Am I being selfish?

J S	No. You need to move on to be more fully involved with your new family. Your husband and child both deserve your undivided attention. Your parents need to grow up and live more responsibly and learn to deal with their problems between themselves and not involve you.

john m	No, you are not being selfish, also as a way of counter-acting this maybe you should start telling you parents your problems and this will help them forget their own or see that your problems are stemming from theirs. Or you can just really tell them straight out that you don't want to hear it anymore. I really don't think they should be telling their problems to you anyway, they should be working that out between themselves.

Doublediamond	Your life, is in your hands , get control of it. You are first priority. Give them professional help, marriage counselor. They are paid to handle this situation. Let your parents decide their future. During this period ,have casual talk , give them activities to perform. Let them have control on something they like. At least they have you.(Set aside limited time). Also have discussion with the counselor of their progress. But put yourself and your family as first priority. You have long years to live, hence the foundation years must be good. Go on holiday and spend quality time with husband and child. Discuss with your spouse on this plan. Life is in your hands , and you know you have done your part, But donâ€™t destroy your own family For this is your future, your child needs you.

Judy W	I admire the fact that you want to be a supportive child, but ask yourself this question: are you being fair to your husband and child by dragging your parents into your marriage? Your parents are adults, and it's unfair for EITHER of them to call you and vent. It sounds as though everyone in the situation at hand may need counseling intervention; your parents, regarding their marriage and co-dependency issues, and your family (you and your husband), for the stress this is causing you. Step back and think for a moment; if you wind up in the hospital--or morgue--because of their problems, will the problems still be there? If you died tomorrow, would your parents still be squabbling? It is not your responsibility for your parents or your siblings; your responsibility is your own family. Love your parents and siblings, but realize that they are independent people with their own lives and shouldn't drag you into their dramas. Good luck and God bless.

basketcase88	No, your first responsibility is to yourself, and then to your family--meaning your husband and children--NOT your parents. You've allowed this situation to get out of hand, your parents should never EVER try to put you in the middle of their disagreements. Do not allow them to do it in the future, it's not good for you, or them. The next time your mother calls with a problem about your dad, stop her, tell her that you love your father too, and if she has a problem with Dad, she needs to deal with him, not bring people from OUTSIDE her marriage into the problem. If they need counseling, encourage her to get that as well. But stop letting her use you for her dumping ground--like you said, it's putting a very unfair burden on your back. You take care of your own family, and let your parents take care of themselves.

Mean Carleen	Your being selfish to your hubby and child by taking on responsibilities that do NOT belong to you. Your parents are adults and need to handle their own affairs. You have your own family that you need to worry about and take care of.

tcc_00676	u got some good answers listen to them.

flyfish_777	Your parents are adults. Call them up and set up a time to go talk with them. Explain to both of them that they need to work on their relationship, and that you are no longer going to be involved in their problems. THEY ARE ADULTS, THEY NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT! Don't feel guilty about scolding them on this issue. They deserve it. You need to focus on your husband and your new child. Parenting is very stressful on a marriage. Be sure you and your husband are communicating and being brutally honest with each other when you communicate. Take time to take care of each other. As long as you make your relationship with your husband your #1 priority, everything will work out fine. Your child is going to be fine no matter what, as long as you and your husband are doing well. You don't have to carry the "heavy cross" for anyone else. Take care of yourself, do the right thing, ALL the time, no matter how hard it is, and everything will turn out ok in the end.

Meche	no its not selfish...you have your own life and your own problems now so you have to let them handle their own problems...they are grown and they are the parents they should be helping you with your stress. Don't be mean but with them but avoid getting cought up in their mess because you will regret it if you loose you family over them and they will still be together when you are alone

kitkat	You have to remind them that they are adults and that you have your own family to worry about. Stay out of their quarrels and concentration your hubby and baby.

wayouthere	No, your priority is your immediate family and then your other family. Remember, you must take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.

oracleofohio	Nope. Not selfish at all. In all these years of "fixing" have you really accomplished anything? What is selfish is the assumption that you are the "most responsible" of your siblings. This makes me roll my eyes as I have a sister that thinks the same thing. You are stressed because you have a sense of self importance. Let it go. Worry about your own life. Let your parents work out their own problems and while its nice to lend an ear, don't make suggestions. They probably don't put them to use anyway. Spend time on the positive relationships in your life. You might want to start by understanding the siblings that you view as irresponsible. If they are not as involved in fixing your parents problems, you may have much to learn from them.

Kailey	NO - you are not being selfish enough!!! You need to take care of your family (husband and child) first!!! I think it is time to sit down with your parents and make your feelings very clear! Tell them that you love them and that you want to be there for them, but that the stress of their relationship is destroying you. Ask them to not involve you in their marital problems anymore!!!! If it continues after you talk to them, then you may need to decide to cut off all conversations with them for a while! That may seem harsh, but it is your responsibility to keep any outside issues from interfering with your marriage! NEVER, NEVER, think you are being selfish when you are looking out to the best interest of your family!!! Good luck to you!!!

Lindsey	Yes you have to turn them off and let them deal with their own problems. You have your own life and your own family to be concerned with! They are mature adults and are very capable of handling their own stress and not putting it on you and your husband. If they affect your life what will you have? Nothing....because they will tear down your marriage because they don't work on their own. Suggest to both of them that they need counseling because you can't handle the stress anymore. They have a grandchild and could be enjoying that in their lives and they are cutting the child short. Don't allow them to take away from you the baby and your husband....this isn't fair and it needs to stop! Tell the parents you love them both and you will not be put in the battles between them....they either come around and be positive about what they've got going on their lives or stay away untill they can fix their problems. You cannot go on like this and let them hurt your own immediate family. Tell them enough is enough and get help. Good luck sweetie.

indydst8	You are going to have to establish some boundaries with mom. When she starts venting about dad remind her that's your father and no matter what he's done you still love him. I'd also remind her that we are friends but we aren't girlfriends. She can't expect you to listen to her unload like you are best buddies just shooting the breeze. You do have to get ready for some backlash there though. I had to start ending conversations with my mother and she got mighty pissed but eventually she got the message and we just don't talk about my dad anymore.

SYLVIA S	Charge her for your marriage counseling advice. A little cash will make anything better, because your time is valuable.

rogio24	nope you should turn the other way and make them fix their own problems .. tell them there is professional help out there that they can get .. they too have to understand that you have your own family now and they need to back up a bit ... do what is right for you and for your family ...

punkin	honey you will never be able to turn a blind eye but you also can never solve their problem.no matter how much you may want to help them it's not your battle and you can't win their war.let them work through their own he as they have created this life that they live.You should look at them and make sure you don't follow in their footsteps for apples don't fall from trees.Once you understand that nothing you do is gonna help them in any way then you will sort of back off and concentrate on your own life and be happy that you are not living in a he that was caused by the people involved.

M S	No; your mom is being very selfish dumping on you. I had that problem with my mom. I had to keep telling her that he might be her rotten husband but he was my dad and I wasn't going to listen to her bad mouthing him. It didn't solve the problem, because when she started she would say I know he's your dad, but.....!!!!! It did help. Eventually you are going to have to tell her that you can't take the pressure, she needs a marriage counselor to dump on. In the meantime, set a timer, and when she starts on her problems with your dad, give her 3-5 minutes, then when the timer goes off, get off the phone. Don't call back. good Luck!

Here's your change	Your parents need to grow up and resolve their own issues. They should have set boundaries with you a long time ago versus bringing you into their personal problems.

ladyred	no,maybe you should sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel about the whole thing. You're an adult with a family its not called selfish its called living your life .

Kevin R	Growing up i had the same problem with my parents, they both admitted that never should have gotten married. I suggest to you that you tell your parents what it is doing to you and your family and suggest that consult a marriage professional. Dont let them ruin your marriage and or your health. Dont say it in a mean fashion but just let them know what it is doing to you and the health of your family.

Misty Lane	I don't think your being selfish. It's not the children's responsibly to fix their parents problems. You have a family of your own now and they need to understand that! I think you should talk with them and let them know how you feel.

drfriske	no, take care of your own family first.

BOOBOO	no u need to take careof your self an your own family now girl.....ur hubby an baby need you these days to be strong an be there for them....your parents will have to leave you alone now days they are grown they will live without you sooner or later.......... let you mom know now before she ruins your marriage to leave you alone ........she needs to make a friend or somethin and learn how to control stuff herself shes grown woman its time to let her daughter enjoy her newborn an husband cause time goes to fast to always have worry in your heart these days.......good luck an take care of your baby and u and ur hubby ok

slmarks549	Not at all... in fact although i may be a lil young and not married... I would think your family is the selfish ones because they dont seem to be understand that you have a married too and a life. They should be running to you with all their problems... instead why dont they just try to work it out for themselves... its part of marriage. Just be straight with them... tell them you cant do it anymore... its making you and your family sick... literally. good luck

Mr. Taco	Definitely not. You are NOT responsible for your parents' and their disagreements. You ARE responsible for your own family. If your mom needs someone to talk to about her problems so badly, maybe she ought to get a therapist. For that matter, you may want to consider talking to a therapist yourself so you can learn more about proper personal boundaries, dealing with stress, and being assertive. It would be good for you AND your family. Good luck!

luvmysoldier	You are their child not their parent. It's not appropriate for them to come to you with their marital problems. Steer them to a marriage counselor the next time it happens.

teach	You can't being affected, but tell your mum you're sorry, but you cannot carry her load now as you have your own family to take care ot. Let your parents take care of themselves!

tel	Tell them both to grow up , as you have