Is poor hygene and bad housekeeping a valid reason for leaving a spouse?

ToughCookie	She has been your wife for 22 years,sir! And you thought about it just now??Kidding..Health is a serious issue,and having a clean home rocks! You can just tell your wife in a nice way that keeping the house clean is not her day in and day out job but she is obliged to help you out in terms of cleaning up..Or just hire a maid once week if she still doesn't move her ***...patience is the key,so that you won't waste 22 more of your precious years again..

ideaspclst	No. You married her knowing that she was messy and have stayed for 22 years dealing with it? You should sit down and talk with her. There is no reason why she and the children can't clean up after themselves.

jude	lay it on the line, tell her how u feel, and tell her what can happen if she continues. than if things don't change, move out. have u tried talking to her about it? getting her some therapy? perhaps she is suffering from depression.

Michael	Talk about it, if nothing changes, simply leave without warning. It does take two, and if she's not willing; drastic changes have to take place.

Enchantress38	You want help or you wouldn't be here asking for advice. That being said, please seek counseling as soon as possible! Talk to her if you haven't already! You have issues, and obviously so does she. Both of you need help if the relationship is to survive. 22 years is a long time to be together, so there is something about her that you must like to keep you there. I'd also add family counseling to the agenda to include your children. You don't say how old your children are, but if they are old enough to work, they are old enough to help take care of the home as long as they live there. I'd make some rules that they must follow in the upkeep of the home, as well as pay rent or they must leave. Tough love is hard, but it's part of the life lessons we must learn as to the obligations we all have towards each other when we are a family living together. It will help... eventually. I know none of this is easy, nor do I mean to make this sound blithe, but you sound at the end of the road. So take the road that leads you and the family to some kind of emotional health. I wish you the best of luck.

Judge Judy is Back!	Well, maybe you should try to remember the wedding vows you made. Was there anything in your vows about not staying married if one person decided to be a slob? I feel your pain, that would drive me nuts too because I like a clean house. But I think you can find a way to make it work. Hire a house cleaner or maybe a college student to come in and clean.

Skylight	How about taking this complaint and doing it all yourself and then you might realize it's not easy taking care of 3 kids and your husband that just complains.

JV	It sounds like there are some mental issues with her. Maybe seek some counseling first. However, if when you married her you knew of these habits then you knew what you were getting into. You can't change people, they have to want to change.

AlmondJoey	I pity you. I would personally clearly tell my wife to shape up, otr lose me. .

Erico	defenately talk to her. tell her she has to pull her own weight. i mean it seems to be at the point where its not healthy for your family to be living this way. in your own filth. tell her sonething has to be done now or things are over.

JadedAngel	Yes, it is definitely a valid reason to leave a marriage, though it should be a last resort if possible. I detest a filthy house. I'm not saying it has to be immaculate, but if it smells on a regular basis to the point where you are ashamed to have companny over then it is definitely time for you and your wife to sit down and have a long talk. You should express to her how you feel, and should give her and the kids time to gradually change their habits over a reasonable amount of time. If that doesn't work then nothing short of an ultimatum will do. 22 years is a long time to be married to someone, and shouldn't be dissolved over an issue that can easily be resolved. But if she and the kids aren't willing to change you shouldn't have to feel forced to have to live in the same conditions for another 22 years just because the others are uncompromising.

Denise M	If you married her knowing she's a slob, then there isn't much room to ask her to change. If you've asked her to change and she won't meet you halfway, then sure, your health and welfare, as is those of your children, is enough fodder for a divorce. People change their minds about what is important. Apparently you have changed your mind about how your wife cleans (or doesn't) ...Perhaps if she was given enough chance to understand how important it has become to you, and if she wants to save the marriage, she should be given the chance to change her habits.

Soul Blazer	So, set the example, incorporate the kids, and CLEAN HOUSE ! You are the MAN of the house, right ? ...so show them how it's done. They WILL learn.

KatieK	I would try marriage counseling first. Let her know that it's something you take very seriously and that it needs to change and ask her to go see a counselor with you. As far as the kids not cleaning you can't place that all on your wife. You're a father and your kids should listen to you if you tell them they need to clean. If they don't it's not your wifes fault, their noncompliance is something you allowed to happen.

Titus12	For 22 years you have been putting up with this. It is kinda hard to "teach a wife new tricks." But not impossible. She has lost herself in the piles and grown accustomed to the mess which is normal for her and unfortunatly the kids are following her example. If they do not change these kids will grown up and be the same. I applaud you on the things that you do. You have to have a sit down and one on one with your wife and tell her how you feel. Her hygene sounds really bad, however; this is not a valid reason for divorce.

Dimitar A	I am sorry to say but you should have left her long time ago. I cant imagine that you stayed with her for such a long time. Everyone has the right to live in a clean house but as you pointed out it takes work from everyone not just one (you in this case). Document everything and they throw her out. If she wants to die in her own filth so be it. I dont know how old your kids are but it may not be too late for them. If they are not adults, asing chores to them and if they dont do them, start taking privileges away like cell phones, cars, etc - I am sure there are a few things that can compell them to do it. Good Luck.

ClevelandNation C	does she work? if she does you should help out. talk to her

Julia	I would set up an appointment with a family counselor and get help for everybody! You will need a lot of help in everyone to participate since this has gone on for years. This is what they are used to and at first they will resist change but it can be accomplished with a little hard work. You may have to hire someone to come into your home and teach your wife how to clean properly and organize the home. The key to neatness is that everything in the home needs a proper place. Good luck.

Sugar	Awful! But not unsolvable What I would do is to make up a housework schedule and make sure it is carried out. Rotate the schedule so no one has to do the same thing all the time.This is what I did. Now my sons are doing the same thing with their families. Even the kids have chores. Works wonderfully for us. You gotta try something. So just sit down and have a family talk and Lay it out. Post it on the FRIG so there won't be the excuse of I forgot. Get going now You can do it.

Welcome Isabella! March 30!	She doesn't work and she still doesn't keep the house clean?!?! WTF does she do all day? She seems extremely lazy...I work full-time and still don't let my house get THAT dirty/messy!! Yes, as we speak there are some dishes in the sink, some dusting needs to be done, I need to vacuum and the bathroom needs to be cleaned but there is no mold in my tub, no mice in my home, the laundry is done and I was just about to get up and dust the living room but then I saw this question and HAD to answer it! You need to sit her down and SERIOUSLY talk with her, yes poor hygiene and bad housekeeping are valid reason to leave, it is disgusting and I feel sorry for you...she needs to clean the damn house or get a job to pay for a maid!

conusgypsy	So she hasn't changed since you married her? Why was her lifestyle fine with you before you married, but it isn't now? No, I don't think it's a valid reason since she has not changed. You knew what you were getting into when you married her. That doesn't mean you can't have your own living space.

cadillacmema	Your first sentence is your answer. She was messy BEFORE you married her. Mice and mold are not healthy environments. Look for health articles that discuss this. Show your wife your posting/responses and articles to open a discussion. You make your own choices and live with the consequences. Be prepared to do what you feel is right for you.

Life Surfer	It takes two! If you are pulling your weight and she isn't then an ultimatum might be an idea. If you don't do your share then you have no place to complain. "my kids follow her example and are lazy as well." - 90% of kids are lazy when it comes to house work but its up to you and your wife to make them do their part, if your wife isn't any better than you have a problem. It's time you got tough, you are the man of the house after all. Have you talked to her about it? If you are serious in what you say then you should be talking to her, you never know she might say she will make an effort.

Mr Corky	take their royalties away..tv, computers, dvd, credit cards. my dad this for me..it works a treat. until the house is clean dont give the stuff back.

LV	You have been with her 22 years so you must like somthing about her, why not throw caution to the wind and hire a cleaning service to come into the house, and do a massive cleaning and then come once a month.

Wade	TALK TO HER, DONT ASK US!!!!!

OnliiMee88	....ew. what the f***? tell her to clean up her act (ha. YES a corny pun was intended. lol) or you're walking. that's disgusting. how can she even be content with RAISING children in a pigsty? omgosh..that's SO unhealthy..

happywjc	Sounds like you are ling in the middle ages!! I refuse to sleep in a dirty house, and with a nasty person yuk-puk-yuk!!! Get control or get out now, before yuo get sick!!!!!

moonchild	Put your foot down and tell her to clean up or else. Tell her that that you can't live like that any more. Tell her that if she doesn't clean up than you are leaving. Tell her about her hygiene and the state of the house, you have the right to. If you are working she could at lease clean and look nice for you. Ask her what is the problem. Tell her that you aren't use to living in filth. If it hurts her feelings too bad. Everybody needs to pull together and help.

teaser0311	I don't know how you've lasted as long as you have, because I couldn't outlast 2 years with a slob. On one hand, you're responsible for your lifestyle, because you knew she lived like a pig before you married her. It's interesting that your wife doesn't work, and still finds reasons to live in squallor. You have a choice to make. Either leave, or freak them out with behavior changes. Sit everyone down for a family meeting to explain the rules are changing as of this minute. And, present charts with cleaning chores identified for one person to be responsible for over the course of an entire week. Post those charts (index cards work) on the refrigerator door, after you remove everything else from the door. The penalty for not taking responsibility for assigned chores will be up to you. But, I'd start by eliminating allowances and all other spending money. Don't allow children to watch TV or spend time on the phone, or with friends, until chores are completed. Make your first "new day" a cleaning day. Make everyone start cleaning, and if you have to, rent a storage unit to hold all toys and electronics, until you're satisfied they can handle new responsibilities. When your wife pitches a fit, ask if she'd rather have a divorce. It sounds like if anyone made a phone call to your county, they'd remove your children from the home, and charge you with neglect, and you'd do prison time.