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My ex mistress threatened to tell my wife we had an affair what do I do?
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My ex mistress threatened to tell my wife we had an affair what do I do?

I am a very emotional guy - my dad died of cancer and my first fiance broke it off with me. Soon after, I met this girl who was really special, but I was pushing everybody away because I was afraid of losing more people I loved. I really hurt this girl, even though I didnt mean too. I thought about her alot, but thought she hated me so I tried to move on and I met another girl whose dad was dying of cancer - I got emotional, I asked her to marry me before he died. Now Im so unhappy - I feel unappreciated and unloved and I was thinking about this other girl and I contacted her & found out she still loved me, so I started having an emotional affair with her. I lay in bed at night next to my wife and think about her - I close my eyes and feel the electricity in our kiss. So I told the girl & we got pretty down & dirty in our emails, but I got scared because Im supposed to be a good christian so I broke it off & hurt this girl again. Now Im terrified she will tell wife, more info

your started off in this marriage at a time in your life when you shouldn't have. start being a husband to your wife and try for the first time in your marriage being honest with your wife, you need to answer two questions yourself : are you willing to do what you need to do to make this marriage work? or are you ready to end it and walk away without ever looking back? stop playing both fields at once, have dinner with both (not at the same time) and be honest with them, tell them everything and your choices you've made, answer all questions asked of you and get on with what you should have done from the beginning... hurting others will always hurt ten folds when it returns, sorry for being so blunt with this but living a lie only works in politics.

Well the good thing is.. you didn't actually sleep with her. Maybe you could really really stress this point.
I am wondering if your wife is just as unhappy in the marriage. I think there is a good chance she is.
In the end what is the worse thing that can happen? You aren't happy anyways in the marriage. Your mom already knows, that should be more hurtful than your wife knowing.
to bad about the ex though, now if you and your wife divorce, how in the world could you ever be go back to her. Bummer

Ha,this is yr "retribution" for cheating. Well, don't get emotional anymore. Tell yr wife yr happening and don't use emotional as an excuse anymore. U must go for counselling to stop feeling unappreciated, unlove, emotional... As for u & yr wife, both should go for counselling to help u both to get it over (if yr wife do forgive u). Then, u should apologize to that girl & stop thinking of her anymore. As a christian, u have broke e 10 comandments. Ask for fogiveness for yr sin.

You need to come clean with your wife it will hurt her of course but in the long run she will be thankful because not only are you ruining your life but you are prolonging hers as well. Get everything out in the open and with all of the individuals involved and evaluate your feelings.

Well..it sounds like your day will be coming around the corner soon enough. What's done in the dark will soon come to light. It sounds like you are a guy that's use to making excuses. AND all the blah blah blah you posted is a load of crap.

Regardless of what was going on in your life or anyone life during the time of your affair. The fact of the matter you are a married man. You have listed every excuse known to man but I was walking and tripped fell into her p*u*ssy. You need to grow up and take responsibility. You are a pathetic sorry excuse of a man, just one big walking excuse. What's worst you lied to your mother and got her involved. If I were the other woman, I'll tell too. In fact, if I knew your wife I tell her myself.

If you're a 'good christian' then you know the drill. First of all go see your pastor and make a confession and let him give you some guidance. And by all means crawl to your mother and apologize for dragging her into this whole sordid mess. I don't know what you should do about your wife. If you're so emotional then she probably already surmises that something is not right in your world. Stick with the counseling because you obviously are not in control of your emotions. And I revise the suggestion about what you should do first...the first thing you should do is go straight to Jesus with this thing and PRAY PRAY PRAY. Go. Do. Don't waste anymore time freaking out and fretting. The sooner you do something positive the better it will be for everybody. The hardest thing to do is the right thing but the right thing is the best thing. Pray about it brother.

its not really cheating when its over the computer but most of the time when people are unhappy in a relationship they either try to fix it or leave. but... if you actually have feelings for another woman you shouldnt be married, you marry someone you can't live without and if you can develop feelings for another person you don't need to be with your wife its not true love and its not a good idea to stay with her.. get a divorce

Well, if you are supposed to be a Christian then you know what you need to do.First of all you should have never started it. You need to seriously pray and come clean with whomever is involved and deal with it from there.Dont make it any worse by creating more lies.

As everyone else has said you do need to tell your wife. If your girlfriend is threatening to tell her now. Then the chances of her getting mad at you again and using this same card are good. So your mother already knows the truth so she has something on you to. Once again tell your wife. She may leave you she may not. However you need to end this extra relationship you are in. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

You can rationalize all you want, you made a decision to have an affair, any time, thought, or effort you put into it was your choicel.

Now, if you want to save your marriage, you better come clean, that means telling ALL.

Remember, a lie of omission is still a lie.

Tell your wife before she does. Your wife will be more forgiving if it comes from you. And explain to her why you think you did it, and decide to get help with it. Ask her for help with facing your problems.

You lied to your mother that your ex was stalking you???You dragged your mother into the mess you created? You made your own bed and now you have to lie in it. Grow a backbone for God's sake. You reap what you sow.

Maria W
Tell your wife if you get it all out in the open now you either both try and make it work or you could end up breaking up and then you could make yourself happy Ithink you should see if you can work on making your marriage work first, surely you must have wanted to marry your wife for more reasons other than her dad dying of cancer you owe to your wife to try and make it work she needs to know how you feel or she might not think there is problem and why the hell did you get your mum invloved that was silly you are not acting like a grown up

sounds like maybe you really are emotional and have a problem with feeling unappreciated and unloved. A person seeks counseling when problems get in the way of life. So, seek counseling.

you to stop dating....you make men look bad

t m
tell your wife before the other woman does.-just pray your wife will forgive you.


The right thing to do would be "leave your mistress alone" but she threatened to tell your wife so keep f*$#ing her and keep her satisfed!!

You R a Huge DOG!!!!

Well there is a chance that she can tell your wife what happened. Or you can be a man and tell your wife yourself...like the good christian that you are. You might just get yourself into so healthy counseling..with your church pastor or priest. Until then you need to realize that sometimes past mistakes will catch up with you. It may not be right now...but you might have to face it months or years from now. Do what's right.

Tina M
tell her first, is all i can say, and everything that lead up to it


First apologize to your mother for lying.

Then apologize to your 'friend' for leading her on and hurting her feelings.

Maybe they will not tell your wife.

If this does not work, you will need to be honest and do not cover it up in any way anymore. There are things you need to work out, especially why you would continue the emotional thing. Okay? Try apologizing first....

I hope she does tell her. I just don't understand how anyone can cheat on another person. It's wrong. It's dead wrong. And I hope you get what's coming to you.

daljack -a girl
You need to take your poor wife by the hand and head for the nearest counselor.

You have so much stuff going before, after, and during your marriage.

Stop Reading Playboy Magazines!!!!!!

think you are just pissed because your wife was on here earlier..

That was too long to read it all, but really I don't care. Stop being such a p*ssy and tell your wife yourself. Quit making up excuses for your wrongdoing.

I think the only thing to do is be honest with your wife and tell her before she finds out from someone else. I think that you can work things out if you are upfront.

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