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How much loyalty do I owe a husband in jail for molesting our daughter?
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How much loyalty do I owe a husband in jail for molesting our daughter?

We've been married for 10 years but our daughter is now 14. Last summer I discovered that he had been molesting her and reported him. He's now serving a year in jail for 2 counts of CSC 2nd degree, pled down from 4 counts (only a year? I know...)

The question is: How much loyalty does a normal person feel towards a man in this situation. He doesn't want a divorce and doesn't want me to move. He plans to complete an acclaimed therapy program and his probabtion and have me (and all of his possesions) here waiting for him when he can return.

Considering the fact that he *is* committed to completing therapy and wants to continue to support me and our 3 kids, how likely would you be to divorce him and chuck his stuff into the street anyway?

You don't owe him anything . He stepped over the line when he did that to your daughter. I wouldn't even let him near your daughter.The main thing you should worry about is making sure your daughter knows what happened was not her fault and her Father need help. My ex wife went trough this also and has had problems all her life because of it. Do the right thing ok for your daughters sake.

you think you owe him loyalty what sbout the loyalty he should have had to you and your daughter and your family. He made his decision to molest your daughter you need to make a decision as to who needs you him (not at all) or your daughter. she needs all of yoru support f*** him and all his lies and bs

My kids come before any man - no matter how long I've been with him. How will your daughter feel if you forgive him and let him back into your life after what he did to her? She's already been through enough trauma - do you really want to add to it? If you don't care enough about your daughter to leave his *** for good, then give her to someone that will.

You don't owe him anything! Who cares if he still wants to stay with you; how would your daughter feel living with the person who was molesting her? You are a sick person if you would allow this. Her life is already going to be so screwed up now- it would be worse if she is forced to continue to live with him. Get rid of him. How can you still love him anyway?

Your loyalty should be about as long as the barrel of a 45 cal. pistol. How can someone molest their own daughter?

I wouldnt even be asking this question his butt would be beat and his stuff would be burned I lost for words!!! There are so many sick people in the world Im sorry that happend to your daughter GOOD LUCK

I am sorry to hear that. It must be very hurtful for you and specially your daughter to go through this kind of situation.
I think that once you have kids, your kids will have to be put in first place. I dont think your daughter will be able to trust him after what she went through, and your other kids either. If they dont know about what happen now, they will have to someday.
MY point is, you better ask your daughter what she thinks about the whole situation, get her your kids and yourself some therapy and be strong for them. I will divorce him as well. How can you trust your kids and yourself to someone else that is not family if your own family hurt you in such a big way.
He obviously will need some therapy, and eventually will be fine. Be friends but from very far away.
Again, I am very sorry for what you went through
This is just my opinion

As much as I would love you say you should support him and help him through such a difficult process, I can't. What he did is unforgivable in my eyes. You owe it to yourself and your kids to remove yourselves from his life. By doing what he did, he gave up any rights he has to be a part of your family. I think you should divorce him and consider moving away where he can't find you or making sure there is a restraining order in place keeping him away from you and the kids. He can send those support checks to the court and they can forward them onto you. You need to protect these kids and yourself.

The day i caught him doing this unspeakable act to my child or anyone Else's children, his stuff would have been chucked right away and i would not show any loyalty to him at all the second his things were chucked... Its hard to trust someone who has already violated a child. You and your daughter are better off without him.

It is a FACT that there is currently NO CURE for pedophilia. any psychiatrist or Doctor who says otherwise is LYING. Not only that, but he showed a complete lack of concern for his daughters safety and well being, both physically and mentally, just to satisfy his own urges. More importantly, it would be a horrible betrayal to your daughter who reported him, to possibly put her in that situation again. Even if nothing happens again, it DID happen, and she knows it and will think of it when ever she see's him.

If it were my daughter I would definately divorce his a$$ and burn his crap. How do you think your daughter would feel if you would even consider giving that low life a second chance? Its your decision but I think you should really think hard on this one.

Your daughters best interest should be #1. As well as your other children. I don't think I would want to be around him if I was in her position. Too many painful memories. You don't have to completely abandon him. Encourage him to complete his therapy, but keep your children away.

I obviously can't speak from a woman's point of view, but I would have a hard time giving him any loyalty. This isn't your average, run-of-the-mill affair. This was a violation of your child.

By the way, how does your daughter feel about this? How about the other kids? I think this is simply asking for more trouble, regardless of how much he says he's "rehabilitated". There will be that question of "really?".

Tread lightly and I hope you and your kids find some peace.

He definatly doesn't deserve much loyalty at all, sorry, I ment none at all. I would throw his stuff onto the curb and leave it there to rot. I wouldn't like a guy like that in my house.

None! HELLO! He is in jail for hurting part of your family Right.You owe him NOTHING

Are you serious? I can't even justify that question with an answer. Wake up and smell the coffee!

How can you be considering a continued relationship with him? Therapy is fine for him if it works but I still don't think I could trust him.

Killer Queen
Just move and get away from him

Honestly, I would have lost all trust for a man right there. You are normal, yes, but someone who molests children (especially their own daughter), that's not normal. HE doesn't want a divorce and HE doesn't want you to move, but you have to think about what you want and need and what will be best for your kids. Molestation is the same as abuse, try and put yourself in your daughter's shoes.

For me, wondering whether or not to leave him (or make him leave) wouldn't be an option. No one has the right to do that to a child and he doesn't deserve your loyalty. But that's just my opinion. I'm sorry about your situation. It can't be easy to deal with for you... and especially for her. Good luck :)

None. That kind of behavior is completely unacceptable and morally disgusting. It doesn't matter what he says, his actions say more than his words ever will. Toss him.

i would probably end up in jail myself, for attempted murder if i found out that my husband molested my daughter (if i had one)

get as far away from him as possible!!

Personally, I would divorce him (although, you don't have to throw his stuff in the street, you can be civil about it!). It's great that he wants to go to therapy, but what about your daughter???? No amount of therapy will ever erase what he did to her. Also, I would never, ever allow him to be alone with her in the future. By the way, I am very sorry that you are going thru this, and I hope that things work out the best for you and your family!

u need to get away from him forever. Seriously, it's the right thing. People can't change that much.

0% what he did was bad

100% You need to figure out why you would ever even consider speaking to him again. Is your self-esteem that low?

I would, chuck his stuff into the street, no matter how harsh it may seem. This is your daughter here, and if I were you, I couldn't have it happen again. But, this is your decision. If you feel that he loves you and your daughter, and that he's willing to change, then, give him another chance.

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