If a married guy has something lined up with his brother every weekend and nothing for his wife and kids?

Amanda_David	I know that this is killing you, but you have to let him go sweetie. The kids don't need that example in their lives. What if your little boys grow up and treat their wife's the same? Or your girls let their husbands leave them alone all the time? He has proved that he's not willing to work on your relationship. If anything it sounds like the more you need him the less he's there. I'm sorry I know you don't want this for a answer.

Rhyannonn C	You really need to leave before the verbal abuse turns to something else. It's been 7 years and he hasn't changed, bothered, or cared ... Do you really think he's going to change? I have to tell you people don't change unless they HAVE to or want to. He doesn't want to and he has no reason to change while you're sitting there letting him walk all over you. Take your children and move out, don't tell him where or when you're leaving just go, otherwise he'll threaten and try to stop you. Try going to a family member who can protect you if he finds out where you are. Someone who understands what he's like towards you and won't allow it. Also take what you need you can always have the police escort you into the house to get the rest of your stuff. You're their mother, you have full custody, not him. Go directly to a lawyer tell them I want a divorce and these are my set terms for the children, the house, and alimony. Unless there's some reason you shouldn't have the children, like drugs or abuse, its unlikely he'll get anymore than visitation rights, if that's what you want.

GunXXX	Is he really spending the weekends with his brother or is his brother just covering for him. It sounds like his fishing trips maybe getting more than one worm wet. If you want something that he is not willing to give it sounds like you are with the wrong man. Because if after 7 years he has not changed there is a good chance that he will not. So stop wasting your life and go find someone that will go on vacation with you and will spend time with you on the weekends.

johnniesgrl_34	I would say GUILTY.... Something more must be going on. He has told you if you fight he would seek & fight for custody. Know your rights. Gather notorized statements that show who is generally with the child. Get him to write down what you can & can not have, & maybe what he agrees he will do if you pursue it, place that in your purse, get it copied, hide the copy, then ask him to get it notorized. Record a conversation with him about it, then tell him he is on tape. Take it to an atty. compile letters/statements (notorized ofcourse) from friends and family, and have it presented to an atty. He is brow beating you to keep you around. Take stuff from the house and little bits of money, and hide it, then just take off. try reversing the roles. Tell him you are going on vacation with a sister, mother, or even a friend, take the child ofcourse, so he can't go for custody. There is also the abandonment thing. You could try for abandonment. eighther way good luck....

Luis R	one thing I learned before I got married is that when you do so wife and kids come first then family. so he needs toput this in practica and realize he has a life to share with you guys and not with his family members . its okay once in a while but not all the time . he is being selfish

mommy3	I can tell you that I would be irrate if my husband was spending all of his free time away from home and not spending time with me and the kids. I would have to tell him that if he can't change his habit then hit the road. Because to me if he isn't interested in spending time with us then he doesn' t love us. If you are 100% sure that he is spending time with his brother doing hunting, fishing, etc. than that is probably not as bad as if you didn't know where he was at all. So I suggest that you have one more heart to heart with him and if he doesn't care to listen tell him to move in with his brother so he can spend 24/7 with him. This will wake him up or send him packing. I am sorry that after 10 years of marriage you are going through this. You could also try beating him at his own game and on a night that he wouldn't be going to his brother be ready when he gets home and run out the door as soon as he comes in, tell him you have errands to run and go get your nails, hair or what ever done. When you return and he starts with the questions remind him that he doesn't like to be analized about what he is doing. This will change the tune too.

kathyw	Give him the choice: marriage counseling or divorce. First, see a lawyer and get started laying the groundwork for divorce. If he consents to marriage counseling, then you can do that together and maybe salvage your marrige. If not, then move forward following every instruction from your divorce lawyer - don't do anything unless you know exactly what the legal ramifications are. Get started now. You have a long, possibly painful process ahead.

~tigger~ **	You should sit him down and give him an ultimatum either he cahnges and spends more time working on the marriage or its a done deal and you and the kids are out of there you deserve better tahn this

Becky W	he is very selfless. my husband is the same way. he always says i ask you to go but i am in a wheelchair and it is hard for me to go fishing and camping. i will be back up again after i get my new artificial leg. you need to set him down and let him know that you want a little time fr you and your kids.compromise and let him go once or twice a month if he will spend the other with his family.

Skorge	Your husband needs a wake-up call. Honestly, it looks like you have already tried several times with him. If he can't make some sacrifices to spend more time with you then divorce the looser. Tell him to kiss your * and haul * up outta there, and make the fool pay child support.

ramni222	you have a serious case of jealousy, with reason. human beings cannot accept rejection. you are feeling rejected. despite your reason for being jealous, you need to handle the situation differently. remember .... your husband is going hunting with his brother. he is not out with some women. you are trying to force him to stay home. this is not going to work. what's happening is two persons who love each have different interest. you need to develop some interests, like, pottey, flower decoration, take a course at school. do anything to use your time more effecatiously. the more you ask your husband the more resistant he will become. if you develop news interests, you won't need to pester him. when you have new things to occupy your time, he will start to become jealous of your new hobbies. this will be especially true if he thinks you are really interested and love your new hobbies. he enjoys the current status, soon he will become jealous that you are no longer focused totally on him and his interest. as he becomes more jealous, he will want you to spend more time at home with him. he will also want to have personal time with you. be a little disinterested but not too much. compliment him on a good job after. here is my story: my brother and i did everything together. when he became sixteen, all of a sudden he became interested in girls. my reaction was... what's wrong with him. nevertheless, i would continue to make plans which included my brother. but he was now only interested in the girls. well i had to go it alone. this was really painful for me. about two to three years later i became interested in girls. it took me a while to understand all there was to understand about girls, but eventually that moment came. my brother and i refurbished / renewed our friend and we both had girls. back yo ur story; your husband is, for whatever reason rediscovering his broter as a friend. don't try to break up a loving brotherly relationship. it may be a good example for the kids. just make adjustments and soon you and your husband will develop a happy balance. because he spends time with his brother is not a reason for you to consider a divorce. hope you and husband become of one mind again. oh, you should also begin to make yourself attractive so that he will begin to see you as a 'woman', not just his 'wife'. this makes a big difference. part of the reason for discord is that you are in attack mode constantly. just imagine what will happen when he begins to see you as an attractive woman! be kind and cheerful. get rid of the anger and jealousy. bring everything back down to earth and stop raising the roof. good luck.

vivekananda20	Is there proof that it really is the brother that's hanging out with him? Have you let his brother know that maybe he needs to get a woman to spend time with? Is your husband happy with his marriage or kids? You two should sit down and talk...I mean, really get straight to the point...The fact that he gets mad after you come at him with an honest conversation seems like a red flag to me.

diamond heart	sadly, you are married to a selfish, verbally abusive man. it's amazing that you want to be with him. i understand the years and the security of your situation, but he obviously does not care about your feelings. i would honestly use some reverse psychology. next time he makes plans to spend the weekend away, tell him you're sorry--but he will need to keep the kids this weekend because you have plans with....a friend/sister/mom/etc. tell him that you are not taking the kids and that if he's really willing to keep them if you split up that he might as well get some practice in this weekend.

Saiila	sounds like you need to leave him and call a family lawyer. It sounds to me like there is a lot of drama going on and it can't be good for you or your children.

...Tammy...	Not wrong at all.My husband fishes and does fishing tournaments like once a month,the weekend before,they prefish...thats 2 Saturdays....THATS IT! He agrees and theres never no big deal.I do get Friday night and Sundays and the 2 other Saturdays. Now if it was an wvery weekend thing,Id be just as upset as you,but..Id play his own game.....Pick a night,any night,not the same night every and soon as he gets home from work..leave..go shopping whatever...he gets his time you should get yours.When he says something ask him why is that any different than what he does.

tweety	have you ever thought about while he gone go do things for yourself and the children. He like when you getting upset bout him being gone. It make you have nothing to do but worry about him. Do not tell him well while you was gone I did this and that. Believe you me from experienced when you stop asking him he will start wondering what you doing with your time. Decide when he go fishing you and the children go the movie, park and other friends home with children to play. If your children older enough to stay home by their self go get your hair done,nails done, massage go shopping. If you keep your mind business you want worry about it so. he need time away from you and you need time away from him. So when you do spend time it with bring you closer

wildatheart	oohh--this hit close to my home. The issue took a while to resolve, but it basically went along the lines of "I divorce you and then the only time you get to see your kids is the weekends, then you won't get to _____________ on the weekends." Your husband is being very selfish and is demonstrating poor character. You have every right to feel unappreciated and neglected and that this is harming your family. He isn't taking his role in the family seriously and unless he is willing to compromise, your marriage is in trouble. Ask him to seek counseling and if he refuses, then you have some tough decisions to make. Good luck. By the way, my marriage worked out, but it didn't happen over night. We didn't go to counseling, but my husband and I read Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil and my husband went to see a "life coach" recommended by a professional colleague. He only spent about 8 hours total with him, but it got him to realize his weekend obsession (softball) was causing harm to me and his children. He also realized through the life coach that he needed a spiritual tune up--we switched religions and he is now much happier. Ultimately it was his decision to change, but our marriage was worth the struggle. I hope this helps you!

Sir Richard	While his behaviors are bad, your thinking of leaving/divorcing your husband of many years on that ground is equally dispicable. Men need their space and so happens that he likes to spend time with his brother. There is some underlying problems that he is running away from you, which either you are not telling it here or you are blind to them. The rest is management and skills. It is not hard to talk to his brother or even his wife so the brother also realizes that this is too much. Can negotiate to reduce that to half, or bring the wives to some new activities. Reasonable men can live with that and nobody loses face. To pout and talk about leaving is for immature girls.

Carrie	Are we married to the same man?

Nicholas R	I think thats pretty crappy of him to that you that way. Are you sure he is doing what he says he's doing? I know everybody needs time to do their thing but you need to make time for your family.

Schwinn	You are absolutely justified for the way you feel. His family (wife and children) should be his priority. It is not wrong for him to spend some time with his brother, but not at the expense of his immediate family. Obviously, it is causing marital problems. I don't have a solution for you, since you say he gets irate. He does seem unreasonable about it. Are his children old enough to talk with him about his time away from them? Maybe he would listen to someone else. I can only suggest that you line up fun things to do with the children while he is away. Maybe he will realize what he is missing.

whatwouldyodado2006	Leave to go do something with the kids at home before he leaves so he has to stay with the kids. then he can understand the compromise necessary. He sounds either selfish or disconnected from you

Ken W	You obviously have tried communicating with him, it looks as if your next shot is thru counseling. if he wont talk , you have a rocky road ahead, sorry

Klingon	Tell him you r jealous of the amount of time he spends with his bother,that you would appreciate getting some of that time.

beentheredonethat	sounds like he should marry his brother. (sorry, had to say it) he sounds like he is still very young (in the mind) and very selfish. if those were things that he MUST do EVERY weekend, then he should've never got into a relationship or at least warned the girl that was his "thing" and let her decide if she wants to stick around to compete with his brother. i pray for you and your kids.

hourglass_beauty	It sounds like he is very self centered to me. Have you tried talking to him to see if the problem is deeper? Its not wrong to want to do things with others but you have to make sure you at least allow some time for your significant other and immediate family.

Baby Jewels	if he is spending weekends with his brother and not u or the kids then he could be doing something other then what he says try asking him to take u along with him like make it a family trip

Ronin	I would say you need couples therapy. If not, maybe it's time to seriously consider if this is the right relationship for you.