Is it wrong for me to stay happily single for my kids? Will it damage them?

Millionaire in training	I believe that life has a way of figuring things out for us in it's own way in it's own time. I would say continue your journey as you see fit and if you're meant to have someone in your life it will just happen and you will know if it is the right thing to do. Don't listen to other people that want to force another person in your life. Good things never come from forcing it.

steinerrw	For once someones got it right. Its not wrong at all...

Mr. Christopher	Being single and raising kids is great. It's not about having a spouse it's about building stability for yourself and the kids. Date, enjoy your life, and remind the children you don't need someone to make you happy and that someday you may meet someone or you may not and it's going to be okay no matter what.

Achilles	If they have their father figure, then thats fine. If your happy and your kids are happy with the present situation. However, a time might come when you feel lonely and want someone there with you, who connects with you. When you find that person then you can introduce them into your families life. Just be sure you have strong feelings for him. Slowly progress in making him a part of your life so the kids don't get overwhelmed. This may take a few years, but if your kids are ok from the start then you can move faster. Remember, even though your kids are... well kids, they have minds and opinions. They will appreciate it in the long run, because you took their feelings into consideration in front of your own. Sounds like your having fun with the way things are, so enjoy, only you will know when your ready to marry again.

What, what, what??	Ive been there. I have two young children (7&9). I think the issue of dating while bringing up children, is difficult. Sometimes you have no clue who you are dating...and who to trust around your children, if you will get an STD or whatever. I fortunately have met and incredible person, that I trust and who interacts well with my children. He has children, as well (they are older). But, for the moment, we are taking our time--we don't live with each other (we miss each other), but we spend as much time that we can and we understand the urgency of children. I am a woman, and I completely understand your position. So, you are not alone.

Cuss	There's lots of ways to raise a family. If this works for you and your children, then don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong! If you're worried about father figures, there is the Big Brother program and other organizations like that. I think that if it isn't broken, why fix it? You could end up doing more damage than good if you try to fit into the standard family image. Good luck!

ciberpunk1	Sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders. I don't see that you have done anything wrong here. Listen to your friends to hear things from a different perspective. But do what you feel is right.

Kevin A	You have the right idea. Why should you be unhappy just to keep your kids overly happy? If their father is still seeing them and being a father to them, you have your own answer besides two fathers is confusing and could cause hard feelings.

free_angel	The only person that can make you happy is yourself. Your friends haven't figured that out yet.

zombiehive	I think it would damage them more if you got into a bad relationship. A good relationship, however, would nurture everyone involved in your immediate family. For a quick answer, if you are not ready for a relationship, then the solution is not a relationship. If you are open to a relationship and it's a good one, it can be a positive situation for all involved.

thing4reason	I dont think an autistic son is a reason to stay single forever, you might not want to think that far ahead just yet. but i totally agree with you staying single and dating for as long as you want! i feel that if you have to have a partner at all times, you will never know your true self. i see people that have to be with someone are probably insecure with themself. good for you! live your life however you choose and if your happy, your kids will be too.

devyn	my opinion is to do one or the other, but definately do one or the other.. you know what i mean? if your gonna stay single and happy, and just date every now and again, then dont bring the guy around the house when the kids are home, if your gonna get a fatehr figure in there lifes, be sure he will be there for a long time. the worst thing to do to a child is bring around a new guy every week, that teaches them bad lessons, and shows them that its ok to do that. a father figure wouldnt be horrible, but you say that there actual father still comes around, so that works. stay single, as long as your happy, but if you decide to go the other way, make sure hes gonna stay!

Still Standing	I hear ya sis....... my mom raised three girls including myself single for a long time. My mother is now getting married soon because after we grew up and left home, she found time for herself and to make her happy! Now she is happily engaged and Im happy for her!

susie	I don't think it is wrong for you to prefer to stay single. Afterall, you said that they have a father that loves them and is involved in thier lives. I can understand why you do not want to bring other men into thier lives. They might get attached to one and then if it does not work out between the two of you you kids might be hurt over it. I think you are handling it right. Too many women go in and out of relationships which could be more damaging to kids than the way you have chosen.

nghtwsl	I dont think anythings wrong with friends with benifits relatinships....Just dont let your kids see you with a bunch of different men....They will remember later on and will judge you for it......So be discrete for goodness sake

ZURDITA	If it ain't broken, don't fix it... If you feel good about the current set up, KEEP IT THAT WAY.... Maybe the friends that are advising you are just jealous of your liberty and are fed up with their marital life that they want to spread their misery..... Keep single lady, it is the best time of your life.....

farmergirl100904	I agree with you. It sounds like your children already have a solid father-figure in their life--their own father. I think that rotating men into and out of the house as each relationship goes sour has a greater possibility of harming the children than their mother being happy by herself. Of course, you may find "the one" while you are "dating a little". And if you do, then great! But I don't think you are doing the children an injustice by not pursuing your next husband. Good luck!

Leslie	As long as you and your kids are happy than you have nothing to worry about.

Mr nice guy 2U	I was raised by my dad and maybe I came out ok. I think you should marry for love and love only.

just the way it is	i am only n my teens but i can tell u this all i want for Christmas is a "complete" family

Jewells	I think if you can be happy being single then that is what you should do. The fact your children have their father involved is a good thing.

pinkstealth	It won't damage them if you are a loving mother. Just bringing in another man is not necessarily going to help them either.

?	If you feel happier staying single, there is absolutely nothing wrong. I rather have a happy single mum then a depressed married mum. I salute you.

â™¦ Tiff â™¦	Whatever makes you happy is what you should do. Keep dating around, maybe you'll find someone who would love to help you with your kids and be in your life and maybe you will change your mind. But you don't need to have some man move in with you, remarry, and etc ... Tell those who think it's a bad idea to worry about their own lives.

Margie	I think it's much, much better for you to stay single because the last thing your kids would need is another relationship/father failure or divorce in their lives. Good for you!! It's a shame more women don't get that revolving relationships and failures are so terribly bad for their children. 2nd marriages have an even higher rate of divorce than 1st marriages.

Izetriyen	If you feel the care you give your children is better than what anyone else might do, or that someone else may be a bad influence in their lives....more power to you. peace

JB	As long as you don't bring these guys into your kids life, and don't sacrifice time with your kids then I don't see a problem.

Maple	This is your choice, and your friends should butt out.

clover	as long as you r happy they r 2 dedicate time for your kids and take them shopping they will love that

tigger	i think if your happy then your kids will be happy