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I no longer love my wife, I love another woman - what should I do?
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I no longer love my wife, I love another woman - what should I do?

got married 7 years ago and we have a son. I think the world of him and he amazing, the issue is my wife and I have grown apart. We probably did love each other and although we still get on it is more like friends. I am not attracted to her and can hardly bring myself to kiss her. In the meantime there is a woman I have grown very close to and I am so attracted to her. We get on so well and in my eyes she is perfect. I have tried hiding my feelings but I have let slip and she has revealed she likes me as much. I can't stop think about her and have fallen in love. I really don't know what to do. I do know that my son is the most important thing but I don't love his mum I love someone else. Should I continue with my loveless marriage for the sake of my son and try to ignore my feelings for this other woman. One day he will move out and I will find it hard to keep pretending I love my wife. This is tearing me up inside

This is unfortunately a very common position that individuals find themselves in because they don't understand the purpose and the importance of marriage and they seek only to fulfill their own desires in a relationship. You are certainly not alone in what you are going through and I get the impression that you care about how things turn out, so hopefully I can give you some insight. Let me pose a question for you to think about: Do you really think that a life with this other women is going to make you happy? The reason I ask is because you now find yourself unhappy with a woman who used to make you feel the way this other woman does now. If the feelings you once had for your wife have vanished, why would you think that it will be any different a few years from now with this new woman? I can tell you that it won't be any different! This women seems perfect to you right now, but this feeling will not last! The damage that you do to your relationship with your son and your wife, that will last! Our ego (or the desire to please ourselves) deceives us at every turn and makes us believe that happiness exists in getting what we want especially when it comes to matters of the heart. The problem is that as soon as we get what we want, we no longer want it! The only way to find lasting pleasure is for you to realize the importance of the family that you have created and start looking to fulfill their needs instead of yours. The goal of creation is for us to give love to others and this starts with our immediate family! You can find a rewarding marriage again and feel love and a need for intimacy with your own wife if you are willing. See the following links for information about the spiritual importance of marriage.

Ah, what a very difficult situation you have gotten into, eh! It is often said that at 7 years, something goes wrong in the marriage and your case seems to prove that, as did it with my husband and me, although we worked it out and will be celebrating our 19th this year. Unfortunately, you have made the mistake of keep looking at this other woman and you know, she may seem perfect in your eyes, but she is not because this is just not possible. What if you were to divorce then marry again and find the same thing happening? You may shake your head, but it is a possibility. I have to ask why do you not like kissing your wife? Are her teeth bad? Have you told your wife how you feel and that there is something terribly wrong within your marriage? You are not going to like this, but you are better trying to save your marriage than find out in the future that the same things happens again. You say that you get on as friends, so you must like her. You also say that you probably did love each other, but surely you must have to get married and have a child? Or did you get married because she was pregnant? When you think yourself in love, it is easy to look at your present partner with disdain, feeling that it is her fault that you are not free and acting accordingly. Please, for the sake of your child, think on how you can make your marriage work.

Dust Publishing
Listen, you're a superficial moron who sees feelings as a sodding weakness, people are finite, families (especially extended) are imperfect, political and religious views vary. Do this girl a favour and don't inflict your problems on someone you haven't damaged yet. Here was your thought process: I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I (had better pretend to be human for a moment (ha ha ha)), see I..., I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I... If you do leave your wife show her this and show her what else has been posted by Dust Publishing because there is no way in this universe that your above thought process could be interpreted as anything other than criminally acute (perhaps even treatable) mental illness. The civilised world needs to be protected from fools like you which is why taxes are spent on (amongst other things) building prisons.

i wanna go 2 pauls house 4 a poo
i was married when i met my now husband and he was also married, we left our partners for each other, no the grass isnt greener i really wish i had tried to save my marriage before i done the dirty, my now husband was only good enough for a fling he is really not husband material. please talk to your wife, how do you know if she only sees you as a friend? maybe she is feeling unloved and has pulled away. be careful with this other woman why is she interested in a married man with a young child, is she willing to bring about your divorce!! would you really love a woman that is willing to do that, how would you feel if some guy was paying your wife attention before you got in this mess, you would not have appreciated that! just to say be careful things dont always look as they seem

You have only got one chance to teach your son morality. So do you want to teach him that a man's word means nothing? Do you want to teach him that marriage means nothing? Or how about this, have you thought about what it will be like your son having a new dad? Did you think about how his mother will teach him that dad was a no good louse that didnt understand the meaning of marriage or commitment. So do you want your son to grow up like that and think that about you with a new dad that treats his mother and him right while you are no where in sight and nothing more than a child support payment? For god's sake man wake up! You have placed this new woman on a pedistal thinking she is all that and a side of fries. You are new love drunk, nothing more! You think your heart is telling you the truth but it is not! If you listen to your heart very closely you will hear some good common sense telling you to get your asses into marriage counsiling and figure out a way to be a solid FAMILY for your son! Your time to think with your D**K is past. You are a man, a father, a husband. NOW BE THE MAN AND TRY TO MAKE THINGS WORK - BE THE FATHER AND DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR SON - BE THE HUSBAND YOU VOWED TO BE AND TRY AND MAKE THINGS WORK WITH THE WOMAN YOU MADE A COMMITMENT AND A LIFE WITH!

be honest with yourself first and then with your wife the hurt you will cause will be devastating not just for her but more importantly your son . if you are to break up keep things level headed you have a son to think of. if your wife suspects your having an affair she will know by your lack of interest in her . try and be understanding for all concerned you will no doubt be painted a bad person by others truth often hurts even for the person on the recieving end but truth is always the best stay friends with your wife if you can not just for the sake of your son but for both of you . the grass is not always greener on the other side as the saying goes be sure of what your doing . hope it all works out for you , your son and your wife whatever you decide to do .

The grass is never greener. Please sit down and have a chat with your wife. It may be that your wife isn't happy either. Either way, it's not fair to be with her is your marriage can't be saved.

well..this is so sad that u lost ur feelings for ur wife..but all u need to think right now is about ur son..see u r a FATHER now..and wat if u marry another lady...wat will he think of u..how bad will he feel..ok.do u really respect the 2nd lady so much...? if she was too perfect she would actually never show her feelings towards a married man..knowing that wud ruin another womens life..2day u dont actually LOVE ur wife..because u found the 2nd lady too attractive..wat if she never came up to u...u wud have loved ur wife rite..? see...ur wife loves u so much..and she trusts u like anything...just keep in your mind one thing ok..QUALITIES OF A GIRLFRIEND WILL NEVER BE SEEN IN A WIFE.. a wife means...she has got a lot of responsibilities...looking after the whole home...looking after and caring ur son...making all fud n stuffs..so she has lots to do..but ur gf is just free..she do not have a kid or so..so she loves u all the time..n u will love it..so..if the things goes so...imagine u got married to ur gf ok...then she will have kid and she becomes a wife..n THINGS CHANGE !!!!! yeah..ITS TRUE..so..i please u to keep in mind..wat i said.thats Qualities of a gf will never be seen in a wife..SO NEVER GO BEHIND A GF.. if u go so..things would just change..like how i said.....and keep in mind..ur WIFE IS THE BEST.. have a happy life.. :)

What is it with people these days that marriage is so "throw away". You made a commitment so I suggest you bloody well work at your marriage. Talk to your wife. Be open and honest (I'm sure you were once). Work things out!

Orla C
It's all about you, isn't it? There's such a thing visitation rights for parents who no longer live together. And don't live with your son - with you as an example, he'll only learn that if things aren't all romance and flowers forever, it's okay to skip out on your relationship and find someone else who can provide the romance and flowers while leaving the wife to rear the child.

I can speak from experience. Right now your view is clouded because you have involved someone else in your family. You loved your wife enough to marry her, enough to have a family with her. We are all given one Great love and when we piss it away it's done. There is no getting it back. Yes we can love someone else but never to the magnitude of that Great love. My suggestion is to end it with this other woman. That is a carefree distraction that ruins marriages. Find the reasons why you fell in love with your wife to start. I know it's easy to lean towards the easy. Someone that doesn't hassle you and says all the right things. It's not the easy things in life that make life great, it's the hard things. Marriage and loving someone day in and out and trying not to let them drive you crazy 24/7 takes work, hard work. I'm sure that while you've been happily distracted that woman you claim you don't love has been loving you every moment, believing in you and trusting you. Think on that.

Seven years ago you loved your wife enough to marry her and have a child with her. Now you want to break up your son's family to pursue a woman you hardly know, so naturally she seems perfect. The chances are, once you got to know her as well as you know your wife, you'd realise she's not perfect, because nobody is, and want to chase some new seemingly "perfect" woman for the thrill. It's normal to "grow apart" when you start concentrating on everyday life, a house, work, bringing up a child. You can grow together again if you work at it. Every relationship seems less wildly exciting once you stop doing the romantic, together things and get down to real life. If you leave your wife for the other woman it will cause terrible distress to your son, and you'll be a part time dad. In time, you'll fall out of love with the new woman too. Potentially you could end up an old man on his own with a string of broken relationships behind him, and a poor relationship with your son. Or you could be realistic, make some effort, rebuild your marriage, and become a happy family again.

i think you should be honest to your wife that you been married for seven years with, she deserves to know the truth, yes it will hurt her but it will only hurt her more if you don't and keep this going.

Stick with ur wife........... maybe whatever ur feeling towards this new women will change overtime meaning the attraction coz u had the same attraction when u got married with ur wife otherwise u wouldnt've..... I recently got married and i love my wife to death..... everyday i pray that we dont fight every damn day and it turns into an argument and she always says marry another girl or things like ima leave u, take me back to my parents..... those words kill me every day and we dont even have a kid yet but guess what im still with her and always will be with her no matter what even if she kills me..... thats what u call love and promise.... something that u said when u married ur women dont forget it just coz another girl likes u and ur attracted to her.... all hot women r attractive but it doesnt mean u should leave ur wife for the new one????? thats y the divorce rate is SOO HIGH.... stick with ur wife till the end and i will always pray for u and ur wife to have a better life in future. :)

You need to be careful that this isn't just the "7 year itch", this comes in cycles of 7 years and alot of marriages split up at 7,14 yrs etc, if you really believe there is no going back then for yours, your child and your wife's sake you must part. Would you want to leave even if you hadn't met this other woman if the answer is yes then leaving is the right thing to do, if this other woman turned round and said she wasn't interested after all would you stay with your wife? If so then go for counselling, stop seeing this other woman and give your marriage a chance. My husband left his wife for me 11 years ago (no kids involved), we did it within a fortnight of meeting and 11 years later we have 4 children and are still blissfully happy. Sometimes it is the right thing to do but you have to be prepared to be selfish, talk to your wife first and suggest that you aren't happy, see what her reaction is, she may not be happy either and may want what you want. Best wishes, I hope it all works out for you.

You need to deal with your marriage first. Tell your wife how you feel, and if the love is really over then make the decision to end your marriage. Then, and only then, go back to the other woman and see about starting a relationship with her - but out of respect for BOTH of them please do it one thing at a time. A child is NOT a good enough reason to stay married - I know miserable kids with parents who are still together but dislike each other intensely, and happy, well adjusted kids who have adapted to having parents living under 2 different roofs and getting on well together.

If you would of stayed home giving your marriage attention then you wouldn't feel apart. Temptation happens in our lifetime, over and over again. The best thing for you is to go home, bring flowers, and make yourself spend time at home. Be apart of "your" family. You have the opportunity to see your child grow up, play sports, take your wife dancing and stop hanging around single women. Have couple friends.

you cant live a lie forever be honest and tell your wife be prepared if your new woman dumps you down the line when its your weekend for your son can she put up with that situation you need to think long and hard not a easy one.

Set your son's mother free. If the other woman is smart, which I hardly doubt, she will always be wary of your intentions and when her expiration date will be before you holler, NEXT!!

You need to have a serious conversation with your wife, and tell her how you're feeling, then make a decision together as to what to do. Communication is key for any successful relationship, friendship, marriage.

Smiling JW™
The grass is always greener on the other side so the saying goes. Why not try and rekindle the feelings you two had when you got married. Could you trust a woman who is willing to interfere with a married man that she is not in the marriage? She doesn't sound like she has respect of loyalty so maybe she will do the same to you when she wants to look for greener pastures. You have a wife and you have a son, they are your family. You loved your wife but have allowed things to slip and you can turn it around to what you felt before. Lose this extra woman she will not buy you happiness.

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