, she doesn't really truly love you and therefore you guys are going to end up broken up down the road anyway. and then you'll really resent her for making you stay out of the army but still lose her.

there's a couple things she's afraid of:

1) you're going to cheat on her (or she's going to cheat on you) in which case you two never belonged together anyway

2) you're going to die. you have a higher probability of dying while driving to the grocery store than dying while in the military. your chances of dying are even less if you choose a job that isn't on the front lines. many people do die, but many many many more do not.

The military is a great way for you to get free training, and when you get out you can very likely find a good relevant job. you'll get a steady paycheck... what more can you ask for?

Well personally I'd dump her (well in my case it'd be him) first but that's just me. I know what it's like to be talked out of joining the Army because someone was afraid of losing me and I ended up regretting it which is why I just joined now at age 28 instead of back when I was 18 when I wanted. I had a great 10 years in between that time but the desire to join never went away and here I am now training to be an Army medic. Pretty much everyone who joins has someone who would be devastated to lose them if the worst happened but we still join anyway. We don't do it to make them worry or hurt, we do it because we have the desire in us and it doesn't just go away. If she had what it took, then she'd stick with you and support you. She sounds selfish and like she needs to grow up to me. If this is something you always wanted to do then I guarantee you'll only regret it if you don't go for it. She can either stick with you and be proud or you can find someone new who will.

do what makes you happy is what i said to my boyfriend when he got his job in the raf... He knew i was upset that he would go but i never told him what to do or to tell him not to go... I wanted him ti make his choice... Guess what? He never the signed the contract... He said to me he wants more out of life.. He doesnt want to see me sad or loose out on the opportunity to marry me.. Eventhough deep down i didnt want him to go i tried to tell him to do what makes him happy since i would always try and be beside him... He never went.. He saw me as his importance.... And is happy and doesnt regret.... What is important to u? Only u can answer whats right or wrong

Justin C
Wow, you have a dilemma bro, I'll offer the best advice I can. It's obvious you care a lot about your girlfriend, do you think your going to marry her one day? If you do then you and her need to sit down and find out what you both want out of life. Spouses, girlfriends/boyfriends have a tough job when supporting their significant other who is in the military. Deployments can last up to 16 months, if not longer, and anything can happen while your their. Do you think she could be strong enough to be their while you away? I'm sure you know of the many benefits that you gain from being in the military and when you get out. If you want to make a career out of the military and it's what you want to do, then nothing should stand in your way. If you love your girlfriend and you know theirs a future their, then you have to decide what's best for your life and what you want out of it. I don't believe anyone can give you the right answer in this situation, it's all up to you!

Hope this helps!

Choose what you want more.Also if we were back in the 1900s you'd have a higher chance of dieing.But in the middle east smaller chance unless we were fighting in Europe.

the military is a great way to go you serve your country and and paid at the same time. they pay is not great but you get free medical, if you want to have kids and not have to worry about having good medical coverage or extra costs its really nice. you also get to live in base housing which is not too bad ether and the base is a nice safe place to raise a family.

If you really want to join the military and she keeps you from it you may end up resenting her. It is dangerous but that depends what Career Field you choose. and what branch of service. Air force is safer and you move less than in the army. and if you brake up and and she really loves you she will still be miserable if she is not with you. talk about it one more time.

It's your life and you have to do what makes you happy. If your girlfriend is going to break up with you for defending your country, a very brave and noble thing to do, then she doesn't really "love" you and will find another reason to break up with you in the future.

Yellie Bear
I'd say Stick with your Gut, and do what you believe in.

Someone who truly cared about you, would want you to follow your dreams, and if that's the military then that's what it is.

Her wanting to leave to save herself from a broken heart later isn't a very logical conclusion. Either way, you're dead in the scenario.

wow you poor thing. Well honestly if she cant support you on one of your dreams is she worth having around? I am in the army ( future soldier ) and i have been an army girlfriend and a marine girlfriend. Its not an easy life and you have to have a lot of trust or it does not work. If she was really into the relationship as much as you are in my opinion she would support you, but its your future dont regret your whole life not doing something you dreamed of life is too short. best wishes

If your dream is to join the military I say piss on your girlfriend.

Justin S
What a nice girlfriend. She wants you to throw out your goals and aspirations because she can't be away from you for five minutes.

Tell her, that statistically, she has a much better chance of dieing on the 10 minute commute to work every day than you do of dieing in a combat zone. Tell her you don't want her to ever get in a car again because you couldn't cope if she died. She what she says.

No, it's not necessarily the right thing to do. It's your life, live it how you want. If she's going to be this demanding and controlling now... what else is she going to come up with later? No honey you can't get that new car I'll break up with you? You're right, if that's the mentality she has she won't be able to handle being a military man's girl.

It's up to you man, if you really love her you're probably going to pick her, but then you'll live the rest of your life wondering "what if".

Young man...

If I had a nickle for every girl/woman I've lost in 21 years in the Army...I'd have about $3.00 right now...

Don't let a possible lost relationship (that will probably end at some point anyway especially if you are 25 or below) sway your desire to do what you want...you will regret it...

Grow a pair and do what is going to make you happy.

I have exactly the same situation, I'm in a long term relationship but have always set my sights on the forces since I could think.. It's hard but you have to go with what you think is right,, and deep down i feel stupid for thinking about stopping my forces application.. I go away in march for training. Iv been told I won't regret it and i know I won't. Don't stop the opportunity of a lifetime for a girlfriends worrying.

a few considerations--how old are you? how old is she? how much more life do you have to experience before things are really serious (aka marraige). What do the people who have known you all your life say about joining up? Your future is wide open and you have a lot to experience. If this is your dream, live your dream. True love isn't selfish, demanding that you give up your dream. This sounds so junior high. She probably would find another reason to break up. move on with your life.

She's trying to avoid problems in the future. But everyone should control their own life and not control the live of others like that. But on the other hand, if my girlfriend was to enrol in a job that would send her away for monthes at a time (maybe even reaching years), I think it's right to break up. On the other hand, if you have a good relationship, and this is really what you want to do, it should ideally work... right? I mean some girls really support their men even when they're away... anyway that's what you want to do, join the army? Maybe there is room for making it work.

 Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:  
User Email:   
Post a comment:

Legal Discussion Forum

Copyright (c) 2009-2013 Wiki Law 3k Sunday, February 7, 2016 - Trusted legal information for you.
Archive: Forum  |  Forum  |  Forum  |  Links