Married for the wrong reason...we have kids...am I being selfish to leave or will it be better to stay?

goldwing	Well, it seems to me you have made your bed, by your own admission, it is not a bad bed to lie in....what is the problem? I hope you did not expect your life to be filled with infatuation, lust, passion, the feeling of butterflies 24/7....just doesn't happen. If you work on it, you can get it back, and it is certainly easier to get it back than to find a new one...a new one has no guarantee that life will be better, and in fact, it could be a lot worse.!! Life is not what Hollywood or fairytales make it out to be....there is NO "happily ever after, " there is only "ever after." It is up to us to keep it happy. Good luck

~Jessica~	You need to count your blessings. There is always some other woman out there that would love to have your life. Think before you make a mistake you could regret for life. "Its your life" Enjoy it!

legallyblond2day	Your family and your marriage should come first. Seek marital counseling, just because you are bored/ unhappy doesn't mean you need to put your wife, and especially your children (I'm the child of divorced parents, it seriously f*cks you up) through the emotional pain of a divorce. A couple's counselor can help you work through your problems, and bring to light issues you didn't even know you had.

Sam	Maybe that means you don't love her...

brenda4ever	If you are not happy your family will not be happy

?	People have stayed together for the sake of the children for many decades but in today's world there seems to be a selfish attitude. It is truly your decision that would have lots of factors like the age of the children and there ability to cope. I feel the selfishness is best described by the song although it deals with the music industry "The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys" Traffic http://www.geocities.com/ironwallcoleman/songs/lowspark.htm But the age of selfishness really took of during the Reagan years and is rampant today when people ask "whats in it for me" before they think of the consequences of they're actions.

Cat. â€¢That's all...	Hello from France ! Don't forget YOU !! Don't be unhappy in your life. Leaves it... Your family ? They will survive !! Don't worry !! It's your right to be happy !! Good luck and kiss, Catherine.

Van	Well, I think you should have thought about this, you know, like before you had the kids and everything. But you do need to look out for your best interest. So if you really don't want to be married to that person, don't.

Anonymous	Your Family comes first dont forget what did your kids ever do to be put in this situation. Hope this helps good luck.

guitarsam	stay.. did u think abut ur kids.. there future... family..

SAMMIE JO	I know that they say marriage is forever. But think about it nothing is forever. the kids come first of course, but your happiness also. Trust me kids know when things are not right. They are like little animal. they sense everything. You might not fight or drugs etc.... But- there is that word again. But you have to consider everybodys feeling, maybe she feels the same way. Alot of marriages are better apart. You might be better friends than husband and wife. So take a test run.

miaRules	Your family should come first. Why not go get counseling? You sound like you think the grass will be greener on the other side. You will leave and end up with someone who doesn't treat you as well, will you be happy then?

Dr who	When you have kids the kids come first they have no choice they live your life.If you and the husband get along and no fighting I would say stay in the house for the kids.You might have to have different bedrooms at at lease you can say you tried for the kids as long as it is done in a peaceful manner.

Hollynfaith	Kids are smarter than you think honey. They are little sponges and are soaking this all in. If you don't want them to grow up and have the same kind of relationship you have now, then you need to do something. I'm not sure why you aren't happy or what the problem is, but something tells me it wasn't always this way especially if you have kids (emphasis on the plural). Couples fall in and out of love during their marriage all the time. It's hard, but marriage takes work on both parts. If it's something that can be fixed, fix it. If you have no desire to and just want out, then you need to do what is right for you. Life isn't about just mearly existing, it's about living, loving and laughing. You can still have your family while being divorced ya know. Nobody says the love or relationship you have with the kids comes to a screeching hault. If you are on the way out, talk with your wife first, it'll be hard, but I'm sure she sees the same things you do. Then sit down and talk with the kids open and honestly, ask for their input as far as what they'd like the arrangement to be and get a game plan together from there. The key to this whole leaving thing was about your happiness...and that is fine, I wish you well, but just make sure the kids are able to adjust and be happy too.

serendipity 2	First you have to find out why you are not happy. Does she feel the same way too? Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side. Please go for individual counseling and then marriage counseling. You owe this to all involved, before you make a rash decision. Through counseling you will find the answers, You do not have to agree with everything the counselor says, but it will help you sort through the problems and the situation you are in. Ask your doctor for a referral. Do it now. Do not be embarrassed. You will be happy that you did and surprised at the things you will learn about yourself. You cannot get to step B before you go through step A. Do not be lazy about this. Make a decision that you will do this for you and your family. Maybe your marriage could be saved. Maybe it can't. Please be mature enough and open minded enough to really find out. Make the commitment -it is what you need to do. Do not take this lightly. My best wishes to you.

ikushner92	Family dont ruin your childrens lives

Blaze	I grew up wit out a dad, i never met the motha f***a n i turned out fyne

kaiynasha	Hi Kong You know it is important to have a family and be happy as well. I am sure that you're significant other senses your unhappiness. Honestly, what are you not happy about? You say there not fights, drugs, drinking....could be that the expectation of marriage has dwindled for you? Not exciting? You can't stand waking up knowing the same person is next to you? Perhaps you can make some changes in the relationship to rekindle the fire, passion, and make it more exciting. Maybe you should take a retreat away for a bit just to reflect on what you got married in the first place. I guess what I am saying is that relationships are hard especially if you have been in it for awhile...but since you are...is it not worth seeing if you can rekindle something that may be loss through counseling, more intimacy, or whatever it may be. Remember the grasser isn't always greener on the other side. I hope this help, because I don't know anymore than what you have said...I can only say work on the relationship. However, if you are determine to leave...then it makes no sense to stay in something that makes you unhappy but remember this will affect everyone. Take care and G-d Bless K

cinson1999	There are two ways to answer this question. God says put him first, yourself second, your family third, and your job fourth. I agree with this. You can not love yourself, and take care of yourself, if you are putting others first. Your children will pick up on this. They are very smart. Besides, do you want to teach them to do the same thing? Marry for the wrong reasons? Why be fake about it? But the BIG question: What would make you happy. Are you happy with yourself? Or are you expecting happiness to come from your mate? In other words are you sure that you would be "happy" with out this person? And what does this person have to do with your happiness? God Bless

SUE H	You live once, do you really wanna live your life with a fake smile? Don't scarfice your happiness for Kids. I'm sure they would want you to be happy mum not sad mum.

wutta-croc	like dr phils says- sometimes you dont make the right decision- sometimes you just need to make the decision right good luck to you! stick it out- I say!

baby	Are you in love? If not the kids will sense it eventually, even if your not fighting ,they will sense all is not good.

Ricky	Staying married for the kids' sakes is never a good idea.

Dr. Knowitall	Marriages are made in heaven, believe it! Don't jeopardize your children's lives and try to find happiness in your partner. You guys get along well, that's a BIG PLUS. Many love marriages, lasting forever, take a lot of time to reach the level of getting along WELL. One way, you are blessed and never stop counting your blessings. And how on the earth did you marry for a wrong reason and then produced kidS? Look deeper, search your soul and find the common thread....Marriage is a beautiful institution and nothing is as stronger as it. Try as long as you can to save it.........you'd realize some day that it was the best effort of your life. God Bless.

yanshan	try to mend the problem and let your daughter have a good childhood. the marriage might still be able to save :)

raul b	if you guys get along then why are you not happy? everyone i know who has relationship problems it is always because they don't get along. in any case i think you need to reanalyze the situation and make sure that you are not simply bored with your spouse and if you are sure that this is not the case then you should divorce because you will be miserable for the rest of your days. GOOD LUCK FRIEND

?	Kids really need both their parents in the same house to develop normally. My parents divorced 2 times each and it really affected me, it taught me that no relationships last and they are all doomed to fail. Until I was about 9 I thought everyones parents got divorced. It wil really destroy the kids value of family and the sanctity of marriage if you leave.

whattheh_ll	it's only a matter of time before the fighting does start ( if your being truly honest about not fighting) get out now for everyones sake. my parents stayed together for 26yrs because they had children.it was the worst 26 yrs of my 2sisters and brothers lifes,never mind the mental and emotional scars it's left on all of us.your children are a little more aware of what's going on then you think. give them a chance to have a normal ( if there is such a thing) adult life. if they see what's going on with you and your spouse it will stick with them forever.take it from someone who knows and is trying to raise his family right. they'd rather see there parents seperated and happy than together and miserable. you can only fake a smile so long. good luck to you & your kids.