Is choosing to be a stay at home mom a total failure?

oracleofohio	Well gee, I hope not. If so I've been a total failure for the last 10 years!! This is something you have to answer for yourself and with your spouse. I worked until after our second child was born. My decision to be a stay at home mom came after meeting mothers of kids with terminal illnesses in a hospital. It made me realize how little time we get with our children. We were able to afford me staying home and my husband was totally supportive. I've never been happier than I have in the past 10 years. I remember being at work when my little ones were in daycare and thinking I was missing something. I was. I was missing my kids. I depend on my husband but he depends on me as well. We now have four children who are happy, well adjusted and doing great. I'm a big believer in supporting every ones dreams and aspirations. Not only our children's but my husbands and mine as well. You mentioned that you never quite figured out what you wanted to be. Staying at home with your child might open that door for you. I've maintained a music career while raising my kids full time. It gets me out of the house and shows my kids that following your heart is really the best way to live. Don't forget that decisions are never permanent. If you decide you would rather be working, you can always go back to work. Just follow your heart. Good luck :)

penelope	Being a stay at home mom is actually one of the harderst jobs I have ever had, when my kids were babys I had to stay home with them, I mean the idea that some stranger or even someone I knew were to watch my children while I worked made my skin crawl, I dont understand alot of these women who do choose to work over taking care of their kids, how could they? I,ve seen both sides of the coin here, I,ve seen children who have been raised by day care workers, and Ive seen children who are raised by mom or dad, and let me tell ya what, the children who are raised by mom or dad are are so much more secure, structured, and are not begging for attention. So with that out of they way, I must bring up the issue that while reading your letter, I notice that you keep bringing up your needs, such as you hate working? etc. That struck me as odd?I guess what Im trying to get at without offending you is that It I hope that you staying at home is,nt for your personal benifet, cause it shouldnt. You need to want to stay home for the safety and well being of your future child, lifes not gonna be all about you anymore. Having a child means that you are ready to give yourself to another human 100%! Also I must ask, why are you not married? If this guy is such a wonderful man, why hasnt he gotton down on one knee and asked you to be his wife? The only thing you should fear is the fact that you might be a un-wed mother, so get your man and go down to the nearest court house and become husband and wife, for your sake and childs sake!

sistermariepigtailedpirate	Absolutely not. It's not a failure, it's a choice. You can fail as a stay-at-home mother by being a bad mother, but making the choice to stay at home isn't a failure. There's a difference between being a stay-at-home mother and a homemaker, though. A homemaker does take one a majority of the household duties and decisions. It's important to realize that by being the one at home you're most likely signing up to do that. If you work outside the home, the housework is usually divided up between the two people. Most jobs outside the home aren't as messy (garbage, dishes, dusting, mopping, windows) and mundane as housework. If you don't want to work as a maid, dishwasher, chauffeur, laundress or other service industry field, being a homemaker isn't for you. You might to great, but you also might resent the heck out of it. If you do decide to be a stay-at-home mother, DON'T completely depend on your boyfriend. Look into writing, education, classes you can take via the internet or at hours which work for you, or anything like that. You probably don't like working because you haven't found the subject you love. When you do, you'll want to spend more of your day engaged in it. One of your responsibilities is to yourself, to find the thing that makes your brain feel alive, challenged, and fascinated by the world. Some of that will be parenthood; it's a miracle. Parenthood isn't everything, though, and you are more than a mother and a girlfriend. You just need to find out what other things you may be, and you can be a stay-at-home mother.

Happy-2	First of all, get married -- marriage provides the best legal and emotional protection for your child. Beyond that, my advice for you, if you're going to stay at home, is to work out with your man in advance exactly what the financial arrangement is going to be. There are lots of questions asked here by women who complain that their husbands won't give them any money, and they end up feeling resentful and overly dependent. You should figure out together how much spending money you get, beyond what you need for necessities. Finally, you should personally have access to the joint banking account into which your husband (which is what he should be by the time you give birth) deposits his pay checks.

bevrossg	You are NOT married, therefore you have no security for any kind of future for yourself or your child. What were you thinking? You should give this child up for adoption and get an education. Then when you are married to a wonderful guy you can have a proper life.

lollypop	Staying at home being a full time mother and wife is a job by its self.I am a stay at home mom with two school children.my job goes 24/7.Whether they are at school my job doesn't stop.I have laundry and house to keep clean and animals to take care of.Bills that need paid and groceries to get.When they get home that is when the big job starts.My hubby does understand my job never ends.I just know when to take a break.Even when i'm sleeping i'm still on duty.

larry j	The best,& hardest job in the world is this. Stay home. #

oh_jo123	well if you stay at home now and care for your child while they are younger you can always go back to work when they are in school... I did that with my son and now that he is in school my fiance stays at home and takes care of him while I work

Al B	there is nothing at all wrong with being a stay at home mom since raising the child is as important as having the money coming in. I think there are a lot of husbands who would love to have a wife at home so that they could come home to a clean house, a good dinner on the table, and clean sheets on the bed at night.

krysmaslily	How is this not taking responsibility? Being a mom is the hardest job of all , you are working or on call 24 hours a day. If it bothers you that you are not supporting yourself, take classes online or go to school one day a week. That way you will feel that you are bettering yourself and working towards being able to support yourself , if the need ever arises.You can have it all, be creative.

Sweet Suzy 777!	I think you would be more of a failure if you work outside the home and leave the rearing of your child to someone else. Especially if you have a husband who can support you and there is no need to work outside the home. Children and households are a huge responsibility and a full time job. Which you are about to find out when you have your baby. Your children will really benefit from you being a full time mother. Your husband will too. It is his job to support the family finacially. Count your blessings that he is able to do that with out you having to go out side the home to work.

Cebsme	Absolutely not you choose to do what you want to do. I am right now a full time college student happily married for almost 6 years. We are starting to try to have a family. I plan on finishing school, but i dont plan on working until my kids are in school. But thats what I want, not what will work for everyone else. These are the things that you have to make your own choices on and leave everyone else out of it. My only advice is that you maybe take a few more classes at a time, try to find an online program through a local university or community college, that way you do have something if you ever need it to fall back on.

notagain49	You didn't mention marriage in your post?I don't think there is anything wrong with being a stay at home mom but if you plan on playing house and have any security you need to get him down the isle so when it falls apart and you have to go to work you can at least get some support from him.

Beatngu	I work full time, but because of very little help, I feel like I'm the SAHM that puts in time at an office... SAHM wasn't for me, I would love it, but it would drive me crazy. I can only handle so much stress before it takes a toll on my body. So, I keep working. (I know that sounds crazy, but I have a great job, with no stress) On the other side of it, I have a lot of good friends that are SAHM, and they love it. You just have to have trust that the one who is supposed to take care of you... will. My best friend, my rock, is a SAHM. She always has a clean house, load of great food and has a great time with it. You just have to weigh things. If you want to and can make it to where you're not going to go bankrupt, then I say do it! If you're going to do it, I'll give you the same advice my mom gave me... It becomes your job. Your house should be clean, dinner ready when your husband comes home, kids taken care of, etc... Now, that doesn't mean your husband shouldn't help with the kids and such, but please don't ask him to do laundry or something, because it would be like asking you to answer his phone at work. Just how we were raised I guess, you stay at home, thats your job, if you work, you both split the chores. Good luck to you!

gypsy g	Hell no! I envy stay at home moms. I'd love to be able to stay at home and raise my daughter. Instead of paying more than rent for a overpriced baby sitter! Whom none of which seem to do anything to encourage development. I literally had to tell these people not to leave my daughter sitting in that little seat all damn day. That it was ok for her to get on the floor and enjoy tummy time and learn to hold her head up. And I'd appreciate it if they'd hold and cuddle my child a little each day. And this isn't any different from one daycare to another.

her with the mad ginger hair	aww hunny please dont feel ashamed of wanting to stay at home to bring up your baby, not every one wants to be a working mother and i am sure if the truth be told 95% would prefer to stay at home too.if you were married to this guy would you still feel guilty for him being willing to support you and his child? if not then dont be now the only difference is the bit of paper that says your union is legal.your man sounds like a really caring one so let him take care of you and the baby when it arrives ,he is a rare gem if he has no hangups about the arrangement then dont you either . I wish you both and the new baby all the very best xx

honey_demoss	Honey,being a stay-at-home mom is a full-time job in its own right.Plus,you won't miss out on a thing the baby does or says.You'll be there to teach him/her things and that will help him/her to develop intellectually and mentally.

oh.helen	If you're partner is happy with the decision, and is making enough money to support your family, why not? Personally, I've grown up with both my parents being principals. I don't see them that much, in fact, because the pay's more my dad doesnt even live with us, but 2 hours away. My parents aren't separated, they just think that more money is better lol. We have nice houses and nice things etc etc, but I guess I would kind of like to see my family a bit more. I've grown up pretty well, I'm not totally out of control or anything. Perhaps get a job when your child starts school? That way you can spend the start of his/her life together.

Aundrea	No stay-at-home Mom is a failure. Your choice to stay home, take care of the child and home is a HUGE job and a very important one. When your child is older if you want to continue your education or get a job, then that is your choice.

kitkat	If you are not married you don't have that luxury of staying home. This child only has you to depend on, you never know when this guy will check out. Sorry but you have to be a responsible mom and do whats right for your child not what you want to do...It's not all about you any more sweetie!

ladylady4470	There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom if you both agree this is best for you and the child and if you can afford it. I am a stay at home mom and, I enjoy the fact that I have time to do things. You might not bring in the money but, you keep house, do laundry, make meals....etc

pinkyismygirlfriendniluvhur	its the most valuable thing you could do, for yourself, your kids, and for society

Spaceyangel	Why would you think you are a failure?! Sometimes I feel like I was a failure because I had to go to work and put my son in daycare at such an early age.....either way, you do what you have to do to survive and as long as you provide for your children the best you can and love them, you aren't failing at anything!

hell_dimensions_im_living_in_one	Its not all about the money Love and care for your kid before you know it they have gone on their own

gregory m	I think so. your not protecting you future. you don't know how this relationship will turn out. he may leave? sorry. I seen it happen to my sister.

Juan Valdez	Being an at home mom is not as easy as it sounds. I know if my wife was to sit at home all day... laundry, dinner, cleaning, taking care of the kids, it all needs done.

leonard s	with kids you will be working just as hard as if you had a job outside the home.in the 1950's most women did this and they were not all failures.if this is what you and your husband want to do go for it!!

Greg	There's nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom, and young children do need a lot of attention, but... you said, "I've always hated working", and that belies a character flaw, and if you are lazy, what makes you think you will be a good parent?

WC	Absolutely NOT, there is nothing more noble than to raise children properly as a stay at home mom.

aswkingfish	Quite the opposite. If you can afford it you are actually performing better service to your family then if you were working. Especially for the kids.

mvm	You sound just a little bit like me! If you decide to stay home with your baby, you are in NO way shirking responsibility. In fact, if you are able to make it financially on your partner's income, and you're both comfortable with your staying home, it's a fantastic choice, especially in the very early years. Handing that baby to a childcare worker at the end of "maternity leave" is much harder than you might think. Being at home to see his/her first step, hear his/her first words, etc. is an amazing thing. You've proven to yourself and to the world that you're capable of supporting yourself, and you can certainly go back to that at any time. But when your child is very small, if you can arrange it, and you have the desire, being a stay-at-home mommy will give your baby a great start in life, and therefore is VERY responsible. Go for it! Congratulations on the upcoming addition, btw!