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An obsessive husband!!!!!?
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An obsessive husband!!!!!?

My husband is obbsessed with me. Literally! It's kind of scary. He says that he is just showing how much he loves me, but man, I dont know. He calls me all day every day. He gets upset when I talk to others. He is jealous of my relationship with my mom and sister. He refuses to help around the house. He practically sits on me while on the couch, he wants me in the bathroom with him while he's taking a bath, when he goes to sleep at night if im not tired he insists i lay next to him anyways. I cant leave his side. He hacked into my email and read everything (not like i had anything to hide). Goes through my cell phone. ect........ I do love him and all but im not in love with him. He makes it really hard to want to be with. but when i mention it, Oh Im sorry please forgive me what can i do to change stuff like that is what i hear all the time. help

Dr Universe
Leave Him
Go to the Cops and file Charges

He's not just obsessed, he's also possessive and controlling. Be careful how you talk about his behavior. He will want to frame it in positive terms, such as "loving" you so much. In practical terms, however, he is increasingly establishing control over you, and you are allowing him to do so. In my opinion, you have already relinquished more power to him than is healthy. For example, if you are not tired, you would do well to stop fulfilling his request to lie beside him. Don't be with him when he bathes, unless you really want to. Demand privacy, even if you don't have anything to hide -- hacking into your email and checking your cell phone are rude and disrespecting of good boundaries. Along with several answers above mine, I recommend you go into counseling together. It should be easy to get him to go -- just tell him it's going to be a male counselor and you're going to go see the guy alone if your husband won't go with you!

PS -- Don't trust Ash above. Anyone who IS a counselor knows how to spell counselor.

Tell him that you need to go to couple's counseling right away. If he doesn't agree, you need to leave him. Good luck!

hi lisaqsan,
urs is an unique problem. ur hubby loves u too much. try to understand him. take him in confidence. tell what u like, tell him what u feel. he definitely listen to it. enjoy the life!

I think "sorry but" he has a mental problem!the things that u said it's not normal.he controls u every were!
u should try to assure him there's nothing to worry about! ur a n indipendent person make him to undrestand that!

So....you're failing here when it comes to driving the point home. This type of behavior goes beyond 'obsessive". its mother-jumping creepy. Can you imagine if you walked on him? He'd track you down and probably kill you.
Maybe not but do you think anyone would be surprised if he did?
He has to be told this conduct is not only unacceptable but bizarre. Trust seems to be lacking here. He doesn't trust you and I have no doubt you've never given him just cause to do so. In his mind I'll bet he can justify it though. I'd be curious. Ask him why he has no faith in you. If he denies it press the issue. He'll finally come around and be sincere. Then you have to start there and work your way forward.
It would be wise to also inform him that because there is no cause for this behavior you find it smothering. Smothering leads to suffocation. Suffocation leads to death...of a marriage.
So unless he wants the guilt of a homicide on his hands and considered solely at fault for the death of a relationship he needs to lighten up and act like a husband and not a jealous suitor.

Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. This man is a hazard to your health.

My resource: a sister who has been in FOUR disastrous marriages. The fourth one was just like yours and it turned into a hostage situation which took three days to break and involved the police and the fire department.

wow! he needs to take a serious look at himself.. and get a life. he has become so wrapped up in you he's forgotten about everyone else. either give him time to adjust himself, or kick him to the curb.

He needs to get couciling dear. He is not obsessing... he is completely insecure. Something has happened to make him lose his confidence in himself, and if you don't love yourself first then how can you love someone else. He is using you like a drug... to feed his insecurities. You should consider leaving him until he gets couciling or maybe for good.

It's hard for some people to accept the fact that they are Lovable you may be struggling with that

The truth is that Marriage is Work a constant negotiation to get what you want.

you made your choice now deal with it I can tell you are unhappy and possibly having second thoughts about your marriage

Normally when this happens it's because an old Lover has come back around to influence a person so maybe your husband sense that you are not happy and he is tryin to help you you need to give him some reassurance but you have to be sure first

Msdeb gee

Wow, he sounds insecure and possesive and it borders on abusive. He won't help around the house or let you talk to your mom and sister? Ew. Don't tolerate that shite. Don't do everything he asks when it's unreasonable like that. Just say no. Do it yourself.

I think he needs therapy or at least to work on his issues.

It sounds to me like he has a few trust issues. Maybe something has happened in your marriage to make him feel that way? If you both work alot, he may also feel as if he doesn't see you enough. That may be his calling out to you. I would on the other try to be as considerate as possible to his needs. He is your husband afterall. The trust issues he has may come from the fact that he is feeling pushed away by you. So therefore alot of negative thoughts may cross his mind. He may start to wonder if you have someone else maybe. Maybe you could show him some affection, sort of turn the tables. See how he reacts with that. Just think of it this way, aside from his trust issues....he loves you. He wouldn't even bother if he didn't. I wish you luck!

Get counselling! He is controlling and it will only get worse if nothing is done.

It is one thing to want to be with your spouse a lot and another to try to isolate them from family and friends.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.

No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. So what causes jealousy?

Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them.

I fully agree with you that his behaviour is obbsessive.
You have not mentioned when his behaviour started.... was he the same during your courting...I am just trying to understand if its chronic or periodic phase.... let me know..
Now assuming that its recently changed behaviour, I am sure you must be going through hell. I can sense that he is feeling insecure. Try to make him feel secure by behaviour , body langauge and words, that you will not go anywhere and will be always loyal to him, Rest when you give me feedback and more details. I am an councellor and your case intrests me , so keep in touch.

He isn't obsessive----he is insecure. Sounds like he has mommy issues that were never resolved.

if you are not in love with him why are you with him?.sounds to me like he knows this that you are not in love with him.this makes him insecure. you too need to have a good chat this relationship is heading for disaster.

He needs counseling. HE probably was always like that ... he may have hid it somewhat or you didn't notice when you were dating. It's a tough road ... people are tough to change.

Get some counseling and if he won't go ..... you .... will suffer ...

Wow...that is quite the problem. Many men like their wives to be around them when they are home. It sounds like he takes it to the extreme. I would suggest therepy. He sounds like he is at the starting stages of something potentially dangerous, but still early enough where it can be corrected.
Good luck

either you are a liar or you are idle.

Whoa! how long you been with this guy? Get out NOW. I am dead serious. This guy is trying to slowly control your life by trying to cut away family and freinds and only have him next to you constantly. These are the type of men who become abusive. The more control he obtains over you the harder it will be for you to leave. Get out now before it gets too crazy. I know this sounds nuts, but believe me I have been there and this guy has all the signs of a potential abuser. You may think, oh that's cute he really cares about me, but it ain't cute that **** is scary. It turns into one little smack and "oh I'm so sorry I will never do it again" and then turns into full blown *** kickins.

Lord have mercy! It's time to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Let him know that his eratic behavior is really bothering or even scaring you, give examples l ike you just listed above. Explain that this behavior is driving you crazy and it's not healthy, seriously. I'm wondering if he just has very low self esteem and is very insecure, people who act like that are. If you are truly not in love with him, it actually sounds like it's time to move on. I wouldn't want to stay with someone who A. acts like that and B I don't love anymore. You deserve better, and some S P A C E to where no one is constantly breathing down your neck and invading your space.

Get help. You will soon be sleeping with the enemy (Movie w. julia roberts, etc.)
if you don't figure this out.
And you may be encouraging this, because you odn't know what else to do but give in, even once in twenty times will give him a reason to continue.
But hte hacking into e-mail?!?!?!?

If you get scared by stuffs he is doing with you better seek some actual help .

Obsessive, no. It has gone way beyond that. I recommend psychological help ( for you, for him, for the marriage ).

tiny Valkyrie
He's obsessed and a control freak.... time for a swift divorce & OOP (order of protection). They only get worse, and often extremely violent. Don't wait to get out of this.

The kid who did.
Wow .... the summer Obsession.

Brenda C
Dear Lisa:

You said it yourself!. You are not in love with him. your husband is demonstrated actions that are not neither healthy or loving...but controlling. it seems to me he lacks self confidence and those issues can only be address by him and some professional help...mind you only if he really admits that there is a problem and truly wants to be helped. however I suggest you get out of that relationship rĂ¡pido (meaning fast) ASAP. You must do something to stop that behavior. Be careful in doing so. Tell someone about it. Someone in your family or friends circle. Be careful how you end this relationship, since I feel it could get dangerous. He is too ill. You and I know that his actions are not proper. That is just one of the many sings of a controlling husband. if you continue expect for things to get worst. Eventually he will have you all to himself...and by the way don't be naive he's not going to change with out help. maybe he'll like to, but its a process that involves lots of help. LEAVE HIM INMEDIATELY!

God bless you,
Brenda C. from Patillas, PR
by the way keep in touch and let me know
at mrscamposmarquez@hotmail.com

the only think that you can change in this situation is you. LEAVE HIM!!! he doesn't love you. he doesn't trust you. and if there is no trust in a relationship (that goes both ways) then it's not worth a relationship worth having. you are suffering because of this man's jealousy. LEAVE HIM!!! but if and when you do leave him...do so when he is not looking.

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