my boyfriend was adopted...?
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my boyfriend was adopted...?
My boyfriend was adopted... it was a closed adoption. He still lives in the town where he was born. He is 27 now and wants to know who they are. How do we go about this? is there anything we can do to find them? any help would help!
I agree with sunny in the first post here. It is very personal and if you get caught up in curiosity for selfish reasons..................you want to know.......................then this is not right for him. Be there to support but let him be the one to raise the subject and let him be the one to find out how to go about a search. IT ALL must be his choice.
Short quick answer is to just be supportive for your boyfriend as this is very personal to him. Let him check out links already posted here.
I have occasionally helped people online search and one situation last year was a wife helping her husband search for his family. She was treading on eggshells so was emailing me when he was out or asleep for suggestions and for someone to vent to. He was being very secretive to everybody except her so she was scared he would be very angry that anybody else was helping. Fortunately all turned out well and her husband has reunited with his family but it could have turned out badly had he found out I was helping. I am a stranger to them so the wife took a chance and trusted me. I KNOW I wouldn't have betrayed her trust but she didn't know that at the time. Of course with reunion has raised other issues but that comes with reunion - they are glad they searched and found his family.
Good luck though and I wish you both well.
Sunny is right. He needs to register on adoption.com See if there is a match.
He should contact the adoption agency and request non-identifying information about his first parents. He should also register with ISRR - a free reunion registry for people searching http://www.isrr.net/ -
and depending on the state, whatever state registries there are. Each state has specific laws as to how much information an adopted person is entitled to. Some states actually now allow an adoptee to request a copy of their original birth certificate which gives the names of the first parents - or at least the mother. In many cases if the mother wasn't married to the father and the father didn't acknowledge paternity, his name will not be on the OBC.
Here's a website with general information.
He should do this himself. This is a very personal matter that I personally don't believe is the business of others.
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