Divorce or tough it out?

Kay	Have you thought that your wife may not be able to keep up with you? Her energy level may be much lower than yours, or she could have mental or medical problems. You sound like a superman to me and that would be very hard for an ordinary woman to come up to. May I suggest that you use some of your energy and goodwill toward loving and building up your wife instead of serving the community. No offense. You lost the 'point' somewhere along the way.

Alana J	Be absolutely sure a divorce is what your want. I recently divorced my husband (he was having an affair) and it hurt (still hurts) like crazy. Our son is very hurt and confused as well. Make sure these problems cannot be solved, do everything you possibley can then decide if you are ready. Dr. Phil has a good article posted on his website. It is called Calling it Quits. Read it then decide.

floridaman39us	Seek marriage counseling first before calling it quits. Try to work it out. You are in a tough situation. Good luck.

Slim Whitman	If you have kids, tough it out until college graduation. You have every right to critize if roles were reversed you know darn well she'd be up your a*s for it. Kids need both parents present.. Go to a counselor and inform you made an appointment and the she can attend as well.

koral2800	Sounds like a bad situation. Here's my question for you however, if you divorce, what makes you think you won't get custody of your daughter? It doesn't sound like your wife would have the means to support your daughter let alone herself. Father's do get custody, I know, my husband and I have custody of his daughter from his first marriage. If you're not ready for divorce, try counseling, it might help, it might not. It sounds like your wife is depressed, maybe you could have a heart to heart and get her to a doctor for diagnosis. This could be beneficial for your entire family. Hope some of this helps. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

peggin_beast	Well, if a divorce would be the answer, who's to say "she'd" get custody of your daughter? Maybe you need to get your wife in to see a doctor. Her thyroid could be really off kilter, or maybe she has the hidden "fibromyalgia". It could be her mental health too. Try the doctor approach before the divorce issues. Stop doing all her chores for her, if you find out she's healthy. Sit her down and tell her what things are bothering you. IF she get's irrate and can't take the time for a talk, then seek a divorce and seek custody of your daughter.

OrianasMom	You guys need to have a talk. Being a stay at home mom is a full time job and the responsibilities include cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. I work and my husband is a stay at home dad. We have agreed that if he stays home to take care of our daughter then taking care of the house is part of that deal. I work 50 hours a week and volunteer at the church plus do my own laundry. If I put that much time in he can too. The only difference is I get paid.

nyc_pharoah	You just described my marriage...well, former marriage. We were together for 5 years and almost the identical situation. We tried counseling, books, everything. I stayed around for so long because I was thinking of my daughter. Finally, I decided I didn't want my daughter to see us argue all the time and think this is how marriage should be. We divorced, and share custody (50/50). My ex and I are, at worst, civil with one another, at best, friendly. If you decide to divorce, make sure your daughter understands mommy and daddy love her, and that will never change. My daughter is 7 and seems pretty well adjusted. We focus on how she has two homes and two rooms, etc. I'm not one that thinks sticking it out is always the best option. I think you should work hard, put in concerted effort but when the marriage becomes more detrimental than the alternative, divorce is the right answer. Good luck.

KIm Z	Firstly, I have to say what a nice man you are. I think most women would love a husband that contributes to the house chores... I mean my fiancee does so I guess I got lucky. All I can tell you is, marriage is for better or for worse but you cannot keep going at this pace. You're miserable and this can reflect greatly on other aspects of your life, not to mention your daughter. I recommend maybe seriously talking to your wife. Granted, I don't know her and I don't know what previous attempts you've made before, but try talking to her. Ask her if there is anything wrong. If she never acted like this before, maybe she's acting like this for a reason. Maybe as a cry for attention. There has to be a logical explanation as to what contributed to her behavior. Does she need to be validated enough? I don't know. But tell her how you feel and don't mention divorce.. talk it out and good luck!

marie	You need to make the decision of whether you want to spend the rest of your life being married to her. You are young don't you deserve to be happy. Do you want your daughter growing up thinking that marriage and love are suppose to be like how your wife treats you. No matter what your daughter will always be your daughter and she'll know that you love her. It has to be one of the hardest decisions ever. I wish you luck.

celticdragon	first thing i just went through this with my wife and i found out that she was going throw depression. it took her 4 year to get out of it. so you might wont to look into that.. good luck and stay strong..

notyochic	do "HER" the favor and divorce her she dont need an *** hole llike you i feel sorry for your daughter because when she grows up and becomes the spiten image of her mom she wont have your love will she dad?

vickie p	Son, get out. U can go to court and if not full custody, u will get joint custody. She cares about 0 but a free ride and it's harming your child more staying together. Please there are dead beat moms as well as well as dads. DO IT!

St.Anger	If you've tried working things out with her and she isn't changing you should consider leaving her. No use staying in an unhappy marriage. Your daughter we be better off in the long run.

Allinwiththenuts	"I dont want our little girl to see us argue all the time", if that is true then dont argue with her. If she irrates you to the point that you feel an arguement coming on then remove yourself from the situation. Seek some counseling from a professional, they can help you understand her better and what things you can do to motivate her to participate in life more. Good luck and God bless you for hanging in there and not quiting, your little girl needs a mommy and a daddy.

Miriam A.	I know what your going through, that is exactly what happened between my mom and dad, if she refuses counseling, i suggest that you talk to some of her family members and try to figure out what her Major malfunction is, if push comes to shove, all i can say is pray.

Robin	Take a deep breath .... and calmly tell her that she's about three seconds from losing you. No man should have to put up with that from his wife - marriage is about UNITY - not a 99/1 give-take thing. Tell her she's GOT to start being responsible because you can only take so much. I've never been big on condoning divorce, but there's no way in heck I will EVER condone this type of blatent disrespect from a spouse.

foxy19662002	try going to couciling, don't rush right into the D word.. from experience it rips the kids heart out. mine went through hell .......... try to work things out ... if she won't go then go with out her... hope everythng works out for the best for you Good Luck

Shining Ray of Light	Sounds to me like your wife has security issues. She's gotten TOO comfortable in the relationship and thinks it's okay for her to just lay down on the job when she wants. Put your foot down, tell her you've considered divorce, and try to talk things out. If she doesn't start making any efforts to help pull her own weight (no pun intended), she's outta there. You'd have a good chance at getting custody of your daughter too considering she has a dead beat mom. Good luck in your relationship, I hope you two can pull together and make something work. You need a happy medium, it's all her way right now and it's just wearing you out!

a.rose19	It depends have u tried marriage counseling? it might help maybe she has personal issues and doesn't know how to work them out. If she refuses counseling or isn't willing to work with you maybe you should seperate and let her see what it's like to do it all by herself. Maybe she just needs to see the light. If all else fails then maybe it is time for a divorce

chowdary c	talk to her in a peaceful atmosphere and if not found any solution then get divorce

Christine M	i think you both need to see a counselor and try to work things out first and if that don't help then get a divorce do whats best for you and your family

Farm bred	You say she helps with the church. Go to the minister or a respected lay person, and ask them for some counseling. Be honest about it, and tell them that you are really thinking about a divorce. Maybe she just needs to hear someone other than you pointing out the problem.

Isabella	Please seek counseling. It sounds like your wife is depressed and can't get motivated around the house. For the sake of your child, you should at least find out what is going on with your wife.

Carrie!	Leave her. She probably wants to leave you too. Just go ahead with it. Everyone will be happy in the end.

busy_mom_2005	The question you must ask yourself is Do you love your wife? If you do than you need to tough it out. If you don't than go for the divorce. Who is to say that you would not be granted custody of your daughter? It does not seem like your wife has the means to support herself or your daughter.

AJ	TOUGH IT OUT... Get some marriage counseling

Salami and Orange Juice	Man! That's not good. You made it sound like it is all her. 90% her I can accept, but what are you doing to exacerbate the situation? That aside, let's assume you are correct and we'll work on her for a second. I'd recommend you pick up Dr. Laura's book "The proper care and feeding of husbands" Read it through. If she's willing to read it and apply the principles therein, it will change your marriage. She has basically fallen into a low self esteem pity trap. Pastoral marriage counseling would also be advised - and a lot of prayer. Does SHE have family that sees it your way? If so you can try a kind of "intervention". I'd stay around for the girl. She's worth it. When she turns 18, you can think about getting your life back. Don't start fantasizing about other women or get involved in affairs, you'll only mess things up more. Prayers.

laurel	Pray. Go to a marriage counselor. Have you tried talking to her and letting her know all these things? Good luck.

Lindsay	tough it out and pray. Don't give up!!! Communicate MORE!!