How do I tell my 5 year old that her father has been cheating on me and that's the reason why we broke up?

mommyandbaby	Dont tell her just yet. But tell her daddys gone away and later on in life if she starts getting curious and wants to know what happend to daddy go ahead and put it to her as gently as necessary.

A	You don't tell her why. You tell you that you and Daddy had to be apart for grown up reasons and you know it's sad, but that is the way it has to be. It doesn't mean that Daddy doesn't love her. She needs to be assured that she will be loved by the both of you and that won't change. She doesn't need to know why he left at all. Just reassure her that everything will be ok and make it that way.

dog lover	you don't tell a five year old that her dad had an affair. now or ever.... it just didn't work, that's all she needs to know.

kittykat	What you should be telling is that sometimes grown up don't love each other more and that no matter what you and your ex will always love and be there for her.

babyred	To tell your child would be a selfish, hateful thing to do. I realize that what your husband has been doing is as well, but your 5 year old has no capacity to understand anything of this other than the emotion you will inevitably convey. A year ago I discovered my ex-husband was cheating and at the time my son was 5. He loves his dad with his whole soul, and vice versa. We are now divorced and my ex still is still with his mistress. It's hard to tolerate the situation at times, but because I love my son and because I know that as long as his father and I are happy separately my son will be fine, I gut it out, that is my cross to bear. And it is my ex's cross to bear that one day our son will ask him what happened to end our marriage or figure it out for himself and the ex will have to face that. Please do your son a favor and don't take your malice and resentment for your husband out on your son. Take the high road.

jaded	sweet baby jesus!!! that is not what is meant by not lying, silly!!! you dont make an innocent 5 year old your marriage confidant. dont do that!!!! your poor baby does not know what cheating is and doesnt understand work. what are you thinking? it is your job to protect your baby, not hit her over the head with your life mistakes. you WILL injure her and will make her permanenty worried. dont even think of doing anything like this!!! what idiot is telling you this???? the ages from 5 to 7 are called 'the angelic years' they are literally the last baby years there are. she needs these years to be calm and happy, not filled with worry and strange stories from you. you need to be a lot smarter here. go to the library and read up on child development, there is a whole section. dont be ignorant about this, you have only one chance with this baby and so far you have done okay. but if you do anything like this telling her your sordid marriage horror stories you run the risk of altering her very growing up hormones and her metabolism, as you will stress her out. she may become neurotic and be very very harmed. you are in total control of her environment, you are in control of her happiness and her innocence. you just tell her that daddy loves her but he has moved away for a while and you both love her very much. for now, that is it. you dont ever tell her anything stupid about cheating, that is adult business. i take it he wants nothing to do with her. that may very well change in years to come, it also has a lot to do with your attitude towards this. it is grow up time, you, not your baby. sorry to be rude, but, you did not ask, SHOULD i tell her he cheated, you asked HOW do i tell her he cheated. i hope you got the message loud and clear as a bell, you dont.

simplysweetnsexi	Don't tell her anything, way to young to understand & will only hurt her feeling toward her dad whom she probably adores. You can't let your problems with a husband affect the child. Tell her that you can't live together anymore because you just don't get along really well, but assure her that her daddy does love her, that she did nothing wrong, it is not her fault. Children tend to think when parents break up it is their fault alot of times & this is really bad.

cre8urworld	you dont tell her, no need to lie but no need to tell her something like that how could she possibly understand

box of rain	For the child's sake do NOT tell him/her the truth before they are old enough to handle it! Explain to the child that you two had adult problems and leave it at that until they are much, much older. Then pick a better man. You are beautiful and are worth a decent guy.

Peanut Butter Mocha	Don't tell her that her daddy slept with a lady who wasnt her mommy and that's y ur not together! Wait to give her all the gory details when she's older! Like 15. Now, just tell her things didn't work out. Tell her that mommy and daddy decided that they didn't want to live together anymore. When she asks y, just tell her that daddy needed to be alone for a while, and mommy gave him his space. When she asks if he'll ever come back, (if he's still in her life), tell her daddy will always love her, and come back for visits with her. Tell her mommy and daddy are happy with this arrangement, and it's for the best. I"m just not sure if a five year old is ready to handle the fact that her dad cheated on her mom. Think of her welfare first, not the need for u to be honest. Lie by omission.

Mignon F	At the age of 5 I would not tell her "Daddy found a new woman that he likes better than Mommy." Tell her the fact that Mommy and Daddy grew apart from each other and that she's loved by both of you. She's too young to know what really happened and as long as you don't say anything bad about her Daddy or girlfriends/next wife, you'll come out ahead.

JadeyOz	You dont want to harm her? yet you want to tell her that her daddy is a lying cheating scum bag ?. Are you for real? , why on earth would you want to hurt her this way? , you just simply sit her down and say mummy and daddy dont love each other anymore but that doesnt mean daddy doesnt love you , your his princess and he'll always love you no matter where he lives or who he lives with. Using your child as a pawn in a game of power because you were cheated on by him is emotional abuse so dont do it because when she's 14 thats when she starts attacking back and you'll lose in the end because believe it or not they do wake up at that age and realise who played mind games and power games my step son is living proof of that he's 13 and now realises his mother lied to him to make him hate us now she's paying the price for it , keep it civil for her , you dont have to see him or speak to him but you also dont have to be a cow and try and make her hate him because he hurt you. And who is the person telling you that need not lie to her anymore and that if you tell your daughter what a scum he is it'll improve your life ? because they need to step back and keep out of it they arent the 1 who your daughter will hate in the end. This fight is between you and your husband dont drag her into it , a real parent never uses pain in raising their child.And if the scum bag is with the woman he cheated on you with you get a journal and write down every visit every phone call and every emotion you feel as the result and dont ever discuss it with your daughter.

Elt	Get real here. NEVER make a child deal with adult subjects or problems.

Maureen	Who told you that? There is no reason to tell her 'your side of the story' or for you to tell her disparaging things about her father in order to avoid lying. Simply tell her that daddy & mommy have decided not to be married anymore, but that you will both keep on working together to be her parents. If she wants to know why you decided not to be married anymore, you tell her that sometimes grownups just realize that they aren't happy being married to each other & decide to let each other have a chance to meet new grownups who they might love.

Tina Marie	simple....you DON"T!! You say that sometimes married people that are unhappy and have too many differences can't be together. Why put such a terrible burden on a child? Someday she will know the truth. Until then, say nothing but wonderful things about your husband...or soon to be ex. It will pay off for you and your child's emotional well being in the long run!!

Lisa W	Why would you tell a 5 year old anything about an adult relationship? All you have to say is that you and Daddy couldn't get along so you both decided you couldn't live together anymore and that you both love her and it has nothing to do with her. End of story. When she is in her teens and asks..thats when you tell her the details if she asks.

drunkenpupil	You should not tell your 5 year old that her father has been cheating on you. She is a little girl and will learn soon enough that people are not always as they seem. You should sit her down and explain that you both love her very much, but sometimes things happen between a mommy and a daddy and it means that they can not be together anymore. You are looking to heal yourself at the expense of your child - your ex did not cheat on the child - he cheated on you - talk to your girlfriends, to your mom, to a counselor, or to any adult you want about your hurt and pain - but please do not bring your little girl into it - it is not her burden to bear.

Live_For_Today	Shes too young to tell her this, let alone being able to comprehend it all. Wait for her to grow up into her teens before telling her the real truth. She will have more respect for you if you do it this way.

Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess)	I don't think you have to tell her that he cheated on you (at least not at that age). Tell her that you and her father had problems that you couldn't work out and that you don't love each other anymore (but that you both love HER).

spinster wife	She has been out of your womb for only 5 years. Do you really think she will understand what cheating is? This is her father. Never put him down in front of her and just say that Daddy and Mommy love her and decided to love her in different homes.

none	You dont!

Katetrinity	How do you explain that to a 5 year old? Don't do it. She will not understand. Does she still see him on a regular basis? You would ruin that relationship if she does visit him. I would talk to a professional & ask for the exact words to use with her. I told my kids & I wish now that I had not told them the truth. Some how they always blame themselves for anything that happens between you & their father. Please make sure you are doing the right thing because you can't un ring that bell once you have done it. Think of your daughter's reaction. I still don't know how she is capable of understanding at this age.

1540	You dont tell a 5 year old that. Its cruel. And no matter what he did to you thats still her daddy so you dont badmouth him to her ever or you will harm HER.

Luv2Answer	Please don't tell her. I beg of you. She is much too young to understand anything other than she should not like Daddy and you want her to be mad at him. That is not something a 5 year old should go through. She will instantly think it was something she did. Let her deal with the truth when she is older. I learned about my father's infidelity at a young age from my mother and actually wound up being angry with her. . .for telling me. I remember thinking that she was trying to make me hate my father and make me feel sad. It's in your best interest not to do this even though I know it would make you feel vindicated.

Mrs.C	Don't be so SELFISH...don't tell her. She won't get it. You just want to tell her to hurt the X. Don't do it. Don't be so vengeful...take the high road!

Garden by M	how old are you? this is not a subject for children. try acting like a grown up and behave accordingly. She needs to have a relationship with her Dad and just because he doesn't care for you, does not mean you should poison her against him. Improve your life by taking responsibility and keeping your mouth shut!

my_son_wants_to_know	She is too young to understand cheating. Wait until she is older. But you can tell her that he lied, I think that is ok, he lied to you and it hurt you and you both decided not to be together anymore. See a family counselor.

Discovery	i don't think you should tell him now.

mimi	oh lady...use some common sense and some common motherly judgment. why in the world would you want to tell your five year old daughter this? since you want to be so honest, is it because you are so bitter that your ex was sleeping with other women? a five year old can not comprehend this! you will break her little heart. maybe you should take some parenting classes and have a mental health evaluation. just tell her mommy and daddy are living apart but we still love you and leave it at that. i've been divorced with children...my children and i abandoned. i would never have told this to my children. they can figure out the truth when they are grown.