My boyfriend wants to get married but I don't?

brâ™¥â™¥ke	i think you are personally being selfish...if you have a kid and things are going great and you love him..then why are you being scared in no taking the next step in your relationship-i mean there could be more to your story that i dont know. but from what you just wrote it sounds to me like you are just in the relationship for a now thing....are you planning on leaving your boyfriend of 5 years? are you planning on being with this man for the best of your life?? if you are planning on being with him..why not marry him?? if you are not planning on being with him- talk to him now....dont keep playing with his heart. not to mention your kids

mae	The best way to answer your question is to listen to your heart...do you feel that you are in love or lusting? I have been with my husband for five years we are best friends and nothing has changed much between us. Our relation was distance for 3 years I was in Oklahoma he was in Georgia January 06 I took the plunge and headed to Georgia to find out were our relationship was going and we were wed. I think it was the best choice I could have ever made and we now have a 10 month old son. Marriage is BIG step and not every marriage works but as you asked I do believe you need some of the same values the same dreams the choice is yours really it is where you believe you belong what you feel is the best choice for you...

zykoe1208	y are u afraid of commitment??? is there somethng that u've experienced that made u scared??? i admired the guy!!! he really wants the both of u to be legally together without any cliches and all that... he proposed married mainly due to the child... he wants his child to grow up having a real father... and thats a good sign... thats true commitment... now with regards to ur non=acceptance of the marriage proposal... let me ask u this... are u happy as it is wid ur life just tobe live-in partners for the rest of ur life??? are u willing to face the consequences when you partner realized that he's not contended or fulfulled with his life as the way it is... to him marriage is fulfillment... better think twice... i know this is a serious matter... and i know its kinda bothers u... u decide... its ur future... ur childs future...

Bj	You need to sit down and discuss this with him and tell him the reason why you don't want to get married, take it as a compliment because there is allot of ladies out there waiting for their man to propose, and then get him to give you the reason why he wants to get married, he maybe feeling insecure and is worried that he might loose you.

ndnqt1966	You should be asking him this. You could stay with him until he eventually moves on because marriage is what he wants. He does have that choice.

larmarine83	I don't see why you are so oposed to being married? Call me old fashioned, but if you live with someone, have a child together and will spend the rest fo your life together....why not get married and show that comitment?

WindWalker	Already got childs but still don't wish to married??? What are u waiting for??? Please... If don't wish married, then have childs for fun? Your child will growing up and u wish ur childs don't have a daddy??? Please... Why cannot married even u can have his child??? Really don't understand what are u waiting for...

buffyteresa	Woah! You have lived like your married for 5 years (with a child) and you wont get married!!?? Does your child call him DAD? How badly will your child hurt when he leaves? Will you even care if he leaves? I feel for both of them. Why does marriage matter.?..its 20 min with a justice of the peace and some paper......unless of course you have another man on the side? If you don't then whats the reason your saying no. Can you even come up with one other than you don't feel like it??

James C	Well, what is your reason not marrying with him? Financial? Physical? Trust? If you don't want to marry with him for a good reason, then don't. Otherwise, if you love him and he really wants to get marry, then I can't see the point of not doing so. I bet you have your own good reason not to, it is your choice afterall!

floe	It would be fine if you explain to him exactly why you don't want to get married. I'm guessing the reason is because you don't feel the need to do it. You can still love someone and be with them forever without being married. If your love is strong enough, you woudln't need a legal bond. A lot of people get married to make sure they would be together, and in fact stay together longer than they otherwise would because they want to avoid the process of divorce. It takes a lot of strength and trust in a relationship to stay together without being married. It's even more of a commitment in my opinion. I think you just need to have a long talk about it and figure out what you want to do next. Make sure though, that you make it perfectly clear that you love him very much. I hope it all goes well for you. :)

Baby Jack born 4/5/09	if yure willing to give him up then do it. its not fair to him.l

The Nag	Wow, he wants to commit to you on a spiritual and a respectful level and you are saying no???? Do you not realize that you are rejecting him as your mate for life in the eyes of God and the law? Is he not good enough for you to marry and commit to forever? Dosen't your child DESERVE for his parents to be totally devoted to each other? So just do it for him...show him YOU love him enough to do it. You said it dosen't matter to you, so why not? I think that you have an axe to grind or a point to prove with him, which will destroy your relationship and you are fine with that. You need help before you destroy your child's home.

rmdybles30	Explain to him why you do not want to get married, But do not manipulate him or try to change his mind if he chooses to leave. Best wishes!

cutiedudie2002	Here is the real question.... WHY NOT??? It's like an expensive promise, saying that you will love him forever and ever and that you have chosen him to be with for the rest of your life. Is that really so bad?

texas_angel_wattitude	If you dont want to get married then dont but IF he walks then dont complain because you know that it will be coming. Personally I feel like you do that a peice of paper doesnt make us more of a family it doesnt make us love one another more and it doesnt make us love our children or take care of our children any better then without a piece of paper. Its nothing more then a tax deduction and traditional values. If you want him to be happy and him being happy means marriage then let him go so he can find someone that will give him his "dream"

littlerascal711	Normally I would say if you don't want to get married, don't, but I wonder why not. You get tax breaks if you are married. Unless you are on welfare illegally now. You also get other benefits such as insurance. You say that you have a child and have a home. For security reasons I would suggest marriage. in case something happens to you or the father your child will be taken care of. If you really don't want to marry, why are you living with him. Is he not the father of your child? What are the benefits you are getting by remaining single is your home By the way that your said it I am of the impression that you Own a home, in your name or his? Do you get government help bu remaining unmarried? If so, you will get in real trouble sooner or later. If I were him, I would walk out and find someone who can make me happy and give me what I want and take the child too. You should watch out.

Westin T	Just say to him that you don't feel up to it right now and that theres still hope in the future.

joyceeleann	Then Don't!! Its your life!

Chris R	My mom and dad were together for 5 years same thing happened here my dad proposed my mom said no 2 years later he proposed my mom said yes wait 2 years trust me.

gonecrazybacksooninky	Don't marry unless you BOTH want it. A relationship takes two, so does a marriage.

tpettee	If you arent comfortable with getting married, then dont. And you will see what rewards or consequences for your decision may come. I dont understand why people these days aree so against marraige. Have kids and just live together!? I was gun shy of getting remarried after a brutal life threatning marraige to someone else. But I am old fashioned and beleive that you should be married and not live together. I think that maybe you should think and talk about it with an open mind, with him. Why is he so adimant about getting married, and why are you so against it? Did past relationships make you gun shy? Are his personal or religious beleifs pushing him towards marraige? I dont know about you, but I like the "fairy tale" feeling of being Mrs. so and so! I like to say this is my husband! I like going to the doctors office or school and NOT having to explain why names are different! It was always just something I looked forward to growing up. He shouldnt necessarily "move on" to someone else just because you feel differently about this. But you had better seriously consider the possibilities that it could happen down the road. How will you feel then and what about the child? Ask yourself WHY is it so important NOT to get married!? Are you willing to comprimise? Is he willing to comprimise? Love is all about comprimise! Society today has made many many things acceptable that used to be frowned on. And it seems like values arent upheld as they used to be. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion, life, happiness and mistakes etc. Whatever you decide- I hope you are happy. I think thats pretty important.

In love with love	If you're not ready for marriage than you should not do it out of peer pressure! But can you help me understand how you were ready for a baby and shacking up together? Just do what you feel is right or you'll regret it in the long run! Good Luck!

Maria	I understand both of your points of view, but really, you can't blame him if he leaves you. I don't want to pressure you into marriage, but if you're already planning on staying together forever, what's wrong with making it "official"?

Lydia	Then you let him go.

Justin H	Before long, you will be considered married by common law - depending on state laws. The fact you have a child and a home together means that neither of you will be able to "just walk away" if your relationship doesn't work. I don't have a particular position on whether to marry or not, but the question I have to ask is why don't you want to get married? Are you afraid of making that final commitment? On the other hand, why is your boyfriend so set on marriage? It sounds like this is an issue that could be come a big deal sooner rather than later. So may be you both need to do some self reflection and try to figure out why you are so set on your feelings about this topic. Maybe once you figure this out the issue will resolve its self.

ÃŸÎ±ÃŸÎµ	What difference does it make? If you plan on being with him, just do it for insurance and tax purposes.

toocan	what your telling him is "hey, i'm having a great time but i aint gonna put all my eggs in your basket. something better may come along." basically your using him. if that were not the case you would formally commit to him.

Freddie Dearest	Why don't you want to get married? I think you're not committed and I don't really blame him for getting angry. If you really love him, and want him to be happy, why can't you do this one simple thing for him? Have faith in your husband...otherwise you don't deserve him.

gloria b	I feel a bit the same....why fix it if it ain't broke!

your dadeh	tell him that i dotn think he has much to complaing about hes lucky to have a good family i recently lost the girl of my dreams and feel like dirt if he keeps that up he wilo lose u to once u get tired of it