I'm 36, with 2 girls, married for 12 years and have never been in love with my spouse. should I leave or stay?

jonathanwifey	LEAVE GIRL YOU GOT TO BE HAPPY and he cheated no way girl leave that trash behind and be happy dont get caught out there and god forbid you get a std girl and pray for him ask god what you should do he would lead you to the right thing to do hes god he never lets you down your his child and doesnt want you to be un happy

berkeleygirl	Why would you waste your life on a man you're not in love with? You only live once. You should be spending your life trying to be happy and content.

Renae K	I'm with everyone else love - get out of there at any cost!!!! We are entitled to make mistakes in our lives as long as we rectify them and move on. As for Christianity (or Catholicism for that matter) I'm probably not the right person to talk to about that - think it is the BIGGEST load of hypocritical bs I have ever had any knowledge of in my life. How about pouring that devotion and dedication into yourself and your children? Will give you more fulfilment than that other crap! Your husband is a creep - but hey at least he gave you children - life is nothing without children (for those of us who want them of course) be grateful for them - but be kind to yourself and get away from this horrible man!!!

tu_tigreza	YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE MARRIED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE, THAT WAS YOUR FIRST MISTAKE, YOUR SECOND MISTAKE WAS STAYING IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE FOR 12 YEARS. YOU NEED TO GET A FULL TIME JOB AND FIND A PLACE TO LIVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN. HE'LL HAVE TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN, SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. HE'S TOO OLD FOR YOU, AND YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TOLD HIM YOU DIDN'T LOVE HIM AND STAYED IN THE RELATIONSHIP. YOU WERE JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE GIRL. YOU'RE STILL YOUNG, YOU CAN BE A CHRISTIAN AND GET A DIVORCE. DO YOU THINK GOD WANTS YOU IN AN ABUSIVE, LOVELESS RELATIONSHIP. FOR WHAT? YOU DO KNOW THAT GOD HELPS THOSE WHO TRY TO HELP THEMSELVES. DON'T SIT ON YOUR BEHIND AND EXPECT GOD TO WORK MIRACLES FOR YOU! YOU'VE BEEN DUMB FOR 12 YEARS AND NOW HE'S SUPPOSED TO SAY ABRACADABRA! VIOLA! NO! YOU NEED TO HELP YOURSELF AND HE'LL HELP YOU. YOU NEED TO WORK, AND PROVE TO YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND. YOU'RE A WOMAN, YOU CAN DO IT. SHOW HIM YOU CAN.

Persephone	Marriage is hard work. You don't keep the heady rush of firsts forever. You decided to become Christian and that means staying married and faithful to your husband. If your husband beats you or ends up not having jobs for long periods of time and you have to do the supporting, then go to your priest or minister and ask HIS advice. But to leave because you're bored or just don't feel the love is certainly not a good reason to leave. He didn't cheat on you, the woman just admitted to you that she could've had him if she wanted him, so really, she insulted you, my dear, and I can't help but think as I read your post you do come across a little dense. If you are ten or twenty years his junior you must've had a passing thought that he was a bit older than you. When I was 17 I dated a 24 year old and broke it off in three months because he was getting too serious. I was mindful I was 17 and in no hurry to settle down. I was religious too and felt that marriage is too important to just settle with anybody or the first thing that came along. I suggest you sign up for school on-line and get a degree. you are going to need it.

thundakat312	u should get out of an abusive situation. made worse because u don't love him. u and ur girls deserve to live better. try contacting the "association for battered women" in ur area. life's too short to be unhappy and abused! i've been there, and it can turn to ur girls too. take care!!!!

dawn_stiney2000	i would leave. and move on who would stay if you dont love that person anymore leave him life must move on.

Anti-technology Girl	As you said, you do not love him enough to stay with him the rest of your life. Well guess what? The rest of your life is happening right now! The court will award you child support. If you stay for the money, plan on being miserable. What kind of religion would encourage people to live this sort of lie? I suggest you go and see a lawyer who will tell you what to expect financially. Based on that, set yourself a deadline of less than one year and use that time to plan and then get the hell out of there. You will need to give some thought as to how this is going to impact your daughters but don't think they aren't being impacted by the fact that their parents are in a marriage of convenience. I wish you courage and happiness.

ga44male	Your living 2 separate lives now a divorce would be a step up at least you could pursue something better.Why would him going to church justify his actions,this isn't a marriage.

D D	Life is way too short to be unhappy...You can start out by looking for a full-time job and collecting child support. Start living your life, do things that make you happy, it will benefit not only you but your girls too, kid's sense when their parents are not living in harmony, get out before they start thinking that it is normal to really not be in love with your spouse. You wouldn't want your daughters to marry for the wrong reasons. Kid's learn by example.

sarah a	Let me just remind you of something. The day you said I do you made a pact with him to stay with him thru thick and thin. You didn't have a clause in there that says if I don't like you I get to back out. NOW let me say that he also made the same pact and if he is breaking his vows then by all means you should divorce him. Divorce him for adultery you will get more in the end.

Nasta	LEAVE HIM!!! You married him for all the wrong reasons. That marriage is not blessed whether you are christians or not!!

mrs.c	this is a hard one...you need to be asking God this,,not people in the world...you know this .....your just afraid to hear the real deal from God ,,he Loves you,,he won't steer you wrong,,,where's your trust ? remember King David? and everything he did, yet he was a man after God's own heart... stay and pray for a miracle in your marriage,,,God happens to be in the business of miracles!!!!nothings too hard for God!!! wwHis will sister, not yours or the "worlds" , pray for your husband too,,its all just a symptom of the misery of his heart,,,he's craving God and filling this craving with everything else but what he needs!His G-spot filled (God) ,,,,a elder in my church was left by hher husband due to a cocaine addiction,,,,she prayed faithfully ' for him and their marriage was restored after a waiting period of 3 years and today their Elders in the church....go to www.Godsarmy.org ...your friend and prayer partner Susan

Uncle Groovy	You have done your homework. You have managed to build an arsenal of information supporting and justifying your misery in your relationship, probably in hopes of gaining our support. But here is the thing, our support won't change the fact that you will do what you want anyhow. You are miserable. You don't need an army, just some guts. I hope this answer just changed a life. Peace.

spawanee	your children will be happier to have 2 seperated happy parents, rather then 2 miserable parents forcing themselves to stay together because of them. Could impose resentment...

my_lttle_devil	no there is no relationship, you never cared for him in the first place and now 12 yrs later you are wondering if you should stay, no you should leave dont let another 12yrs go by with wonder

Fie	If you said that you want to be the right thing and become good Christians, this is my suggest..... Sometimes the right thing is not the best for us, means God doesn't allow us to get divorce for any reasons!!! once you have commited in altar and said marriage promises to live together in bads and goods,,..to be loyal until death do you both a part........you have to prove it and take the consequence!!! this is the bad..do not run even you have to face unhappy marriage tomorrow, the day and day on...try to be faithfull. Try to fix your marriage. Go back to church both of you, forget about both mistakes. Everybody have mistakes as no one perfect.

sweet_patosie	First- you should not of married him if you did not love him! Second-why would you have children with a man you did not love? Think of what is best for you and your girls. Do you have family you could move in with until you could find a good job to support yourself and your girls? Him being 50 does not mean he knows everything!

soozemusic	Well, this isn't a dress rehersal, this is real life and it's short. Don't spend it with someone you do not love, or let him continue to believe that you do love him. I truly feel for you because you must be tortured by this. Living a lie and without love is a lonely existence. And children are quite observant and they will pick up on this too, if they have not already.

boomerang3que	i think that its fair for you to allow HIM to be with someone that loves him the way that he deserves. He has taken care of you financially and its not fair for someone to be with someone that isnt in love with them.

arsenic	Stop going to church yourself and maybe the fog will clear from your brainwashed eyes. Sounds like your husband may be the only thing you got going and maybe you some spend more time pleasing him than cheating on him with the lord Jesus.

tp3bop	I would stay. Marriage is a covenant not to be taken lightly

?	You need good advice on how to take care of yourself and your family. You married a guy who is a loser and makes himself feel better at your expense. You should show some self-respect and tell him you know what he is up to and that you expect him to send child support and aliimony, so he'd better get a better paying job.

jimjones3	Start by living separately and see if you can be dedicated parents. Living apart may bring you closer. Ironic. Then, over time decide if divorce is right for you.

eugene65ca	Leave now as you need to find happiness not torture.

kdarlyn@sbcglobal.net	Leave him!!! Life is to short. Get a full time job first, bank some money then start Living Life!!

Leela	First, you had a "daddy" complex and went with a guy 14 years older than you. Second, you didn't care for him in the first place, so why sleep with him? Third, being a christian has absolutely nothing to do with this. Kick the old ba stard out, find someone your own age with a job, and get on with your life.