My fiancé and I don’t really talk anymore?
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My fiancé and I don’t really talk anymore?
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I have been with my fiancé for about two years now and we don’t really have any good conversations anymore. She is in med school, so she is busy, but when she not studying, we don’t really talk. Sometimes I think that I don’t really have anything interesting to say, but I’m working on it. I can't stop thinking about it all the time and I know that isn't healthy, but what can I do to get out of this (whatever it may be) I love her very much and I know she feels the same way and we are both very willing to work on it, and Including this we can talk about anything . I know this because we talk about our feeling and everything else, but she once said that our conversations are kind of boring now, that or we don’t talk at all. She also said that if it’s like this now what will happen when we get married. I miss the conversations we use to have, deep, and long into the night. We have lived together for a while, but this started when we moved to this little town and she started school.
Thank you and sorry to those who have answered me, I had to change my questio a littel bit. Thank you all...
right now im not doing anytime, and we talked last night. Since i am a people person me not being around people is what is hurting us ( when we went back home and sent time together with family and other people and I started to do stuff it was like old times again, problem solved right? When we got bakc here, it was the same old stuff. today i went to sign up to be a volunteer at the hospital, just to do something, until I start doing something, i think that or contact with other people and when I start making progress in my life I will be happier which will make her happier, which in turn will get us back to the way we were.
Thank you all again very much, and please continue, its funny how talking about problems helps resolve them...
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khadija k
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Take time out, go on a holiday do things you used to do when you first met.I think when you move in with someone before you are married that kind of kills it because it is like you are already married there is not much to look forward to, when you live separate you get to go out more together and have more to say to each other.Make sure you both know what you have got and appreciate it. |
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bestadvicechick
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It's perfectly normal for conversations to not be QUITE as exciting as they once were when you first got together. Think of it like this: when you first started dating, you knew nothing about each other. So what did you do? You talked...alot. At first, it was probably surface stuff and then as you got more serious, you had other, deeper things to talk about. Now that you've been together for 2 years, you know everything there is to know about one another so there's not as much to talk about. That's normal.
The main thing you need to worry about is whether or not you have any interests TOGETHER that you can discuss. Even though she's busy, it's important to set aside time just for the 2 of you to try something new....get out and do something different. You have to WORK at spicing things up a little. I think most couples go through this so don't worry. My husband and I spend 85% of our time talking about work, bills,the house, the dogs....all very routine every day things. That doesn't mean we're boring people or that we're bored with each other. We also talk about politics and deeper issues like the military (he was in the army), religion, family issues, etc. Don't stress over something that isn't a huge problem. Just find new things to do and before you know it, you'll have plenty to talk about again. |
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Lottie W
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You didn't say what YOU do. Do you do anything?
No matter how busy she is, if she wants to stay engaged, she better figure out how to have a meaningful conversation with you.
If you are not working or going to school, get busy. Then you won't be sitting around pining for her all the time.
Family is the TOP! If you aren't at the top of her chain, she might be using being busy to get rid of you.
Even med school students have families and some sort of social life.
Write her funny oletters, send her emails, GO somewhere fun by yourself and TELL her about it.
Weather this TOGETHER, not alone or at odds with each other.
Good Luck! |
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montagne de jade
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Maybe you have exhausted your conversation subjects? Your conversations aren't renovated ? You know each other so well that you needn't talk any more, you aren't curious to each other any more? .... |
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djackal1
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so she started something new that's very exciting and scary at the same time. you don't have that in common. you probably used to have a lot in common, but now the thing that has practically taken over her life for the next 4+ years does not include you. you're gonna need to find something to rekindle the spirit you had before or find a way to become a part of the med school life or it may end up being like a celebrity marriage where one of them isn't a celeb... |
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bonstermonster20
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You two should seek couples counseling to find out what is at the root of the problem. Communication is very important. She is right, if you can't have a conversation now, things aren't magically going to change because you get married. Understand that sometimes school can leave her exhausted and wanting to just spend time relaxed and doing nothing, but this shouldn't affect your relationship with her. Granted you have learned a lot about each other already, but that doesn't mean that the fire should burn out so quickly. Her telling you that she is "bored" should be a red flag for you to do something with your relationship. You don't want her to become "interested" in someone else. Clearly you love her and want to work on it, so I suggest couples therapy. Good luck. |
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Diamond
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leave her now because it's going to get worse if you marry her |
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