I'm having second thoughts on getting married, do you have any advice for me?

Rebekah&:)	You will never find the "prefect" man. I know there are flaws him him, but I'm sure he can point out your flaws too. You love him and that's all that matters.

Rain	Well if you love him then the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it. I know that when I get worried about things between my boyfriend and I, I talk to him and he always makes me feel better.

Suzie Q	Look, what I'm about to tell you is very important.. seriously. You may think that losing a bunch of money from the wedding seems like a big deal, right? WRONG. Destroying your life by getting dvorced, fighting for custody, is a wayyy bigger deal than a couple thousand dollars spent on a wedding that wont happen. It's a lot easier to get married than it is to get divorced. If you can't deal with his baggage, etc DO NOT GET MARRIED. This is the person you will have to wake up next to every morning for the rest of your life. Even if it's little crap that bothers you, if you can't stand it, don't marry him. And this isn't just a case of cold feet, you are genuinely concerned about how can I deal with this guy, don't do it.

Glamourous_Girl	All I can say is to speak to your fiance about what you are feeling and see what he says, Four years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone, you learn to know what they are like as a person. Pre-wedding stress does put a strain on any relationship and can cause couples to break up. I know the day before my wedding I was at war with my husband to be - we spoke and resolved our problems. Also your parents are putting pressure on you, whether to cancel or not. Go and visit your local church and speak to a priest with your fiance or get some pre-marriage counseling before you almost make a big mistake.

austoria43	Just stop, throw every logical thought away, and just think to yourself, can you see yourself living without him in 5 years? if the answer is no then you clearly made the right decision. if you really love the person then you should be with them no matter what, even if when you think about it they may have problems, but nobody's perfect, and theres a reason you said yes when he asked you to marry him. remember every bride gets cold feet before their wedding, but they go through with it because they love the man their with. best of luck to you, i hope the best, and ill keep you in my prayers.

myjamsandwich	If you are having any doubts I would postpone it for now. Obviously your head is taking over. "I love him but I KNOW he is not the ideal man I would pick if I had to do it over again." These are your words. If he has "baggage, irresponsible, not as intelligent as I would like". These are the three things you have named. I assume that these are the things that bother you the most and are a source of irritation to you. These are things that can lead to divorce. Why put yourself through all of that when it is so much simpler not to go there in the first place. It's like saying, "Gee I know that iron is freakin' hot as hell but what the hey I'm gonna put my hand on the hot iron and burn the crap out of my hand because the iron has been there for four years, it is still an iron and if I burn my hand..." Now, has the iron changed because you burned your hand on it or is it still a hot iron? Am I making any sense to yah?

4 months old boy, 21 lbs, 12 oz.	well your never going to really find that perfect man. i would talk to him about it....maybe he is feeling the same way. if you have been together for 4 years than i think you know him as much as you can. you can always cancel the wedding for now or just see if you can get it for a later date. think some more about it and then make your decision. everyone gets cold feet before they get married...its normal. I did pretty bad and my dad told me that he was glad i got cold feet becuase it shows that you are really thinking about this. it shows that you care and that you don't want to rush into things. if you two love each other you will grow and eventually he will grow out of the irresponsibility. but the baggage your going to get from a lot of people your with everyone has a past. and the intelligence shouldn't matter unless he can't do anything.... you should love him for him no matter what. GOOD LUCK. and make the right decision for you and only you!!! its your life no one elses.

jcbsmom04	It's better to do it now, then 5 years down the road when you have brought a child into the world. Now you have to deal with explaining to your child why you and daddy aren't together any more. Trust me, I am on my second marriage because I didn't have the guts to say no when they asked. I thought, well they asked, it must mean something, so I said yes and both times it has been the worst decision I have made. I am getting ready to leave my second husband and we have a 5 year old that's involved. I'm not saying don't go through with it, he might be the perfect person for you. But if you are having cold feet, really sit down and ask yourself, am I doing it because I love him, or because he asked and I owe it to him? Remember you don't owe him the rest of your life if you won't be happy. Your happiness needs to come first, because if you're not happy, he won't be either.

Keoni	There's nothing wrong with postponing your wedding. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It is designed to be a lifetime commitment to someone. If this is the man that you are meant to be with then it doesn't matter if you postpone the wedding for a while. If he is right for you, he will always be right for you. My Mother gave me some advice that has protected me on countless occasions. "Never second guess your first instinct" If you don't believe that this man is right for you then he probably isn't... If you believe you need to postpone your wedding then postpone it. If he loves you then he will understand. DO NOT be pressured into marraige. Do it if it feels right to you. I have been married twice, the first time I knew in my heart that it wasn't right but felt pressured because I had told everyone I was getting married. I felt like I wanted to postpone it just to be sure but did it anyway and it ended in divorce, less than 2 years later. My second marriage felt right. It felt like it was supposed to be. I KNEW that it was the right thing to do. I am happily married now.

Vanessa	Oh my, you sound like me 3 months ago. My feet got so cold I called the whole thing off. I was so stressed about it I couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate on anything else. I allowed all of my fears and 'what if's' to creep in and completely take over my thoughts. When you worry like this, you forget about the gem you have right in front of you who wants to marry you. It's perfectly healthy to ask yourself questions. However, if you have grave doubts about the relationship working, it is always better to call things off until you get your head straight. I called my wedding off, but went ahead with it a month or so later (only a small family wedding) and I'm really glad that I got married. Remember also, nobody is perfect and you love him, you have to work out for yourself whether it's worth losing him over the things that bother you. Best wishes

Lovin' Life As Mama & Wife	I was in your position five years ago..... My wedding was also in May and my cold feet came in January.... My parents also gave me "the talk" because the deposits are non-refundable.... I went through with it......and my husband never changed. I have loved him less and less each year because I've realized that we really don't mesh and our expectations of each other are very different..... I resent my husband although it was my idea to move forward with the wedding..... We are now heading for a separation. CALL OFF YOUR WEDDING. If I could go back..........I would.

Sunshine	please don't do it at least your gut told you so because you will get a big regard for it.

lovergirl8210	don't change ur mind if ur truly love him i mean if he loves u and cares about u stay with him why would u want to change ur mind .

mellowdeezee	If you are having second thoughts then don't do it. That's pretty much all I can say. You won't all of a sudden become happy after marriage. Good luck.

bigjohn B	Second thoughts are very common in those about to be married. If you have ANY doubts then do something NOW. It will be chaos if you wait too long and total disaster if you go ahead and are not sure.

Chinese Dumpling	Of course you can cancel the wedding. In fact you SHOULD if you are having doubts. Be as honest as possible with you fiance and let him know that you would like to work on the relationship. Try to persuade him to go to couple's therapy. Good luck!

swimming bob	Ah Sweetheart!!! Don't ask people on yahoo answers about a decision like this! Go find someone you know really well and trust, or someone you know you could trust like a pastor or priest and ask them about it. Those people are trained to help you become happy. We're just mere people with our own agenda's and opinions. Love him. Love yourself. Find out what's best. Don't ask us.

â™¥Animal Lovaâ™¥	Well if you really loved him then you wouldn't have second thoughts! I think that if you date him still after you put off your own wedding you will make your emotions go all whack. There is a saying called "Being away from your love makes the heart grow fonder"... or something like that.

ShelbyAutumn4	I may only be 13 and have never been married, but i have heard stories of people who have gotten nervous before the wedding. If your gut is really telling you to back out, then you should. But just think before you make a decision. You would not want to do anything you might regret.

katglenn	You know,,,,,I'd say it depend on your age! Ya, see.....the pickens get fewer the older you get! And you need to figure out if this is a man you'd be proud of to be the father of your children. See, because, you might find another man, but a good, attentive, financially responsible father for your children, that type of man is rare! Hope this helps

CelesteMoone	Don't do it. Your gut feeling is always right. Life is too short to be miserable and you will find the right person. I know it's difficult to just break up after being in a serious relationship for a long time, but better now than getting divorced one day and putting your potential children through that trauma.

crochetgirl	If I were you I would get out now. It's a lot easier before you're married then after. Don't settle for him just because you think you don't deserve any better. If he hasn't changed in the last 4 years, he's not about to change after you get married, and if he does, it might be for worse, not better. He'll just take you even more for granted.

Bailey	Talk to your fiance... tell him you are not sure of you two should get married yet.... you are lucky you have realized this BEFORE the wedding and not after!!! people change after marriage.. i know i did!!! Talk to him about the things he can change and see if he is willing to change for you or at least see how he reacts.. if he is defensive then i would just cancel the wedding and move on there are plenty of fish in the sea.. dont settle for someone you dont think is ideal

jessica h	I think the best thing to do right now is cancel the wedding. He sounds like he does not want to change and marring him would tell him its ok to stay the same way he is now. You love him yes but take the time to make sure this is the right choice for you. If he loves you he should understand and you two can still be together. Dont waste money on it yet the timing is just not right. Good luck to you and I wish the best to the both of you!

shy2008	If you're having this many doubts...cancel the wedding for now. Explain to your fiance that you're not sure you're ready for that commitment yet and suggest putting the wedding off for a year or so. This will give you time to re evaluate what you love about him, and accept what you can not change about him. The extra time might be all you need to come to a final decision. Hope this helps....

Nancy M	If you're not sure that you want to be married to the guy then it is time that the two of you sit down and talk about this. If you don't then you could end up being married and having children and then later on in life you could end up being sorry and staying miserable for life. You could also end up divorced.

Jade M	If you are having such serious doubts, you should post-pone the wedding. If you were meant to be together you will be. But if you do post-pone the wedding, you need to be prepared for the idea that he may not want to continue the relationship-it would be a huge hurt for him to have to get over, unless he is having these doubts too.

Summerl0vin	I would advise you not to get married since you are having second thoughts. Just think, once you tie the knott and begin living together all of your negative thoughts about him will only get worse. To be able to tell if he is really the man for you, it sounds like you need to have some time to yourself to think about what you really want. And if he truely loves you the way he says, then he will be there for you if you decide that you do want to marry him. If not, then you were right in your thinking.