How do I deal with my ex-husband's e-mails?

Poppet	Sounds like an emotional abuser and blackmailer. Ignore.

lex	he cant cope so thinks you moving back with them will make it so he can step back and you do all the work,,,this isnt about her it is about him,,he gets it all back and he doesnt have to send her away,,if he wants to help her there are plenty of things he could do,,parenting classes for teenagers are very good as lets face it,,teenage girls are a breed apart and not something to be taken lightly,,you can give support to her by phone,,you can make her able to talk to you as another female AND her mother,,she may just not want to talk to her father about issues he knows nothing about and that is completely normal,,,,is it possible for her to stay with you? your marriage has failed and that is that and using her wont bring any love back will it so his point is rather moot i would say,,you and he need to talk to her and see how she sees all this because that may just be part of the problem,she is 14 and need to know her voice is being ,not just heard but considered.

gigi	change your email and dont answer your old account

houstonian352000	He's probably finding different ways to get you to do what he thinks you should do - go and live there with them. He seems like a child at a toy store - first asking, then pleading, and finally when none else happens, throwing a fit/tantrum to get what he wants to get. First, he's being just too selfish about his own career, life, house, etc. He doesn't suggest moving over to where you are or discuss other alternatives of your visitation. If you completely ignore those emails what he might do is to use that as a point to tell your teenage daughter how insensitive a person you are. Reacting to his emails will only lead to more emails and more accusations and more pain. The best way is to ignore his emails and language but communicate with your daughter about what the situation is. By being expressive to her and honest with her, she'll definitely understand your situation. The key is how well connected you are with your daughter - who's probably more important to you than anyone else.

marie	i'm assuming that you are communicating via e-mail. i would do one of two things. i would tell him that from now on, all communications happen over the phone and block his address, OR i would just simply tell him that his opinion of me has nothing to do with the issue at hand, so i will not respond to them.

Greywolf	See a therapist for non-judgemental help. They don't give you answers, they help you sort through your wants to make decisions you can live with. It's always good to consider the situations of the other person. In some cased it can show you he may just want someone else to deal with things that he doesn't want to deal with. On the other hand, I believe there are always things we can work on to be better people. Some of the things he's saying may have an ounce of truth that you can work on even if they may be said in anger. So basically, I don't see that living together with someone you agreed to seperate with as a good idea for the two of you OR the teenager who you will be sending huge mixed messages to. Your teen is learning about life from you two: learning how to argue. How to stand your ground. Learning compromise, and how to work together when appropriate. You probably won't see the fruits of your labor until she's well into her late 20s though. That's just the way things tend to go. Set your email box up to route his emails to a specific folder then only go into them when you're emotionally able. Keep them for worst case scenarios but be sure to read them first. They probably contain updates on your daughter as well as all the nasty stuff. Try to step back from the emotion of the situation so you can think clearer then consider the choices you have as they relate to you and your daughter's future and well-being. Good luck!

Laura W	I think the best way to deal with a problem is to face it. If you ignore the problem it will not go away. You need to talk to him and by emailing you will have time to think befor you say anything to him. I think you should try by one of you moving closer and stay seperate to work on your relationship with him and your daughter. You can get her every other week or weekends to try and help them out. This will build a stronger bond between your family too. If you don't move in with im right away, you will show him that you are independant but would like to try and bond with your family. Other wise not putting yourself in a bind before you are ready. Especially since you do not think he has changed. Good luck on finding what works for you!

prboricua432	First you should try to ignore them.lf they get out of hand,write back defending yourself or i think you can report it.you don't have to live with him to interact with your daughter.the government has visitation laws that says that.look it up and send it to him.

RLB	that's ridiculous! try to understand why he is sayin all of this 2 you. wouldn't you just be pickin up your daughter if y'all were tryin to change custody?? Hm not wanting to be with his own daughter through her teen years is kinda sad to me. a girl needs her daddy in times like these..bein a teenager is VERY hard...(I'm 19 so i know this is very much true! ha!) anyways...just go get her if he really doesn't want to "deal" with her during her teen years and go back home....in another state right? it shouldn't be a problem...good luck :)

that girl	USE A NEW ADDRESS

favrd1	Tough situation.... A lot of times people say things they don't mean because they want to invoke an angry reaction....other times, they are hurt and they want to hurt the person back....neither of these are correct...but is it possible that he loves you still? Is it possible that you love him? Is it possible that you can work with him for the best interest of your daughter. I don't know the details surrounding divorce, but young girls need their mothers.....they need security and love....If it is at all possible, consider going back to live with them....try to build a different type of relationship....maybe you could both go to counseling together to learn how to just "work together" for the sake of your daughter. Times are so rough now, our children need us more than ever. If we don't take the opportunity to mold them during these impressionable years, we run the risk of losing them to the negative influences that are so prevalent today. Tell him in his e-mails that you would prefer to discuss things after you have had some time to think things over. You are faced with some very tough decisions....I hope everything works out for you and your daughter....

diturtlelady2004	First of all, he is the same person you divorced. He needs you, but that doesn't mean he cares about you. You can tell by his selfish e-mails. I would not even open the e-mails. If you want to take the responsibility of your 14 year old, then discuss that, nothing else. By the way, she is old enough to tell a judge which parent she wants to live with. Good luck!

haki	If that e-mails are offensive just erase them dont read it if you want to know about your child .....call her ...but dont forget about her.....believe it or not she must need you....be in touch...â˜º

Manny	Well if he messed up you shouldnt be feeling guilty or anything, it was his fault not yours so just ignore him, he will admit sooner or later that he messed up and ask for forgivenes

>>\|\|<<	Sounds like he just wants you back. If he can't manage your teenage daughter then the best thing would be for her to go live with you. Most likely he is worried about paying child support. He is just trying to wear down your self esteem by sending you the messages that he does. He sounds bitter from the divorce. He is really the one that is stubborn, selfish and dishonest. Just ignore the e-mail message and don't respond. Make sure you save all of them(e-mails) in case he drags you to court for something.

bigpopi@verizon.net	go get your little girl come back home and change your email. tell your ex to f..koff

Joey K	I'm gonna tell you that it is best not to ignore them, that will probably make him madder. I would not even recommend talking by email, because people say things that they normally only THINK when they are on email. I would talk to him on the phone. Make him know that you are available to talk to him, that will calm him down a lot. Tell him you want your daughter to grow up calmy too- but some kids have trouble divorce or no divorce. She could have had those problems anyway. Tell him you got divorced because of the problems you had with him, and the problems are serious and they don't seem like they are going to change, but you both have a chance to make each others lives a lot more livable if you cooperate around your daughter.

Lau Lau	I think you should ignore them and not take them personally. It appears your ex is acting like a teenager, he's the selfish one that cant deal with not getting his own way. Personally if you went back there, i think it would be a very big mistake

his temptress	Why does he have custody? Are you capable of taking custody? Taking care of your daughter has nothing to do with living with him. He sounds very manipulative. Ignore his emails, but save them. You may need them when you go to court.

?	Whatever reaction you have or defense for yourself, do not respond to those emails. They are for the purpose of getting a reaction out of you. If your ex wants to be an adult about the whole thing, he should be willing to sit down with you face to face and discuss the situation. It sounds as though he is trying to provoke you so that you'll end up doing his bidding and going back to an awful sounding situation. Don't.

Ben Gone	My only concern would be what is he saying about you to her? You may need to defend yourself. You didn't say why you don't live with him might it be hard for her to live with Dad? IF he paid support could you take her and help her for these final few years of childhood?

~â™¥Aimeeâ™¥~	Well sounds to me like he is just trying to guilt you into doing something that he knows you don't want to do. Maybe this has worked in the past when you guys where married. I say tell him in no uncertain terms (if you are) you are willing to take custody of your daughter where you live. I would then only answer his e-mails if they warrant an answer.

Suzuki_Mouse	Who says you need to move back in with him? Sounds like you're considering moving back to the area, so apparently changing jobs isn't an issue. Just because you go back, you don't have to live in the same house as him, and if it's one of these "he needs to change first" issues, it's probably not a real smart idea to move in with him anyway. Smartest route would be to consult an attorney or child's advocate, see what they would suggest since he's insisting he can't manage the child he was granted custody of.

maya	i think you should go to them for your daughter and he's right alot of dad don;t know any thing about girl, and it not like your going marry him again or anything like that my friend live with her ex cause of her kids but in separate room

dlin333	just have him transfer custody to you, and have your daughter come live with you,,, if thats something you are able to do,,,,,,, then when he complains, tell him to send her to you , there is no need for you to go live with him/them,,,, that most always is a bad situation, especially if he has that attitude,,,,,,and puts you down,

need_to_live6	He is jst angry at the fact of the matter that he can't let go of your child and needs time to cope wwith hiz problemz, yo cant respect that, he is wallowing in self pity with yer daughter yo!

Stacy H	His negativity doesnt deserve a response from you. As far as your daughter goes tell him that you would be glad to take her and work through her teenage years but that you are not willing to live with him to do so...if he is sending the negative emails how do you think he will treat you in person every day? Let him be miserable by himself. Good luck with your daughter.

Royalhinney	Why is it that the only solution is you moving in with him to care for your daughter? Why can't she move in with you? Ignore his comments and focus on your daughter and what you can do to help her though the teen years.

diobalikal	Tell him your new boyfriend doesn't appreciate them. And you are a parent here also, if he wants you to raise your daughter, make her come live with you.

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