I do not understand my wife?

That_girl	"She seems very frustrated with me and my kids and family. Why?" Why????!!!! You need to ask this question, really?! She has carried you all and looked after you and yr kids thru thick and thin, yet you have accused her of affairs and made little of her in public, your kids are disrespectful to her and you dont tell her you love her... Still need to ask that question? Sounds like this lady came to her senses the day she asked for a divorce...maybe you did too, but too little too late as the saying goes. Let her go, let her be happy, she sounds like she deserves it.

~funkymonkey~	Is this even true? You need help!

Jen Jen	I'm sure you aren't telling us everything, but from what you've said, her problem is YOU!! I'm assuming the kids are yours from another marriage? Either way, for you to allow a child of any age to be disrespectful to ANY adult is just wrong. Until a child becomes an adult you can control how they act and if you don't then YOU (and her if she's their mother) are the problem. If you have accussed her of affairs that have never happend you need to get your butt off this computer right now and go find her and beg her for forgiveness...why you ask.... because you were WRONG!!! You say you have cussed her out in public.... WHY?? Why would you cuss anyone out in public do you realize other people's kids could be hearing you, do you care that you could have someone's child saying cuss words? You obviously have no respect for anyone, and just understand that kids mimic what they see and hear (hmmm wonder why your kids aren't nice to her) You my friend need some family counseling.. ALL OF YOU DO!! Understand this, life is short, way too short to be unhappy, every day that passes is one less day you have to make life happy, and you can't ever get that day back so you'd better make the best of it. If you are wrong, admit it and apologize, if you aren't dont boast about it, if you are sorry say so, if you are in love, admit it, and say it, you may never get another chance. I hope you tell your kids everyday that you love them, if you don't then start doing so TODAY!! Please get some counseling for all of you, don't be so macho that you let the woman you love walk away from you, it may not be too late, but if it is, learn from your mistakes. Don't let your kids grow up thinking it's ok to be mean, because it isn't, so you should talk to them and explain that they can't treat her or any adult like they have been, and MAKE them apologize to her and when you see or hear them doing that to any other adult, make them apologize right then and there, don't let them disrespect another adult ever!! Good Luck to you, really I do mean that, I hope that you can get beyond this, but if you can't, I hope you can start helping your kids to grow up to become a better person than you seem to be, teach them to treat others with respect, .... oh yeah, isn't there a Golden Rule or something like that..... OH YEAH, "Treat others as you'd like to be treated" sounds like a good way to live you life to me.

meallmeallthetime	gee i think you are the direct problem & your ungrateful kids & ridiculous family. i wouldve been gone a long time ago. you are pathetic! its men like you that give good men bad names. shame on all of you!!!

jomanuel	Well... it seems that the marriage is one-sided. She's doing everything she can to make it work, good and bad times. Unfortunately from what was written it seems mostly bad for her. She kept the house going through your hardship which is very admirable and I believe is key to holding a marriage together. She seems fed up with a husband that doesn't say or show he loves her and doesn't appear to defend her or set the kids straight when they disrespect her. Even if the words "I love you" start coming out, it tends to be a lot better when those words become a reality... meaning taking her out to dinner and a movie from time to time, dancing, bowling... don't know, whatever you guys enjoyed doing before you got married... defending her, making the kids respect her, doesn't matter if they're rude to everyone else, she's not "everyone else"... she's your wife. Talk to her man... if you're really set on making the marriage work, she's the best person to tell you why she feels the way she does. She's the only one who can show you why it isn't working and you have to do your part to understand her and work with her on those issues. The truth might hurt a little bit initially but "wounds from a friend can be trusted..."

C	Because you were mean to her, cursed her out in public, lied to her, accused her of affairs, didn't discipline your kids when they were rude and disrespectful to her (they shouldn't dare - dare think of being rude and disrespectful to her when you are around without a consequence). You disrespected her, so now they are too. If the tables were turned you would be upset too. She sounds like a great woman - there aren't many like her and you haven't loved nor respected her. Love and respect are not feelings, they are actions. It is being patient, kind, slow to anger, being truthful. Love covers and protects. This is what a husband should do for a wife and a wife for a husband. And the cold truth is that you've done none of that. So, if you want her back, you need to face that fact that you've failed. You've failed to be a good husband to her. You have to know that on the inside and you have to feel sorry about it. From your posting ("what is her problem?") it just doesn't sound like you've reached that point - it doesn't sound like you really understand what you've done to her. But, if you are serious about making amends, really serious, what you need to do is demonstrate that you love her, not only in words but also in action. You need to tell her that you love her - don't worry about being cautious. Be prepared for her to reject you for a while because she probably doesn't trust you. This will take a lot of humility. And you need to demonstrate that you love and respect her. That means disciplining the kids, particularly when they disrespect her. It means that you help around the house. It means that you speak to her respectfully and that you don't let anyone else speak or do awful things to her. It means that you remember things about her, that you take an interest in her. And yes, it means that you tell her that you love her. You should treat her like she matters - with the same kind of care that you'd take of something or someone that you treasure. You will have to put yourself and your needs on the back burner for a while - in fact that is what marriage is - it is often putting your needs on the back burner. It might mean counseling if she wants to do something like that. You will have to earn her trust back. It may not be too late - it may take some time. But she sounds like an awesome woman - so it sounds like she is worth it. All the best, C.

Jenny	You ask what is HER problem? Dear man your problem is YOU!!!!. Wake up and appreciate your wife. If you love her, tell her so. Soften up and be nice or you will see the back of her. If your kids are disrespectful they have you to thank for that. Sounds like are a very poor father and husband. She is better off without you. No one should have to put up with your cussing and behaviour

sml	you are the problem; wow , every woman would be signing up for this vacancy, NOT; there was a lack of respect for her , for your relationship with her; life is too short to waste it with people who haven't emotionally matured to be in a grown up relationship

mysanctuary23	Now that's rude, why are you, your family and kids treating her that way? No offense but I guess your kids were not taught a good moral lesson, parents and other elders in the family should taught kids how to respect people older than them.. and the major point here is she is the mother and a mother should be given a high respect by their children.. and of all people you the man he loves will treat her like that.. dude if you want your wife back I guess you better try talking to her have an open conversation and try to teach your kids a nice attitude and also your family.. respect is the foundation of a happy family..

peggin_beast	maybe she married in hopes of a man careing for her. You have mentally ruined this woman you should be ashamed. I hope one day your children turn on you so you know how it is to be made into something your not, but it seems your a low life pig.

Marie	Hey, what do you expect, you have treated her like dirt and she has taken care of everyone. The kids sound out of control and they will do as you do. They will figure that if you can treat her that way that they can to, they figure it's acceptable. Just think you are letting them think it's OK and that's how they will treat their future spouses. You say she shouldn't take it personal, that really cold of you. She has FEELINGS, try to think of how she feels. No one treats her with any respect or appreciates her. I really do not blame her for wanting out, you can't tell her you love her. You really need help, counseling. I would leave too. Either you sweeten up and realize what you are losing or let her go. From the way you sound, I would want out too.

moontreefairy76	john,maybe you should read your own question,the answer to-"What is her problem? " is in your own post. But just in case you don't follow my advice,I will put in a simpler form-shes fed up with you,your kids and your family treating her like crap and if you don't go to great lengths to fix things shes is leaving your a** !

JessiCat	No offense intended, but I think her problem may be you, and she's taken the first step to get rid of it. How can you possibly expect her to think you love her when you and your family treat her horribly and you don't even tell her you love her. If you really love her you will change, and tell her now that you love her. You need to stand up for her. Not leave her to the dogs.

ANTOINETTE S	I think you said it perfectly, "You do not understand your wife". Instead of trying to understand try respecting her. A woman needs to know that she comes first in your life. When I say first it doesn't mean before your children but that you love her enough that you will make changes for her. So in other words even though your children is always rude and disrespectful you need to take that first step and demand that they respect her. Also are you really proud of your children being rude and disrespectful to everyone?

carriegreen13	What is your problem???? Your kids are dissing her, you are saying it is ok for your kids to do this, because "they do it to everyone", no wonder she can't live in this situation anymore. I would say you and your children have the problem and she would be better off living with someone who will show her respect and when she has kids again, if ever, I would not blame her if she never wanted kids again!!!! Get a grip, tame your children, quit making excuses for them, and hurry up and get the divorce, for your wife's sake!!!!!!

prahlad d	If u love her than treat her properly and appologise for ur and ur familys behavior,teach ur kids to behave properly with every body,That will change ur wife.

kenloften	Well you and your family along with your children are the problem.You have all disrespected the woman for years. No wonder she has taken this as personal. Its time for you and your children to move on.

Nano	For serious? you were living under her dollar, she was doing everything she could to provide for you, and not only were you and the kids unappreciative, you took it a step further and accused someone who was working her s$$ off of being unfaithful. you didn't support her and tell her kids to respect her, and not take it personal? No parents should have their kids talk that way. So i don't understand you. Tell her you love her for starters. Second, get up and discipline your kids. You and her are a team. Third, her problem is legit. you need some work bud

ulkn4love	The problem is not with her..it is with you. She has been there for you and you have done nothing to appreciate that fact. I am not sure why you don't want to say "I Love You", but the fact that you don't shows that maybe you really don't. If you want to make it work, seems a little late now, but try to show her how much she means to you and how much you appreciate her.

whatthehell	that question should be like....whats wrong with you??

Gina C	Congratulations to her for getting out while she's still alive. You scare me!!!!

rev. Doc Holiday	If you love her, then let her go.

Eileen J	YOU ....ARE HER PROBLEM! You need more than advice from here you need a professional marriage councilor.and even that might not help...GOOD LUCK!

Helena	You and your family and little kids are the problem. You answered your own question!

Official Cowboys Apologist*	let her know shes appriciated, tell her you love her, and whip your two kids ***

3rd eye	You know the answer..why are u asking..shes just frustrated

grrrl	I think you may be her problem John. Walk away and let her be happy.