If you were in an unhappy marriage...?

H. A	I would start preparing myself for the rest of my life. Learn to drive as soon as possible, and look into getting a job as soon as you can drive. Stuff is just stuff, but you do have to provide for your children. You can probably get child support and maybe even some alimony for awhile. If the marriage is so bad, then you may have leave first and start out with some help from a shelter, but don't let another day pass without starting to prepare yourself. PS: Do you still have feeling for this man, and if so, seek some professional assistance as he will want to change if he knows he may have to pay all these expenses. Marriages can turn around, but only if both partners seek to work it out, so cross this bridge first, and if it doesn't work then your attorney will get you the best deal he/she can so you can have the ability to get on your feet. Good Luck.

L8yF8	File for divorce. Ask the court for a temporary support order. Call an abused spouse hot-line. They can help you get financial support from your husband so that you can leave. A shelter will not e so bad for a couple of weeks while you find housing and government assistance programs. Please make the first call.

duana360	file for divorce and order of pertection....verbal abuse is just as bad as physical.....that will get him out& get an attorney

Betty Boop	Get out now..... it wont get any better... you and your kids are the important aspect of this..... go to a shelter.... my daughter and I lived in shelters for 6 months.. we had to move around a fair bit... dont get caught up in having enough money or things coz what is enough ??? you can do this......

jojammum48	Hey Am, I can't solve your problem all I can do is say that I know where you are coming from and my heart and thoughts are with you. We all have to deal with our own problems the best we know how. You seem to be in the same position as me and it is very hard to just give up everything we have accummalated after a period of time. I, unfortunately decided to stay. I am middle aged and because of the stress have recently had a stroke which has given the husband a big kick, because he has to do everything, but I still don/t think he has realised what he has done to me. If it is at all possible try to find a way out before you become another me. All my thoughts and love go with you. I wish you had family (brothers, sisters, cousins) to turn to.

Wisdom	It would be hard, but I would say stay in a womens shelter for about 8 weeks in order to save some money to move into your own place and file for a divorce. There are a lot of agencies that help women and children. Dont stay in a miserable state if it isnt getting any better. Your children will suffer and they do not need to be mentally scarred by hearing their fathers abuse towards you. If you arent strong enough for yourself, muster up some courage for your chidlrens sake. You guys deserve better.

dawnb	Honey, sometimes you do have to do the tough stuff in order to survive and that means you may have to give up what you have in material things to get your children and yourself somewhere safe. I can't believe you have absolutely no one that could help you into safety outside of a shelter. Have you alienated everyone through this abusive relationship? Is there no one that has tried to help you out of this situation? Do whatever you have to in order to be safe. Material things mean nothing if abuse comes with it. God speed.

me-the girl	Work it out somehow girl...believe me there won't be any better if you were to leave. I got divorced 3 months ago and it aint better...alone. Make some drastic changes in your life...

greyrider	Have you let him know how you feel? Do you love him? Is he abusive to the kids? Often when communication fails, resentment sets in. He may be just as unhappy as you are and not be dealing with it well. Counseling would be a good place to start. In the meantime, I would start trying to save money and get your life in order. Start taking classes or do something that will help you out if you need to support yourself (if it comes to that). Don't forget during all of this that your children may be confused or scared. They are often pushed to the side - not always intentionally - and left to deal with things they don't understand (or told to never mind, just do as they're told, or worse). They need more love, support, and ways to help build their confidence/self-esteem now than ever before. Start going to church, if you don't already, or join a support group. Go to your local YWCA. They may be able to help you, also.

Bert	Hi! have you tried every aspect to save your marriage? Have you talked or wrote a letter to your husband telling him how you feel? I give my problems to God, it works....Jesus loves you

datwhittier	Please, don't go into a shelter because you might lose all your cool stuff! Kids are resilient and with future psychological counseling and probably medication, they might be able to normalize, and hey, they might get some of your cool stuff. Be strong for yourself and your children. You are not only their parent, but their teacher as well. There are many shelters that will help you rebuild and provide legal counseling that will preserve your rights as a spouse and parent. Do the responsible thing. Good luck.

cassiday g	It will all be ok for one thing the happiness of you and your children should come first dont be with someone that makes you sad and isolates you from friends its not fair to your kids because kids are like sponges they here that and when they grow up they to can be verbally abusive I know that happened to me make your life happy for you and your babies you dont need a man to make you happy.and as for your things and loosing them you can always replace things be happy within thats better then anything you could ever own.

Smile	That is so hard, I can almost feel you with those words. You might stuggle and lose everything now, but you cant continue to live like that. You have your kids to live for and you will never be able to raise them to best of your ability if you are not happy. They will see right throught that. It may be tough and the hardest thing in the world but you have a right to live and be happy with your kids. It will be a sacrifice, but it will get better. Be strong!

Quasimodo	Everyone has a purpose in life. Lets face it. Even the world needs ditchdiggers. So..with that gem stuck in your mind think about this. You have the first solution to your problem. What you've laid out by baring your soul is that your life is not one. You are verbally abused. Not as painful physically as being beaten but no one likes to be degraded, belittled and made insignificant. To be made well aware that your opinions don't matter. He holds out money and finally..alone. You may as well be on a deserted South Pacific island..and think...you actually are except there's no damn sun and surf. My choice. The shelter. Losing your stuff is negligble. It can always be replaced. What are you going to lose? A stereo? A car? Clothes? If you have grandma's pearl necklace or anything else that's of sentimental value to you...pack it. Forget Great Grandma's oak table. Take what is precious and small and go. Take the kids too. Understand this...so we're perfectly in synch. This won't happen overnight. To escape from this hell means you have to plan. Secret away money. Pack slowly...or have what you need nearby and ready to go...make a list. If you feel trapped...you have to escape. To escape without a plan is foolish. Nothing good comes of those who jump off and go without something solid in mind. Make phone calls while he isn't around. get things set up with a shelter..and go. There are plenty of social service agencies that you can contact. You can get the oppurtunity to go to college for a song. Do it and start planning.

rightio	Well, the reality of the situation is that you need money to set yourself up. You have a few options open to you. You dont necessarily have to go into a shelter. There are organisations that will help you get your finances together to help you move...even provide the furniture you need. The Salvation Army, The Samaritans and other charitable organisations have the resources to help you. You can use one or all of them. I wouldnt be worrying too much about your "stuff"....that can always be replaced, but getting back your self esteem and peace is not all that easy. Maybe you wont have the nice furniture you have at "home", but at least you will be away from the abuse. You are not doing you or your kids any favours by staying in an abusive relationship. You have to ask for help and I think you will be surprised at just what resources are available to you. Ring up a crisis line and tell them of your situation and they will be able to give you the telephone numbers of the organisations that will be able to help you. Also, go to your local church, even if you arent a religious person and speak to the Minister, they too, can help out. What about government resources like social security....have you looked into that? There is help out there for you, you just have to ask for it. Alternatively....open up a secret bank account and keep the information hidden well....maybe at an acquantance or friends house and start putting whatever money you can into it each week.....$20 here, $10 there....it will soon add up. You dont have to put up with abuse, and once you finally make the break...your husband will be required to pay you child support....so its not all bleak....you do have a future. You just have to put up your hand and ask for help. Whoever told you that if he doesnt hit you then its OK, has no idea of what abuse is. I would much prefer a smack in the mouth than being constanting being downtrodden....the damage physical violence does, heals, but the emotional damage is sometimes irrepairable. Violence abuse does kill women....but so does emotional abuse because they can get so low that the only way they see out of it is suicide. Abuse is abuse and anyone who tells you differently needs education. I wish you well.

MicG	There are many shelters that help abused woman and children leave abusive marriages. These places help you find work, education and permanent homes through government agencies. Call your local United Way and ask them to please refer you to a place that can help. They will know as they provide funding to these places. You still have faith and life can and will get better if you want it to. Make the choice to move on and give yourself and children the life you deserve. There is no key to happiness because the door is always open. Good luck.

itsmzbitch2u2002	I was in a abusive marriage(verbal and physical), I was pregnant for majority of it and couldnt really leave or have friends and I had no money. I did finally get out of it. I would leave everything to go to a shelter to save my life and my daughters. I didnt go to a shelter, I ended up moving back home with my mother. I wish you the best of luck and for the sake of your children I hope you leave him for GOOD and dont ever go back.

lavenderroseford	I would quit being a victim, take my children and get out.

Babylove	Hire a lawyer that does free consult,and ask about having him thrown out,ask about child support,spousal support,file for rent assistance with your local housing office,apply for food stamps,welfare.Serve him with a restaining order,so that he has to leave the house.In a divorse,you'd get everything anyway.I went through it almost a year ago,and now I'm doing just fine.Hope this helps.

Jane D	One happy, broke parent is better than 2 unhappy parents with an environment filled with abuse and unhappiness. Please consider leaving because all of your material possessions can once again be built up..... your self-esteem and welfare of your children can not if you continue to stay in this environment. Good luck to you and I wish you and your children the best.......:)

ni2penang	I'm sorry.... First, take a deep breath and ask urself: Which one u want, to be under the same roof and keep hating each other every moment u c each other OR in a shelter surrounded by new faces that MAYBE could become ur friends. Remember, even in reality, money cannot buy happiness. So, my opinion is, take leave and start a new life. Even with a small income, if u r able to settle bills, that's enough to bring smiles to ur face. I didn't say it's going to be easy, but u hv to be determined and strong. Only u can help urself, none other! Love urself first... Good luck dear.

abc	if there were no physical abuse, I'd be getting a job and saving my money, making my plan, then move out; BUT if the abuse was tearing me down so I was losing myself, yes I'd go to a woman's shelter with my kids and start from there...... You have the strength to do what you need to do to get yourself and your kids in a better place.....things mean nothing if your self-esteem is being tromped on and your kids are being raised in a bad place. You can do it!

Mackie	I would sell my stuff so that the other couldn't keep it, and I would take that money and leave. If possible. But generally you could kick the your spouse out if you can prove abuse of any kind and he/she may have to pay

Special K	Start preparing to leave. Make yourself sufficient enough to make it on your own. Come up with a plan of action, and stick to it. Get a job, start putting some money away, keep the plan fresh in your mind, and don't deviate from it. It may take a few years, but you know within yourself that you have made a goal and strive with all your might to reach it-stay focused!

berryion2	Have you tried the churches in your area? You might not be religious, but it's an option.

gabby	start saving a little bit of money from bills or groceries soon you will have money saved,but you will probably still leave with nothing---so why put up with his sh*t

SillierKimmy!	Well you can either stay because of your stuff and let your kids witness this destructive behavior, or you can say f it for your kids and get the hell out of there! Who cares about your stuff! Your kids should be your number one priority.

sweneysteve	Yes, leave. Money and stuff willnot make you happy. Happiness is priceless. I was in a terrible relationship and it cost me heaps to get out, worth every cent. I am so much happier now.