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Can a cheater be reformed, does he deserve a second chance?
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Can a cheater be reformed, does he deserve a second chance?

He's cheating/has cheated. I love him so much. I am so hurt. I don't know what to do. The average woman would leave but I've invested a lot into him (time, money, love, energy).

Since I don't know if I could leave him right now, how can I deal with his "affair"? He does not know that I know and I am trying to figure out a tactful (I am not a drama queen) way of confronting him. I always get cheated on in every one of my serious adult relationship and I have always left but this time DEEP feelings are involved and I just don't know if I want to leave him. We've been together for 2 years.

I know some would say that I should just get comfortable "sharing" him but I don't want to do that either. Can a cheater be reformed? If so, how? Doesn't he deserve a second chance to stop cheating?







J L
Rating
What is the point of asking "Can a cheater be reformed?", when you still want him regardless anyway??

And why should you care if he becomes defensive against you, or turning it back all on you, or blowing you off? It is obvious he does NOT love you at all. In fact, sounds like he is using you as his 'Main Dish', while he feels he has the perogative to enjoy his 'Side Dishes'.

Face it, he does not love you, and he never will. Nevermind how hard you try to hold him back, cling onto him like some stupid bimbo, or do everything for him, he will NEVER love you at all, not one bit.

There ARE some cheaters who CAN reform. But your man is NOT one of them. Serial cheater has no remorse towards sleeping with other women besides his own. And your story about your man just proves it.

If you have any dignity at all as a Woman, WALK. If you have to ask questions such as these, then it only proves to me that you are Weak, Immature, and a complete Disgrace to Women. These personality flaws you evidently have are also the reasons why you always get cheated in every one of your serious adult relationship! You make yourself so Weak and Vulnerable that you allow all your men to cheat on you without remorse! And you DO deserved to be cheated on this aspect of yours, for not having more pride and dignity in yourself as a Woman. I am a woman, very proud being one, and No, I really do not feel sorry for you, I do not feel sorry for women who are weak and clingy to men, even when these men cheated on them.

Put yourself high up on the pedestial, make them think that you can be happy without them. When a woman has the upper hand of making her man understand that she can have a great life with or without him, he is much less likely to cheat, because he has less power than her. Men cheat also because they think they have the upper hand, like your man now, and you stupidly gave him the upper hand yourself. 1 or 2 cheating relationships is normal for everyone, but you have been cheated in ALL your relationships!! You really only have yourself to be blamed for all the men cheating on you becos you allow them to!!!


Beth
Rating
He's going to turn it all back on you regardless. That's what they do. Because they know what they're doing is wrong, and it's just so much easier to blame you...than to point the finger back at themselves and their poor behavior.
There is no way to soften the blow, my heart goes out to you for trying to put it in the best possible light for him. Remember - You don't deserve this! You are stronger than you think! And this is going to get really hard, before it gets really better for you. Best of luck!


irishmom91562
No.....and No.


txpainthorse
No second chances. Might lead to a third.


tammy
Blowing him off, you choose to be with a cheater.?


Sydney
Rating
I've been cheated on to.. then straight up lied to about it.

I hate to say it, but if they have cheated, chances are they will again. Why would they change if they can have both worlds?

help?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AskFPpohT1yi4wQKuONBRw_sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20110201184457AADLNoN


Yer Maw
Rating
Theres a difference between making a one time drunken mistake and having a full blown affair intentionally, he does not respect you and regardless of how much you love him, i know its so hard easier said than done, you should leave him for good


nana .know it all
Rating
the way that you have worded your question tells me that although you have invested in him you have been a victim of recession salvage what you can of your relationship and save your dignity and leave
tread careful next time invest wisely and dont let anyone else leave a deposit that you then have to maintain for a good return


1540
You have only wasted 2 years of your life as it stands now. Someday you will realize you wasted 10 or 20. I can guarantee you that if you stay. You do not have to worry if he becomes defensive or not. You are not obligated to stay with him no matter what the reason is. You have not married him so you can walk out ANYTIME for ANY reason. You can walk out if you have a hangnail. So do not worry about him turning anything around on you. Just say bye and leave.


Legandivori
Rating
A fool and their money are soon parted. When he is out, take everything you own and move, and clean out bank accounts etc. Leave this person forever, even if you cry for a year. You are in la la land. You are in make-believe land with love. He despises you. If he says he loves you, he does NOT, because mature love means no cheating. HE is a predator and will continue, because it is his DNA. Leave now.


Liz
If you stay with a cheater, you're teaching him that it's ok to cheat on you, that there are no consequences for his actions and that your feelings don't matter. Therefore he will keep cheating. You may have time, money, love and energy invested in the relationship you thought you had, but all you'll be doing from now on is wasting your time.







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