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How do you know when your husband is using drugs?
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How do you know when your husband is using drugs?

Me and my husband have been married for 7 years and he has always smoked pot. But here lately he just acts different! He get mad over simple little things. He tells me he hates me and he wishes I would die! He's always with his friends and will not do anything with us because he can't be with his buddies! He never has any money I end up giving him what I have to get him through the week! I found out today that one of his friends is doing cocain. I just dont know what to think anymore! Please give me something to go on!!

David P
Drug addiction is a sickness that people who never experienced it will never understand,you cant make him get well or seek help but you can seek help 4 yourself.I suggest alanon I know were not talking about alcohol but addiction is addiction.You can even go to an alanon chat room online.There is hope.

Help Desk Chick in California
I totally agree with Marcie. I have been in your shoes! I had to learn the hard way and years later how I wasted years of my life involved with being more of a detective than taking care of myself. He is not demonstrating love to you at all. You are tolerating it. He is spending the family money. I say this with true concern that you are sounding like a desperate woman, afraid you won't find love again when you do not have real love now! That may sound harsh but I had to go through it and hear the hard truth a zillion times before it sank in. Your gut feeling is likely true, but so what? Ok, say you find out he is doing coke, and then what? Are you hoping he will stop and then suddenly be nice again. He chose to do drugs - that makes the excuse for anything esle... not coming home, other women, etc... , he is not acting loving to you and that speaks louder than anything or any proof. Get out of the marriage. Keep your income to yourself- file asap so you do not end up alone and broke. You WILL get passed this and get a better guy. So many women make the mistake of thinking they can fix a guy... when you need to fix yourself. The part of you that is broken is that logic is gone. You are making excuses for his abusiveness and abandonment of you. You might be hoping he is on drugs and get him back into your life once he is over it. The odds on that are not good. You are worth more than what you are living. You already know what you need to do. You have the answer already but are afraid of it. It is to get out of that house and leave him. Don't waste $ on finding out about him unless there is any issue of kids and safety. Be a strong woman and take a stand. What helped me was when someone asked me..."if this was your daughter having these problems what would you tell her?" of course you'd say to leave him because you love your child more than yourself. Be good to yourself. Seriously. Pray for strength to leave him.

J. Greaseball
He's still smokin pot and yes, now the coce. If his friend, whom he is always with, is on the caine, most likely he to has got the snifflez. Front him on it, call him out, tell him his attitude has changed and he is short fused. If he reacts badly, leave him, because he is on a bad path, you don't want to travel.

Ms. T.I.P.
It sounds like he may be doing drugs other than marijuana. your intuition wil tell it all. just sit and observe his behavior look into his eyes and see if there dialated when you suspect he's high. a person cocaine there mouth will sort of twist up as well. i dont know if he will take a drug test he try and act offended and if he will lie to you won't try to get help you don't need that in your life. Cocaine is a very powereful drug and may just choose that over you, food, money, a job, and his freinds. if you want to make this work talk to him and if he has nothing to hide he will take a drug test, they do have home drug test available. keep your eyes open. we are investigators by nature.

OMG, I went thru this already. My ex did this too. Your spouse may only be smoking pot, but over long term use, it's bad. The mood swings and carelessness, and not having any money are definitley signs he's up to no good. Go on the internet & look for the long term affects it has, & see if there's any similarities. Jus' cuz his friend is on coke, doesn't necessarily mean he is. But, then again, you hang around a barber shop long enuff, you will get a hair cut. If you're not important right now (don't take it personally) drug users are only interested in one thing. Getting high. Is he eating? Do you ever see him eat? Are the bills getting paid? If you're paying all of them, STOP. (you're enabling him to continue to lie to you, and use your money) Ask him to pay HALF of everything. If he can't come up with that, then he really is throwing you guys into trouble. If he's always broke, red light! DO NOT give him ANY money. NONE. If he needs gas in his car, that's his problem. Hide your purse, credit/debit cards, cash, and any valuables. Pot smoking is not as bad, but almost as bad as cocaine, but coke/crack is seriously addicting, and can make you go broke quick. Is he losing weight? Have him take a drug test in front of you. If he fails it, ask him to leave. Or you leave. Sounds like he needs help. Those friends of his, obviously are not friends. Take care of YOURSELF. You have to do what's right for YOU. Now.

sounds like he might. Perhaps you can look up signs and side effects of some of the drugs you think he might be using and see if he fits in with that. also you can subtely check his body for signs of drug use like bruising and puncture holes on the arms if he injecting etc. although you wont always find 'evidence' this way but you might. but it may also be other things like an affair or even a gambling problem. one I have to say is that if it gets pretty violent, get out of there no matter what your feelings are for him. you will feel bad at first but in the long run you'll be much happier, and you'll find someone better

You're married to him and your vows says "in sickness and in health... in good times and in bad"... take those vows very seriously. I don't think you should put up with this behavior but i suggest you try and get into marriage counseling with him... It costs money, yes... but divorce costs a lot more! A spouse saying he wishes you would die is not a good thing to see. Maybe one day he might try to make that happen. I suggest trying to get to the root of the problem before it escalates. It is likely that if his buddies are doing coke, he is probably doing it too. How can you tell? Only way to tell for sure is with a drug test.

The OC Mom
sorry to say, but you don't have anything left to go on. you need to get out while you can. he obviously doesn't care about you or your children. no good father would do that to their wife and kids. there is no excuse for that, so don't believe that his behavior is okay for one second! get out now and mabye he will realize how bad he messed up and get some counseling, more that likely not though. for the safety of you and your children get out now!!!

I would leave and go stay with a friend for a while and see if he misses you or not. You are married and he should act like he is instead of hanging out with his friends. Some people just do not understand what a marriage is really about and I really hope the best for you!

Wait a minute.. think about what you are saying... Is OK that he tells you he hates you and wishes you'd die? Always with his friends - no time for his family - irresponsible with money..... I mean you can set the boundary any where that you CHOOSE!! If what you already know for sure is not enough and you want to play private detective because cocaine will WHAT?? That will be the final straw? One more thing to argue about? THAT is over your boundary... His behavior is unacceptable without PROVING he is using cocaine. ALSO, cocaine would not be an acceptable EXCUSE for his behavior either... Think about what you want for yourself and your kids. Try not to get obsessed with what he is and is not doing. CHOOSE what is acceptable to YOU.

green eyes 4u
Mary, Usually if you have an idea of something..It usually is true.. Women's intuition is right on at times.. If he is doing stronger drugs, you lost him to it right now. Unless you step up and draw the line.. Is he excusing himself quite often to go to the bathroom. Look for straws cut down, or an empty pen or a dollar bill rolled up into a tube in one of his pockets.. I think it usually comes in a paper that resembles a triangle or a clear little bag.. ( like the ones extra buttons on clothes come in) The longer you say nothing, the longer it will go on. Unless he is willing to do a lot.. and is a really good person, who got caught up in this crap, but wants a better life.. I am so sorry.. life is so hard , why do people choose to create such chaos..

Chances are he has moved on to bigger and better things....like cocaine! You can buy over the counter drug tests now! Just go to the local drug store and ask the pharmacist. They range from $29.99 - $59.99, depending what you want to test him for. It will tell you instantly what he's positive for. There is also a mailing address that you can send it to and get more definitive answers. Ask him to take it! If he refuses, then you know he is hiding something from you! Good luck! Remember: Drug addicts are professional liars! You cannot trust his word! He will manipulate you forever, if you allow it! He is being verbally abusive and you should demand better for yourself!

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