For the ladies or men, do you have or need this is your marriage?

I have been with my boyfriend close to a year and I feel like we are getting quite close to the marriage stage, we are in our 30's and spend almost everyday/night together but do not live together. He is a great person and we are compatable in many ways and I am sure we would have a healthy, successful marriage but there is a couple areas of concern for me personally. One of them is emotional needs, he shows me he cares but struggles with putting his thoughts into words, such as I miss you, I care for you, he has said he loves me (he responded via text from a card I gave him) but cannot seem to say the words (and yes I have talked to him about it) and the second issue is fighting, he won't. He feels couples shouldn't fight because he thinks his parents never did (they are still together and appear happy) and I think sometimes its nature. Is anyone currently in a marriage that lacks verbal expression, if so, is it a struggle everyday? I realize I have to ultimately figure this out As mentioned, he does a lot for me and my son and shows he cares in many ways, overall a good family man (and hot to boot!)

tom_gpp	Fighting happens! It's part of every relationship. If someone says that they NEVER argue then they lie! lol You do need verbal expression in a relationship, it's part of a happy relationship

celticbuddha	from my own experiences, men tend to express themselves more physically than verbally. yes it can be quite a problem for us very verbally expressive women. but sometimes, that all a man can really manage to do comfortably. most boys are groomed through society to not talk let alone verbally express their feelings. to the point that many men find it very difficult to even identify a particular emotion within themselves. learn what his physical expressions mean, and you might end up finding a middle ground. as far as fighting. i've never really gotten the whole fighting thing. my soon to be ex once expressed that he wished that i would fight with him. i guess to him it equates passion. to me, it's blowing up because you aren't mature enough to handle your emotions and rationally discuss something, instead you start spouting off things that you don't necessarily mean, and more often than not regret even getting in the fight to begin with. but i did make attempts to fight with my husband, just because that's what he really wanted. well he soon found out that i am very methodical and logical when it comes to arguments. which more or less ended up emasculating him in the process of fights. wasn't a good thing!

brooke_davis20	I have been married for almost a year, and my husband does not lack in the verbal part , but he won't fight with me, instead he just leaves..It used to piss me off, but he says if he stayed and we fought it would be bad, and we would say hurtful things and he doesn't wont to do that, so i guess he's right..I think it's healthy to fight but when he gets back from venting on his own, i am usually calmed down and so is he so we can just talk about it instead of fight...But he seems like a good guy, some guys have just a hard tim showing emotions, i think it has to do with how they where raised, but not sure...I would not leave him, you will just have to work on it, but i think he will eventually grow out of it the closer you guys get.

redpeach_mi	i was with a guy like that once. hard to express himself or when he did it was very little, "love you babe". he and i also never fought. that made me crazy. he would avoid fighting at all cost. not fighting is not normal. with no rifts, the relationship would become very boring very soon. people want to be happy, but all the time! i never did marry the guy. called the wedding off twice. he was a very nice guy, would have make the perfect hubby and father. but he would have been all those things for someone else, not for me.

pitchingcoach	He has some issues that need to be worked on. Holding in emotions is not good. They will come out one day in some fashion. Get some counselling for him.

katydid	Men and women are wired different. Women are usually much more verbal than men. I would say, actions speak louder than words. If he treats you and your child with respect, you're ahead of the game. Keep setting an example for him by verbalizing your feelings and maybe he'll be more comfortable with expressing his. Good luck and know that this is a very, very, common situation.