How do I get past resenting my wife?

?	wow ~ that is tough. Were you guys having problems before this that you were reading her private mail and do you really want to save the marriage? If you do, than take a evening where it is quiet (no kids, calls or interruptions) and sit down and talk it out. If you really love each other you can work it out and get past this ~best of luck

Zebra4	This is a tough one, but I think I have some good advise for you. First, accept your anger--it's reasonable. Anger is not bad, it's like an alarm that goes off inside us and tells us there's something here that needs to be dealt with. It's HOW you deal with it that can be either good or bad. So, how are you going to deal with your anger? If I were in your situation, I would let her know that this is a major deal and she is damaging your trust. You don't have to yell it at her or do or say anything you'll regret later, but it's certainly appropriate to let her know how upset you are. And if communicating openly isn't working, I would get some help from a marriage counselor (or wise older adult you both respect). In the end, though, the best you can do is do your best and let go of the outcome. I know that sounds tough, but even if she wrecks the marriage, you'll still need to forgive her and move on in order to free yourself from the rage you feel. Hope that helps.

smile4u	The only way to move on is to forgive her. It will take a while but actually, you must do this for yourself. Otherwise you'll end up one of those bitter angry people.

Jep	If you don't the marriage will end, but perhaps that is what you or her want?need? If she is looking outside the marriage, she is 100% wrong no matter the reason, but no one goes outside of the marriage if they are happy, so maybe you need to ask her why she is unhappy and actually work through you issues instead of just asking her to accept responsibility. Therapy is my only other suggestion, everyone needs someone to talk to and it is heathier to talk to someone who has no connections to you life, that way you can get an honest appraisal of the situation, your friends will either feel strange, or conflicted and your family will more then likely just agree with you, which will put a riff between your wife and family and you and your wife and not get anyone anywhre usefull.

souless one	No one can tell you how to not resent your wife. Only you can make that choice. It sounds like she may have done something out of line that would be considered out of line for most couples. But if you plan on staying married and ever being happily married you have to make the choice to trust her and not resent her. Its difficult but you have to make yourself do it. If you don't get past it you may not make it as a couple. I wish you the best of luck and i wish i had an answer that would solve your problems but there is no answer. The only answer to the problem is you. Choose to forgive and forget or choose to not. The past is the past you have to get passed it or you'll always be stuck there in pain. Hope i helped.

butterfliesRfree	I'm sorry to say this but....I've been married 25 years and I also have an ex-husband. Let me give you a hint. My EX went over and beyond what he was supposed to be doing in a marriage. This is why he is an EX. 2nd time around is just fine. This from experience. Not all women are like that so please don't resent women in general for what she did. YOU KNOW what the emails say.

Joachin Murrieta	You need counseling...what is disturbing here are two things.... 1) She is guilty of at least emotional cheating and is trying to turn things around so its your fault. 2) You read her emails You both have reasons to be mad at each other, but you need counseling - NOW!

?	I would recommend counseling, I don't blame you for your hurt. Sounds like she's trying to avoid the issue at hand by brining up the e-mail issue.

Zack	Dump her naked, hungry, and stinky on a steet corner and then get a divorce.. :)

shewolf	Maybe ask what it is that she gets from this other man/friend. And I think that any couple that can't share the e-mail thing must have secrets. How can secrets be healthy for a relationship?

aliciap77	If she doesn't accept responsibility then things probably won't work out. She would rather blame you then take a look at her own actions. It takes a long time to regain trust after an issue like yours but if shes not willing to do anything about it theres nothing you can do. See if she'll go to a marriage counselor with you. Good luck.

uscitizen a	Thats not good, your wife may be a ho and your just now picking up on it, watch her close and document everything, you may need it to protect yourself in the divorce.

KIMBO	Seek some guidance from someone who has no valued interest in either one of you. You really don't need one sided help. A counselor or a church leader could talk to you both. I hope you can survive, but more than that I hope she apologizes.

cey12000	The thing is, if you're reading her emails without her permission, you don't have much of a relationship, do you? I agree with the first answer, counseling, either together or alone.

Tall Blonde Spaz	You need to either go to a marriage counselor or have a very long discussion with your wife about all this. She needs to, in either case, promise to no longer contact this man. If she is caught contacting him... it's over. Do not reward bad behavior. Resentment is natural and justified in this case. There are unresolved issues that need to be addressed or the marriage will fail. Staying in a marriage while resenting your spouse and reading thier e-mails is STILL a failed marriage. Catch this before it gets outta hand.

Becky	You really need to talk to her about it. She may have been in the wrong,but you were too for reading her mail, which is wrong also if you trust her. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, and if she didn't do anything physical with that man, then chalk it up to fantasy and ask her not to do that anymore, since it causes a problem in your relationship.

alwaysperfec237	IF you cant get passed it you cant. She ****** up. It is not your fault you cant get over it. I say get a divorce cause this might bother you for a long time. It is o.k. to forgive but how can you ever forget. Move on my friend cause why would she do that to you...WShe is not worth it.....

RACQUEL	You don't get past resenting her - you get a divorce. Divorce and resentment usually go hand in hand.

Phaylynn	Counseling! If she is unwilling to take responsibility than she's probably not feeling very guilty which in turn means, she's probably still doing it. Ask her to see a marriage counselor with you and if she wont go than you go by yourself and learn techniques to deal with her. If none of that works than you should separate and show her what she's missing.

justwondering	leave her and find someone else, try not to let it bother you. while you are filled with resentment she is going on with her life and you are the one that suffers

loladoreen	I am not sure if you can until you talk to her. And it doesn't sound like she is talking. You may need to really examine your marriage to see if you want to still be married. Something is going on with her. I suggest you seek counseling or talk to a very good friend. There is alot more going on here than you think.That is a guess, but it does smell fishy.

Red	simple do the same thing and see how she reacts .. then come back with the same sorry excuses she's given u ..

Oly	you need some space. if that doesn't work, end it. make sure you don't bring kids into this mess.

ritabird1	When you realize that #1 you can only change your behavior, not hers and #2 your resentment hurts you more than her, then you can begin to get over it. I would suggest imagotherapy. No right/ no wrong..just healing

NONAME	Sorry bud that dude is mee....im wit her right now while u have no clue!

~Gate~	Why are you trying to stay with someone who obviously is too immature for a marriage? Stand up, be a man, move on and find a woman to be with instead of an immature little girl.

Mrs Dwkns	Get a new wife! Good luck to you!

The Boot	You need to administer a FIRM HAND and straighten her out!!! Marriage isn't playing house a little while, then having adventures.

every1lovesamixedgirl	I know this is going to be what everyone suggests, but I'd say you need to try marriage counseling.