Just reconciled with abusive husband. Why did he come back?

Miss-Kenya	make things right by letting him go where he suppose to.........some ole shelter!!!!!!!!HAHA

smelly bob	My mother had the same problem,me and my brother threw my dad out because it was bad and my mom took him back like three times,we did this three times and my mom always said he changed but me and my broher knew better and we are younger than my mom he just wen't back to the same thing abuse.my mom has four children finally one day me and my brother had to phiscally remove my dad he pulled a knife on us and that was the end of that my mom finally saw he was going to kill us if we didn;t get rid of him, for 20 years this wen't on this started just like your story as time wen't on so did this abusive relationship,leave if you can there is always a way i don't know if i can ever forgive my mother for letting this happen to me and my little sisters and brother almost my whole life its a sad sistuation good thing my sister can't remember much,but me and my brother thats another story.sorry for for pain hope this helps

miss advice	to him, you= punching bag he missed his punching bag, that's all. unless you are a punching bag, you need to leave him- if not for yourself, at least for your children! also, quit making excuses for him and saying that it's his folks' fault- that they're feeding him all this "bull". i don't care what they feed him- you just need to quit feeding, housing, and putting up with him! get the DOG out of your house!

Raul V	The question you should be asking yourself isn't why he came back but why you let him return! 8 years in an abusive relationship with several attempts at correcting the situation, with no positive results, and your still with him? Sometimes a woman becomes addicted to abusive treatment because she feels somehow that she deserves being treated that way. Is there something in your life that may cause you to feel this way? You are young and really don't deserve this type of treatment. Do you not value yourself and your children? Do you want his loser attitude to infiltrate the lives of you kids and have them grow up just like daddy? You are causing yourself and your children an overwhelming amount of stress and humiliation. Do yourself a favor and analyze what has happened up to now and try to give yourself a better life. I wish you the best of luck. Rey

S K	Wow. I don't think there's any hope.

sharethalove	I don't mean to sound mean and if I do let me apologize 1st and foremost. You have 2 children this mans speaks to you as if you are trash in front of them and now you have taken him back and he won't even sleep in the same bed with you. You should be asking yourself not why did he come back but what the hell am I doing taking him back. Being married and having children doesn't mean you have to be this guys trash bin. You can't have any self-esteem because children or not no one deserves to be treated and talked to like a dog. God didn't plan that for your life and I hope you know that. You are a beautiful child of God and thats how you should be treated with respect and love and kindness. It's a shame so many women feel that they need to stay in a marriage the promotes abruse for the kids sake when all they are doing is hurting the children worse. Get out and stay out. If he did it once he will do it again. Its just a matter of time and if he believes what his parents say about you instead of sitting down talking with you about it, then you don't need that either let him go back to his parents til he can grow up and be a man. His parents may have put him out and he just needs somewhere to say. Let him go and leave him alone. God bless you.

maryannmccarthy2003	Tell me, why would you even take an abusive man back if he has not sought out help for his anger issues? This is a bad move to take him back! What about what the kid's are exposed too? Do remember this, kid's DON'T forget & may later resent you as well as their father. I hope taking him back was not a choice you made for the sake of the kid's. Kid's adjust well & will learn how to live without momma & daddy being together. This whole this is very unhealthy for ALL involved. You really need to take a long look at the choice you have made by taking him back. Why would you even wonder what you have to do to make things right? He is the one that needs to make things right, not you honey!! I have been in this situation before & because of my kid's, asked him to leave & planned to file for a divorce when he dedcided that suicide was the way to deal with the situation. But ya know what, I don't mean to sound cold, but now my kid's are in deed well adjusted & do finally have a chance at a normal life. You as a mother have an obligation to the mental well being of your children. Good luck & take care. Mary

larry_the_orc	Depends- he's still working things out in his mind. Remember a mans brain is roughly 15% less developed as far as emotional operations than a woman- another way of saying this is, men really are emotionally brain damaged. Give him some time- and lets face it, he's NOT comfortable and he's still working on it. After all, why unpack if you're just gonna have to repack it again later?

Debbie D	My question to you is-why do you want him back? Think of the example he is setting for your children. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and NO ONE should EVER tolerate and stay with someone who inflicts it on them. Let him go back to his parents. You and your children deserve SO much better.

teulonbranchlibrary	Can't imagine why you did that, but then I am going through that too, just not the taking him back or moving back part. You will never change someone like that, they have to want to themselves. Since you ae making changes by going to counscelling you have a chance at happiness as long as you get rid of him in your life, if not be prepared for broken and bleeding bodies cause thats your future, sorry to say. Good Luck.

CuervoBMed	I'm just wondering why you let him come back? Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Your children seeing and hearing this will grow up to think that is a perfectly acceptable way to act. An abuser hardly ever changes. Get out while you are still young enough to get a decent job and life. I can't understand women who would rather be in this kind of relationship than on her own.

sweet as candy	Girl he came back because you let him he misses having somebody 2 boss around so he didn't know what to do with himself if u weren't in his life. But you need 2 get out of that relationship if not 4 u 4 your kids. cuz if he'll do it 2 u it's only a matter of time till he does it to them 2. God Bless

glorymomof3	You dont need that in your life. It wont get better unless he himself CHOOSES to change. He cant be forced to change, and if he doesn't want to he wont. Also, if he is not willing to go through counseling, he isn't ready to save your marriage. You really need to put you and your children first. I say go through some Domestic Abuse classes (you dont have to be getting hit to be getting abused, verbal is JUST as bad) and take a long look at what you are worth and what you need. I went through an 8 year long abusive relationship with my sons father. I did everything in my power to keep him around but it failed. Eventually I saw my son was turning into the same monster he was and that was enough for me. I picked up and moved. now i never denied him to see his son, i just chose it was better for the kids and I to be in a safer, more loving environment. You cant do anything to change him- wish all you want but in the end it will be up to him. Good luck- if you need someone to talk to- email me!

titfany	the question isn't why did he come back it's why did you take him back? abuse is abuse wheather its verbal emotional or physical. you don't deserve it an shouldn't take it either. especially if he's doing it in front of your children, think of wht impression that gives them about relationships, and male an female roles. please for your children do better, if he can't accept his problem then nothing good can come of your relationship. the good has already come in your kids, your affecting their lives if you allow their abuse. if this was your son/daughter would you want them to be the people you are both modeling? i'm sorry to be harsh but i hae been abused as a child and watched my m other be abused. abuse is abuse no matter what. children learn what they live, change for them please.

â–’Ð¯enÃ©eâ–’	If you have kids and since he isn't hitting you....To me you made the right choice. When or if he says something mean to you put it back to him. Maybe the reason he is so distant is because he is trying t change his ways and he is taking it slow so he doesn't fall back into the same old ways. Just give him room. I wouldn't worry just yet. He maybe going thur a big change and is taking time to think and work things out in his head. You don't need to do anything to make anything right. You weren't the fault of anything. Just be you and act like you did before and let things fall into place.2 weeks isn't a real long time. Just give it time. â˜º It looks like to me reading these other answers that people sure do give up easy on a marriage.....We are talking about verbal abuse. Why can't woman open their mouths and put it right back to him....If my hubby said something mean to me I'd cuss him out and go on about my business.. Wow what a shock!!!

Kitty	He's abusive, but "otherwise" he's a great guy? What does that mean? If he doesn't respect you, what "otherwise" could there be? A "great guy" is a caring, patient, compassionate and understanding person - everything your husband isn't. What is it that makes him "great", anyway? Whatever it is - is it worth to you giving up your self-respect and self-esteem? Try to figure out what your priorities are. Self-respect is a hell of a thing to give up for the rest of your life - I personally can't think of a single good reason for doing so.

debbie l	I would sit him down and have a talk and say listen you act like you don't want to be here so why are you here if you don't want to be get everything out in the open sounds like some one told him to go back so he did but he is not really trying. If he has not intention of trying or of changing things you are better off with out him

dappersmom	You can't make things right because you can't change who he is!! Why on earth did you go back? You screwed up there. Get your kids out of there. You have no right to raise them in an environment like this. Do you want them to grow up and either be abusive or be in an abusive relationship? If you don't you need to do better for yourself. What were you thinking??? And bull crap he loves you!!! You simply don't treat someone that you love that way...EVER!! Make a list of what you think being loved should be like...is any of this on it? If not it isn't love! Where do you get that it is?

stressedtothemax	You are teaching your children that it is ok to talk to you like that, and this is how they will talk to their spouses! Is this what you want for them? The question is not why he came back, the question is WHY DID YOU LET HIM BACK? Keep the counselor and dump him until he learns to respect you!

Monty L	He came back so he won't have to pay child support and to ABUSE YOU MORE. You need to do something before it get's worst. And it will get WORSE.

lily	Is he on drugs?

Sasha	A better question is why did you let him come back? It really sounds like an unhealthy relationship to me.

free_your_fancy	Get out of there and do it now. If you're too blind and stupid to do it for yourself, then do it for your children. Marriage is not "he's a great guy but he sleeps on the couch" -- get out. Get out for your children. Eventually, you might get smart enough to realize it would be best for you too. But if your self-esteem is that low, at least don't subject your children to this type of environment.

Michael E	If he really wants to make it work, he will accept counseling. If he refuses, it may be time to cut the cord.

Rich Z	You have done as much as you can. Now he needs to do something - like go to counseling. Otherwise he is not going to get any better.

NAQ	hes probably just keeping distant because he wants to say or do something mean. emotionally abusive people never change.

Quasimodo	Why did he come back? Because you allowed him to you idiot. Just keep on feeding off of one another. If you think it'll get better than I'd love to know what you're drinking so I can order a bottle of the same stuff.

Kaia	Better question is not why he came back...that's easy...you're a convenient target. The real question is why you took him back......

gel	I know you love him, but you need to think about your kids and not yourself.